What Sex Toys to Buy for Black Friday

Kate Sloan

It’s true that Black Friday is a problematic capitalist hellscape of a “holiday”… but it’s also true that in a year so full of struggle and pain, you deserve pleasure more than ever (and so do the people you love). With that in mind, here are my top picks for good deals on great toys this Black Friday/Cyber Monday!

 

For someone quirky/artsy/silly:

The colorful dildos made by companies like Pris Toys and Uberrime are delightfully unique – and strap-on compatible! (10-20% off at SheVibe with code Vibe10, Vibe15, or Vibe20)

Fun Factory’s colorful vibrators are always a lovely pick for someone who deserves more pleasure and vibrancy in their life. The adorably petite Amorino and formidably-sized Big Boss G5 are thrillingly rumbly and strong, plus they look great on your nightstand! (20% off at SheBop, no code needed)

Everything in Gvibe’s whimsical line of toys is 20% off this week. Vibrators that look like a mix between an ice cream cone and Sailor Moon’s wand?! Yes please! (20% off at Gvibe with code BW20)

 

For oral sex enthusiasts:

The Satisfyer Pro 2 pressure-wave clit stimulator is an older model, but it’s nonetheless a perfectly serviceable way to try out this type of toy on the cheap. ($40 off on Peepshow, no code needed)

I’m very curious about the Maia Piper, a rechargeable vibrating stroker with suction and heating functions. What will they think of next?! (20% off on Peepshow, no code needed)

 

For thrill-seekers and exhibitionists:

We-Vibe’s thoughtfully-designed panty vibe, the Moxie, now comes in a sleek black colorway. Give it to someone who likes having a dirty little secret. (15% off at SheVibe with code Vibe15)

Monster Pub’s Little Devil vibrator has some of the best app-to-toy connectivity I’ve ever experienced – and it’s on deep discount this week! (30% off from Monster Pub with code BLACK)

 

For someone with kids (or snooping in-laws):

The Gvibe Gbulb is… a vibrator shaped like a lightbulb?! I’m so confused/intrigued by this. Supposedly it’s as strong as a wand vibe?? It might be just the thing for someone whose sex toys need to be surreptitious! (20% off at Gvibe with code BW20)

 

 

For strap-on enthusiasts:

All SpareParts harnesses are 20% off on SheBop right now! They’re widely considered some of the best harnesses available, especially the legendary Joque, which you may have seen in many a queer porn scene. Their Sasha harness (pictured above) is also a gorgeous choice for folks who want to look/feel a bit more feminine while strapping on. (Shop at SheBop, no code needed)

If you prefer the kinky/edgy aesthetic of leather, you can get my harness of choice, the Aslan Leather Jaguar, at a dazzlingly discounted price right now! (20% off at Peepshow, no code needed)

 

For the non-binary cuties in your life:

ShopEnby carries some enby-related merch, including hats and stickers – so cute! They’re also a Black- and trans-owned company currently facing some aggravating legal troubles, so now would be a particularly wonderful time to support them.

While you’re at it, why not check out the gender expression gear section on Peepshow for gender-affirming stuff like packers, breastforms, and gaffs? (20% off at Peepshow, no code needed)

 

For exploring anal curiosities:

Did you know that Fun Factory’s legendary beginner-friendly butt plug, the Bootie, now comes in three different sizes?! It’s a smooth, comfy choice for someone looking to acclimatize themselves to anal stimulation. (20% off at SheBop, no code needed)

The Gvibe Gplug comes in two different sizes, and can be used with or without its vibrations turned on, making it a super versatile pick for butt-stuff beginners and beyond! (20% off at Gvibe with code BW20)

 

For A-spot explorers:

One of my favorite A-spot toys is on sale! The Uberrime Night King is a total stunner, and has both the length and the curve needed to reach and stimulate the anterior fornix. (20% off at Peepshow, no code needed)

The Tantus Tsunami, another long-time A-spot favorite of mine, is on sale too. These are pretty hard to find nowadays (I think this toy was discontinued a few years back) so you should snap one up if you’ve been curious! ($30 off at Peepshow, no code needed)

 

For penile pleasure:

All Tenga toys are on sale at SheBop right now, so you can grab some dick-focused delights like a Tenga Egg or a Flip Zero. (20% off at SheBop, no code needed)

Fun Factory toys are also on sale at SheBop, so if you or a loved one are curious about vibrators for penises, you could pick up either of the two great ones FF makes, the Manta or the Cobra Libre II! Having dated/hooked up with people who owned both of these toys, I can say from firsthand experience that they’re uniquely stimulating and beautifully constructed. (20% off at SheBop, no code needed)

 

What do you plan on buying this Black Friday (if anything)?

 

Most of the links in this post are affiliate links, meaning that I receive a small commission (at no added cost to you) when you buy products through my links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Monster Pub Mister Devil 2

Kate Sloan

Gather round; I come bearing good news. A sex toy company actually made improvements that turned their okay toy into a great toy. HALLELUJAH, praise the vibrator lord!!

Nearly 3 years ago, I reviewed the Monster Pub Doctor Whale, a wearable, app-controlled dual-stimulation vibe designed not only to feel good but also to help you do daily Kegel workouts. While I thought the aesthetic of that little whale was cute, and the idea behind it was inventive, in practice it just… wasn’t that great. The whale’s tail, meant to please your clit while the whale’s body is inside your vagina, barely reached or stimulated my clit at all. Worse yet, the accompanying smartphone app was overly busy and sometimes incomprehensible, and the toy’s Bluetooth connectivity was incredibly patchy, such that it could rarely stay connected to my phone for the duration of a set of Kegel exercises, let alone a masturbation session.

I wrote at the time, “I think this line of toys has a lot of potential; the designers just need to fix the connectivity issues, tighten up the app, and maybe construct a more stimulating tail for this li’l whale.” And guess what? THEY ACTUALLY DID ALL OF THAT. Yessss!

The updated version Monster Pub sent me is called the Mister Devil – specifically, the “2 premium app track” version, which, per Monster Pub’s FAQ page, has extra features some of the other versions don’t, including dual motors, motion control, and “smart heating.” Cheaper and less decked-out iterations of the toy range in price from $50-80 – actually pretty reasonable for a silicone app-controllable vibrator – but the version I’m reviewing today is the priciest one, at $150.

At first, I wasn’t sure which side of the vibe was meant to be inserted, but the instructions noted that the bigger side – the devil’s head – is the side that contains the motion sensor for the toy’s Kegel functionalities, so that’s the one that should be inserted. There are two “devil’s horns” on that side that are a little uncomfortable upon insertion, but once inside, I don’t find them especially noticeable. The smaller, external arm has some ridges on it that don’t do much for me in terms of stimulation, but seem to help the toy stay anchored in place better, even when I’m not wearing underwear.

That clitoral arm is one of the most notable changes from the older Monster Pub vibe I tried. It’s substantial and firm enough to stay put against my clit, and plenty long enough to actually reach it (although, if the distance between your vagina and clit is on the shorter side, you may find that this arm overreaches your clit and potentially pokes you in the mons). It also has its own motor this time around, which should always be the case for toys like these, because vibration radiating from an internal motor to your clit is likely to be weak and muted. Clits deserve their own motors, dammit!

Speaking of motors… The ones in this toy are rumblier and stronger than I would have predicted for a toy of this size, especially one from a relatively little-known company. I can feel them throughout my clitoral network when the toy is in use. Sometimes they irritate my G-spot a little, but I’m not the biggest fan of G-spot vibration in general, so your mileage may vary. I particularly enjoy having my partner rhythmically press their fingers into my external G-spot while the toy is inside me, as this creates pleasant pulsing waves of sensation from the inside and the outside all at once.

While the toy can be controlled without the use of its app, I wouldn’t recommend using it that way. There’s only one button on the toy, and it can be used to cycle through various patterns and speeds, but it’s an annoying process and using the app is much easier and more intuitive. The app (which is available for both iOS and Android) offers multiple different ways of controlling the toy’s vibrations, including a “motion control” mode that makes the vibrations flare up when you shake your phone, a “touch mode” that responds to your fingers swiping/tapping your phone screen, and a series of fixed modes. You can also design custom vibration patterns and download patterns that other users have made.

The strength and speediness of the connectivity between the app and the toy is very impressive, especially considering that big companies like We-Vibe still often struggle with this. We had zero disconnection problems while testing this toy; my We-Vibe Sync, by comparison, tends to disconnect every few minutes – or even more, if there are obstructions like clothing or thighs in the way. The vibrations also seemed to respond in real-time to the motion-control settings. For these reasons, I think this would be a great toy for public play, if you’re into that. It needs minimal readjustment (either physical or technological) once it’s inside you and connected to the app, making it an ideal dinner date companion… when and if we’re able to go on dinner dates again in the future!

The app is confusing at times, I have to say, due to the language barrier. This was a problem the last time I tried one of these toys, too. My partner – an app developer – noted that the app’s tutorial was unclear and its overall layout is chaotic. The provided instructions don’t help much, either. But with experimentation and time, we were able to figure out how to do most of the things we wanted to do. (Still never found the fabled heating mode…)

The flagship feature of Monster Pub vibes, however, is their Kegel exercise system. The toy contains a sensor that can detect how much pressure your pelvic muscles exert on it, so when you load up a Kegel regimen on the app, you can see in real-time how strong your muscles are. The app leads you through a workout involving timed intervals of squeezing and releasing, complete with reminders to inhale and exhale – it’s actually kind of hypnokinky! You can even track your progress over time – the app generates a graph that shows you how much stronger you’ve become as you’ve done more workouts. It’s a super cool feature, and I would definitely recommend this toy over a set of plain ol’ Kegel balls (assuming it’s financially feasible for you) if you’re interested in increasing your PC muscles’ strength, whether for medical reasons or just pleasure-based ones.

Overall, I’m quite impressed by the Monster Pub Mister Devil, and think it’s a fantastic product for people who want a responsive Bluetooth-controllable vibe and/or a cool and fun new way to do Kegel exercises. The premium version is spendy, at $150; if you only want the vibration functions and no Kegel modes, you can get the $90 “Excited Biofeedback” version instead, but if the pelvic health stuff is what draws you to this toy, I don’t think you’re gonna find a better-designed Kegel exercise product than the one I got to try. It’s pleasurable, comfortable, high-tech, and actually helpful for those of us looking to optimize our PC muscles’ functioning. Way to go, Monster Pub!

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Behind the Seams: Romance in New York

Kate Sloan

Up for some fashion-related fun, to distract us all from… the world? Here’s some of what I’ve been wearing lately…

This first outfit is the one I was wearing when mb proposed to me, late last month. They picked it out themselves, modelling it almost exactly after what I was wearing on our first date. It was a great pick, because – as one would want for the night one gets engaged – it made me feel both beautiful and comfortable. Score!

The full-length photo was taken at the High Line about 5 minutes before they proposed. We stopped in front of an archway that was there as some kind of public art installation, and snapped some pics. I’m glad we have them now – they’re part of the history of our marriage! The other two photos were taken about an hour later at the outdoor rooftop bar where we went to celebrate post-proposal. In one of them, I’m on the phone with my mom to give her the good news – and we’re both probably about to burst out crying, natch!

What I’m wearing:

  • Black and red floral-print dress – bought at H&M years ago for $15
  • Black leather jacket – a hand-me-down from my cousin many years ago; the brand is Danier Leather and I really need to either replace it or get it repaired, because the lining is absolutely in tatters at this point from too much wear
  • Pins on my jacket: the Lickability logo, a spanking pin from Kinktionary, and a rainbow “she/her” pronoun pin from Pineapple Pinup Creations
  • Red and black cherry-print fabric mask – bought from the Etsy seller FickleFaerie back in April; I’ve bought/owned several more masks in the interim but this is the one I wear most often because it goes with most of my wardrobe
  • Blue leather heart collar – custom piece from L’Amour-Propre
  • Black leather clutch with gold chain strap – I “made” mb buy this for me from the Coach online outlet as a recent financial domination task, and I’ve been carrying it everywhere; it’s so cute, and the strap is removable, so you can carry it as a clutch/wristlet too!
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Nails: Revlon’s “To the Chapel” (pale turquoisey-blue) topped with Essie’s “Set in Stones” (silver glitter) – I started growing out my nails weeks in advance because I knew I was gonna want to take lots of ring pics like an Instagram basic bitch, LOL
  • …& of course, my then-brand-new engagement ring, which is a Tiffany & Co. aquamarine Soleste ring with two little diamond halos – swoon-o-rama!

I wore this for an outdoor dinner date on a restaurant patio. It’s been interesting to observe all the various changes that restaurants have made in order to serve guests as safely as they can during this challenging time. My comfort level with dining out has gone up and down repeatedly throughout this pandemic as the case rates have waxed and waned (especially when I was back in Toronto where the rates have generally been lower), but during the periods when I’ve felt able to do it in good conscience, I’ve been glad to be able to help support local businesses in this way. It’s also been a rare opportunity to dress up and actually be seen by somebody… other than my internet friends/followers, that is. (Hi, I love you!)

What I’m wearing:

  • Black and silver glittery dress – H&M years ago
  • No bra, even though this dress really calls for one, because I was having the kind of chronic illness day where putting on a bra made me feel physically ill, so I took it off immediately (“No one’s going to make you wear one,” said mb; “I’m certainly not going to!”)
  • Black V-neck cashmere cardigan – the Gap; worn to death because it truly goes with everything and is soooo cozy
  • Silver key & lock necklace – the lock is from L’Amour-Propre and has “Daddy’s” engraved on it; the key unlocks mb’s current fave chastity cage (which they were wearing at the time); the chain is from Roma and was a gift from mb because my previous one was extremely cheap and tarnished
  • Black leggings – American Eagle
  • The same fabric mask, harness boots, and black leather clutch as above

Since I’ve been staying in New York, I’ve been living out of a suitcase and not dressing very interestingly… so I was delighted when Shinesty reached out to ask if I’d like to be sent any of their pieces. They’re mostly known for their delightfully loud holiday prints on suits, dresses, and blazers, but my interest was immediately piqued when I spotted their selection of jumpsuits.

I’m not normally a “jumpsuit person,” per se, but I had a feeling this one would work, for some reason… and it does! I’m 5’4″ and usually a size 12, so I asked for a size L, and it fits great. The pant legs are basically capri-length on the tall models on the website, but on li’l old me, they’re nearly ankle-length – perf. The waist seam also hits me right at my actual waist, so the overall effect is very flattering. Plus – although you can’t really tell in these photos – this jumpsuit is surprisingly cleavage-y! It would be especially so if I could bring myself to wear a damn bra…

What I’m wearing:

  • Snowflake jumpsuit – Shinesty (they also sent me one that’s candy-cane print, but I haven’t tried it on yet)
  • Pale blue/seafoam cashmere cardigan – made by Autumn Cashmere and bought lightly used from TheRealReal to wear over my wedding dress (I will do a wedding outfit post eventually, just waiting on the photos!)
  • Rainbow striped glasses – from Zenni’s Pride collection (I love them!!)
  • Tom Ford Cherry Lush lipstick
  • Same bag & boots as above

What have you loved wearing recently, babes? (It’s fully okay if the answer is “exclusively comfy T-shirts/lounge pants/slippers/etc.” – trust me, I feel you.)

P.S. Want to see more posts like this? Check out the “outfit” tag!

Review: Fun Factory Bouncer (+ a giveaway!)

Kate Sloan

The Fun Factory Bouncer is the type of toy that’s like catnip for seasoned sex toy reviewers like me, because… it actually does something markedly different than other toys in its category. And since the category in this case is “dildo,” that’s even more impressive. When overhauling a vibrator, you can tweak the material, motor strength and quality, motor location, control panel, and shape/size/design… but with dildos, your options for originality are much more limited.

So what did Fun Factory do? They took a fairly standard-looking silicone dildo and created 3 hollow spaces inside it, and in each of those spaces, they placed a weighted ball that rolls around as you move the toy – just like the kind you’d find if you cracked open a set of Kegel beads. Innnteresting!

The result is a dildo that looks unremarkable from the outside (albeit peppy and bright, as most Fun Factory designs do) but feels completely different in your hands – or your vagina or your ass – than any dildo you’ve ever felt before. Unlike Kegel balls, which tend to stay pretty stationary once inserted, a dildo is meant to be thrusted – so even if you’ve experienced this style of Kegel toy before, this dildo is likely to feel quite different. The weighted balls roll around in their little nooks with every thrust, creating a sensation that’s sort of like low-level motion-activated vibration. It also reminds me of that delicious feeling you get when a partner’s fucking you so hard that their balls slap against your vulva/butt/thighs – except in this case, that little extra “oomph” happens inside you instead. Neat!

The rumbling gets a bit muted when my vaginal muscles clamp down on the toy, and I have to admit I found this disappointing at first. The physics of it don’t even really make sense to me. But once I realized this was happening, it became almost like a fun sexual mindfulness game… If I noticed that the toy was feeling less impactful all of a sudden, it usually meant I was clenching my PC muscles, and could function as a nice reminder to relax, let go, and let the sensations wash over me instead of trying to eke out a speedy orgasm. (The late great masturbation expert Betty Dodson – rest in peace, you brilliant problematic fave – often recommended orgasming this way; she called it the “rock ‘n’ roll” method and insisted it produced bigger, better climaxes than most people’s go-to, the “tension” method. Something to think about!)

The Bouncer is well-designed for both solo play and partnered encounters, with its sturdy-but-squishy triangular base that you can grab between your fingers or gently punch with your fist (the internal balls roll around a lot more when you thrust hard and fast, so go wild!). There’s a strong suction cup on the bottom, though I think you’d barely reap the full benefits of the toy’s unique rumbles if you were bouncing up and down on this dildo while it was affixed to the floor or a wall. It can also easily be slipped into a harness for strap-on play, a notion that excited me and my partner from the jump.

While we both enjoyed the Bouncer a lot whether they were fucking me with it by hand or strapped into our RodeoH harness, my partner observed that in both situations, this dildo takes more energy, strength, and stamina to thrust for an entire session than a standard dildo would – at least, if you want to actually feel the signature rumbling it produces. Slower, more sensual thrusting tends to produce minimal – if any – ball-rolling inside the toy, so you really have to put some elbow grease into your thrusts if you want to experience the full range of sensations this toy has to offer. While this was perfectly doable in 10-to-20-minute bursts for my able-bodied partner, I think this might be a tricky toy for you to use to its full potential if you have chronic pain, muscle strength issues, fatigue, etc. This is the main reason I probably won’t reach for this toy very often during solo play, but will likely still hand to my partner once in a while for a thorough, resounding fuck.

It helps that the shape and size of this dildo are pretty perf for my body. It has 7″ of insertable length and a solid 1.57″ diameter – big enough to feel satisfyingly full but not so big as to require lots of warm-up. The gentle undulation of the shaft shape feels really good when thrusted in and out, swelling against my spots on every stroke. This dildo can target the G-spot and feels great that way, but that spot tends to crave a hard, fast pounding that’s difficult to achieve with a draggy silicone toy like this, even when it’s slathered in lots of lube – so I prefer to use it deeper, on my A-spot, where slower and more purposeful thrusts are appreciated. I do sometimes wish it were a little longer, particularly during strap-on play when it loses about an inch to the harness, but with careful angling, it can hit any spot inside me that a longer toy can.

I appreciate that Fun Factory knew this toy was already quirky AF inside and didn’t need to look quirky, too. They enclosed those show-stopping weighted balls inside a fairly basic, uncontroversial dildo that many people should be able to enjoy, which I think was the right call. As long as you can handle the size, this dildo will likely feel good-but-not-great in your vag or your butt (and yes, it is anal-safe!). Being mouth-fucked with it would also be an interesting sensation…

The Fun Factory Bouncer is a bit of a diva, in that it works best when you’re thrusting hard, relaxing your pelvic muscles, and maintaining rhythmic momentum – which is a lot to be aware of at once. But if you’re up for that amount of labor, by yourself or with a partner, I think this is a really fun and special toy that is truly unmatched on the current market. It has bounced, jiggled, rumbled, and rocked-‘n’-rolled its way right into my heart (and my vagina)!

 

Thanks to the good folks at SXY.co.uk for providing me with this toy and sponsoring this review! (As always, all writing and opinions are my own.) They have also offered up a Bouncer for one lucky reader in the UK or Ireland – here’s how to enter:

  1. Follow @sxy_uk on Instagram
  2. Follow me (@girly_juice) on Instagram
  3. Leave a comment on this Instagram post of mine answering the question “What would your dream dildo be like?” and tagging a friend

Please note that you must be 18+ and live in the UK or Ireland to win. I’ll pick a winner after one week. Good luck, babes!

5 Natural Ways to Reignite Your Libido

Kate Sloan

It’s been quite a week, to say the least. And quite a month. And quite a year.

While there has been an occasional piece of good news amongst the bad (Joe! Kamala! All the wonderful trans and BIPOC candidates who won senate seats! Steve Kornacki finally getting to pack up his map and go get some sleep!), obviously overall it has been a rough time to be a human. That’s part of why, in my sex educator communities, there has been so much discussion this year of how (or whether!) to try to reignite your libido in such tumultuous times.

This is a fairly new problem for me, and I know I’m lucky in that way. Traditionally my libido hasn’t ebbed, but has instead flowed, during times of high stress. If that’s your experience too, please know that there’s nothing wrong with it – it can be more difficult to navigate when you’re in a relationship with someone whose stress affects them in the opposite way, but it’s still fine!

It’s also 100% fine if you don’t want to revive your libido right now – either because there’s too much other stuff to do (our work is not over and there’s still a lot that can be done to support, for example, Democrats in the Georgia runoff elections), or because you just don’t have the energy at the moment (FAIR!), or because you just plain don’t feel sexy while fascism is flaring.

This post, however, is for people whose sexual desire has waned, and who want to do something about that. Sex and masturbation can be almost medicinal for me in stressful times, giving me much-needed bursts of happy neurotransmitters, affirmation of my desirability and desirousness, or even just helping me sleep. So here are some tips you can try if you’re missing sex – or just missing the sensation of wanting sex – and want to give your libido a gentle boost.

 

Try something new sexually. It doesn’t even really matter what it is. A magnificent new vibrator or clitoral sucker. A kink scene involving hot wax or E-stim. Even just a new position. Many sex and relationships experts point to the hit of happy chemicals your brain produces when you try a new and exciting thing, regardless of whether the thing itself ends up becoming a new fave of yours or not. This is a really easy way to put the spring back in your step sexually.

Not sure where to start? Take a BDSM quiz online (with a partner or alone), fill out a Yes/No/Maybe list, peruse sex toy reviews written by people you trust (hiii), or just ask your perviest friend what their latest sexual fascination is!

 

Seek out new sexual stimuli. I know it’s not always the most fun thing to scroll through porn sites or flip through erotica books when sex feels unappealing, but it’s gotta be better than sitting around feeling sad about your magically disappearing libido, right?

Set aside some time on a regular basis to explore new things in your sexual medium of choice, whether that be hardcore kinky porn, soft tender fanfiction, group sex erotica, or literally whatever. Maybe it’ll be unbelievably hot and get you all riled up; maybe it’ll just make you laugh or teach you more about human sexuality. Either way, it’ll give your brain and genitals something new to ponder. (Don’t forget to pay for your porn, please! Supporting sex workers is hot.)

 

Drugs ‘n’ supplements. (Big congrats to all the states that recently legalized weed, medicinal shrooms, etc.!) These are not an option for everyone, of course, whether it be due to their own personal views on drugs, or something more logistical like an incompatibility with crucial medications they’re already on. There’s also the question of how drugs may affect one’s ability to consent – which is why I suggest negotiating the components of an upcoming sexual encounter while still sober, deciding on safewords that are easy to say, and checking in regularly.

I’ve always found that smoking or vaping marijuana enhances my arousal and pleasure, in part because it reduces the volume of my depressed and anxious thoughts. Some of my friends have had similar experiences with shrooms, hashish, and various other trippy goodies. You could also look into natural libido supplements, such as HerSolution, which contains bloodflow-boosting niacin, orgasm-intensifying cayenne, and various other herbals, nutrients, and alleged aphrodisiacs. (Be sure to check with your doctor before adding anything new to your medication regimen, especially if you have preexisting conditions!)

 

Cultivate a new crush. I often return to this strategy when I’m depressed because I know how motivating and uplifting a juicy crush can be for me. Maybe you’re still fantasizing about the map guys from election week and want to go read some John King fanfiction. Maybe that person you follow on Twitter for their hilarious political jokes would be open to a flirty DM (tread carefully and respectfully!). Maybe you just want to re-watch a beloved old TV show and obsess over the will-they-won’t-they dynamic between your favorite characters.

However you choose to manifest it, I believe that (for those of us who are alloromantic, i.e. capable of experiencing romantic attraction) crushy energy can be heart-healing and world-widening. This is true even if (and perhaps especially if) nothing ever comes of the crush. Just like meditation is more about the bliss of the journey than it is about the one-time attainment of enlightenment, having a crush can be more about the invigorating almostness of it than it is about actually pursuing the person/people you have your eye on. And yeah, sometimes that can lead to an uptick in sexy feelings, too.

 

Make time and space for yourself to feel sexy. This one is so important, and unfortunately our overstuffed days under capitalism don’t often allow for it. But study after study has shown that stress inhibits sexual desire, and so in many cases your best bet in fighting libido troubles is to eliminate the stressors in your life that can be eliminated, whenever possible, and create little stress-free zones within your day/week/life.

This might mean rearranging your work week so that you have 3 hours open on a Tuesday night to read erotica in a hot bath by candlelight. It might mean asking your spouse to watch the kids for an evening so you can try out your new sex toy. It might mean addressing that lingering health issue that’s been making you feel super gross/ugly but that you haven’t had the time or energy to deal with. It might mean doing your hair and makeup, slipping into some lingerie, and taking some sensuous selfies so you can get some sweet sweet dopamine hits from your thirsty followers’ likes and retweets. It might mean clearing your schedule to watch a sexy ’90s thriller while munching popcorn with your sweetheart and then seeing where the night takes you.

The point is, you can’t expect yourself to just randomly feel sexy if all the circumstances of your life are conspiring to keep you focused on more pressing but less fun things. Sex may be “play” but it doesn’t have to be an afterthought if it’s important to you; you can choose to make it a priority, to treat it as an ironclad commitment on your calendar, to leave the proverbial door open so your desire can pay you a visit.

 

What has helped you most when you’ve had a prolonged dip in your sexual desire?

 

Thanks to HerSolution for sponsoring this post! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.