Lovense Toys Are Fucking Excellent

I wrote off Lovense for the longest time. I’m not really sure why. Maybe it’s the fact that they’re not carried by any of the online sex shops I work with, or the fact that almost none of my sex toy reviewer pals have written about them, to my knowledge. They’re not mentioned very often in the circles I run in – which is odd, because in the camming world, they’re hugely popular.

In fact, doing the work I do at my dayjob in adult-industry social media, I often have to pop into camgirls’ rooms to collect URLs and relevant personal descriptors while writing tweets to promote them – and I’ve noticed that the word “Lovense” is basically used interchangeably with “remote-controlled vibrator” on some of these platforms. Like the Kleenex of sex toys, Lovense has proven themselves so wildly good at what they do that they are thought of as the category itself, not just a part of that category.

I recently got my hands on some Lovense products because I was working on an article for the Insider about sex toys for long-distance couples (more on that soon). Here’s what all three of the Lovense toys I tried have in common:

  • Once they’re connected to the app on my phone, they stay connected for the entire duration of the session.
  • Controlling them with the Lovense Remote app is easy, fun, and (most importantly) fast. When I change a setting on the screen, it’s reflected immediately in the toy.
  • Their Bluetooth range is astonishing. The toys continued to respond pretty much instantaneously even when I was across the apartment from my phone, or in another room with the door closed.

You would think that these three qualities would be the most important ones in a Bluetooth-compatible sex toy, but actually, my experiences with We-Vibe and Lelo (among other brands) over the years have shown me that even top-tier companies can’t always get this right.

 

Let’s talk about some of the specific toys I tried:

The Lovense Lush 3 ($119) is an insertable vibrator made to stimulate the G-spot. It’s shaped to hit that spot really well, and has a wide variety of vibration intensities and patterns.

I’m not the biggest fan of G-spot vibration – it usually just feels mildly uncomfortable for me, and can only make me come in conjunction with clitoral stimulation, if at all – but the Lush still feels pretty good to me nonetheless. It’s a fun tease when my partner and I are watching porn together on the couch, and I imagine it’d work well for discreet public play once we’re able to go to restaurants and bars again. (The Lush is fairly quiet, but definitely audible in a silent room, so I wouldn’t wear it to, say, a museum.)

The Lush’s external arm, in which its powerful antenna is housed, could theoretically provide clitoral stimulation, depending on your anatomy – but for me, it just isn’t enough unless I’m physically pressing it against my clit. It’s too slim and floppy. If they fixed this issue, it’d work much much better for me and many other people – although at that point they’d basically be making a We-Vibe, which maybe they’d rather not do. In any case, the Lovense Lush 3 is a fantastic insertable vibrator for people who like a lot of G-spot sensation, and it’s the only vibe I’ve tried of its type that hasn’t had major connectivity issues.

The Lovense Max 2 ($99) is a high-tech stroker that incorporates vibration and suction-based “contractions,” both of which can be controlled using the Lovense app. The stroking itself can’t be controlled that way, and has to be done manually, but even without stroking the toy up and down at all, my partner found the other sensations it offers very satisfying. Specifically, they said that this toy feels the most like actual penetrative sex of any stroker they’ve tried (and, being married to a sex toy reviewer, they’ve tried more than their fair share!).

My one major complaint about this toy is that the internal sleeve is open-ended, so cum and lube inevitably get into the outer case, which then has to be cleaned. It’s also very loud, although that is usually par for the course with this type of toy, unfortunately. As a sometimes-voyeur, I don’t love that the exterior is opaque – I’d always prefer a clear view of the action, as with a see-through Fleshlight – but that’s really a small price to pay for the pleasure my partner gets from the Lovense Max 2.

Finally, probably my favorite of the three: The Lovense Edge 2 ($99) is a prostate vibrator that also has an external portion for stimulating the perineum at the same time. You can control each motor separately in the app.

At first my partner found that this toy kept slipping out during use, but then we learned that the toy’s angle is adjustable – so you can bend it to hit your prostate more effectively, and in the process, keep it anchored more securely inside you. I love this feature and wish more sex toys were this versatile, to account for differences in individual anatomy.

Orgasms from prostate stimulation alone are pretty rare for my partner – I think together we’d only previously achieved it via pegging – but this toy gave them one, and it wasn’t even that much work for me! I mostly just kept undulating the prostate vibration up and down in a wave-like pattern, which made them feel like I was fucking them. Their orgasm seemed super intense, and because of the toy’s app functionality, getting them off this way didn’t cause me anywhere near as much pain as thrusting a dildo for the equivalent amount of time would have. We will definitely be using the Lovense Edge 2 lots more in the future!

 

Have any of y’all tried Lovense toys? What did you think?

 

This post was not sponsored – I really do like these toys this much – but the links are affiliate links.

Monthly Faves: Hooters, Hearts, & Sparkly Perfume

As much as the #PandemicLyfe has been wearing me down lately, there’s still always lots to be grateful for. Here are some of the things I loved most in February…

 

Media

• I’ve loved Kai Cheng Thom’s excellent advice columns on Daily Xtra for ages, and finally got around to reading her book I Hope We Choose Love this month. It’s a mix of prose and poetry, and my main takeaway was her beautiful and bittersweet meditations on conflict within the queer community and the difficult legacy it leaves.

• Patricia Lockwood’s new novel No One Is Talking About This is a must-read for anyone steeped in internet culture, particularly Twitter culture. It made me laugh out loud too many times to count and also made me reflect on whether social media is actually a force for good overall.

• I loved watching the 2018 film Support the Girls this month. It makes some strong statements about patriarchy, racism, and capitalism, through the lens of women trying to make ends meet while working at a Hooters-esque restaurant. (Read Isabel Slone’s essay on Hooters afterward as a counterpoint/idealogical digestif.)

• One of the most joyful events on the internet this month was Abigail Thorn of Philosophy Tube coming out as trans. Her coming-out video – framed to show her evolution from her former, male-presenting self (played by actor Rhys Tees) and her “new” self – basically made me cry throughout its entire duration. I’m so happy for her!

• Derek DelGaudio’s show In & Of Itself (viewable on Hulu) is a weird and wondrous blend of magic, mystery, storytelling, and philosophy of identity. I can’t tell you more about it because it would ruin it. Just watch it if that description sounds at all intriguing, okay?

• I’m late to the party with regards to The Good Place, but this month Matt and I started watching it alongside 30 Rock and, obviously, it’s great! (We switch back and forth between the two – I’ve already seen all of 30 Rock and they’ve already seen all of The Good Place so we’re basically just showing each other shows that we love.) William Jackson Harper as Chidi is particularly wonderful, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a “himbo” on TV quite like Jason Mendoza.

 

Products

• I’m working on an article about long-distance sex toys, so Lovense sent me some of their wares to test out. Their toys are wildly popular in the cam performer community, and it’s easy to see why: they have some of the fastest and most reliable long-distance Bluetooth connectivity I’ve ever seen in this industry. My favorite so far is the Edge 2, an adjustable prostate stimulator with two separate motors which I used to give my partner a totally hands-free prostate orgasm while they were in chastity this month. I also enjoy the Lush 3, Lovense’s wearable G-spot vibrator, though the lack of a substantial clit arm is a drawback.

• Matt got me some astonishingly gorgeous Agent Provocateur lingerie for Valentine’s Day. The style is called “Cupid” and fits right into my hearts-centric aesthetic. Swoon!

• I accidentally tore a hole in my favorite pair of lounge pants this month, so as a findom task I “made” Matt buy me a pair of Ureshii made-to-measure modal leisure pants to replace them. They are sooo flattering and fit perfectly, of course!

• Poet and former sex journalist Rachel Rabbit White released an updated printing of her poetry book Porn Carnival recently (would recommend), and to accompany it, perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume called Paradise Edition. I ordered a sample and love it so much that I’m considering getting the full-size bottle. It’s girly, sexy, floral, and also ozonic – which, in perfume speak, means it contains aldehydes, the ingredient that lends a “carbonated” or “sparkling” feel to classic scents like Chanel no. 5. It’s the kind of scent that makes me feel so good in my body, I’ll even wear it in the bath where no one can smell me but myself. Yummm.

• Still really into false lashes. They provide a burst of glamour that is sorely needed on these monotonous pandemic-winter days. My favorites are by Sugarpill, especially the Halo style (for people who like a lot of drama) and the Saint style (for people who want a more subdued, natural-looking lash).

 

Work & Appearances

• Never thought I’d write an article for Business Insider, but here we are! This month I got to write a list of my favorite couples’ toys for them, in time for Valentine’s.

• This month in my newsletter, I wrote about the importance of good conversations in relationships, exes and aliens, dressing like it’s Valentine’s Day every day, and watching porn during the pandemic.

• On the Dildorks this month, we talked about the duration of sex, group sex, and Valentine’s Day, plus we interviewed the delightful Eva Bloom about compassionate casual sex, libido issues during quarantine, and more.

• My latest pieces for the Andrew Blake blog: “5 myths about the clitoris,” “How to perform a sexy striptease,” “The best sex toy storage solutions,” and “Why is bondage so popular?

 

Good Causes

• Folks in Texas have had a hell of a time this month, as you probably know. Donate to support relief efforts there; every little bit helps.

• The Genesis Women’s Shelter incurred a lot of damage from the events in Texas and are accepting donations now to help them rebuild.

• Love feminist media criticism? Bitch Media is raising money so they can keep producing their fantastic work.

• The brand-new Nina Arsenault Fund for Trans Arts supports the work of trans creatives. Yay!