my book

Great News: My Books Are Finally Available as Ebooks!!

Kate Sloan

As an e-reader devotee, I totally understood when folks started asking me about ebook availability back when each of my two books were launched. Not only can e-readers be more convenient (say, if you happen to finish the book you’re reading on a long-haul flight and want to start another one right away so you don’t die of boredom) – they can also be more accessible for people with various disabilities and conditions who struggle to read, or hold, a physical book. And I want my books to be accessible to the highest number of people possible, naturally!

In some ways I understand why my publisher, Laurence King, decided to hold off on making these tomes into ebooks initially: they are beautifully laid out, especially 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, which is illustrated by the wonderful Ewa Żak. And of course, you can’t spank somebody with an ebook, at least not unless you have a particularly permissive warranty on your e-reader. But I’m glad that they nonetheless eventually put out these books in electronic form, because now more people can read them. Read on for all the info!

101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do

• Available in physical form at Amazon, Bookshop, Powell’s, Indigo, and more
• Available in ebook form for Kindle and Kobo

This book is, arguably, my magnum opus. I never thought, when I began my career as a sex writer over a decade ago, that I’d write an in-depth introduction to kink and BDSM for beginners – and yet somehow I ended up doing exactly that.

This book is the intro I wish I’d had when I first started wondering, “Am I kinky?” It’s packed with practical information about safety, negotiation, and aftercare, but more compellingly, it contains write-ups on literally 101 different kinks, fetishes, and fun kink-adjacent activities. Whether you’re into kinks that are often considered more “mild,” like spanking or using nipple clamps, or kinks that fall more on the “wild” side of the spectrum, like electrostimulation and erotic hypnosis, there’s plenty in here that you’ll find useful and inspiring.

Every chapter contains a description of what the kink is, why some people find it hot, and how to do it in a way that respects the physical and emotional safety of both you and your partner(s). There are also three “Try This!” suggestions at the end of each chapter which offer concrete ways that you can incorporate that kink into your sex life tonight. Where possible, I’ve provided suggestions that will work solo, too, not just in a partnered scenario – so if you’re kinky or kink-curious and want to pick up some tips, this book is for you, regardless of whether you’re single or partnered, sexually active or not.

The book also contains definitions of many kink lexicon terms that you’ll find useful, especially as you start to build community with other kinksters locally or online. And there’s a big list of resources at the end of the book – podcasts, websites, videos, other books, etc. – if you want to learn more about particular kinks and kink-related issues.

I’m thrilled to report that Ewa’s delightful illustrations are included in the ebook, too, so you won’t be denied their beauty if you go the electronic route. Yay!

200 Words to Help You Talk About Sexuality & Gender

• Available in physical form at Amazon, Bookshop, Powell’s, Indigo, and more
• Available in ebook form for Kindle and Kobo

It was certainly daunting when Laurence King Publishing asked me to compile a book of 200 sex-and-gender-related words and their definitions, especially since those terms are ever-evolving. But after a lot of thought, finessing, and research, I put together a book I’m proud of.

From big-picture concepts like gender roles, patriarchy, and sexual attraction, to more specific and lesser-known notions like bioessentialism, gender euphoria and demisexuality, this book is packed with helpful definitions that can help you better understand not only your own sexuality and gender, but those of the people in your life.

It’s always a good thing to expand your horizons in these areas, because sexuality and gender are two aspects of identity that can shape our lives in massive ways. This book is also meant to be a catalyst for conversations, whether you buy a copy for an out-of-touch relative to ease the process of coming out to them, flip through the pages with a partner who’s unsure which labels they want to use for themselves, or gift it to a teen in your life who seems to be struggling with their identity.

 

As ever, thanks for reading – this blog, my books, or both – and I hope you enjoy! 💜

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 2 Fears Defeated

Kate Sloan

Every year I write about 2 fears that I’ve faced head-on over the course of the year. It’s a way of re-teaching myself a lesson that I (and many others) need to re-learn periodically: that pushing through fear helps you grow, makes good shit happen in your life, and feels fucking great!

Both the fears I faced this year were work-related, but for workaholic freelancers like me, work can play a big role in one’s identity so these feel huger and more holistic than they might seem. Let’s jump in…

 

Going fully self-employed

Early in the year, I began to feel a bit hemmed in at my “dayjob,” a part-time social media writing gig I’d had for 4 years. The people I worked with there were always fantastic and kind, but I had to wake up every weekday at 9 a.m. to write time-sensitive tweets, which was becoming less and less achievable with my chronic pain and fatigue from fibromyalgia ramping up.

I also was fortunate enough to not really need the job anymore – it was only bringing in about 7% of my income but was accounting for at least 40% of my work hours and stress, so I figured it was time to make a change.

I had a lot of fears about doing this, many of which I unpacked with my therapist. I worried that my sleep schedule would get fucked up if I was no longer tethered to the 9-to-5, that all my other “jobs” would fall apart, that I’d regret this decision somehow. But it’s been about 6 months since I stopped working there and none of that has happened.

Instead, I feel much calmer, freer, and (most days) happier. I can sleep as late as my body needs (usually to 10:30–11:30) and work on a schedule that makes more sense for my natural rhythms and energy levels. And a far higher proportion of the work I do now is stuff that I deeply care about. It was a scary choice, but I’m profoundly glad I made it.

 

Photo by Rose Glass Photography

Launching a book

Yep, I did it! I really did it. With the help of my publisher/editors, my agent, my spouse, and my friends, I was able to get 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do out into the world, and celebrate it in style at a little launch party in an East Village bar.

It’s been such a thrill to see the book making its way around the world, landing in the hands of curious kinksters everywhere. I had so much anxiety in the weeks and months leading up to the launch – that no one would buy it, that no one would like it, that no one would come to the party, etc. – but it was all bullshit from the “fearful liar” part of my brain. The launch went better than I could have ever expected and I’m so grateful. ❤️

 

What fears did you face this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 4 Fun Events

Kate Sloan
Bex introducing me at the 101 Kinky Things book launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

It’s hard to write this annual feature about events I’ve attended when I’ve (like all of you) been living through a global pandemic that limits the types of events we can safely go to – but I did manage to attend several cool happenings this year! Here are 4 of my faves that I went to…

 

Bawdy Storytelling

I’ve wanted to perform at the sexy storytelling event Bawdy for years, after seeing videos online of sex-ed heroes of mine like Mollena Williams-Haas, Allison Moon, and Tristan Taormino telling stories there. And when Bawdy moved onto Zoom during the pandemic, I finally got my wish!

It was so magical telling a romantic, sexy, strange story to the ever-enthusiastic “Bawdience,” even through a screen. Working with Dixie De La Tour to get the story up to snuff was like an oration masterclass in and of itself, and actually performing the story was a massive thrill. My fellow performers all knocked it out of the park too. I hope one day I get to attend a Bawdy event in person!

 

This American Wife

The theatrical weirdos at Fake Friends (and I mean that epithet in the most loving way possible) have done a couple of different livestreamed theatre events over the course of the pandemic, and I think This American Wife was my favorite of the two. The cast and crew had rented (or otherwise negotiated the use of) a giant mansion, and used it as their set for a twisty, dramatic, adoring pastiche of the Real Housewives franchise. It did things with the “Zoom theatre” format that I’ve never seen anyone else do.

Most surprising to me were the interludes where performers seemed to be telling real stories of their traumas and struggles, in the spirit of “reality TV,” only to later reveal that it may all have been theatrical trickery. It was a deeply disorienting piece of art, in the best way. I look forward to seeing what else Fake Friends get up to in the future.

 

Stay At Homo

The Toronto comedy scene has been a source of such joy for me during the pandemic, with their wacky Zoom improv shows and other online offerings. I was especially excited to see two of my favorite queer comedians, Tom Hearn and Ajahnis Charley, do a livestreamed sketch and music show called Stay At Homo. Originally it was going to be streamed from someone’s back yard but they had to move it indoors onto the stage of Comedy Bar for weather reasons, and as a result, watching it from home almost felt like I was back at that beloved venue.

The show (which you can still watch on YouTube) contained a bunch of solo sketches and musical numbers from these gifted performers. I laughed my ass off especially hard at Ajahnis’s song about being “a gay who loves basketball” – the bridge about “things that are both very gay and very basketball” makes me shriek with giggles.

 

 

Doing a hypnokink demo at the launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

101 Kinky Things book launch!

Of course, I’d be remiss not to include my own book launch in this post! In October I held a little (vaxxed-people-only) event at the KGB Bar, a dimly-lit communist bar in the East Village of New York City. With the help of my “tech director” and wonderful spouse Matt, I was able to livestream the event over Zoom so people could watch it from home too.

There were readings from the book, signing of copies, and (most excitingly) a few live kink demos featuring me, Matt, and my friend Bex. It was so cool getting to demonstrate things like pre-scene negotiation, erotic hypnosis, and impact play to a crowd of eager literary perverts. Much love to everyone who attended, either in person or online, and to Matt, Bex, and our terrific photographer Ashe for all the help making this event happen!

 

What were your favorite events this year, online, offline, or otherwise?

Behind the Seams: Extra-Long Jam-Packed Edition

Kate Sloan

September 28, 2021

My mom’s birthday was just days after my book’s release day, and I had to travel to New York to do the launch event, so I wanted to take her out for a special one-on-one meal before I left to make it up to her.

We went to Mezes, a fabulous restaurant in Toronto’s Greektown area. My family and I lived in Greektown for about 25 years, so Greek food was a big part of my childhood and always feels nostalgic to me. Chicken souvlaki skewers with tzatziki, a Greek salad heaped high with feta, and some roasted potatoes = possibly the ideal meal. (I’m clutching my leftovers in a to-go box in one of these photos – can’t let any of it go to waste!)

My mom has a fun, girly sense of style so I usually like to dress cute when I hang out with her. She looked cute as hell too!

What I’m wearing:

• Pink cashmere sweater – J. Crew
• Black T-shirt underneath (unseen)
• Black bandage skirt – Suzy Shier
• Black leggings – H&M
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach
• Black KN95 mask (these have become my absolute faves for my everyday pandemic needs; a good nose wire is crucial for someone with a formidable schnoz like mine)

October 3, 2021

Matt picked this outfit for me for a date night involving incredible omakase sushi followed by a stand-up comedy show at the Beauty Bar. A friend-of-a-friend was performing and we wanted to support them.

It’s a really wild venue – like a dive bar decorated by rockabilly drag queens. But the bartenders were friendly, the atmosphere was good, and the show was delightful.

Matt and I were wearing matching outfits, and we sat in the front row as we often do, so pretty much every comedian on the bill made a joke or two about our matchy-matchy vibes. The hazards of sitting in the front row, am I right?! (I’m kidding – it was all in good fun.)

What I’m wearing:

• Orange skater dress – American Apparel, vintage via eBay
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Raspberry-pink crossbody bag – Coach

October 12, 2021

This was what I wore on my book‘s release day! I spent most of the day frantically posting things about it on social media, answering questions about it, etc. and also recorded an episode of the Bed Post podcast with the inimitable Erin Pim.

The actual book launch party wasn’t until the following day, so I had RSVPed “yes” to a party being thrown by the sex toy brand Womanizer at the Jimmy, a beautiful rooftop bar. The company was celebrating its seventh birthday by inviting a bunch of sex media VIPs to mingle over cocktails and hors d’oeuvres. I get invited to this type of event semi-regularly but often have to decline because of geography (i.e. not always being in NYC or LA) or health (i.e. being chronically ill and sleepy as fuck), so it was fun to actually get to go to one!

At the party, Matt and I sipped martinis and chatted with several New York media people. I had a copy of my book in my bag and Matt kept finding excuses to show it to people and brag about me 🥰

The brand very generously sent us home with (among other things) an Arcwave Ion, which Matt had been dying to try. If you’re curious and want a preview of what my eventual review will say, listen to the latest Dildorks Patreon bonus episode!

What I’m wearing:

• Green velvet dress – H&M
• Black cashmere cardigan – the Gap
• Black leggings – H&M
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay many moons ago

October 13, 2021

In pondering what I might want to wear to my book launch party, I scoured online stores for dresses in the colors of the book cover, black and gold… but eventually I remembered that I already had a dress in those colors! This beaut was a gift from my cousin and his girlfriend a couple Christmases ago and it was perfect for the occasion: classy, sparkly, and pretty.

The launch itself was soooo much fun! I will eventually write a whole post about it once I get the photos back from our photographer that evening, Ashe. I read some passages aloud from the book, did some kinky demos with Matt and Bex, and sold + signed copies afterward. There were tons of fascinating, lovely people there, all of whom I was so honored had come to my little event. Thanks so much to Matt, Bex, Ashe, and the KGB Bar for helping me put the whole thing together!

Also, doesn’t Matt look stunning?! Navy velvet is so perf on them.

What I’m wearing:

• Black & gold dress – gift
• Black tights – Hue
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Sparkly red heart necklace – Tarina Tarantino (at one point during the evening this was removed from my neck so Matt could use it as a pendulum for our hypnosis demo – it’s a multi-use item!)

October 16, 2021

October is “Locktober” in the chastity community – many chastity kinksters get locked up for the entire month (with breaks as needed for hygiene and maintenance etc.), often also blogging/posting about their experiences. This year was Matt and I’s second time doing it. It wasn’t always easy, particularly since dominance requires more energy from me than I generally have these days, and I was dealing with work stress (i.e. my book launch) on top of some health issues, so I wasn’t able to be as responsible and focused a dominant as I would have liked. But it was still a fun opportunity to try new things, gain confidence in domination, and assign cute tasks to my partner that make us both happy.

Some of those tasks were related to financial domination, i.e. consensually “forcing” them to buy me things. One night, when they had given me the green light for findom, I gave them a slow, teasing handjob to almost the point of orgasm and then informed them that they’d have to buy me this bag if they wanted to be allowed to come. (I’d had my eye on it for quite a while…) Naturally, they succumbed, so now, the bag is mine! *maniacal domme laughter*

I wore this out to Rocco’s Steakhouse for dinner. Their service is always impeccable and their food is A+. Would recommend.

What I’m wearing:

• Red dress – Winners years ago
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Pink chevron-stitched Coach Rogue bag – vintage via eBay, a gift from my love (the all-black version is also gorg)

October 17, 2021

My partner and I have had many, many, many conversations about gender – which makes sense, given that they’re nonbinary, we’re both bisexual, and I write about sex/kink/love/gender issues for a living. We were recently discussing our gender expressions and whether we feel like they fully reflect our gender identities, and I said that I’m comfy presenting as a mega-femme like 95% of the time but there is another 5% of the time when I crave dressing like a dirtbag teenage boy, basically. Matt told me that they would still find me attractive AF if I leaned more into that side of my style, and while I knew that, it was still good to hear.

This was my first time wearing a new pair of jeans I’d just bought at Madewell. It was an experiment in boyishness for an outing to a casual local omakase place. I think the experiment was very successful!

What I’m wearing:

• Dark blue T-shirt – Forever 21
• Tapered vintage-wash high-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• “101 Kinky Things” snapback hat – custom-made on Printful.com

October 24, 2021

Every so often, when I’m in New York, I like to check out the Museum of Sex to see what they’re up to. They were recently running a Betty Dodson exhibit, and Betty is a legend in the realm of sex-positive feminism, so I knew I had to check it out.

Matt and I went together and spent a few hours perusing the entire exhibit as well as the others on offer. We saw so many things: vulva paintings, robots fucking, up-close masturbation videos, cunnilingus sketches, a Whack-a-Mole-esque game involving jerking off dildos in a fake bathroom stall, and lots more. Should you ever find yourself in New York, I would recommend putting the Museum of Sex on your itinerary, if just because the sex shop in their lobby is as well-curated as the museum itself!

What I’m wearing:

• Purple “The Morning After” T-shirt – Threadless (I am normally somewhat squicked by both vomit and clowns but for some reason this shirt fills me with glee)
• High-rise jeans – Madewell
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather harness boots – Frye
• Coach Station crossbody bag – vintage on eBay
• Key to Matt’s chastity cage on a chain
• Apple Watch on a rainbow striped band

October 29, 2021

I was feeling truly uninspired when trying to come up with a Halloween costume (I mean, I’m in my late 20s during a pandemic, so maybe that’s par for the course). But I had recently re-watched The Notorious Bettie Page, a perennially inspiring biopic of the late great pinup model, and had felt (as I always do when I watch that movie) a pang of desire to cut my hair into her signature style. I just don’t have the energy to iron my bangs pin-straight on a daily basis, though, so I figured it made more sense to dress as her for Halloween.

Bettie doesn’t really have a signature outfit, per se – her most famous photos show her in everything from lingerie to bikinis to fetishwear to leopard-print bodysuits. So I decided to keep it classic and wear the type of sexy black dress she would’ve worn, paired with some period-appropriate heels and, of course, this terrific wig. I don’t know if anyone really knew who I was at the house party we went to, but whatever, I felt and looked cute as hell!

What I’m wearing:

• Bettie Page wig – a brand called Difei on Amazon (it came with a wig cap and a pair of false lashes!)
• Black wiggle dress – Grace Karin (the same brand that made my wedding dress, incidentally)
• Black mary-jane pumps – J. Adams (surprisingly comfortable)

My Book is Out!! Here’s Some Fun Facts About “101 Kinky Things”…

Kate Sloan

Dear sweet readers, I am thrilled to announce that my first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, is officially out worldwide as of today!!!

So many of you have cheered me on throughout the process of writing, editing, and promoting this book, and for that I am forever grateful. It’s been inexpressibly exciting to see you folks starting to receive your copies of the book and posting about it on social media or emailing me to let me know you got your copy. My heart is so full! 💖

To celebrate the book on its “birthday,” here are some random trivia items about 101 Kinky Things; think of it like the director’s commentary of my cute little book!

  • 101 Kinky Things is an elegant hardcover with a decent amount of heft, making it a surprisingly fantastic spanking implement! (I’m not the only one who thinks so…)
  • While the book is aimed at beginners to kink, I’ve received lots of feedback from super-kinky friends of mine who’ve noted that even they found stuff in this book that inspired them to try new things! It’s my hope that this can be a helpful text for any kinky or kink-curious person, regardless of where they are on their personal kink journey.
  • It’s also explicitly meant to be a useful resource whether or not you have a partner. Many of the suggestions given in the book are doable by yourself if you don’t have, or don’t want, a partner to do them with.
  • I finished writing the first draft of my manuscript way back in January 2020 – so, oddly enough, it was written before the coronavirus really ramped up where I live, and is coming out just as things are returning to some semblance of normalcy there vis-à-vis the pandemic. Cool!
  • One of the lengthiest parts of the process was the search for an illustrator. We wanted someone whose portfolio already included sexy stuff, so we could be sure they’d be comfortable with the subject matter. Eventually we settled on Ewa Żak, and I’m SO glad – her illustrations are sensual, sexy, body-positive, diverse, playful, elegant, and just exactly right for this book. (The image for Submission might be my favorite – what’s yours?)
  • My original pitch was called 101 Unusual Kinks & Fetishes and would have explored fascinating oddities of the human sexual psyche like sneezing fetishism, balloon fetishism, and clowns fetishism. Maybe I’ll still get to write a book like that someday!
  • The text on the back of the book says “Curious?” but some of the other options we considered included “You never know until you try,” “Add some sprinkles to your vanilla,” and “Try it. You might like it.”
  • I re-titled the Electrostimulation section “Zapping” so that I could say the book contains “kinky things from Aftercare to Zapping” 😂
  • We’re having a launch party and you’re invited! It’s happening tomorrow (Wednesday, Oct. 13) at the KGB Bar Red Room in New York City, and is also being livestreamed, so you can join us from anywhere around the world. Click here and reserve your free ticket – there will be readings, signing, and live kink demos featuring yours truly!

Thanks again for your support and for reading my words. If you plan on reading the book, I hope you love it, and that it inspires you to expand your erotic possibilities! ❤️