my book

7 Reasons My Book Makes a Great Valentine’s Day Gift!

Kate Sloan

My first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, has been out for over 5 years, but I still hear from people regularly that it’s changing their sex lives for the better! (And yes, I do still cry every time I receive one of these emails… What can I say; I’m a sentimental pervert who loves helping other perverts become even pervier!)

Valentine’s Day is coming up real soon, and I know there can be a lot of pressure to buy your partner(s) the perfect gift. You could always go classic – flowers and chocolates, anyone? – but if you’re looking to get your sweetheart(s) something a little spicier, might I suggest 101 Kinky Things? Here are 7 reasons it makes a great Valentine’s Day gift!

1. It’s a conversation-starter

People are always asking me for advice on bringing up kinks with a seemingly vanilla partner. That leap of faith can be super scary, because of the risk of judgment or rejection – so why not let this book do the heavy lifting for you?

If you want, you can even mark certain pages with sticky notes so your partner knows exactly what you’re most curious about when they flip through it. And then you can ask them, “Which kinks appeal to you in this book?” There’s a wide range of activities, from mild (kissing, sexting, massage) to wild (electrostimulation, hypnosis, figging), so just about every reader will be able to find something in here to get excited about, regardless of their level of kink experience.

2. It’s full of actionable ideas for spicing things up

Does your sex life feel like it’s stuck in a rut? Not all ruts are bad, per se – sometimes it’s comforting to have a sex life built around acts you both reliably love! – but more variety often leads to more excitement. There’s an actual neurochemical reason for that: as anthropologist Helen Fisher explains in her book Why We Love, trying new things promotes more dopamine production in the brain, which can juice up your libido. Fun!

It’s a real point of pride for me that Kinky Things isn’t just a theoretical treatise on kink – three specific scene ideas are listed for each and every “kinky thing” in the book, so if you read about something that intrigues you, you can try it pretty much immediately. You don’t have to be a kink expert or do a ton of research for most of these activities, so it’s easy to get started, even if you’re a nervous newbie.

3. It’s fun to read together or separately

Some couples have told me that they enjoy leafing through 101 Kinky Things together, discussing each kink and whether it’s something they’d be willing to try. Some other couples have told me that they’ve each read it separately, maybe marking pages they wanted to ask their partner about, or making notes to discuss together afterward. Either way, this book can be a helpful communication tool and intimacy-booster!

4. It’s far more safety- & ethics-focused than Fifty Shades, etc.

Look, I love kinky erotica as much as the next literary perv, but there’s no denying that Fifty Shades promotes some pretty problematic ideas about kink. Consent contracts, creepy stalker behavior, non-consensual toast-eating… It’s a bit of a mess, ethically speaking! Erotica isn’t necessarily obligated to be ethical – it’s just fantasy, after all – but it can become an issue when (as often happens) someone views sexy media as an instruction manual, when it’s very much not intended as such.

To that end, I think 101 Kinky Things would be good to include alongside any kinky erotica you’re buying for your sweetheart. It addresses the ethics and safety considerations of each kink listed therein, and also contains good general information about basic kink concepts like negotiation and aftercare.

5. It adds to your kinky cachet

Look, I’m just saying… There is a certain type of sex nerd whose eyes would light up if they saw this book on your shelf, either because of its glamorously saucy aesthetic, or because they recognize my name from my podcast or somesuch. So if you buy a copy for your (non-monogamous) darlin’, maybe they can impress their other dates with it, you compersive cutie, you!

(On that note, I once saw a man on Tinder who was reading 101 Kinky Things in one of his photos. Obviously I SCREAMED and asked him out! He turned out to be a very good kisser, as you might expect… and I was struck by the socially intelligent move of “flagging” as kinky by including that photo on his profile!)

6. It’s beautifully illustrated

All these years later and I’m still swooning over the gorgeous illustrations Ewa Żak did for Kinky Things. They show a diverse range of body types doing all kinds of sexy stuff, and they set exactly the right tone for the book: classy-yet-depraved! Some of my faves are the ones for submission, medical play, and corsets… What are yours?

7. You can use it for impact play!

I love a good spanking, so naturally I was excited to try out Kinky Things as an impact implement as soon as the first proofs arrived in my hot little hands… and it turned out to be pretty awesome for that purpose! I’d recommend holding it by the outer edge and hitting someone’s ass with either the front/back of the book or its spine, so as to avoid pokey corners. It’s delightfully thuddy – my fave! Could be the perfect end to a romantic Valentine’s date… or maybe just the beginning? 😉

 

You can buy 101 Kinky Things on Bookshop.org or wherever you get your books! Thanks, babes, and I hope you have a rollicking good Valentine’s Day no matter how you spend it 💖

I Recorded an Audiobook for ‘101 Kinky Things’ & It’s Out Now!!

Kate Sloan

When I wrote my first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, back in the autumn of 2019, I always hoped I would get to record an audiobook of it.

The book is an introduction to kink & BDSM for beginners, or anyone else who wants to expand their kink palate – and so it was written with the same friendly, compassionate tone I aim for in all my sex education work. From working in sex shops, I had learned that people were skittish and apprehensive about pursuing their desires, especially taboo ones – and so using the right tone was an important part of making them feel welcomed, safe, and open to exploration. I employed that same approach in 101 Kinky Things, and was thrilled to get to narrate the book the way I’d always heard it in my head.

Recording the audiobook was a fun process – I laid down the whole thing in my home podcasting space in Bushwick, caffeinating daily with an oat milk latte (better for the voice than cow’s milk!) to keep me energized while I pontificated aloud about spanking, bondage, wax play, fear play, and so much more.

The audiobook was commissioned and produced by the fine folks at Echo Point Books, and the deal was brokered by my terrific literary agent Iris Blasi. Thanks so much to Echo Point and to Iris for making this happen! 💖

Now, without further ado – here are the places where you can snap up my audiobook, and listen to me purring in your ear about some of my favorite kinks…

Hope you enjoy! Let me know what you think 😉 🎧

Great News: My Books Are Finally Available as Ebooks!!

Kate Sloan

As an e-reader devotee, I totally understood when folks started asking me about ebook availability back when each of my two books were launched. Not only can e-readers be more convenient (say, if you happen to finish the book you’re reading on a long-haul flight and want to start another one right away so you don’t die of boredom) – they can also be more accessible for people with various disabilities and conditions who struggle to read, or hold, a physical book. And I want my books to be accessible to the highest number of people possible, naturally!

In some ways I understand why my publisher, Laurence King, decided to hold off on making these tomes into ebooks initially: they are beautifully laid out, especially 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, which is illustrated by the wonderful Ewa Żak. And of course, you can’t spank somebody with an ebook, at least not unless you have a particularly permissive warranty on your e-reader. But I’m glad that they nonetheless eventually put out these books in electronic form, because now more people can read them. Read on for all the info!

101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do

• Available in physical form at Amazon, Bookshop, Powell’s, Indigo, and more
• Available in ebook form for Kindle and Kobo

This book is, arguably, my magnum opus. I never thought, when I began my career as a sex writer over a decade ago, that I’d write an in-depth introduction to kink and BDSM for beginners – and yet somehow I ended up doing exactly that.

This book is the intro I wish I’d had when I first started wondering, “Am I kinky?” It’s packed with practical information about safety, negotiation, and aftercare, but more compellingly, it contains write-ups on literally 101 different kinks, fetishes, and fun kink-adjacent activities. Whether you’re into kinks that are often considered more “mild,” like spanking or using nipple clamps, or kinks that fall more on the “wild” side of the spectrum, like electrostimulation and erotic hypnosis, there’s plenty in here that you’ll find useful and inspiring.

Every chapter contains a description of what the kink is, why some people find it hot, and how to do it in a way that respects the physical and emotional safety of both you and your partner(s). There are also three “Try This!” suggestions at the end of each chapter which offer concrete ways that you can incorporate that kink into your sex life tonight. Where possible, I’ve provided suggestions that will work solo, too, not just in a partnered scenario – so if you’re kinky or kink-curious and want to pick up some tips, this book is for you, regardless of whether you’re single or partnered, sexually active or not.

The book also contains definitions of many kink lexicon terms that you’ll find useful, especially as you start to build community with other kinksters locally or online. And there’s a big list of resources at the end of the book – podcasts, websites, videos, other books, etc. – if you want to learn more about particular kinks and kink-related issues.

I’m thrilled to report that Ewa’s delightful illustrations are included in the ebook, too, so you won’t be denied their beauty if you go the electronic route. Yay!

200 Words to Help You Talk About Sexuality & Gender

• Available in physical form at Amazon, Bookshop, Powell’s, Indigo, and more
• Available in ebook form for Kindle and Kobo

It was certainly daunting when Laurence King Publishing asked me to compile a book of 200 sex-and-gender-related words and their definitions, especially since those terms are ever-evolving. But after a lot of thought, finessing, and research, I put together a book I’m proud of.

From big-picture concepts like gender roles, patriarchy, and sexual attraction, to more specific and lesser-known notions like bioessentialism, gender euphoria and demisexuality, this book is packed with helpful definitions that can help you better understand not only your own sexuality and gender, but those of the people in your life.

It’s always a good thing to expand your horizons in these areas, because sexuality and gender are two aspects of identity that can shape our lives in massive ways. This book is also meant to be a catalyst for conversations, whether you buy a copy for an out-of-touch relative to ease the process of coming out to them, flip through the pages with a partner who’s unsure which labels they want to use for themselves, or gift it to a teen in your life who seems to be struggling with their identity.

 

As ever, thanks for reading – this blog, my books, or both – and I hope you enjoy! 💜

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 2 Fears Defeated

Kate Sloan

Every year I write about 2 fears that I’ve faced head-on over the course of the year. It’s a way of re-teaching myself a lesson that I (and many others) need to re-learn periodically: that pushing through fear helps you grow, makes good shit happen in your life, and feels fucking great!

Both the fears I faced this year were work-related, but for workaholic freelancers like me, work can play a big role in one’s identity so these feel huger and more holistic than they might seem. Let’s jump in…

 

Going fully self-employed

Early in the year, I began to feel a bit hemmed in at my “dayjob,” a part-time social media writing gig I’d had for 4 years. The people I worked with there were always fantastic and kind, but I had to wake up every weekday at 9 a.m. to write time-sensitive tweets, which was becoming less and less achievable with my chronic pain and fatigue from fibromyalgia ramping up.

I also was fortunate enough to not really need the job anymore – it was only bringing in about 7% of my income but was accounting for at least 40% of my work hours and stress, so I figured it was time to make a change.

I had a lot of fears about doing this, many of which I unpacked with my therapist. I worried that my sleep schedule would get fucked up if I was no longer tethered to the 9-to-5, that all my other “jobs” would fall apart, that I’d regret this decision somehow. But it’s been about 6 months since I stopped working there and none of that has happened.

Instead, I feel much calmer, freer, and (most days) happier. I can sleep as late as my body needs (usually to 10:30–11:30) and work on a schedule that makes more sense for my natural rhythms and energy levels. And a far higher proportion of the work I do now is stuff that I deeply care about. It was a scary choice, but I’m profoundly glad I made it.

 

Photo by Rose Glass Photography

Launching a book

Yep, I did it! I really did it. With the help of my publisher/editors, my agent, my spouse, and my friends, I was able to get 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do out into the world, and celebrate it in style at a little launch party in an East Village bar.

It’s been such a thrill to see the book making its way around the world, landing in the hands of curious kinksters everywhere. I had so much anxiety in the weeks and months leading up to the launch – that no one would buy it, that no one would like it, that no one would come to the party, etc. – but it was all bullshit from the “fearful liar” part of my brain. The launch went better than I could have ever expected and I’m so grateful. ❤️

 

What fears did you face this year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 4 Fun Events

Kate Sloan
Bex introducing me at the 101 Kinky Things book launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

It’s hard to write this annual feature about events I’ve attended when I’ve (like all of you) been living through a global pandemic that limits the types of events we can safely go to – but I did manage to attend several cool happenings this year! Here are 4 of my faves that I went to…

 

Bawdy Storytelling

I’ve wanted to perform at the sexy storytelling event Bawdy for years, after seeing videos online of sex-ed heroes of mine like Mollena Williams-Haas, Allison Moon, and Tristan Taormino telling stories there. And when Bawdy moved onto Zoom during the pandemic, I finally got my wish!

It was so magical telling a romantic, sexy, strange story to the ever-enthusiastic “Bawdience,” even through a screen. Working with Dixie De La Tour to get the story up to snuff was like an oration masterclass in and of itself, and actually performing the story was a massive thrill. My fellow performers all knocked it out of the park too. I hope one day I get to attend a Bawdy event in person!

 

This American Wife

The theatrical weirdos at Fake Friends (and I mean that epithet in the most loving way possible) have done a couple of different livestreamed theatre events over the course of the pandemic, and I think This American Wife was my favorite of the two. The cast and crew had rented (or otherwise negotiated the use of) a giant mansion, and used it as their set for a twisty, dramatic, adoring pastiche of the Real Housewives franchise. It did things with the “Zoom theatre” format that I’ve never seen anyone else do.

Most surprising to me were the interludes where performers seemed to be telling real stories of their traumas and struggles, in the spirit of “reality TV,” only to later reveal that it may all have been theatrical trickery. It was a deeply disorienting piece of art, in the best way. I look forward to seeing what else Fake Friends get up to in the future.

 

Stay At Homo

The Toronto comedy scene has been a source of such joy for me during the pandemic, with their wacky Zoom improv shows and other online offerings. I was especially excited to see two of my favorite queer comedians, Tom Hearn and Ajahnis Charley, do a livestreamed sketch and music show called Stay At Homo. Originally it was going to be streamed from someone’s back yard but they had to move it indoors onto the stage of Comedy Bar for weather reasons, and as a result, watching it from home almost felt like I was back at that beloved venue.

The show (which you can still watch on YouTube) contained a bunch of solo sketches and musical numbers from these gifted performers. I laughed my ass off especially hard at Ajahnis’s song about being “a gay who loves basketball” – the bridge about “things that are both very gay and very basketball” makes me shriek with giggles.

 

 

Doing a hypnokink demo at the launch – photo by Rose Glass Photography

101 Kinky Things book launch!

Of course, I’d be remiss not to include my own book launch in this post! In October I held a little (vaxxed-people-only) event at the KGB Bar, a dimly-lit communist bar in the East Village of New York City. With the help of my “tech director” and wonderful spouse mb, I was able to livestream the event over Zoom so people could watch it from home too.

There were readings from the book, signing of copies, and (most excitingly) a few live kink demos featuring me, mb, and my friend Bex. It was so cool getting to demonstrate things like pre-scene negotiation, erotic hypnosis, and impact play to a crowd of eager literary perverts. Much love to everyone who attended, either in person or online, and to mb, Bex, and our terrific photographer Ashe for all the help making this event happen!

 

What were your favorite events this year, online, offline, or otherwise?