perfume

12 Objects I’m Loving Lately

Kate Sloan

Since packing up my entire life to move to a different country, I’ve been more aware than ever before of how important my possessions are to me. Sure, in theory it would be great to embrace a minimalistic, monastic lifestyle (and it’d sure save you a pretty penny on moving expenses!), but ultimately I just love stuff too much to ever give it up!

To that end, today I thought I’d tell you about a random assortment of objects that have been bringing me great joy lately, since I believe in sharing the love…

Nike Air Force 1 custom sneakers

I bought these back in 2022, customizing the color combo myself using Nike’s online design tools, because I was having a major lovecore phase. (Still am, frankly!) They are totally garish; I call them my femme clown shoes. But they’re also wonderfully comfortable and practical; I frequently wear them on long walks, and they were my go-to shoe for my recent run of musical improv shows. They’re looking a bit worse for wear and could use some leather care, but I love how loud they are; people are constantly complimenting them!

Leatherology large clamshell makeup bag

Gotta love a makeup bag that’s roomy enough to fit my ENTIRE daily makeup and skincare regimen! This one is made of gorgeously soft red leather and is perfectly sized for my needs. One bummer is that the zipper pulls are starting to fall off, just a year into owning this bag, but other than that, I love it.

eos Shea Better 24H Moisture body lotion in “Vanilla Cashmere”

Skincare brands are constantly sending me press releases, even though I only cover sex toys, because oftentimes all “wellness” products get grouped together in the journalism world. This brand still wanted to send me their lotion even after I explained that my beat is masturbation, not moisturizer… and I totally fell in love with the stuff! It’s super hydrating, not overly greasy, and makes my skin smell like I’ve been rolling around in vanilla cake batter. I love applying it right when I get out of the shower, while I’m getting ready for a date, or to spend time with a crush – it makes me feel effortlessly sexy and feminine.

Silver hoop earrings

There’s no brand on these, so I assume they were an impulsive purchase from some generic chain store at the mall years ago. I’ve recently gotten back into them in a big way. As a kid/teen, I always thought hoop earrings looked so cool and sexy, but I had an irrational(?) fear that something would get caught on them and cause some carnage… I guess I’m finally brave enough to run that risk these days 😅

Sigg 34-ounce recycled metal water bottle

I’ve loved Swiss brand Sigg’s super design-y metal water bottles for a long time, and upgraded to this massive one recently. I am chronically, shamefully dehydrated, which is really not good (“Hydrate or die-drate,” as my wife would say), but it helps to have a cute-looking water bottle on my desk at all times. This one is a stunning iridescent blue.

Epomaker TH40 mechanical keyboard

My “daily driver” (as the keyboard nerds say) is a larger keyboard, the Epomaker Galaxy80, which I adore – but at some point I decided I wanted a tiny keeb for when I travel, and this little 40% model fit the bill. I swapped out the switches for Akko Fairies on the alphanumerical keys and Akko Penguins on the modifiers; both are silent switches, so this thing is really quiet. I also put some new keycaps on there, and removed the keyboard’s built-in wrist strap so I could replace it with a sleeker-looking black pleather one. It’s a little tricky to get used to a 40% layout, but this article helped me a lot.

Gold/diamond/emerald panther ring

When my bubbie (grandmother) passed away many years ago, she specifically left this ring to me in her will. I have always wondered why she picked this piece for me in particular; my favorite color as a kid was green, so maybe it was as simple as she thought I would like the panther’s gleaming emerald eyes. But I also like to think that she saw some panther-like courage and tenacity in me that she wanted to celebrate, even after her death. I’ve rediscovered it lately and have been wearing it every day. 💚

Euphorium Brooklyn “Suédois” eau de parfum

The “nose” behind Euphorium Brooklyn is a man named Stephen Dirkes, who my partner once hired to make a custom perfume for me as a gift. I still love that scent (it’s called Aimanté), and have also become enamored with various other Euphorium scents over the years, like this one, Suédois. It’s deeply androgynous and sexy, featuring sensuous notes like leather, sandalwood, nutmeg, patchouli, and Bavarian cream. Just divine!

Pink heart-shaped sticky notes

I believe in making your life as beautiful as you can, in the ways that make you happiest – which is why I prefer heart-shaped sticky notes over the boring square yellow kind. They delight me whenever I look at them!

Dr. Martens 1490 boots in black smooth leather

I’ve owned far too many pairs of Doc Martens in my life, from the shiny black calf-height ones my friends bought me for my birthday in high school, to the blue metallic ones I rocked in college, to the rainbow glitter ones I got in my twenties. But my favorites at the moment are definitely these basic black leather 10-eye Docs. They’re stompy and punky and fun, and they instantly androgynize any femme-leaning outfit. Love ’em.

D’Addario Nexxus 360-degree rechargeable guitar tuner

This is the best instrument tuner I’ve ever owned! It was a gift from my brother, who is very smart. I love that it’s conveniently rechargeable via micro-USB, and that it helps me get my ukuleles perfectly in tune every time, even in loud environments where I can barely hear myself play.

Oliver Hibert tarot deck

I’m over the moon for Oliver Hibert’s art. I would have one of his paintings framed on every wall of my apartment if I could afford it! A few years ago I saved up and bought myself his tarot deck, and I’ve been so pleased with it ever since. It’s so visually striking that it evokes emotions in me easily, making it ideal for the kinds of things I like to use tarot for (self-reflection and songwriting inspiration, mainly). All hail the psychedelic brilliance of Oliver Hibert!

 

What objects are bringing you joy lately? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

5 Beauty Products (& 1 Pair of Earrings) I’m Absolutely Loving Right Now

Kate Sloan

Hi friends! Normally at this time of year, I’d be writing my 12 Days of Girly Juice series – but I just don’t have it in me this year. I’m burned out, I need a vacation, and so I’m taking one. Hooray!

That being said, talking about femme stuff like makeup and clothing (almost) never feels like work to me – so I want to tell you about some products that are making me feel a lot prettier lately.

 

La Roche-Posay Anthelios Mineral One Daily Cream SPF50+

My sweetheart picked this out for me when we were in Montreal together recently, because I’d forgotten to bring any sun protection, and I ended up really liking it, even though it’s not the kind of thing I normally use.

This is what you might call a tinted moisturizer with SPF, or a BB/CC cream – it moisturizes the skin, and offers some sun protection, but is also tinted like a foundation. I never used to see the point of this type of product, because if I was going to bother to put foundation on, I wanted full coverage or nothin’. But makeup trends have shifted substantially since I first learned to do my face circa 2013, and a fresher, more authentically skin-like finish is more in vogue now. That’s exactly what I get with this product.

Sometimes I apply it with a damp Beautyblender, sometimes with a flat kabuki brush, and sometimes just with my (clean) fingers, depending on my mood. I’ll usually do concealer and powder too, for a slightly more pulled-together look, but this product also looks pretty nice as-is once it’s blended into your skin. It feels a lot lighter than most foundations and doesn’t seem to bother my skin as much. Yay!

 

Selfmade Secure Attachment Comfort Serum

This was sent to me as part of a press package because Selfmade also makes an oil-based lube they wanted me to try (which I also enjoy, for external genital massage), but I ended up loving this face serum more.

I’ve been applying it as the last step of my skincare routine (when I have the energy to do a full routine), after my cleanser, toner, moisturizer, and eye cream. It contains ingredients that calm redness and irritation, and it significantly boosts my skin’s hydration, leaving my face feeling soft. It also doubles as a primer for foundation (or tinted moisturizer; see above), creating a smooth surface for makeup to adhere to. It has a lovely smell, too – like aloe, cucumber, and lavender. It’s like a spa experience in a bottle!

 

Maybelline SuperStay Vinyl Ink in “Royal”

This was a recommendation from a beauty YouTuber I follow but I can’t remember who! The formula is fantastic – it’s really hard to take this off without an oil-based makeup remover, so it lasts easily through meals, drinks, and assorted adventures.

I own a lot of red lipsticks, but not many that are on the darker side. It can be intimidating to wear a lipstick this much darker than your typical shade(s), but “Royal” really caught my eye, and I’ve been loving it. It feels very winter-appropriate and has a lot of… gravitas? Is that a weird thing to say about a lipstick?!

 

Maybelline Color Sensational lipstick in “Pink For Me”

I recently had a bizarre urge to revisit a seriously dated makeup trend – the brownish-pinkish-nude lip that Kylie Jenner loved to rock, about a decade ago. In many ways it’s an even older look; it has a very ’90s feel to it.

I already have MAC lip liner in “Whirl,” famously one of Kylie’s favorite shades, but don’t own many lipsticks that go with it, because, well – usually if I’m gonna wear lipstick, I want it BRIGHT. But I picked up a few subtler shades this year for when I want a more minimalistic look, and this one might be my fave of the bunch.

It’s just a really flattering shade (which makes sense – Maybelline claims to have tested this lipstick with 50 different skin tones to make sure it would look good on everyone), and the formula is matte but not drying at all. Maybelline does the best matte drugstore lipsticks, IMO, and this one is a prime example.

 

Tom Ford “Tobacco Vanille” eau de parfum

This was an anniversary gift from my spouse, who knows me very well. I’ve had a few sample vials of this scent over the years, and always liked the androgynous sexiness of it. It’s warm, bold, spicy, sweet, and comforting, all at once. An ideal wintertime scent, if you ask me – I think it would feel oppressively heavy in summer, but it’s the perfect fragrance to spritz onto your throat before wrapping it in a cozy scarf and heading out into the cold.

I really am a bit of a perfume hound at this point… Right now there are 3 full-size bottles on my dresser (this one, Paradise Edition, and Aimanté), plus about a zillion little sample vials strewn about. Some of my other favorite wintry ones are John Varvatos and Noël au Balcon. Funnily enough, despite owning so many perfumes and loving them so much, I mostly just wear them around the house. I don’t want to bother people in the outside world who might be fragrance-sensitive, and few things feel as glamorous to me as swanning around the house in nothing but a silk robe and a spritz of something, anyway.

 

Magic Wand earrings by FUELifestyle

Not a beauty product, but they sure are beautiful! I’ve been wanting a pair of Magic Wand earrings for a while, but a lot of the handmade ones available on Etsy have cutesy cartoonish proportions. That’s all well and good for people who dig that, but I wanted earrings that looked as much like an actual Magic Wand as possible, from the color to the shape to the little blue buttons. These are 3D-printed, and are pretty damn accurate!

As a socially anxious person, I don’t always want to wear such a lewd conversation piece on my person, but I’ve rocked these on a few dates (and even while interviewing a few people about the Magic Wand, lol!) and they always get a good reaction. They make me feel like I’m flagging my sex-nerdery to the world.

 

Any beauty products you’re loving lately? Let me know in the comments!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

December has begun, and so it’s time for my annual “12 Days of Girly Juice” series!

2021 was a weird year in similar ways to how 2020 was – full of unpredictable chaos, medical anxiety, and untold tribulations. But there were still things to enjoy this year, and this series will once again highlight some of them. To start us off, here are 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my life in 2021…

 

Pink metallic Jeffrey Campbell cowboy boots

These were a gift from my love and I adore them. They immediately elevate otherwise-boring outfits to flashy works of art. They get compliments everywhere I wear them. They’re like the brightest, shiniest parts of my personality, distilled into a pair of boots.

I’ve loved cowboy boots since I was a teen, when I would wear them with all sorts of wild outfits. They add a certain air of rough-and-tumble-ness to otherwise feminine ensembles, which has always felt right to me as a queer femme who grew up as a tomboy. These Jeffrey Campbell ones are just the next step in my ~cowboy boots journey~!

 

Tarina Tarantino red heart necklace

I’ve written about these necklaces before, but this year I acquired a new one for my collection in a shade of rich, bright red, and I love it. It’s wild how many outfits it goes with. It instantly jazzes up more casual ensembles, while bringing a sense of whimsy to my fancier looks.

Most memorably, I wore this necklace to my book launch party, knowing that it would make a lovely pendulum for our hypnokink demo – and it did! It felt like a magic trick, turning a piece of jewelry into a kink implement right before the audience’s eyes. I hope to add at least a couple more of these heart necklaces to my collection eventually!

 

Yokoo extra-large Warmer cowl in blueberry

Yokoo Gibraan makes some of the cutest, coziest knitwear on the planet. I saved up and bought myself a small red cowl from this shop when I was in university, but more recently I was able to get a larger one in a gorgeous shade of navy blue.

Having suffered from seasonal depression and poor circulation my entire life, winter is usually a dreadful, saddening time for me; too often I spend my days indoors with soup and a heating pad, even if I’d like to venture outside, because the cold is so depressing and uncomfortable. So it makes a big difference in my life if I can actually feel warm enough when I go out. Putting on this cowl over a coat or sweater brings some instant cozy cheer into my day, and for that, it was well worth the price.

 

Coach Cashin Carry tote in pink

This was definitely one of my most-used bags of the year. I had mb buy it for me as a findom present while I was staying in NYC in early 2021, but we had it sent to my home in Toronto and my travel got repeatedly delayed, so I wasn’t actually united with this bag until I got back to Canada at the end of April – but as soon as I saw it in person, I was delighted that it was mine.

Surprisingly roomy for its petite size, this raspberry-pink structured leather tote is based on a 1969 design by Bonnie Cashin, Coach’s first lead designer. I love bags that look like they could have been made in the ’50s or ’60s, so this is right up my alley. I love that it can be carried by the handles or by its crossbody strap, and that it’s small enough to be unobtrusive but large enough to carry my notebook, wallet, glasses, phone, lipstick, hand sanitizer, pill box, and more.

 

“101 Kinky Things” custom-stitched hat from Printful

Shortly before my book launched, I decided I wanted to own some kind of “merch” featuring its cover text, but I wasn’t sure exactly what I wanted. I experimented with mugs, tote bags, face masks, and other memorabilia on various custom-printing sites, but eventually I discovered that Printful.com will custom-stitch text or imagery onto the front of a snapback hat for you, and I was sold.

After working with me to finalize stitching color and placement, Printful sent me this beaut. I feel weirdly confident every time I wear it – and as a bonus, sporting it around town is basically free advertising for my book 😂

 

Kay Jewelers cultured pearl necklace

I wrote earlier this year about my love of pearl necklaces, and that love has endured. A simple string of pearls renders an outfit instantly classic and complete.

As someone who’s always loved “high-low” pairings, like wearing cowboy boots with a cocktail dress, I especially adore adding pearls to outfits that feel more 2021 than 1951. They feel like a link to my femme lineage, a timeless item that looks equally good on me as it would’ve on a mid-century housewife.

 

Black KN95 masks

Once again this year, face masks were an everyday necessity for many of us, and once again, I did my best to only wear ones that are comfortable, functional, and acceptably good-lookin’. They might not be the most glamorous item, but they were inescapably part of my “look” every time I went out this year, so I had to find ones I liked!

My everyday go-to masks this year were black KN95s, which my spouse introduced me to. They have a fantastic nose wire, are plain and relatively unobtrusive, and match every outfit. Sometimes, if I feel like wearing a more “fashion-y” mask that’s not as well-made, I’ll layer it over a KN95 to make sure I’m getting enough protection while still looking adorable. They’re an all-around great pick and I’m glad to have found them.

 

Calvin Klein modal slips

Calvin Klein makes some of my favorite sleepwear, and – as we’ve discussed – for me, there’s often a great deal of overlap between my sleepwear, loungewear, and casual outdoor outfits, so their stuff ends up playing a bigger role in my life than just being what I sleep in.

In particular, my short black modal slip and longer red modal slip from CK have gotten a ton of wear this year. I remember when I arrived at the hotel where I had to quarantine for 3 days alone after arriving home to Toronto in April, I felt so out of sorts from all the travel, COVID tests, etc., but as soon as I took a bath and slipped into my red CK clip, I felt so much better. It’s the type of clothing that makes life feel more beautiful and comfortable, and I really can’t ask for more than that.

 

Marissa Zappas “Paradise Edition” and Euphorium Brooklyn “Suédois” perfumes

I don’t really wear perfume often enough for these to warrant their own separate entries, but they were definitely the scents I wore most this year. The perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume to accompany a book of poetry written by Rachel Rabbit White, the poetess and former sex worker/sex journalist, who I’ve admired for many years. When I read that the scent was ’90s-inspired and contained breezy notes like jasmine and bergamot, my curiosity was piqued, so I ordered a sample… and I ended up loving it so much that I eventually ordered a full-size bottle! I’m glad I snapped it up; it was limited edition, and it’s so endlessly sexy, girly, and serene that I would’ve been sad to say goodbye to it when my sample ran dry.

There’s also Suédois by Euphorium Brooklyn, the same parfumerie that my partner collaborated with to make me a custom perfume for my birthday a few years back. I like Suédois because it’s a leather scent (very sexy) but not cold or harsh like some leather scents can be. It backs up the titular suede note with wildflower, sandalwood, raspberry, and Bavarian cream, which all combine to create a coziness seldom experienced in leathery fragrances. I’ve been wearing it a lot lately while lounging around the house and it makes me feel so good!

 

MeUndies rompers

Clothes from MeUndies have showed up on this list before, and for good reason: their modal fabric is some of the comfiest I’ve ever felt, and becomes more and more crucial to my life the more that chronic illness wracks my body.

Their rompers, in particular, were some of my fave items to wear around the house (and sometimes out of the house) this year. They’re so comfortable that I can barely feel them when they’re on (always a plus for someone who occasionally finds jeans and bras agonizing), and they have pockets! I wish I had one in every color.

 

Chrome-plated ash cane

My fibromyalgia symptoms were pretty rough this year, to the point that I decided to buy a cane for those days when my ankles and knees are screaming with pain. I wasn’t thrilled about having to get one, so I decided it had to be cute, so that I’d actually want to use it. I’m a femme; my accessories need to match my outfits!

I looked at lots of flashier ones, but eventually settled on this blue ash cane with a chrome T-shaped handle. It does what I hoped it would do in terms of helping me walk more easily, and its beauty makes me feel less depressed about being disabled, which is all I could really ask for.

 

Tiffany & Co. pet collar

When my now-spouse first collared me back in 2018, we knew that the collar itself was merely an object that symbolized something bigger and more abstract – our devotion to each other and to our D/s dynamic – and that, as such, we would likely need to upgrade to a new collar every once in a while. This is a normal thing in many long-term D/s dynamics, since most collars accumulate wear and tear over the years, or begin to feel less representative of the people who own it, so that an update may start to feel like the right choice.

At some point this year, I began seeing lots of targeted advertisements in my feeds for this Tiffany’s dog collar, because clearly the algorithms know me well. Tiffany’s made my engagement ring and our wedding rings, so mb and I thought it would be romantic and fun if this was our next collar. They gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary in November, and I love it! It’s definitely not as comfortable or flexible as a collar made for people, but I’m pretty sure that it will soften with use over time. The blue and silver color scheme is perfect, matches much of my wardrobe, and reminds me every time I see it of our marriage and our love. 💙

 

What fashion and beauty items made you happiest this year?

Monthly Faves: Hooters, Hearts, & Sparkly Perfume

Kate Sloan

As much as the #PandemicLyfe has been wearing me down lately, there’s still always lots to be grateful for. Here are some of the things I loved most in February…

 

Media

• I’ve loved Kai Cheng Thom’s excellent advice columns on Daily Xtra for ages, and finally got around to reading her book I Hope We Choose Love this month. It’s a mix of prose and poetry, and my main takeaway was her beautiful and bittersweet meditations on conflict within the queer community and the difficult legacy it leaves.

• Patricia Lockwood’s new novel No One Is Talking About This is a must-read for anyone steeped in internet culture, particularly Twitter culture. It made me laugh out loud too many times to count and also made me reflect on whether social media is actually a force for good overall.

• I loved watching the 2018 film Support the Girls this month. It makes some strong statements about patriarchy, racism, and capitalism, through the lens of women trying to make ends meet while working at a Hooters-esque restaurant. (Read Isabel Slone’s essay on Hooters afterward as a counterpoint/idealogical digestif.)

• One of the most joyful events on the internet this month was Abigail Thorn of Philosophy Tube coming out as trans. Her coming-out video – framed to show her evolution from her former, male-presenting self (played by actor Rhys Tees) and her “new” self – basically made me cry throughout its entire duration. I’m so happy for her!

• Derek DelGaudio’s show In & Of Itself (viewable on Hulu) is a weird and wondrous blend of magic, mystery, storytelling, and philosophy of identity. I can’t tell you more about it because it would ruin it. Just watch it if that description sounds at all intriguing, okay?

• I’m late to the party with regards to The Good Place, but this month mb and I started watching it alongside 30 Rock and, obviously, it’s great! (We switch back and forth between the two – I’ve already seen all of 30 Rock and they’ve already seen all of The Good Place so we’re basically just showing each other shows that we love.) William Jackson Harper as Chidi is particularly wonderful, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a “himbo” on TV quite like Jason Mendoza.

 

Products

• I’m working on an article about long-distance sex toys, so Lovense sent me some of their wares to test out. Their toys are wildly popular in the cam performer community, and it’s easy to see why: they have some of the fastest and most reliable long-distance Bluetooth connectivity I’ve ever seen in this industry. My favorite so far is the Edge 2, an adjustable prostate stimulator with two separate motors which I used to give my partner a totally hands-free prostate orgasm while they were in chastity this month. I also enjoy the Lush 3, Lovense’s wearable G-spot vibrator, though the lack of a substantial clit arm is a drawback.

• mb got me some astonishingly gorgeous Agent Provocateur lingerie for Valentine’s Day. The style is called “Cupid” and fits right into my hearts-centric aesthetic. Swoon!

• I accidentally tore a hole in my favorite pair of lounge pants this month, so as a findom task I “made” mb buy me a pair of Ureshii made-to-measure modal leisure pants to replace them. They are sooo flattering and fit perfectly, of course!

• Poet and former sex journalist Rachel Rabbit White released an updated printing of her poetry book Porn Carnival recently (would recommend), and to accompany it, perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume called Paradise Edition. I ordered a sample and love it so much that I’m considering getting the full-size bottle. It’s girly, sexy, floral, and also ozonic – which, in perfume speak, means it contains aldehydes, the ingredient that lends a “carbonated” or “sparkling” feel to classic scents like Chanel no. 5. It’s the kind of scent that makes me feel so good in my body, I’ll even wear it in the bath where no one can smell me but myself. Yummm.

• Still really into false lashes. They provide a burst of glamour that is sorely needed on these monotonous pandemic-winter days. My favorites are by Sugarpill, especially the Halo style (for people who like a lot of drama) and the Saint style (for people who want a more subdued, natural-looking lash).

 

Work & Appearances

• Never thought I’d write an article for Business Insider, but here we are! This month I got to write a list of my favorite couples’ toys for them, in time for Valentine’s.

• This month in my newsletter, I wrote about the importance of good conversations in relationships, exes and aliens, dressing like it’s Valentine’s Day every day, and watching porn during the pandemic.

• On the Dildorks this month, we talked about the duration of sex, group sex, and Valentine’s Day, plus we interviewed the delightful Eva Bloom about compassionate casual sex, libido issues during quarantine, and more.

• My latest pieces for the Andrew Blake blog: “5 myths about the clitoris,” “How to perform a sexy striptease,” “The best sex toy storage solutions,” and “Why is bondage so popular?”

 

Good Causes

• Folks in Texas have had a hell of a time this month, as you probably know. Donate to support relief efforts there; every little bit helps.

• The Genesis Women’s Shelter incurred a lot of damage from the events in Texas and are accepting donations now to help them rebuild.

• Love feminist media criticism? Bitch Media is raising money so they can keep producing their fantastic work.

• The brand-new Nina Arsenault Fund for Trans Arts supports the work of trans creatives. Yay!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2018: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

Hello! Today kicks off 12 Days of Girly Juice, my yearly 12-part wrap-up of the things I loved most throughout the year. Over the next month, I’ll be sharing my fave sex toys, events, sexual encounters, and so much more from 2018! Today’s edition, however, is about something much simpler: femme delights! Read on to find out which fashion and beauty items I most adored in 2018.

Aimanté

Last year I waffled about my preferred perfumes, writing about 7 different ones instead of picking One Scent to Rule Them All. This year, however, there is a clear choice topping my list of fragrance faves: Aimanté, the bespoke scent my boyfriend commissioned Stephen Dirkes of Euphorium Brooklyn to make me for my birthday.

Dirkes described the scent thusly: “The rich fragrance of ripe blood orange and brilliant red geranium create a feminine opening. Middle notes of sweet honeyed balsams and sparkling amber are given texture with a hint of dark cocoa and patchouli. The earthy roots of vetiver provide a dark grounding for the accord.” My nose isn’t sophisticated enough to pick out the individual notes; all I know is that it’s an impossibly feminine and sexy scent. It feels more “me” every time I wear it, and I’ve worn it a lot.

It feels like a miracle that I am the only person in the world who gets to wear this exact formulation and that I love it so much. It also feels like a gift, each and every time I spritz on some Aimanté, that someone in the world loves me enough to have given me this beautiful thing that brightens my days.

MeUndies lounge pants

These are the real MVP of my freelance-writer wardrobe. I own two pairs – one in basic black, and one in a Christmasy red plaid – and I wear them all the time when I’m bummin’ around the house. They are divine.

I must say, I’m not a fan of pants as a category, so I balked a bit at the idea of spending $60 for a pair. (It should go without saying that I was never a Lululemon or Adidas girl!) But I’ve worn these so much that they’ve become worth it to me on their cost-per-wear ratio alone. The modal is super soft, the cut is lovely and flattering, and each pair has FOUR POCKETS. (As a hyperfemme, I am always thrilled by pockets.) The holy grail of lounge pants, truly!

L’Amour-Propre collars

I would be remiss not to mention one of my most-worn accessories of the year, my collar. Strangely, I already owned a L’Amour-Propre collar before I even met my Sir – a turquoise one – but we decided, upon meeting and becoming serious about our D/s dynamic, that we wanted one that would be just ours. So we settled on a royal blue suede one, and later upgraded to a royal blue leather one.

These collars are lovely, simple, eye-catching, kinky-looking but not too over-the-top to wear in everyday situations, and comfortable enough for all-day wear. They’re everything I want and need in a collar.

CowCow dresses

I discovered this affordable brand on Amazon this year and was quickly smitten. They make flattering A-line dresses in a myriad of wacky prints and a wide range of sizes, for reasonable prices. Some of my favorites: a purple one with pink and purple kiss-prints, a rainbow one, and one in my signature turquoise and pink.

When I was younger, I resisted adopting a “style uniform,” because I wanted every day’s outfit to be eclectic and unexpected. But I’ve come around to the practice of dressing more-or-less all the time in a way I know flatters me and makes me feel great. No matter what’s going on in my head or in the world, a fit-and-flare dress and a pair of kickass boots are a combination I feel stellar in.

Coach Mercer satchel

I bought this late last year as a little self-care treat during the brief window of time when I had a sugar daddy and thought I might continue having one for the foreseeable future (womp womp). It’s a wee little open-top leather satchel, just barely big enough to fit my laptop, wallet, journal and pen – the exact right size, therefore, for my purposes.

I love the robin’s-egg blue color; it’s ladylike yet fun. I love the softness of the leather, always one of my favorite qualities of Coach bags. And I love that it’s a little piece of luxury I bought myself when I was able to. Sometimes you just gotta treat yourself!

Wythe Hotel T-shirt

I bought a commemorative shirt from the hotel where my boyfriend first told me he loved me, because I am a sap. I didn’t know, however, when I ordered it, that I would end up wearing it at least once a week. It’s soft and comfortable and it reminds me of a very happy memory. What’s not to love?

Lotta From Stockholm peeptoe clogs

I bought these on the advice of a foot fetishist, who is, shall we say, biased. They are yellow and sexy and comfortable and perfect. They are my new go-to summer shoe. Thank you, Lotta, whoever you are.

Sugarpill liquid lipsticks

I have a couple of these – one in hot pink, “Girl Crush,” and another that is equally bright pink but laced with gold glitter, from a limited-edition set Sugarpill issued this year. Both are packaged adorably and make me feel like a sparkly megafemme when I apply them.

Unlike many liquid lipsticks – and I’ve tried lots, being a blowjob lipstick aficionado – the formula of these makes them feel feather-light on the lips, so much so that I sometimes forget I’m wearing one. They’re not quite friction-proof enough to have passed the blowjob test, and they don’t even hold up that well through food and drink, but I don’t mind reapplying them in public. I mean, have you seen the cute packaging on these?!

Maybelline SuperStay Matte Ink in “Pioneer”

This was a recommendation from Rae and I’m so glad I listened to them. I’ve been looking basically all my life for a perfect red lipstick, one that’s bright and cool-toned and opaque and actually stays on, and this is it. As with many liquid lipsticks, it’s dry and drying, and takes a little while to dry once applied, but those are my only complaints about it. If this lipstick was a person, I would give it lots of kisses.

Gap cashmere cardigan

I’ve searched for the perfect black cashmere cardigan for a long time; it’s a surprisingly tall order. I prefer V-neck ones, because I usually wear cardis unbuttoned and don’t like how a high collar looks that way. I also need my cardigans to have long sleeves (though I often roll ’em up) and I like a classic, feminine, curve-hugging cut. Almost no one makes this type of thing!

However, the Gap made one briefly last year, and had a sale that made the $150 price tag slightly more palatable to me, so I bought it. It’s actually perfect. It’s exactly what I wanted. It goes with every outfit. Living in a cold climate calls for cashmere, IMO, and I usually get mine vintage ‘n’ cheap, but I was happy to spend more than I normally would on such a flawless, indispensable basic.

IT Luggage turquoise suitcase

Okay, you might not think a suitcase counts as a femme accessory, but when you travel a lot and/or are in a long-distance relationship, it does! Bored of the basic black one I’d been hauling around for years – and of squinting in vain at the luggage carousel post-flight, trying to figure out which bag was mine – I snapped up this one by IT Luggage, in my favorite shade of vivid turquoise. Upon receiving it, I immediately tied a hot pink bandana to the handle, making it truly mine.

This suitcase is light, roomy for its size, and aesthetically delightful. I get supremely stressed out when I travel, but this bag makes the whole experience about 12% more fun, so I consider it to have been a worthwhile investment.

Frye engineer boots

These are – it must be said – immensely kinky-looking. I feel like a lithe domme whenever I wear them: like someone should be kneeling in front of me, cleaning and shining my boots while I page through a glossy magazine.

My long-beloved Frye harness boots finally kicked the bucket this year – a cobbler pronounced their soles unsalvageable – so I’ve been wearing these engineer ones a lot instead. They’re more grown-up-looking than my usual style, but maybe that’s a good thing. Maybe this scrappy kinky femme is finally becoming a sophisticated kinky femme.

What fashion/beauty items did you love this year?