Satisfyer

Reviews: We-Vibe Tango X, Satisfyer Curvy 3+, & Lelo Smart Wand 2

Kate Sloan

I was sent these three toys recently while researching some pieces for the Insider about the best sex toys for couples and long-distance play. Here’s what I thought of each!

We-Vibe Tango X

I’ve long been loud about how much I love the original We-Vibe Tango. It has most of the qualities I’d ever want in a clitoral vibe: small, rumbly, powerful, firm, versatile, quiet, and waterproof. But it was missing a few key features – namely, it lacked a travel lock, had only one button you had to use to scroll through all 8 modes, and had a notoriously bad battery that was finicky as hell to charge and would tend to die completely after 1-3 years of use. Hence me owning several Tangos in my time.

The new Tango X has fixed all of those issues: We-Vibe added buttons for navigating between settings, provided a travel-lock option, and equipped the toy with a better battery that charges more easily. They also added an ergonomic silicone finger grip, something I hadn’t known I wanted but that makes the toy a lot easier for me to use on bad hand pain days.

The vibe is just as rumbly and strong as it ever was, albeit with more steady vibration settings to choose from so the jumps between settings don’t feel as abrupt as they used to. The addition of extra buttons, in particular, makes this toy much less annoying to use during partnered sex, because I don’t have to scroll through aaaaall the settings to get back to my fave, thus interrupting the action with some ill-timed vibration patterns. I’ve used the Tango X with my partner several times now and it is even more intuitive and well-suited to partnered-sex applications than it used to be, plus it remains a trusted choice for masturbation, whether I’m pairing it with a dildo or using the Tango X on its own.

I find it impressive that We-Vibe managed to keep the Tango X relatively affordable – $75 at time of writing – despite all these upgrades. (Canadians, that’s about $99 for us.) It remains an absolute staple in my toy collection, and because it has such rumbly and variable vibrations, I think it’d make a great gift for any vulva-possessing person in your life who has expressed wanting a clitoral vibrator but doesn’t quite know what to look for. Bravo, We-Vibe – bravo!

Satisfyer Curvy 3+

This ultra-sleek pressure-wave toy looks to me like something a grown-up Regina George might use. It’s cool, modern, and ergonomic as hell.

I was interested in the Curvy 3+ because Satisfyer gave me its predecessor, the Curvy 2+, back at ANME, and I loved it more than I expected to. The softly rounded edges of the “mouth” made it more comfortable around my clit than a lot of its pointier-edged counterparts, it had a broad range of settings and patterns, and its shape and matte silicone made it easy to hold onto, even when lube got involved. The “handle” end also vibrates and is insertable, incase you want to switch back and forth between clit stimulation and G-spot vibration – great if you’re travelling and don’t have access to other toys, I guess – but I didn’t end up using that feature much because, well, I own many, many dildos that feel better than the Curvy 2+’s handle.

That said, after trying the updated 3+ version, I actually prefer the earlier one! The 3+ has a flatter design that feels less sexy and more clinical in my hand somehow, and consequently its insertable end is also slimmer and less satisfying; it pokes my G-spot rather than filling me up. Most crucially, the “mouth” of the 3+ is smaller, shallower, and has less rounded-off edges, whereas the 2+ has a mouth that’s a good 0.1″ wider and 0.2″ deeper – which may not sound like much, but can make a big difference for a clitoral pressure-wave toy. I can fit a significant amount of my hooded clit into the Curvy 2+, but pretty much only the tip will comfortably fit into the 3+ and generally I have to pull back my hood a bit (yowch!) to even accomplish that much. The 2+’s mouth also has those gently rounded edges that make it much comfier to use, even when I’m pressing the toy firmly against my body.

Satisfyer’s app functionality is worth mentioning here, because it’s really fucking good. Like Lovense toys, Satisfyer toys connect quickly to their corresponding app and are super responsive when you’re controlling them that way. My partner and I have found my Satisfyer Curvy 2+ useful when we’re 500 miles apart but they want to “go down on me”; short of hiring a cunnilingually gifted sex worker and whispering instructions into their ear via audio call, the Satisfyer app is the closest my partner can get to performing oral on me when they can’t actually put their mouth on me.

While I’m sure some people will appreciate the aesthetic updates and functional differences of the Satisfyer Curvy 3+ versus its predecessors in the Curvy line, it’s the Curvy 2+ that has captured my heart (and my clit’s heart, if it had one), and that’s the one I’ll be reaching for more often in the future.

Lelo Smart Wand 2

Obligatory caveats about Lelo: ethically, they are… not great. They hired a domestic abuser as their spokesperson despite abuse survivors’ outcries against this, produced condoms that seem like a health hazard, sued We-Vibe in a vindictive act of patent-trolling, and released a sex toy excusively for male bankers (????), among other things.

While I do think their products have had a sharp decline in quality over the past decade or so, their Smart Wand line is a rare diamond in the rough, IMO – albeit with some problems of its own. I loved my original Smart Wand, although later it betrayed me by dying after only a year. No matter what I did to try to recharge and revive it, it was simply dead, dead, dead. I was just outside of Lelo’s 1-year warranty period so the best they would’ve done for me is provide me with a 50% discount code to buy another one, which – given how quickly the first one had perished – seemed risky and futile.

When I was at ANME in early 2020, I saw a new version of the Smart Wand on display which was bright turquoise (or “aqua,” according to Lelo). This exact shade is one of my favorite colors ever – in fact, I’m currently typing on a computer whose hard-shell case and keyboard cover are both the same color as my Smart Wand 2 – so I ached for it on those grounds alone. Later I asked Lelo for one, and it is just as glorious a hue as I remembered.

I’m not actually sure what’s different about the Smart Wand 2 versus the original Smart Wand; it’s been too long for me to remember and Lelo’s product copy is annoyingly unclear on this point. I do know that a lot of people reported mechanical issues with the original Smart Wand, most notably that sometimes the vibrations would jump around erratically, suddenly ramping up to a high setting or dropping to a low setting without users’ consent. This glitch was mostly reported as happening on the toy’s highest settings – and unfortunately, some reviewers say the Smart Wand 2 has the same issue.

I personally haven’t experienced this glitch, and didn’t experience it with the original Smart Wand, which suggests to me that maybe I use this vibe differently than the folks who noticed this problem. Pressure is often a culprit when vibes glitch out, but I’ve experimented with various amounts of pressure while using the Smart Wand 2 and still haven’t encountered that particular glitch (though I do notice that the vibe tends to get a bit weaker when you press it into your body, as often happens with vibrators). 🤷🏻‍♀️ Your mileage may vary, and purchase at your own risk!

I actually kind of love the Smart Wand 2, I’m somewhat ashamed to say. It’s gorgeous, smooth, and glamorous. Its handle has an ergonomic curved shape that I find useful when I massage my neck and shoulders with it. It’s reasonably quiet for a wand vibe, especially on the lower end of its intensity levels, and gets very strong and rumbly when you want it to. It’s also 100% waterproof, something that used to not matter as much to me in wand vibes but that matters enormously to me now that I live with chronic pain and thus do some of my best relaxin’ and wankin’ in the tub.

But despite all its glamour and strength, the Smart Wand 2 does have some problems. The buttons annoy me at least once every time I use it; Lelo has a bad habit of designing toys with buttons that somehow seem both oversensitive and undersensitive, sometimes requiring multiple presses to go to the next setting and sometimes skipping a few settings with just one press. I also find that the “+,” “–,” and “pattern” buttons are pretty indiscernible from one another when you’ve got your eyes closed or are using the toy in the dark, so I’ve accidentally started a vibration pattern many times when I meant to hit the “+” button instead, potentially ruining or losing my impending orgasm.

I’m also not especially fond of the rounded head. It works well for muscle massage, but one of the reasons I love my Magic Wand Rechargeable is that it has a more squarish shape so I can use its head’s edges/”corners” to produce a more focused, pinpointed sensation on my clit than the broad roundness the Smart Wand 2 allows for. However, if you like all-over vulva vibration, that won’t be an issue for you.

The Lelo Smart Wand 2 costs a whopping $199, and as stunning and seductive as it is, I don’t think it’s really worth that amount of money, especially when you can get a more dependable Magic Wand Rechargeable for just $130, or We-Vibe’s Wand (which is fully waterproof like the Smart Wand) for $170. The Smart Wand 2 reminds me of a beautiful but erratic socialite – and while that kind of person is fun to spend a night with once in a while, generally I’d rather come home to a reliable sweetheart like my Magic Wand.

 

Thanks to We-Vibe, Satisfyer, and Lelo for sending me these toys to try! Have you used any of these? What did you think?

Guest Reviews for Penis-Havers: Fun Factory Manta, Satisfyer Men Vibration, Kink3D X-Lock Cobra

mb

Note from Kate: Here’s some sex toy reviews I asked Matt to write. Enjoy!

One of the benefits of dating (and then marrying) a sex toy reviewer like Kate, is that as her collection grows, so does mine. Sometimes it’s because brands send her toys that are designed for cocks, sometimes I buy them to use with her, and sometimes they’re gifts from my beloved! In this post, I want to highlight 3 toys that I’ve picked up recently that are useful if you’ve got a penis or access to one 😉

The Manta by Fun Factory ($140) is a rechargeable vibrating stroker that’s marketed as “a men’s toy for couples.” Welp, no men to speak of here, but this toy still works plenty well for me and my nonbinary dick.

The Manta has become my go-to vibrator since I purchased it as an upgrade to the Volta, which worked okay but wasn’t shaped quite as well for my particular penis. The Manta fits around the shaft of your dick (3 cm inner diameter), and it works just as well held stationary as it does as a stroker.

It’s a beautiful object and comes in 3 muted colors (I wish the black had been out when I purchased mine). The vibe is cleverly designed with two flexible wings that are ridged for stimulation and to distribute lube as you thrust, though they can take some work to clean.

Some of the most memorable blowjobs of my life have been enhanced by this toy thrumming against the base of my cock while Kate sucked the tip, but you can also use it solo, or to “turn your penis into a vibrator” during penetration. And if you prefer more pinpoint stimulation, you can gently pinch the wing tips around your frenulum for extra intensity.

The handle is looped, so it’s comfy to hold, the motor is powerful and rumbly, the controls are intuitive, the 6 speeds and 6 patterns can always get me off, it’s waterproof, and it’s got a travel lock. You love to see it. This is the perfect toy for someone who’s maybe tried a vibrator designed for clits and liked it, but wants something made with their body (if not gender) in mind.

A very different (but still unnecessarily gendered) take on the penis-vibrator is the Satisfyer Men Vibration ($50), which I won in the Smutathon. Satisfyer claims this enclosed, rechargeable vibrator “feels like a real blowjob,” which it most certainly does not. But that doesn’t mean it’s not pleasurable. The two motors in this toy and the tight black silicone sleeve work together to create powerful suction as the waves of vibration crash over the tip of your penis, occasionally making some hilarious noises in the process.

You can flip between the toy’s 3 speeds and 11 vibration patterns with the “+” and “−” buttons on the body, but as you increase the speed and intensity, you might find yourself wanting to thrust into the sheath as your erection grows. That’ll cause problems if you enjoy deeper stimulation like I do, because this toy only has an insertable length of 7 cm, so you’re limited to vibrating just the first few inches of your penis. Maybe that’s why Satisfyer calls this an “edging tool” rather than an orgasm tool, because that’s definitely what it’s best at.

The inside of the sleeve is wide, so it can easily accommodate a dick whether it’s erect or flaccid, but it also rapidly narrows toward the back to increase the stimulation on the most sensitive spots. With lots of lube, and some experimentation to figure out my preferred patterns, I’ve been able to reliably come with this toy, but the orgasms are never as satisfying as if my whole dick had been stimulated. So I tend to use this vibrator as it was intended: to tease and stimulate the tip of my cock for a while before I’m ready to come in something (or someone) else.

The Satisfyer Men Vibration is a good value if you’re especially into stimulation of the head of your penis, plus it’s waterproof, easy to clean, and carries a 15-year warranty. But if you’re looking for a toy that can quickly and consistently stimulate your entire cock to orgasm, you might not vibe with this one.

Not all the sex toys I own for my penis are about stimulating it; in fact, sometimes they’re about preventing stimulation altogether. Since reviewing the CB-6000 earlier this year, my chastity kink has only gotten bigger, as has my collection of cages. And if you spend even a few hours on chastity twitter, you’ll frequently see the same elegant black cock cage in photos. This cage is the Kink3D X-Lock Cobra ($155–$185), and it was generously sent to me by its maker, who’s an independent creator and active Redditor and Twitter user.

Kink3D cages are individually 3D-printed from hard nylon and nylon composites, so they‘re incredibly strong, light, and smooth. As with all chastity devices, sizing is particularly important, and there’s a detailed sizing guide here. I wear the size S+ cage with a size 2 ring, and it’s the best-fitting and most comfortable cage I own. Because of its open lattice design, it’s easy to wear the X-Lock long-term and maintain hygiene in the shower with just soap and water.

If you’re into tease and denial with your chastity play, the Kink3D cage also makes it easy for your keyholder to see and comment on your locked erections, touch or lick your penis through the cage’s bars, or hold a vibrator against the cage to stimulate you through it, though watch out for potential pinch points which can hurt in a bad way.

I still think the CB-6000 is the best chastity cage for beginners, because tons of sizing options come in a single box. But once you know your sizes and you’re interested in a gorgeous, custom-fit cage you can wear long-term that won’t break the bank, get an X-Lock. It’s been locked on my body for weeks at a time, and I’ve loved every second of it.

Monthly Faves: Dildos, Diamonds, & Democracy

Kate Sloan

This month has been a weird one… but then again, I think I’ve been writing some version of that every month here since March… or maybe even since November 2016… *sigh* Anyway, here are some of the things that brought me joy this month! What are yours?

P.S. Uhhh, happy Halloween, I guess? Here’s a couple of relevant things I’ve written in the past, incase you wanna get into the spooky spirit a li’l bit: a review of the “Batcock” Vixen Leo dildo, and some thoughts on what a grown-up Wednesday Addams would keep in her sex toy drawer.

 

Media

• I re-watched American Horror Story: Cult with Matt this month and could not believe how relevant it felt to our current moment, geopolitically and socioculturally. AHS pulled no punches in calling out the gaslighting, fearmongering, and fascism of Trump-supporting sects, and it all felt eerily prescient.

• Someone on Twitter spoke highly of the 1997 thriller The Game so Matt and I checked it out, and… wow. It’s very unsettling, astonishingly well-acted, and reminds me a lot of the kink concept of “consensual non-consent.” Would recommend if you’re into CNC and/or the feeling of being consensually gaslit by a piece of media.

• The new book Ace by Angela Chen is a must-read if you’re interested in asexuality, whether you’re ace yourself, uncertain, or just want to understand asexuality and ace-spectrum identities better. I loved how this book covered the history of the asexuality movement along with the present-day obstacles it faces.

• If your Thursday nights are wide open these days, due to lockdown or other factors, I would highly recommend you join me in watching the Bad Dog Theatre’s live online improv show Theatresports for the next several Thursdays! It’s hosted by the incomparable and hilarious Tom Hearn (who showed up last week wearing the most over-the-top and beautiful false eyelashes and drag makeup) and really reminds me that, even though I love longform improv the most, shortform can be fall-off-the-couch funny too!

• The virtual play Circle Jerk – produced by Jeremy O. Harris, whose brilliant Slave Play was recently nominated for 12 (!!) Tony awards – was a delightful quick-change satire about, among other things, the problematic tendencies of the white gay male community. I’ve been fascinated by all the inventive ways that theatre artists are using the Zoom (etc.) medium for their art this year, and this was a particularly inventive usage!

• I just started reading Eleanor Herman’s book Sex with Presidents, which tells the tales of presidential sex scandals through the ages, and also speculates on the psychological and sociocultural forces that shape political leaders into sexual rulebreakers (or that lead sexual rulebreakers to pursue careers in politics!). Really interesting stuff for sex nerds and politics nerds alike.

• My favorite porn creator of the moment is Velvet Veronica, a soft-yet-mean femdom with a Canadian accent. She gives some of the best handjobs in the biz (IMO) and is a cocktease extraordinaire. Respect!

 

Products

• I tried out the Satisfyer app this month when my partner wanted to “go down on me” during phone sex, and it worked way better than I was expecting it to. As much as I adore We-Vibe products, I’ve had a ton of connectivity issues with their app, so I was surprised by how comparatively stable and reliable the Satisfyer one is.

• The Laid D2 granite dildo is still a current fave! My partner likes using it on me, too.

• I bought packing cubes in preparation for my journey to NYC (don’t worry, the airline was actually great about temp checks, mask rules, contact tracing, and social distancing, and there’s even free COVID testing available at LaGuardia now) and they have changed my life. Such a genius way to simultaneously organize all your clothes (underwear in one, T-shirts in another, etc.) and compress them down to a suitcase-friendly size!

• I’ve really been enjoying false lashes lately! (Meandering philosophical blog post on this topic to come, trust.) So far, my favorite pair I’ve tried is these House of Lashes ones in the “Cecile” style. Will prob wear them to my wedding!

• A recent findom gift from my love: this ultra-cute, tiny black leather crossbody bag with a chain strap. It’s kind of the perfect bag for the COVID era, in that I never really need to carry much more than a phone, a debit card, photo ID, and an extra mask when I go out these days… I’m hoping that in some far-off future, I’ll get to carry this to soirées, dance clubs, comedy shows, etc.!

• I mentioned The Sims 4 here last month and it still rules. Just wanted to add that if, like me, you are a non-monogamous and/or slut-positive Simmer, you can hit Ctrl+Shift+C and type in the cheat “traits.equip_trait trait_Player” and it’ll make it so that your currently active Sim can kiss/date/WooHoo with as many people as they want and no one will get jealous about it. Pretty perf.

• Um, obviously I would be remiss not to mention my engagement ring here?! It is still the most stunning thing I have ever owned… or maybe even seen… The other day we went and looked at wedding bands and I spent most of the time just staring at my engagement ring instead, tbh!

 

Work & Appearances

• The CBC asked me to write a piece on what dating is like when you live with chronic pain. It was fun/sad/cathartic/healing to dig up some of these old stories from the days when I was more active on the dating scene (and didn’t know as much yet about how my pain worked)!

• I was invited onto the What Women Want podcast, along with brilliant kinky writer Daphne Matthews, to discuss the kinds of messages/dates/etc. that put us off people and the kinds that actually excite us. It was an interesting chat that touched on kink, consent, respect, and gender, among other things!

• My friend Brent asked if I’d join him in guesting on the Man-Thing Minute, a podcast that celebrates Marvel’s Man-Thing comic. We had so much fun and I laughed so hard I cried!

• I also chatted with digital marketing expert Tod Maffin about how I wrote 1,000 blog posts. Tod and I have known each other online for nearly 2 decades so it was fun to catch up with him on his show!

• This month I put together ukulele arrangements for, and made videos of, two of my favorite songs at the moment: Alone Again, Naturally by Gilbert O’Sullivan, and Saw You in a Dream by the Japanese House. My partner and I have a new-ish protocol where I have to learn (or write) and record at least one song a month, and it’s been really fun so far!

• On the Dildorks this month, Bex and I did a two-part series about sexual boundaries, and then discussed 24/7 D/s dynamics and sexual sensitivity.

• In my newsletter this month, I wrote about how body dysmorphia fucks with sexual arousal, why so many of my Sims are queer, doing my first (sorta) cuckolding scene, where I fall on the asexuality spectrum, and why I love my engagement ring!

 

Good Causes

• Since the U.S. Supreme Court for some reason just gained a member who seems to think people with uteruses should be stuck in the past forever in terms of our rights and freedoms, now would be a great time to donate to an organization that fights for reproductive rights and/or offers sexual health services, such as the Mississippi Reproductive Freedom Fund, Arkansas Abortion Support Network, Yellowhammer Fund, or any of the other orgs on this list.

• The National Center for Transgender Equality could also use your donations now that the Supreme Court has stepped back into the dark ages.

• The ACLU is doing some fantastic work across multiple areas of the fight for civil liberties. Toss ’em your money in this scary time so they can do their best to fend off the darkness of bigoted fascism.

• Please, friends in the U.S., make sure you vote in this election! Obviously I want you to vote for the candidate who’s not a fascist megalomaniac angling for a dictatorship, and who hasn’t been directly responsible for the death of over 200,000 citizens of his own country, but hey, you do you. If you’re confused about voting for any reason (where to go, what to bring, where to drop off your mail-in ballot, etc.), check out IWillVote.com or BetterKnowABallot.com for all the deets. If you plan to vote in person, especially on election day, make sure you bring some snacks + water + entertainment, because you may have to wait in line a while. And wear your mask! (God, I sound like I’m trying to be your mom. Hey, whatever works.)

Review: Biird Obii

Kate Sloan

Picture yourself as Cinderella, or Snow White, or another of those Disney princesses who enlist woodland creatures to do their bidding. Picture the sun cresting over the horizon, beams of light beginning to stream into your quaint forest cottage. Picture a pink cartoon bird landing on your windowsill and chirping, “Would you like an orgasm?” That’s kind of the whole vibe (so to speak) of the adorable Biird Obii.

Made to look like a stylized little bird, the Obii is a rechargeable vibrator that also offers “pressure wave” stimulation, the technology originally developed (as far as I know) by Womanizer and later utilized by other companies like Satisfyer and Lelo. New phenomena in the realm of clitoral stimulation don’t come along too often, so it’s no surprise that so many sex toy reviewers and sex writers have effused about the wonders of pressure waves – they really are pretty cool. They work by way of a tiny panel inside the toy’s nozzle that moves back and forth to create rhythmic suction/pressure around your clit, if you can get a good enough seal. This makes the sensation essentially “touchless” in a way that vibrators are not, so some people report more intense orgasms and shorter refractory periods with this type of toy.

The control panel on the bottom of the Obii – thoughtfully labeled, with buttons that are easy to press but hard to accidentally press, hooray – allows you to flip between the toy’s 4 vibration modes (3 steady speeds + 1 pulsing pattern) and its 3 pressure-wave intensities. You can use one at a time or turn them both on if you like your clit-sucking with a side of vibration.

The problem is, the vibrations on this toy are… sad. Like, “weak” or “disappointing” are not even the right words; when I turned on the vibrations for the first time, I felt like saying out loud to the toy, “Oh, honey…” They’re meager, they’re buzzy as hell, and they’re buried so deeply in the toy that I can’t even discern where the motor is or which part of the vibe I’m supposed to press against my clit, since all positionings feel equally numbing and underwhelming. If you are looking for a vibrator – or you’re curious about pressure wave toys but want to be able to use yours as a vibrator incase it turns out you don’t like pressure waves – then definitely look elsewhere. The power and resonance of the Obii’s vibrations are literally on par with one of those single-use bullets sold alongside Trojan condoms in fluorescently-lit drugstore aisles.

But what makes the Obii interesting and remarkable isn’t the vibration, it’s the pressure waves. And those are actually pretty swell. The waves this toy creates feel stronger and, for lack of a better word, “rumblier” than those I’ve experienced from some others. While reaching orgasm is always a slow process for me with this type of toy, because it focuses so intensely on the exposed tip of my clit and thus risks overstimulating me easily, they are nonetheless very much within reach when I’m using this toy. I wish there were more than 3 settings, because my clit is a sensitive little flower and I like gradation, but the existing settings are plenty good enough to get me off. And incase you’ve never had a pressure-wave orgasm, I’ll reiterate here: they really are different from orgasms with a vibrator, or orgasms achieved via just about any other means. They’re kinda like… if your clit was a dick, and you were getting a blowjob from a robot, but the robot only knew how to suck the head of your dick and not the shaft, but it was really good at that. (Bam. Another brilliant sex toy reviewer metaphor. 😂 I’m good at my job sometimes, I swear.)

An issue with the Obii, which some other reviewers who I deeply respect have pointed out, is that the nozzle is unusually small for a toy of this type, and that the moving panel inside the nozzle is abnormally close to the opening. What this means is that people with bigger clits will likely have a hard time using the Obii comfortably. I have asked a couple partners of mine over the years whether my clit is small, average, or large (yes, dating me is quite an adventure), and both of them said it was average or perhaps slightly larger than average, and I found this toy comfortable and inoffensive – but your mileage may vary. (It’s annoying that culturally we don’t talk about clits nearly as much as we talk about dicks, and so we don’t have an understanding of what an “average-sized” clit would look like, but also, maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. There’s already enough vagina-shame in the world; let’s not start comparing and competing with regards to clit size!)

The Obii won the Red Dot design award, and it’s easy to see why, from an aesthetic standpoint: it’s very pretty. I actually love how cute it is, and I think it would make you happy if you’re one of those people whose experience is genuinely improved when the sex toy you’re using is #AestheticGoals. It also doubles as a bedside lamp when placed on its cradle to charge; it casts a dim, warm glow that would be ideal for sexytimes (although, you know, the light would go off whenever you grabbed the Obii to use it). The silicone used all over the toy is wonderfully soft and silky in my hand, though it’s also one of the foremost lint magnets in my entire sex toy collection.

The silkiness of the silicone also poses problems during use. I can’t maintain a solid grip on the toy for long unless I squeeze it past the point of comfort (which, as someone with chronic pain in my hands and elsewhere, I’m especially disinclined to do). The ridges on the side of the toy seem like they could help with grippiness, but in practice they don’t actually help much. This also points to one of the problems with making a “design-y” sex toy: just because a shape looks pretty doesn’t mean it’ll feel good in someone’s hand or against someone’s body. While testing the Obii I often found myself reminiscing fondly on more ergonomically-shaped pressure wave toys like the Satisfyer Penguin.

All of that said, though… I can’t deny that I like pressure wave stimulation, in a “forced orgasm” kind of way, because it’s more intense and more direct than the stimulation I typically pursue – and I also can’t deny that the Biird Obii is pretty damn good at that type of stimulation. At one point while I was testing it, I watched a video on YouPorn of a domme holding a wand vibe against a penis pump in which her sub’s cock was trapped, and it occurred to me that the stimulation of pressure wave toys is similar to what I imagine that would feel like: mild and muffled vibration paired with insistent suction. It’s a very effective combo on my clit and on the clits of many other people. The Biird Obii may not be the perfect manifestation of this type of toy, but it’s cute as hell, smooth and soft, and surprisingly satisfying – so I say, as long as your clit is on the small-to-average side, have at it.

 

Thanks to Biird for sending me the Obii to try! This review was sponsored, which means that I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Mini Reviews: Zumio S, Tenga SVR, & Satisfyer Curvy 2+

Kate Sloan

In January, a business associate flew me to California to attend ANME – the Adult Novelty Manufacturers’ Expo – to do intel for a prospective sex magazine project I had been hired to co-helm. My friend and I were tasked with cruising the aisles of the event, networking with sex toy companies who might be interested in partnering with us in various ways. The project never ended up materializing (thanks, COVID!) but it was a fun experience nonetheless – and I ended up going home with a handful of new sex toys, natch! Here are a few of them…

 

The Zumio S is an update on the classic Zumio clitoral oscillator, the king of intense pinpoint stimulation. The S, as its initial might imply, is specifically designed for people with high levels of sensitivity, like me. The tip has been broadened into a small sphere – as opposed to the narrow alien-antenna shape of the original – so its speedy circular oscillation feels less intense and more diffuse. (Oscillation, incase you need a refresher, is different from vibration in that it tends to feel “deeper” and cause less of the transient numbness vibrators can create. It’s the reason my Eroscillator is still my all-time favorite clit toy, bar none.)

Normally, I would not recommend that any toy designers make a weaker version of their product, since there’s a lot you can do to mitigate a too-strong vibrator (use it indirectly, use it through fabric, use an attachment, etc.) but there’s basically nothing you can do if your vibe is too weak, other than cry and see if the store will accept a return. However, in this case, I think Zumio actually made the right call. As I noted in my review, the original Zumio felt waaaay too strong for me, sometimes even on the lowest setting, and I only ever used the first 3 settings out of 8. The revamped S is much chiller and doesn’t make my clit want to run away. I don’t even need to use it through underwear like I did with the first model.

However, as other reviewers have pointed out, the best way to use the Zumio is to hold it against the outer labia (depending on your body – your mileage may vary). When I do this, the oscillations no longer feel like they’re zapping the tip of my clit with pure, overwhelming sensation, the way the first Zumio sometimes did; instead, they travel through my skin and flesh to stimulate the whole shaft of my clit, creating a more profound type of pleasure and much more reliable and pleasurable orgasms. It’s pretty amazing that this vibe is so strong it can get me off through two layers of labia; usually it’s only powerhouse wand vibrators that can do that.

Reviewers’ opinions are all over the map on this, but my general impression is that the Zumio S would be the best choice for the majority of people. If you really, really like intense and targeted clitoral stimulation, maybe the Zumio X or newly-released Zumio E is more your style – but if you’ve ever felt clitorally overwhelmed by a vibe, odds are good the S would be better suited to you. These toys are on the expensive side – $140 Canadian, less in the States – so if you’re at all uncertain about liking pinpoint stimulation, I’d skip ’em and go with a more universally appreciable choice like the Tango or even a Magic Wand. The Zumio line of toys is best for people who really, really adore intensely targeted clit stim – which isn’t always me, but when that’s what I want, I gotta have a Zumio.

 

I forget whether it was Bex or Kevin Patterson who first turned me on to the Tenga SVR – both of them proselytize this vibe on the regular – but in any case, I’m glad I finally got to try one out. This rechargeable vibrator is technically a cock ring, and sure, you could use it that way… but its shape and motor are such that it also works plenty great on clits. Its best-known “alternate use” is for fingerbanging (ideally fingerbanging other people, though if you’re flexible you could try it on yourself): slip your fingers through the silicone loop and vibrations will transmit through them, even while they’re inside somebody, while the rest of the vibrator can rumble wonderfully against their clit or perineum.

You know how almost every vibrator claims in its marketing copy that it’s powerful, rumbly, quiet, discreet, travel-friendly, and versatile? The Tenga SVR actually is those things. The motor fucking rules: it’s got a great bassy undercurrent of rumbliness that creeps into slightly buzzier territory as you ascend into the heights of its 5 steady speeds, but it’s never the type of annoying, desensitizing buzziness that makes my clit want to cry. The silicone is really soft and sexy to the touch, and easy to clean, especially since the toy is waterproof. This is an easy vibe for me to hold and operate, even when my hands are hurting, because its one button is easy to locate and press, and sliding my fingers through the loop ensures I won’t lose my grip on the toy. Most thoughtfully, the SVR comes with a small, plain plastic storage case that protects it from lint and dust when you toss it in your bag – and it is definitely the type of vibrator I like to toss in my bag, whether for a quick booty-call across the city or an international flight.

In the world of vibrators, the SVR often gets overshadowed by Tenga’s other offerings, many of which look like characters from My Neighbor Totoro. But the SVR is no less good for being so comparatively understated. Rather than blow their design budget on bells and whistles, with this toy Tenga opted to focus on what actually matters in a vibrator (in my view, anyway): power, ergonomics, and versatility. Kudos!

 

Finally, let’s talk about the Satisfyer Curvy 2+… I received this as-yet-unreleased toy in a swag bag at ANME and it seems it still hasn’t been released in North America yet, over 6 months later. It is, however, available from some international shops, so maybe it’ll make its way over here eventually.

Like all the toys Satisfyer is best known for, the Curvy 2+ uses “Air Pulse technology” to create a clitoral sensation that feels like the exact middle point between receiving cunnilingus from a robot and rhythmically pumping the world’s weakest clit pump. However, this one’s a bit different, for two main reasons: Firstly, it can be controlled via Satisfyer’s smartphone app (which I didn’t test, because I’m sick to death of vibrator apps, but I know some folks love ’em), and secondly, if you flip the toy around, you can use the “handle” as a vibrator. It’s designed for G-spot stimulation, but honestly, with the toy being as short and stout as it is, it’s hard for me to get enough leverage for the type of thrusting my G-spot tends to crave. I do like the curve, though, and sometimes after a clitoral-only masturbation session the likes of which I’ll often have with a Satisfyer, it’s nice to have the option of some penetration to round out the sesh, without needing to break out an additional toy if I don’t feel like it.

The controls of this vibe are somewhat confusing, and even after using it multiple times, I still sometimes can’t figure out how to get it to do what I want. It makes me miss the days when controlling Satisfyer toys was as simple as pressing one button. But if you could master the controls (which probably entails not throwing away the instructions like I did when I assumed the toy would soon be released and would have its manual posted online in PDF form), it would improve your experience a lot, as they allow you to independently control the toy’s vibrations and air pulses.

As you may know, I’m not a fan of sex toy companies stealing other sex toy companies’ designs, and Satisfyer has been particularly egregious on this front. Their “Air Pulse” toys borrow technological innovations that were (as far as I’m aware) developed by Womanizer, but usually they at least put their own design flair on ’em – I still think the Satisfyer Penguin is one of the cutest and best-designed toys in this category. Even less acceptably, though, Satisfyer has also blatantly ripped off vibrator designs from Fun Factory. They don’t seem like a terribly scrupulous company.

I’m (reluctantly) recommending the Curvy 2+ mainly because it’s one of the less expensive actually-decent-quality options available (about $50 USD or $60 CAD – I don’t have exact numbers) in this category of toys, and financial accessibility is important. But do keep in mind that one of the reasons Satisfyer’s able to keep their prices down so low is, I would imagine, the lack of need to spend money on research and development, since they’re so routinely yoinking designs and technology from other companies. But if you deeply desire a pressure-wave toy, need it to be affordable, and live in an area where this one is available, you could do a whole lot worse… in every way except for ethics, that is.

 

Thanks so much to the folks at Zumio, Tenga, and Satisfyer for providing these products for me to review!