Review: VixSkin Bandit + Fleshlight Go Torque Ice

As I’ve said here many times before, sex toys are not – and are not meant to be – replacements for human partners. In fact, they can enhance sex with a partner, sometimes by a lot.

I have two toys to review today which perfectly illustrate that principle. They’re both ostensibly meant to replicate human genitals in some sense, and yet – if you so desire – they can make you feel closer to your partner, rather than farther from them. Let’s talk about fake dicks and fake vaginas!

The VixSkin Bandit is a formidable silicone cock by Vixen Creations, still one of the biggest names in the realistic-dildo game. It’s perhaps best known as a favorite dildo of Erika Moen’s. Prior to Just Mindful sending me the Bandit to try, it had been over five years since I last acquired a new VixSkin toy. Between the G-spotty Mustang and its thicker cousin the Maverick, I just didn’t feel I needed another big, squishy dick in my life… but then, the more that I looked at the Bandit online, the more I thought, Maybe I do need one after all.

With its 7″ of insertable length and 1.75″ diameter, this dildo is – to quote Brendan Fraser in Bedazzled – “big… not, like, practical-joke big, but, you know.” It’s what the McElroy brothers might call a “beefy boy.” It fills me up without testing my vag’s limits, and that’s a surprisingly hard balance to strike.

It’s long enough to hit my A-spot – joy of joys! Vixen’s dual-density silicone formulation is softer than I generally prefer in an A-spot toy, so the blended orgasms it produces aren’t as intense as they might be if something firmer was rubbing against that spot, but that’s a minor quibble.

Here’s what I mean, though, when I say that this dildo can enhance partnered sex. As I’ve mentioned before, penis-in-vagina sex can give me a lot of anxieties, ranging from “Am I taking too long to come?” to “Is he getting tired?” to “Does my face look weird?” But to my chagrin, PIV still features prominently in my fantasy life. There are few things hotter to me than getting fucked deeply and thoroughly – and few things that make me come as hard. So you see my predic(k)ament. However, if and when I have a partner who’s cool with using a realistic dildo on me, I can reap many of the benefits of PIV, without nearly as many weird fears chipping away at my arousal. This is especially true if – as with my current partner – the person wielding the dildo is open to talking about it as if it were their actual cock. It’s a known fact that my boyfriend talking dirty about fucking me can get me off, no problem, and that becomes even more true when he’s slamming a silicone dick into my A-spot just right, again and again.

He enjoys fucking me with the Bandit, too, for similar reasons. Apparently when you use a dildo on someone that roughly matches your skin tone and, ideally, your cock’s dimensions, it’s easy to imagine that it is your cock. Many men have anxieties about not lasting “long enough” or staying “hard enough,” and I wish more of them would believe me when I tell them using dildos is a great way to deal with this. You can give someone exquisite pleasure with a toy – and you can also fuck them with parts of your actual body, before or after using the toy or even while you’re using it. (DP, anyone?) Not to mention, sex’s psychological and visual aspects are a big deal for many people, and you can derive a lot of those joys just as much from a dildo as you can from your dick.

Along similar lines… the Fleshlight Go Torque Ice is a masturbator that plays into exhibitionistic/voyeuristic desires and can make a solo act into a spectator activity. I requested it for my boyfriend because, as the “Ice” in its name denotes, it’s see-through. I’ve watched many amateur porn scenes where men jerked off into one of these things, and it always turns me on, for very simplistic reasons: I like dicks, and I like watching dicks experience pleasure and orgasm.

Granted, watching a cock through this Fleshlight isn’t like watching it through a plate glass window; it’s textured, so it visually distorts and obscures the dick to some degree. But you still get a better view than you would get if its user were using an opaque masturbator or even just their hand.

My partner reports that this toy fits his bigger-than-average cock well without feeling too tight (the same can’t be said for the Tenga 3D Spiral he previously bought and had to retire after several futile attempts to make it work). This is true in spite of the fact that the “Go” size is 7″, compared to the 9″ length of a standard Fleshlight. He likes the internal texture and says it works well for stroking, twisting, or both at once.

This toy has all the usual downsides reported by Fleshlight users, most annoyingly the need to dissemble and clean it pretty much immediately after use. You must always do this, and let it air-dry before reassembling it, unless you have a kink for getting mold on your dick. (Personally, I’d rather blow a fun guy than fungi.) My partner also notes that the plastic casing feels cheap, the “SuperSkin” material (thermoplastic elastomer) smells slightly weird, and air escaping from the toy creates an off-putting wheezing noise during use that can be distracting.

But overall, it’s a fave. He comes reliably hard using it, and says he reaches for it when he wants an orgasm that feels more like a mouth or a vag than his own lubed-up hand can approximate. That’s exactly what a masturbator aspires to achieve. Plus, in this case, letting me watch cum shoot out of my partner’s dick.

 

This post was sponsored, and Just Mindful sent me these products for my honest and unbiased reviews. Check out their masturbator collection and their realistic dildo collection for more like these! As always, all writing and opinions are my own (and, in this case, my boyfriend’s).

Review: Uberrime Night King

The email said, “I think we have something that may interest you. Finally, an A-spot toy.” It was from Savva at Peepshow Toys, and he had my fucking attention.

The A-spot, as you might know if you’re a dedicated reader here, is a crucial erogenous zone of mine, located deep inside the vagina, in front of the cervix. The problem Savva alluded to in his email is that there are remarkably few toys made for hitting that spot. My pal Kenton at Funkit Toys makes the Armadillo for this purpose, and I heard a rumor once that one of Fun Factory’s toys was designed with the A-spot in mind, but that’s about it. My fave toys for deep stimulation, like the G-Spoon and the Eleven, are not really meant to be pushed so deep, so they have their problems when used this way: not enough handle length to properly thrust with, for example, or a slightly too-wide head that can only burrow into the A-spot at certain finicky angles. It’s a sad state of affairs, but it’s the best I’ve got, for the most part.

The Uberrime Night King, though, is pretty indisputably an A-spot toy, which is why Savva thought of me when Peepshow started carrying it. It’s absurdly long for a dildo – 9″ total, 8″ insertable – so, much like the Tantus Uncut #1, it can get all the way inside me with a couple inches to spare for thrusting leverage. You could use this toy on your G-spot, but it would be an awkward feat for both hand and vag. It begs to fill up an orifice.

Uberrime is a company that popped onto my radar seemingly out of nowhere. They make individually handmade silicone dildos more beautiful than any I’ve seen in a long while. Peepshow carries various other Uberrime toys, and I hear good things about many of them, but the Night King is the one I’ve fallen head-over-A-spot for.

I first noticed this toy’s increasing indispensability in my sex toy collection when my Sir started commanding me to use it during phone sex more and more. He’s methodical about his toy choices for me, selecting the exact tools he knows will produce the sounds he wants to hear, or will satisfy a craving he can sense in me. (Yes, my boyfriend is a phone-sex genius.) From the very first time I used the Night King at his bidding, he told me he liked the sounds it brought out of me. They are A-spot sounds: deep, warmed-honey grunts, entirely different from my high-pitched G-spot squeaks or desperate clitoral wails. I know when a toy works well for me from how it feels, but I also trust my boyfriend’s opinion on this, since he listens to me much more intently during sex than I ever listen to myself – and he says I fucking love this toy.

He’s right. While I’m not normally a big fan of textured dildos, the swirly, vein-like ridges all over the Night King’s shaft feel delicious rubbing along my vaginal walls. But more importantly: the combination of the head, the coronal ridge, and the curve make this a stellar A-spot toy. Uncharacteristically for a dildo, the head of the Night King is slightly thinner than the 1.7″-wide shaft, and that barely-there taper allows the tip to slide right up into my reclusive A-spot, no problem. The dildo’s perfect upward curve guides it smoothly toward that spot; no cervix-jabbing here. And then there’s that magnificent coronal ridge – deep, but not sharp – providing a satisfying “popping” sensation every time the dildo moves in or out of the snug cul-de-sac in which my A-spot resides. I don’t know if Uberrime meant for this to be an A-spot dildo, but either way, they fuckin’ killed it.

Despite its vaguely extraterrestrial aesthetic, the Night King feels just dicklike enough that I can fantasize about dicks while I use it. (I mean, you can fantasize about dicks while you’re using any toy, or none at all, but I often like my toys to match my fantasies at least a little.) The dimensions of this one are in the same ballpark as my partner’s cock, and it hits my A-spot with similar aplomb, so this dildo is a mutual fave when m’dude and I have phone sex involving good ol’ PIV. Uberrime’s silicone is firm but with just enough squish to feel comfortable, so – much like flesh-and-blood dicks – the Night King feels absolutely decadent when it’s buried deep inside me while I come. Squeezing and clenching around something so simultaneously thick and spongy is… yum.

I like the Night King’s sturdy base, too. It’s easy to grip onto and thrust with – very important in a toy like this that makes me want to thrust a lot. One of my fave weird features of my Night King – which other ones probably don’t have, due to the handmade nature of these toys – is that there’s a little silver marking on the base which helps me keep the toy oriented the right way, with the curve pointed up. With a lot of other dildos, I’ll tend to rotate them slowly over time without noticing it, and often have to take them out and adjust their orientation; there’s no need to do so with the Night King, because I have a visual indicator right on the base.

The Night King is technically harness-compatible, what with that hefty base and exaggerated length; it will especially be a hit if your strap-on recipient likes getting fucked deep. But it’s also so long that it’ll tend to flop around in a harness. If you want something easier to control, I’d recommend one of Uberrime’s shorter toys, like the Splendid or the Essential. Or you could just deal with the floppiness. It won’t move around much once it’s buried deep inside someone, after all. (Cue vaginal drooling here.)

Being a sex toy snob of the highest order, I’m almost never this enamored with a new toy these days. But the Night King has worked its way into my regular rotation, because it’s just that fucking good. If you love deep penetration and can contend with this toy’s girth and texture, I think you’ll find this dildo heavenly. Finally, the sex toy industry has acknowledged us A-spot fiends. I hope this is the start of a trend!

 

Thanks so much to Peepshow Toys for sending me this toy to review! Check out their complete selection of Uberrime toys.

Review: Blush Novelties Avant Pride P1

There have been many debates on my social media timelines recently about objects’ aesthetics versus their usefulness. Some people say, for example, that there’s no reason to keep books once you’ve read them, because you’ve already absorbed the information therein, while others insist books are personal objects worth keeping and curating into visually pleasing collections. Some people tuck their lingerie, neatly folded, into drawers, while others proudly drape their silks and satins everywhere. Some people have a practical lamp hanging from their bedroom ceiling, while others – like me – have a fucking disco ball.

When it comes to sex toys, however, for the most part I am more interested in function than appearance. My favorite vibrators are the Magic Wand and Eroscillator, both widely considered some of the ugliest in the biz. My favorite dildos are made of glass, not because they’re gorgeous (though they are) but because they press firmly against my internal spots. I chose the simple black Liberator Throe, because I want it to keep squirt and blood off my sheets, not jazz up my decor. Y’know?

But when Tabu Toys offered me a product of my choice from their “lesbian sex toys” section (which, by the way, other types of people can use these toys, and lesbians can use other types of toys, and not all lesbians are cis women!), my eyes fixed immediately on the Blush Avant Pride P1 dildo. I had no idea if it would work for me, or for my partners. I just knew it looked gay as heck and I wanted it.

Pegging is still a relatively new thing for me, and wearing a cock still feels a little odd. It helps to use dicks that are glitzy and bright, dicks that make me feel aggressively girly, dicks that pointedly are not flesh-and-blood dicks. So I figured I would like strapping on the P1 and pushing it into my partner.

Before I go any further, I gotta say: this dildo is smaller than I was expecting. At only 6 inches total in length, it’s not ideal if you or your receiving partner are fans of deep penetration. Once you factor in the base and the harness, there’s really only about 5 inches of insertable length. That’s fine for hitting most G-spots and prostates, but it doesn’t give you a whole lotta leeway.

It has a big bump near the base that tops out at 1.4″ wide, but I feel it’s a bit oddly positioned: it doesn’t even go in unless I push almost uncomfortably deep, whether I’m pegging a partner or just fucking myself with this toy. The head is smaller, and it does press against good spots, but there’s no “wow” factor. It’s like someone is warming up my G-spot with one gentle finger, rather than pounding against it with two or three strong ones. My partner agreed: he said it didn’t leave him panting from prostate stimulation the way something made of steel or firmer silicone can, but it was enjoyable nonetheless.

The neck of the toy, too, leaves something to be desired. It’s nicely shaped – I like the way it gently tapers from the head, making my vag want to pull the toy deeper – but it’s just too floppy to make this dildo a decent G-spotter or prostate toy. Those spots tend to need firm touch, and the P1 bends under pressure.

All of that said – the aesthetics of this toy still appeal to me. I feel cute wearing it; I like seeing it on my nightstand; I dream of wearing it strapped into my red leather thigh harness to some kind of X-rated Pride event someday. It looks adorable sliding in and out of someone’s mouth, like a vibrant little lollipop. My partner likes how the colored stripes give you a way to measure how much of the toy you take on each try, so you can challenge yourself to take more: “I got up to blue this time!”

I admire that Blush offers high-quality silicone dildos at reasonable prices – this one is $45 – and that much of their marketing is relatively gender-neutral. This is a dildo I might recommend for someone who was new to prostate stimulation and/or pegging and wanted something comfortable and unintimidating; it’s just not going to be a go-to for people like me and my partner, who’ve already stuck a bunch of stuff in our holes and have grander visions for them now.

There should be more rainbow dicks in the world, is what I’m saying.

 

Thanks to Tabu Toys for sending me the Blush Novelties Avant Pride P1 to try! This review was sponsored, and as always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Fuze Foreman

“If my dick was a dildo, would you give it a good review?”

You can file this question under “things people ask sex toy reviewers that they would never think to ask anyone else.” You can also file it under “questions you should think carefully before answering truthfully.”

‘Cause let’s be real. Flesh-and-blood penises rarely hit my G-spot unrelentingly like the Pure Wand, stroke my A-spot thrillingly like the Tsunami, or fill me up like the Eleven. They don’t, because they can’t. It would be physiologically unthinkable. And that’s fine. Dicks are fantastic, and sex toys are fantastic, and there’s not a perfect overlap between their arenas of usefulness, but of course there wouldn’t be. Sex toys don’t respond to the touch of my tongue, moan in my ear, read my responses to discern what I’ll want next, call me a good girl, or smack me around. Sex toys are not the partner I want; they are tools that can be used by me, or by my partner(s), to give me particular sensations that I want. Human beings are more than the physical sensations they provide.

I bring this up to help explain: if the Fuze Foreman was a flesh-and-blood dick attached to someone I liked – or even a strap-on dick worn by someone I liked – I would adore it. But it’s not; it’s a piece of silicone I fuck myself with, and I have different standards for those than I do for phalluses cute people fuck me with.

In my orgasm spreadsheet (nerd!), the Foreman only appears in the “dildo” column alongside other dildos, never by itself. The reason for this: I get bored of it quickly, and switch to other toys in due course. Its 1.43″ diameter is small compared to the dildos I love most, and with just 5.5″ of useable length, it barely grazes my A-spot and can’t consistently stroke it in the way that I like.

It’s designed to look like an uncircumcised penis. Aesthetically, I appreciate this; in use, not so much. The “foreskin” makes the head of this dildo smoother and less pronounced than more G-spotty realistic dildos, so there’s none of that popping sensation that a more defined head provides for my G-spot. The Foreman feels okay, especially if I’m fantasizing about getting fucked by someone mega-cute, but there are so many other options that feel so much better to me. My vagina is a busy lady and has no time for subpar penetration.

However, I’m an optimist (a cocktimist?), so I found a silver lining: I loooove the Foreman for blowjobs. If you are in the market for a dildo to put in your mouth – whether it’s going to be strapped onto someone else at the time, or you just want the solo sensory satisfaction of suckin’ on a dong – realistic Fuze dildos are some of my favorites to suggest. The glossy-versus-matte ratio of their silicone feels fairly realistic, especially when wet and heated, and the various veins and imperfections are a treat for the tongue. I’ve been practicing my deepthroating on the Foreman recently, and it gives me a lot of the same pleasure I get from blowing a human. Plus it looks remarkably realistic in beej-themed cam shows and Snapchat clips.

Like many Fuze dildos, the Foreman is also optimized for strap-on play. It’s designed to angle upward in the way erect factory-installed dicks often do, and it’s got a ridged base so the wearer gets some clitoral friction during use. It’s even got a little hole at the base that a bullet vibe can go into… although, honestly, I mostly use that as a finger-hole while blowing this dildo, like it’s a bowling ball. (Or a “blowing” ball?! Har-de-har-har…)

When I want to get properly fucked by a silicone dick, I’ll still reach for my Mustang, Maverick, Sam, or Uncut. They all hit my spots more accurately and fill me up more satisfyingly than the Foreman does. But when I’m in the mood to suck a cock and there are no flesh-and-blood ones immediately available to me, I’m likelier to grab the Fuze Foreman than any of those other ones. It fits in my mouth like a dream. And it even shares a name with a certain hot doctor from House, M.D.!

 

Thanks very much to SheVibe for sending me this product to review!

Review: Godemiche Ambit

a pink glittery dildo!

The concept of penis envy has always mystified me. I have penis curiosity, sure. Penis intrigue. If someone offered me an hour in an alternate universe wherein I would have a dick and could receive a blowjob from, say, Olivia Wilde circa 2004, I would not say no. But I have never actively longed for a penis. At least, not one attached to me.

But the concept of a “femme cock” nonetheless stirred my interest. I’d read Artemisia and Melissa Broder rhapsodize the power of wielding a girly member. I kept an eye out for that perfect harness-and-dildo combo that would let me feel feminine as hell while strapping on. I cooed over harnesses by Velvet Nest and Tantus, and felt comfy rocking colorful dildos from Happy Valley and Vixen Creations. But then I fell in love with a pink Aslan Leather harness and a pink glittery Godemiche Ambit, and my perfect femme-cock combo was formed.

I’d previously tried Godemiche’s Adam, and while I liked it, it had no curve – and curves are important to me. So I was excited when Godemiche launched the Ambit, a gently sloping G-spot-focused dildo with a defined coronal ridge. My vagina ached for it, and even moreso when they told me they could custom-make one in their sparkly pink colorway.

Godemiche’s silicone is midway between hard and soft: I can fold this dildo in half, but it takes effort. It’s firmer than Vixen and Tantusdual-density silicones, but squishier than their regular silicone formulations. It’s a good happy medium for my G-spot, which usually likes being stroked but not being aggressively pounded.

a pink glittery dildo in a pink leather harness!

At 5.75″, the Ambit is long enough that it can reach my A-spot if I pull my knees to my chest and push the toy really deep – but that’s not really where it shines. This is primarily a toy for G-spot stimulation and it does that very well. The flat, angled head finds my spot with precision, and a well-lubed Ambit is easy for me to thrust in and out as fast as I like.

Sometimes, mid-masturbation, I start to crave something a bit bigger and more targeted than the Ambit – at which point I might switch to a tried-and-true fave like the Uncut or Adam. The Ambit has a 1.5″ diameter at its widest point, and I’m used to using toys in the 1.75″+ range. But on an average day, it feels plenty good enough on my G-spot to get me off, when paired with a decent clit vibe.

Because its head comes to a tapered point, the Ambit is also great for anal play. Its curve would make for some good prostate stimulation, I’d imagine. I like the gentle popping feeling as this toy’s big head slides into my ass, and the otherwise smooth shaft means it doesn’t overwhelm my butt with sensation.

While I wouldn’t say the Godemiche Ambit is a standout favorite dildo of mine, it’s good to have around for days when I want medium-intensity G-spot stim and don’t feel like being filled up with a massive cock. Plus it looks totally gorgeous when I strap it on – and I’d imagine it’ll look even prettier when I (eventually) fuck the vag/butt/mouth of someone adorable with it. It is truly my dream femme cock!