Review: Acmejoy Excellent Clitoral Sucking & Licking Stimulator

March 30, 2023March 30, 2023Kate Sloan

Is it just me, or is clitoral suction becoming a more and more popular theme in the worlds of both porn and sex toys lately? I feel like I’ve seen more and more discourse about it, on Reddit, in PornHub comment sections, in sex toy reviews, and so on.

I, for one, welcome this new wave of pro-suction sentiment, because it’s long been assumed (at least by toymakers and by many of the cis-het dudes I’ve hooked up with) that the oral technique preferred by most clits is some form of distanced tongue-flicking, the likes of which you might see in mainstream lesbian porn from the mid-oughts, and that’s just never done much for me. Get your whole face in there or don’t bother.

All this to say, I’m always intrigued by toys like the Acmejoy Excellent Clitoral Sucking & Licking Stimulator, toys which make use of clitoral suction in interesting ways. Let’s get into it…

What is the Acmejoy Excellent Clitoral Sucking & Licking Stimulator?

This toy has two functions. One of them, as mentioned, is suction – and I mean literal suction, not the pressure-wave stimulation found in toys by Womanizer, Satisfyer, etc. that can sometimes feel a bit like suction. No, this thing actually encases your clit in a little bell-shaped “mouth” and then sucks air out of the chamber created between your skin and the mouth, similarly to what a clit pump does, only not as intensely.

The other function this toy has is “licking.” There’s a little silicone tongue inside its mouth, which moves up and down rapidly to replicate a tongue-flicking feeling. There are 10 licking modes (3 steady speeds + 7 patterns) and 5 sucking modes (I’ll get into those in more detail below). The two functions can be used on their own or separately.

As with any toy that attempts to feel like oral, you’re gonna want to use a lot of (water-based) lube with this one, or it just won’t feel how it’s meant to feel.

Things I like about this toy

Well, the main thing to know is that it can actually make me come, a rare quality amongst toys that aim to simulate cunnilingus. I mean, heck, actual cunnilingus can’t consistently get me off, because my clit is a spoiled princess with very particular needs, so I don’t usually expect mechanical simulacrums of the act to be able to get me off either. The suction function’s first mode, which is the only one I enjoy (more on that in the “don’t like” section), feels remarkably similar to when my partner sucks on my clit – it’s a mode in which the suction is briefly increased, then released, at a rhythmic tempo of about 84 beats per minute. This is definitely the main thing that got me off, as the licking function is just okay, not great (for my particular body, anyway), while the suction not only boosts my arousal by pulling more blood into my clit, but also physically strokes it, as the toy’s “mouth” narrows and widens slightly around my clit with every suck. I found that I could get off after just a few minutes of using this toy, provided I found the right angle/placement and paired it with cunnilingus-based fantasies or porn. Yay, orgasms!
Each of the toy’s two functions can be controlled separately, which is great because sometimes I want to turn up the intensity of the licking while leaving the suction on the same mode, or vice-versa.
The “licking” is cool – the tongue actually physically moves up and down, rather than just vibrating, so it can create a somewhat authentic licking sensation when well-lubed, although it’s way faster than most humans would be able to lick.
The variety of licking patterns available is surprisingly good – there are steady rhythms at various paces, and some modes that ramp up gradually in speed. A lot of these modes feel akin to what an actual human might do with their tongue, albeit much more standardized/robotic.
The toy is well-shaped and sized – it feels relatively ergonomic to hold and to operate, feels neither too heavy nor insubstantially light, and can easily be held between my thighs if I want to use it hands-free.
I love that they chose to go with a large, wide mouth, unlike some pressure-wave toys which have tiny little nozzles that can only fit the tip of a small-to-medium-sized clit. This toy will fit a much wider array of clit sizes than those toys will; I even think it would fit many transmasculine folks’ testosterone-expanded anatomy. Inclusivity is a good thing!
At only $34.99, I think this toy is reasonably priced for the quality of its construction and design. It’s one of the least expensive cunnilingus simulators I might actually recommend to a reader or friend.

Things I don’t like about this toy

My biggest issue with this toy is that there is only one suction setting that is steadily rhythmic, the way I tend to want my clit sucked. The second mode is just steady, unbroken suction – good for if you are trying to get yourself turned on, or just want to focus on the licking without being distracted by rhythmic suction. The other suction modes are either sporadic/erratic or just way too slow for me to even dream of getting off with. It was frustrating to wish, at levels of high arousal, that there was a faster or firmer rhythmic suction setting to help get me over the edge more easily and more pleasurably.
The “tongue” is not positioned where I want it to be positioned. It’s located low in the mouth of the toy, which I guess makes sense because human tongues are located on the bottom of the mouth. But this means that it ends up flicking upward onto the exposed tip of my clit, which is way too sensitive for that kind of treatment, rather than downward onto my clitoral hood, the way I prefer to be stimulated. The tongue is also pretty short, and not angled toward where my clit tends to sit when the mouth is positioned where the suction feels best for me, so there were a lot of times during testing when the tongue wasn’t making contact with my clit at all.
When the tongue does make contact with my clit, I find that it slows down significantly when any pressure is applied, sometimes to the point that it feels like it’s stopped completely.
There’s an “exhaust” hole on the back of the toy, where the air that’s been sucked out of the mouth is expelled. I asked my Twitter followers if anyone had the physics expertise to comment on this, and they don’t think covering this hole is dangerous to the user – it just seems to weaken the suction and stress out the motor, if anything. But I do find it annoying that the hole is positioned in a place where you could easily accidentally cover it with your fingers while holding the toy.
There’s no quick-release button for the suction, which is a safety issue. If I turn the toy off at a moment when the suction is at its height, it just… stays that way… which some people might enjoy in some situations, but which becomes a problem if, say, your toy dies mid-use and you have to figure out how to get it off of you. (Lube could help, but I still think all suction toys should have a manual quick-release button.)
Having to cycle through all of a function’s 5-10 modes using only one button is as annoying as it always is, i.e. very.
The toy is only IPX5 waterproof, meaning that you can wash it briefly in the sink but can’t take it in the bath. I like bathtub masturbation so this always disappoints me.

Final thoughts

When testing this toy, I made the note, “If this was a nicer version of itself, I would use it a lot.” I know that sounds silly – isn’t that true of most toys?! – but what I mean is, this toy gives me a glimpse of what it could feel like if it was designed and engineered better, and I deeply wish that that version of the toy existed, because as-is, it feels just good enough to get me off.

I found that there were simply too many annoyances and issues for me to really feel relaxed while using it, plus I kept wanting to be able to increase the speed or intensity of the suction and then remembering there is only one steadily rhythmic suction mode. It’s like having a partner who’s incredibly good at cunnilingus… except that they can only do it at one moderate speed/intensity and never escalate their efforts as you get closer to coming. Like, yeah, I can get off that way, eventually, but it’s not gonna happen as easily or feel as good.

I would be more than willing to pay upwards of $80 for a toy that did what this toy does, but had more suction modes, a better-placed tongue, a motor that can stand up to pressure, and an exhaust hole that won’t constantly get in my way. Since this toy only costs $35, I’d say that if my description of it intrigued you, and you’re on the more sensitive side of the spectrum, it’d be worth a shot. But it’s just not quite what I wanted it to be… although maybe that’s because I really just wanted it to feel like my partner’s mouth, and I think the technology has still got a long ways to go before that’ll be possible.

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Things That Surprised Me About Camming

March 29, 2023March 29, 2023Kate Sloan

I haven’t done a lot of cam shows, but there was a period in my life where I was being paid to do them once or twice a month or so, and even had regular clients who would book my services again and again. It wasn’t my favorite way to make money, but it did indeed make money, and was certainly much better than some other gigs I could’ve taken, so it made sense to do it when the opportunity arose.

However, despite having long admired the work of cam performers (like those on AnaCams.com) as well as other online sex workers, there were things about camming that I just couldn’t have known until I was doing it myself. Here are a few of those things.

1. There sure are a lot of time-wasters.

This is a common complaint you’ll see if you follow any sex workers on social media, but I didn’t truly understand how annoying and disheartening these time-wasters are until I experienced them for myself.

A classic example is the person who, still to this day, sends me emails every so often, asking me what my rate would be for a cam show in which I’d wear “closed-toe business shoes” on camera. Every time this person emails me, I politely send them my rates, along with a note that if they have a specific style of shoe in mind that my current collection does not contain, they are welcome to buy me a pair and I’ll wear them during the show. And every single time, this person neglects to email me back, likely because (if my 15+ years of dealing with internet creeps have taught me anything) they are jerking off to the fantasy of what they have requested, but don’t get off as much on the actual follow-through. Sigh. Please don’t be like this person.

2. Cam show prices are variable.

As with many services, while there is a range of standard rates that clients may be more used to, there’s no rule that says you have to charge a standard rate. It’s all about managing supply versus demand and setting a price that doesn’t scare away too many clients but that also respects your time and labor.

Back then, I was always scared of overcharging, thinking that clients would see me as entitled or self-important if I charged “more than I was worth.” But many of these clients had sought me out because they liked me and me specifically, so I imagine they would have been willing to pay more than the relatively low amount I charged. These days I wouldn’t do a cam show for less than $300, but that’s because a) I don’t really like doing them that much and b) I know that it’s okay to set a rate that feels good and tell clients to take it or leave it, provided that I have the privilege (as I fortunately do) to be able to make ends meet either way.

3. Not everyone wants to see you do explicitly sexy stuff.

I had regulars who preferred, for example, to hear me tell stories about sex I’d had with other people. This makes sense, given that I tell sex stories for a living (albeit usually in other mediums) and would therefore tend to attract people who are into that.

I liked doing this type of show, because it didn’t require me to take my clothes off and touch myself for a stranger – something that I sometimes found fun but sometimes found terrifyingly vulnerable – and because it made me feel powerful to recount tales of being desired, pursued, and fucked, all while a stranger was paying me for the privilege of hearing these stories.

4. Sometimes it’s educational.

One of my favorite regulars was a newly-out-as-queer woman who wanted to learn more about how vulvas worked – anatomy, sexual responses, preferred types of stimulation, etc. Since I’m deeply passionate about sex education (and, arguably, much better at it than I am at being sexy on camera), I delighted in explaining this stuff to her, and was thrilled every time she booked another show.

These days I’d be interested in doing kink education or live sex toy reviews on cam, if someone paid me enough to make it worth my while. Edu-tainment at its finest!

5. Sometimes there’s orgasms.

I had initially assumed I would be faking a lot of my cam-show orgasms because I usually just can’t get off within a 15-minute window, especially if I’m aware of the proverbial clock ticking and I’m naked in front of a total stranger. Hello, anxiety!

But while I certainly did fake some orgasms during my shows (mainly in situations where the client had asked me to do something that definitely wasn’t gonna get me off, but there seemed to be an implicit expectation that it would), I also had many real ones on cam. This was particularly likely to happen if a client’s sole instruction was, “Do whatever feels good for you, and I’ll watch.” I’d grab my favorite toys du jour and go to town on myself. Sure, sometimes I had to totally tune out my surroundings and fill my head with fantasies in order to get there – but whenever I did, I was always proud of myself, and (naturally) left the session glowing with endorphins. Yay orgasms!

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bestvibe Glans 10 Vibration 3 Thrusting Cock Ring Anal Dildo

March 27, 2023March 29, 2023mb

Note from Kate: Here’s a toy review written by my spouse!

Which is better: being a jack of all trades, or a master of one? There’s a long-running debate in the business world about whether it’s more advantageous to be a career generalist or a specialist. There’s even a buzzword for people who do both: “T-shaped people.” Come to think of it, that sounds a little like the shape of a good butt plug, doesn’t it?

But when it comes to sex toys, most multifunction products disappoint me by doing everything just a bit worse than their single-purpose counterparts, and not making up for it in the combination of their features.

That was my biggest concern when last month, Kate asked me to review the Bestvibe Glans 10 Vibration 3 Thrusting Cock Ring Anal Dildo. That name – what a mouthful (assfull?)!

This toy styles itself a 4-in-1, which is a lot of trades to jack off, or rather, to be a jack of. It’s a butt plug, it’s a cock ring, it’s a thruster, and it’s a perineum stimulator – all things I frequently crave on their own but have never tried all at once. So, of course, I agreed to review it. I had to know what this toy would feel like; the combination of a thrusting plug and a cock ring was too hard to pass up.

The Bestvibe Glans (as I nicknamed it) is a 1.7″-thick, 4.5″-long, black silicone butt plug. It’s shaped like an idealized penis with a prominent head, textured neck, and prostate-targeting coronal ridge. The plug’s base extends 6.69 inches (nice) and ends in a 1.3” stretchy cock ring. The IPX6-waterproof toy arrives in a crinkly storage bag with a small battery-powered remote and USB charging cable. The plug takes around 2 hours to charge and can run for an hour or so straight.

Since this toy does four things, I’ll discuss them individually and how they work together.

Butt Plug

First and foremost, this toy is a butt plug. And as a butt plug, the Glans is stellar. Its soft silicone, manageable girth, pleasant weight, and flared base made it easy to insert and wear during play. Even covered in plenty of water-based lube, it stayed in place perfectly during my testing sessions, thanks to the rippled base and pronounced tip.

While the plug doesn’t have a prominent curve like an Aneros or Pfun for intense P-spotting, its glans gave my prostate plenty of pressure and pleasure when I squeezed around it, even before I turned the toy on.

Thruster

But wait, it thrusts! Many of the best thrusters on the market are made for folks with vulvas, so I’ve long been envious of toys that do the thrusting for you, and this toy absolutely fucks.

After turning it on by holding the power button on the toy’s base or the included remote, the toy both vibrates and thrusts. Keyword: “both,” because there’s no way to disable thrusting while it vibrates, or to have it just thrust without the vibration. That’s A-okay with me because the two sensations feel amazing paired together.

As you tap the one button on the toy or the +/− buttons on the remote, the cock springs to life and cycles through its three thrusting speeds, topping out at 100 thrusts per minute. The plug telescopes 0.4” back and forth, which may not sound like a lot, but feels highly satisfying as you feel the base stimulate the anus while the head hits the P-spot. After a while, I could sense how the friction had excited both my prostate and my hole. The drag eventually led to a pleasurable heat that reminded me of getting fucked by a partner with a strap-on.

The downside here is the controls. The only way to change which vibration pattern you’re using is to also increase or decrease the thrusting speed. Independent controls for these two functions would have made it much easier and less frustrating to use. It sucks to loop all the way around and get fucked too fast or slow just to switch up the vibration.

Cock Ring

Oh, right, it’s also a cock ring. The ring has a 1.3” diameter with no adjustability other than stretch. While it’s impossible to make a cock ring that will fit all bodies, I think adjustability is important because dicks come in all shapes and sizes and even can vary in girth and firmness by the day.

I typically use cock rings for a few reasons: to increase the hardness and sensitivity of my erections, to make my orgasms stronger, and to last longer while penetrating. This cock ring worked well to increase sensitivity but wasn’t as good at boosting firmness as harder rings with tighter fits, and I don’t think it’d help me with stamina because of all that anal stimulation.

While the manufacturer suggests slipping the ring just around the base of the penis, I found I enjoyed it a lot more when I used it how I use most cock rings: around both the penis and the scrotum, which also helped with fit and comfort.

Perineum Stimulator

This t’aint it.

This toy’s claimed perineum stimulation amounts to a hilariously tiny section of the connecting silicone covered in a bumpy texture that theoretically rubs against your taint while the toy fucks you. In my testing, no matter how I wore the plug and ring, there was no way this was going to press my perineum, and even if it did, its texture and the vibrations that reached it were far too subtle to provide any noticeable stimulation. My perineum, and the prostate accessible through it, respond best to either deep pressure or sensual stroking, and these tiny ineffectual bumps provide neither. I wish they had just left them out.

It’s All Coming Together

The Bestvibe Glans is a great butt plug, a powerful anal thruster and vibrator, and a pretty good cock ring if it fits your dick. But it truly shines when those separate functions work in combination. The plug provides a feeling of fullness, the thruster/vibrator fucks your ass and rubs your P-spot, and as it does, the cock ring tugs on your junk to keep you hard and sensitive for additional stimulation. The blending of all those sensations made it very easy to make myself come with this toy without even needing to touch myself or penetrate anything with my dick, which can feel gender euphoric for me, in addition to just being a fun time.

In addition to trying this toy and having fast, intense orgasms with it as advertised, I also took it for a spin under the dominance of my Keyholder while locked in a chastity cage and forbidden to come. Neither of us was sure if the ring would fit around both the steel cock cage and my balls, but its stretchiness made that a breeze. If you’re into orgasm control and denial, it can be super fun to hand the remote of this toy to your dominant partner and let them fuck you with it while you can’t touch your cock. Not to mention all the other fantasies this toy could enable: a “threesome” where you’re fucked by a hard cock while you use yours to fuck another partner, a dominant who distracts you by remotely rubbing your prostate and keeping you erect while you orally service them, or even as a way to have strap-on sex while you’re all alone or away from your partner.

At less than $50 USD, I strongly recommend this toy to just about anyone with a prostate and a penis who likes them both stimulated simultaneously. The Bestvibe Glans taught me an important lesson: not all multifunction sex toys are bad, and even when their individual parts do have flaws, the combination of different sensations within one object can be a huge benefit all on its own. Fewer things to buy, charge, pack, clean, and coordinate during sex. If you’ll excuse me, I gotta put this thing back to work. I have, uhh, many different jobs for it to do.

This post was sponsored, meaning we were paid to write a fair and honest review of the product.

Review: Fun Factory Bootie Fem

March 23, 2023September 2, 2023Kate Sloan

Fun Factory is one of my all-time favorite sex toy companies. They make cute, colorful toys that generally perform very well, whether we’re talking about a rumbly G-spot vibrator, a harness-ready silicone dildo, or an innovative pulsator.

One of their most recent releases is the Bootie Fem, a butt plug. I’ve been testing it out over the past few weeks and am overall a fan, though I definitely have my quibbles with the product. Let’s talk about it!

What is the Fun Factory Bootie Fem?

Fun Factory has a line of “Bootie” butt plugs which I’ve recommended to beginners of all genders and anatomies for many years, because of their newbie-friendly shape and dimensions (depending, of course, on which size you go with). The Bootie Fem is a different product altogether, designed specifically to be worn by people with vaginas. (Could people who don’t have a vagina use it, though? Certainly!)

Its insertable length is 3.35 inches and its diameter tops out at 1.14 inches, so it’s appropriate for beginners but can also be enjoyed by users with more anal experience. (I’m somewhere in the middle – I usually use a butt plug a couple times a month or so, but don’t often do much anal play beyond that.)