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Review: Magic Wand Mini

Kate Sloan

The Magic Wand franchise turns 54 this month. Yep! Can you believe it? In 1968, around this time, a vibrator was being launched that no one knew was going to change the world. In fact, it seems that no one knew it was even a vibrator; for decades after its launch, the toy’s makers, Hitachi, still insisted it was merely a “body massager.”

Brief primer on Hitachi Magic Wand history (which someone should really pay me to write a book about one of these days – don’t think I haven’t pitched it!): While officially billed as a non-sexual device, the Magic Wand’s popularity for pleasure first picked up steam in the late great Betty Dodson’s legendary masturbation workshops, so I’ve been told. The story goes (and I believe it to be true) that she would hand out wands to each workshop participant when the time came, and that many of them had their lives changed in an instant by their first taste of genital vibration. In the years since, the Magic Wand has gained nicknames like “the Cadillac of vibrators,” has showed up in countless porn videos (especially those featuring queer performers), and has become one of the most instantly recognizable vibrators in the world.

There was some drama around 2015 when Hitachi almost pulled the plug (so to speak) on producing the wand anymore. I don’t know why for certain, but I’ve been told by sources in the know that the company is relatively conservative and didn’t like having their name associated with a world-famous sex toy. An American sex toy distributor called Vibratex, then best known for their Rabbit Habit vibrator which was featured in a memorable episode of Sex & the City, stepped in and offered to take over marketing and distribution of the wand. They also overhauled the mechanics, making the toy safer (it had previously been known to overheat or even burst into flames) and adding a rechargeable version to the lineup but otherwise leaving it as close to the original as possible. As far as I’m aware, still to this day, the wand is physically produced by Hitachi but officially it is a Vibratex product.

(If you’re wondering why I know all this, it’s because in my last year of journalism school, they let me spend a semester writing a feature story on anything I wanted, and I wrote it on the Magic Wand. In the process, I interviewed, among other people, Vibratex’s VP and several people who had owned multiple wands, having immediately bought a new one when their old one died. Some interviewees even allowed me to sit in on real-life sex or masturbation sessions where they used their wands; I sat in the corner fully clothed with a notebook and pen, rapt. Truly don’t know why my professors let me do this but hey, it led me here.)

Anyway, I bring this up because there’s a new member of the Magic Wand family: the Magic Wand Mini. And it’s fucking ADORABLE.

Before we get into pros and cons, let’s briefly go over the basic differences between the Mini and the other versions, so we know what we’re talking about here.

  • The Magic Wand Mini is rechargeable, like the Magic Wand Rechargeable. It does not plug into the wall like the Magic Wand Original or Magic Wand Plus (except when it’s charging, obviously).
  • The original wand is around 12″ long; the Mini is only 9.6″ long.
  • Of course, it’s also lighter – 9.7 oz, which is less than half of what the other wands weigh.
  • The Magic Wand Mini’s head is made of silicone, like that of the Magic Wand Rechargeable and Magic Wand Plus – as opposed to being made of porous vinyl (which is a health hazard and also just gross), like that of the Magic Wand Original.
  • The Mini uses a different charger than the Magic Wand Rechargeable.
  • The Mini does not have vibration patterns, as the Magic Wand Rechargeable does – it only has steady speeds.
  • The Mini has 3 different vibration speeds, as opposed to the Original which has 2, and the Rechargeable and Plus, which both have 4.
  • Unlike the Rechargeable, the Mini cannot be used while it’s charging – so if your wand dies mid-session, you’re out of luck. It has battery life indicators though.

Okay, now let’s talk about what I actually think of this vibrator, shall we?

 

Things I like about this vibrator

  • First of all, I have to commend Vibratex for keeping the exact same aesthetic and basic proportions as the original wand, just in miniaturized form. I truly cannot overstate how cute this toy is. It’s like if someone made a Magic Wand for a doll. (Uhhh, that actually sounds like a very kinky dollification scene I need to do, like, yesterday.) It might not have quite the same appeal if you’ve never seen an original Magic Wand in person, but every sex toy nerd to whom I’ve showed this toy has shouted “IT’S SO CUUUUUTE!!” because it really fucking is.
  • The first speed of this toy rules. Vibratex should be very proud of this speed; as far as vibration speeds go, it is primo. It’s got a lot of rumble to it, and is strong enough to get me off easily on an average day, provided I use it in ways that work for me (more on that below). There are very few vibrators that can comfortably make me come on their lowest speed; one of the only other ones is the Magic Wand Rechargeable. So, at least on this one speed, Vibratex has succeeded in evoking a full-size wand experience in a smaller package. The rumbliness is such that I can definitely feel it in my internal clit, whether I’m holding it on the external part or even just my outer labia. This leads to orgasms every bit as intense – and almost as reliable and easy to achieve – as those I expect from other Magic Wands. I should note here, though, that I’m not a person who commonly uses wildly strong vibrators on high settings to get off. I think diehard fans of true power would be vastly disappointed by this toy (more on that in the “things I dislike” section).
  • One of my fundamental problems with full-size Magic Wands is that they cause some temporary numbness if I leave them in one place for a while. I prefer to move them around my vulva, staying in one spot for a minute or two and then packing up and moving on like a circus runaway. Granted, this is true of most vibrators, but it becomes more obvious with big wands because they’re so heavy that moving them around becomes a chore. But the Magic Wand Mini is much more nimble, and it makes a noticeable difference: I can move it around my inner and outer labia, come at my clit from various different angles, use it to stimulate my vaginal opening or perineum, etc. and my arm doesn’t get tired. As a person with chronic pain and strength issues in my hands/arms, I really appreciate that the wand is less than half the weight of the original.
  • When I use a regular-size Magic Wand, I usually tilt it so that only the corner/edge of the head is against my bits. This is because I like more pinpointed clit stimulation than the full width of the head can offer. The Magic Wand Mini is sufficiently small that I don’t really have to do this, and can target specific areas of my vulva as needed.
  • The smaller form factor would also make this toy better for using during PIV, I suspect. (Tragically, I cannot find out at the moment because my partner is 500 miles away from me.) I do notice that the vibrations are slightly dampened when pressure is applied to the head of the toy – which, incidentally, may also be an issue for people who like to push vibrators very firmly against their body – but it’s not so much as to cause problems for me. I’d still be likelier to use this in rear-entry positions, though, because wands – however petite and adorable – are just not well-suited for missionary.
  • Speaking of my partner being 500 miles away from me – I do a fair amount of travel (or did, when there wasn’t a pandemic happening), so I appreciate a wand I can comfortably fit in a purse or small suitcase. I think this would be a terrific vibe for hotel sex.
  • The buttons are super intuitive. There’s a power button and “plus” and “minus” buttons, which all do what you’d expect them to do. They make a satisfying click when pressed, but require just enough force to do so that I never press one accidentally. Kudos, Vibratex.
  • There’s some flexibility in the neck, similar to the amount offered by the Rechargeable. I’d still be worried I’d break it if I bent it too far, but it flexes enough to be comfortable when you’re applying pressure. This isn’t super important to me because I don’t apply much pressure when I use vibrators, but I know a lot of people feel strongly about this.

Things I don’t like about this vibrator

  • It has to be said: the vibrations are not as powerful or as rumbly as you may be used to if you’re a Magic Wand fan. The first setting is excellent, but the other two are pretty disappointingly buzzy – so, even though they supposedly have the same RPM (revolutions per minute) as the original wand, they just don’t feel as impactful and can cause temporary numbness. I think this probably has a lot to do with the smaller size of the toy, not just the motor.
  • Like all the Magic Wands, it’s kind of loud. It’s certainly quieter than the high settings of any other Magic Wand, but it has a shrillness to its tone that makes the noise seem louder somehow, even if, decibels-wise, it’s not. I don’t like using this vibe late at night, for example, lest it disturb my roommate… through a wall. (I have anxiety and some past trauma around being punished for being disruptively noisy, though, so take this with a big ol’ grain of salt.)
  • This wand won’t work with most classic Magic Wand accessories/attachments, because of its smaller size. Some companies do make attachments for smaller wands, though. Those made for the Le Wand Petite or the Mystic Wand, for example, should fit the Magic Wand Mini, albeit maybe slightly tightly or loosely.
  • I miss being able to use the toy while it’s charging, like you can with the Magic Wand Rechargeable.

 

Final thoughts

I’ve tried a bunch of smaller wands – including the buzzy-AF Le Wand Petite and the gorgeous Bodywand Midnight – and the Magic Wand Mini certainly ranks as one of the best. Vibratex and Hitachi clearly both care about vibration quality and have tried to make a smaller toy that still does the Magic Wand name proud, by prioritizing motor quality and strength above any extraneous bells and whistles.

It just seems that the smaller size and lighter weight of the Mini make its vibrations feel too buzzy on the higher end of the speed spectrum. I might use one of those two higher speeds as a “finisher” – there are times when it takes a dash of buzz to push me over the edge – but the first speed is really the only one that satisfies me in the way that Magic Wands usually do. It’s a damn good speed, but it wouldn’t be strong enough for true power aficionados, who’d be better off sticking with full-size wands.

I would pick up the Magic Wand Mini instead of a larger wand if I was having a pain flare-up or just feeling lazy, because it’s much easier to maneuver around my vulva. I’d also reach for it if I wanted a wand to use during penetrative sex. I would not, however, use it if I was craving a lot of power or a lot of rumble – the Magic Wand Rechargeable is still king for that. But, I mean, look at this cute little wand. It’s doing its best. And I think its best is pretty decent.

 

Thanks to LuxuryVibrators.ca for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Bubblefunny Bubble Flower Beauty

Kate Sloan

As a big fan of receiving cunnilingus (what a great way to start a blog post), I have tried many an oral sex simulator in my time.

They have licked and flapped and sucked, some skilfully, some less so. But I never give up hope that the next one will be the one that really does feel like getting head from a talented and enthusiastic lover. It hasn’t happened yet, but hey, tomorrow is a new day.

That said, this latest addition to my collection of cunnilingus simulators – the Bubblefunny Bubble Flower Beauty – actually surprised me with how close it got to feeling like the real thing.

(There’s a coupon code at the end of this post incase you want to buy your own, FYI!)

 

What is the Bubble Flower Beauty and what does it do?

The whimsically-named Bubble Flower Beauty is a dual-stimulation toy: there’s a mechanized silicone tongue on one end, and a phallus on the other end that thrusts and vibrates; between the two is a flexible silicone cord.

Bubblefunny recommends various different uses for it, including slipping the thruster into your vag while the tongue teases your butthole, but I think the main usage the toy designers had in mind was probably having the tongue stimulate the user’s clit while the thruster pleasures their G-spot. (That’s the only way I chose to test this toy, anyway. I’ve got nothing against rimjobs, I just didn’t want one from a robot.)

 

Things I like about this toy:

  • Firstly and most importantly, I actually love the tongue. It’s made of soft silicone with just enough flexibility to feel comfortable and just enough firmness to feel impactful. (Cunnilinguists-in-training, take note.) I won’t say it feels like a real human’s tongue, both texturally and size-wise, but it is in that general neighborhood of sensations. It starts at a pretty fast speed – like, way faster than any partner of mine would ever start licking me – but it slows down slightly with pressure, which I found actually felt better for me.
  • The design of the toy allows you to move the tongue around your clit while you’re using it, so you can stimulate the tip, the sides, the hood, etc. as your whims dictate. I strongly prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, so I love being able to switch up the toy’s location, turn it upside-down, and so on, to get the type of stimulation I’m craving. In some ways, I think that more advanced cunnilingus simulators have failed by trying to replicate the dynamic motions of a human; being able to hit the exact right spots yourself, exactly when you need to, can be better than having a machine try to guess where they are.
  • The orgasms actually remind me a lot of the orgasms I have from real oral sex. There’s a similar slow build, and a similar sense of teetering on the precipice of coming for longer than usual before going over the edge. However, as with real cunnilingus, I find that this toy works best if I maximize my sensitivity before I use it, by taking a break from vibrators and/or orgasms for at least a day, shaving my pubes, holding my outer labia open, smoking weed, or some combination thereof. It’s not quite enough to get me off if I’ve had an orgasm recently or if I’ve used strong vibes in the past day or so.
  • Although there are only three steady speeds (more on that below), the tongue’s motions do get noticeably faster and harder when I click up to the next speed.
  • This toy is waterproof! Hooray!
  • It comes with a cute black velvet storage bag that doesn’t shed lint all over the toy, like cheap storage bags tend to do. Nice touch.

 

Things I don’t like about this toy:

  • The tongue often doesn’t quite feel powerful enough to get me off, especially since it slows down when pressure is applied to it. I find that I always have to either thrust against the toy or rub it up and down or in circles against my clit, or I won’t be able to get off. That said, sometimes I thrust my hips during actual cunnilingus for the same reason, so maybe it’s just authentic like that.
  • Both the tongue and the thruster only have three steady speeds, followed by seven patterns. As someone who uses steady speeds almost exclusively, I find this disappointing. And sometimes orgasm-ruining, if I hit a button by accident while already on the third steady speed.
  • Speaking of buttons, there are only two of them. Two is better than one in this case, certainly, but it’d be really great if it had four: an “increase intensity” button and a “decrease intensity” button for each part of the toy. I hate having to cycle through all the patterns to get back to the speed I was using before.
  • My preferred way to use the tongue is upside-down, because that way it’s licking downward on my clitoral hood, rather than flicking upward against the hypersensitive head of my clit. However, when used this way, the buttons are on the opposite side of the toy from you, which makes it tricky to hit the right one in the heat of the moment.
  • The thruster tends to slip out of me during use, especially if things are especially lubed-up down there. I would actually recommend using less lube than you normally would, or perhaps even none at all, on the thruster part of the toy, to give it a better shot at staying inside you.
  • The cord is just slightly too short (for my anatomy, anyway), so I often find myself accidentally tugging the thruster out of my vag while I’m adjusting the tongue.
  • The vibration of the thruster is pretty damn buzzy. I actually think I’d like the thruster better if it was just thrusting and not vibrating, since the buzzy-as-fuck vibration kind of mutes the sensation of thrusting. But you can’t separate the two in this toy; they’re a package deal.
  • So far as I can tell, once you’ve activated either part of the toy, there’s no way to turn it off without turning off the whole toy, which takes a few seconds. So, for example, if you decided mid-session that you wanted to shut off the thruster and just focus on the tongue, there would be no quick and easy way to do that.
  • You have to put a fuckton of lube on your vulva before you use the tongue, or it’ll feel like receiving head from a Tinder boy who’s baffled by vulvas and has a dry mouth from smoking too much weed. (Can neither confirm nor deny that this has happened to me.) When testing this toy, I’ve mostly used a coconut oil-based lube I’ve been loving lately, and I actually think natural oil-based lubes (if you’re not too prone to getting infections from them) are the best pick for this type of toy, because they won’t react poorly with silicone toys like silicone-based lubes do, and they won’t dry up every few minutes like water-based lubes do.
  • The product page says that this toy sucks and licks, but there is no sucking to speak of. I tried pressing the toy firmly enough against my vulva that it would have created a seal if any suction was indeed happening, and all it did was slow down the tongue enormously.

 

Final thoughts:

I know I had a lot of critical things to say about the Bubblefunny Bubble Flower Beauty, but it actually is one of the better oral sex simulators I’ve tried. It gets me off (usually), and the orgasms feel, if not as good as those that happen in my partner’s mouth, at least somewhere in that direction.

I wish the thruster portion of the toy had been executed better – it feels like an afterthought, with its buzzy vibrations and tendency to shimmy out of my vagina – but the tongue part of this toy is really the star of the show anyway. I would happily use a version of this toy that was just the tongue. Sometimes you just need a little oral action, and head from a silicone gadget is better than no head at all.

 

Thanks to Bubblefunny for sending me this toy to review! You can use the code “GJ20” to get 20% off anything on their website. Maybe you want a wand vibrator shaped like a person? Or perhaps a clitoral stimulator that looks like a moon? This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Busting 5 Common Myths About the G-Spot

Kate Sloan

The G-spot is one of the most misunderstood parts of sexual anatomy, so let’s dive into some of the most common G-spot myths and why they’re total garbage!

 

Myth #1: G-spot stimulation is always pleasurable for everybody who has a G-spot.

Here’s a pro tip when it comes to sex: literally any sentence that begins with “everyone likes…” or “no one likes…” is false. So, although the G-spot is often framed as this holy grail of pleasure for many people with vulvas, it’s important to know that it’s not a magic button that you can just press and expect fireworks.

Many people – including me, at one point – find G-spot stimulation uncomfortable, annoying, or even painful. This doesn’t automatically mean they won’t find penetration pleasurable at all, though; there are other internal erogenous zones worth exploring, such as the A-spot and the posterior fornix.

 

Myth #2: It’ll feel good from the get-go.

I especially need cis men to understand this: please do not start poking ‘n’ stroking the G-spot of someone who is not already turned on, unless you know for a fact that they want you to do so.

Like many other erogenous zones, the G-spot typically responds best to stimulation that happens once you’re already aroused, both physically and mentally. For me personally, it really is the difference between “ow ow ow stop that right now” and “oh my god please never stop.”

Get turned on (or get your partner turned on) using whatever methods reliably work for you. For most vulva-owners, this will involve some amount of clitoral stimulation – and in many cases it can feel good to continue stimulating the clit while you start to touch the G-spot. I would also suggest using a lot of lube and starting slowly, like with just one finger and minimal pressure against the spot, until you’re ready for more.

 

Myth #3: G-spot orgasms are superior to clitoral orgasms.

Remember that time a cis male neurologist from 19th-century Austria theorized that clitoral orgasms were “immature” and that becoming an adult meant getting off from vaginal penetration alone? And remember how this crackpot theory has continued to shape present-day sexual discourse, leading millions of women to feel like they’re broken because their bodies work in completely normal ways? Cool cool cool. Thanks, Freud, that’s super helpful of you. 😬

What we know now, based on modern science (including the practice of, y’know, actually listening to the stories and experiences of people with vulvas, rather than making up psychoanalytic lore about how their genitals are wrong), that the clitoris is the anatomical equivalent of the penis. The two structures literally develop from the same tissues in utero, and share some commonalities, namely: they both provide the majority of sexual pleasure for the majority of people who have them.

While we’re on the subject, let’s clear up a few more misconceptions about G-spot stimulation vs. clitoral stimulation. First of all, you can combine the two, and many people have their best G-spot experiences when the two are paired. Secondly, not everyone can have G-spot orgasms, and there is nothing wrong with you if you can’t. And thirdly, researchers have yet to firmly conclude whether the G-spot is its own structure or is in fact part of the internal clitoral network, but ultimately it doesn’t really matter because it’s still a spot that feels good for many people to touch. Let’s focus less on pedantic semantics and more on pleasure, mmkay?

 

Myth #4: G-spot stimulation always results in squirting, or squirting only happens from G-spot stimulation.

Nope and nope. Not everyone can squirt, either because they just haven’t stumbled upon the right technique to make it happen for them yet, or because they’re simply not set up for it anatomically. (For example, I once heard the porn star Nina Hartley, who used to be a nurse, saying that she believes the reason she can’t squirt is that her urethra is located too close to her vagina, so whatever’s stimulating her G-spot gets in the way of the spray and stops it from coming out.)

If you want to squirt, or to help somebody else squirt, typically the best thing to do is to build a lot of arousal beforehand and then stimulate the G-spot really hard and fast for long enough to induce squirting. The ejaculation itself does not automatically coincide with orgasm; I tend to squirt the most after I’ve orgasmed, for instance.

Some people are able to squirt without G-spot stimulation being involved at all – such as from touching their clit, A-spot, or perineum. This may have something to do with the G-spot’s aforementioned integration in the internal clitoral network.

 

Myth #5: You have to have a big dick to hit the G-spot.

This one really depends on anatomy. I’m not going to lie to you and say that nobody will require a dick to be big in order for it to hit their spot the way they like.

That said, the G-spot is only about 2-3 inches inside the vagina, so you don’t have to have a long dick to hit it – and in fact, I’ve often found that short-to-average-length dicks hit mine the best, because the head of their cock strokes over that spot without much effort on every thrust, whereas longer dicks tend to hit my A-spot instead.

A penis also does not necessarily need to be thick to stimulate the G-spot. Angles that tilt your dick toward the front wall of the vagina can achieve a lot. Not to mention – say it with me now – fingers and sex toys exist! If you’re thinking of your cock as the only sexual tool you have at your disposal, you’re limiting your partner’s pleasure, and your own, a great deal.

 

What G-spot myths have you heard?

 

This post was sponsored by the folks at Honey Play Box, who are offering Girly Juice readers 20% off all products right now with the coupon code JUICE20. As always, all writing and opinions here are my own.

What a Trip to Italy Taught Me About Pleasure, Purpose, & Power

Kate Sloan

It has been more than five years since my first (and, so far, only) trip to Italy, and I still think about it pretty often.

It was a glorious few days that my mum generously tacked onto the end of a trip we were taking to Malta for a cousin’s wedding. We figured, “when in Rome” (or, more accurately, “when in the Mediterranean”), might as well splurge on ourselves as a fun, once-in-a-lifetime kind of thing. We stayed in the gorgeously ornate Bernini Bristol hotel. Our room overlooked the Piazza Barberini, which contains the famous Fontana del Tritone (Triton Fountain). At night, after luxuriant dinners of rich pasta and fine wine, we’d visit the fountain, throw coins in, and make wishes.

Once, I wished for romance, but it was already all around me; the city itself was romance. Earlier that evening, we’d been winked at by a waiter, who’d asked us after our meals if we wanted “dessert, or anything else.” We’d strolled down the street to a gelateria and had a wine-flirty conversation with the nervous employee behind the counter as he scooped up our treats. And now, at the fountain, as I breathed in the cool night air and contemplated my wish for romance, a dark-haired man approached us and handed me two red roses. He said something in Italian that I didn’t understand, but I think I heard bella somewhere in there. I said Grazie, grazie! and wished I knew more words to thank him as he walked away.

Everything in Rome seemed sensual and quasi-sexual to me in a way I rarely felt at home. Maybe it was just the excesses of vacation, but it felt woven into the fabric of the city, too. The resplendent meals. The ambient chatter of people passing you in a piazza. The click of cobblestones against your heels.

There was a slick salesman at a leather goods shop who sweet-talked us into buying leather jackets. I know his flirtation was a sales technique, but it felt more like seduction or sex giochi (that’s Italian for “sex games,” mio caro!). Our interaction lasted at least an hour, and was far longer and more relaxed than any sales transaction I’d ever experienced – he made us feel like we were visiting his home. He pulled jackets and skirts and boots in our sizes from the racks all around us, and implored us in his elegant accent, “Just try it on.” And every time we emerged from the dressing room, he’d make us feel like runway models, with the intensity of his gaze and the specificity of his compliments.

We wore those leather jackets the day we sprinted to catch up with our tour group so we could traverse the Roman Forum, explore the Colosseum. The chill in the air wasn’t depressing, like on dark Toronto nights that portended cold Toronto winters; the crisp breeze in Rome actually felt flirtatious, caressing our skin, reminding us we were lucky to be able to feel such things, lucky just to be alive in this world.

Our lunches and dinners were so obscenely pleasurable that I still think about them five years later, like the indelible look in a long-lost lover’s eyes that you still recall fondly after they’ve gone. The endless embrace of butter and cheese. The free-flowing wine, encouraging us to laugh, light up, and look around with gratitude at our lovely lives. The waitstaff, who acted as though any kind of restraint or self-flagellation related to food would be not only misguided but in fact not worth talking about at all.

I remember the day we planned to go to the Vatican; I realized in horror that the clothes I’d packed were deeply ill-suited for the hallowed institution’s conservative dress code. Pants and long sleeves were required, but these were rare in my relaxed hyper-femme aesthetic, so instead I wore a prim cardigan buttoned up to the top, and loud floral-print leggings under my black dress.

Perusing the statues, paintings, and altars, I felt bowled over by all that history – like time itself was topping me in a hardcore kink scene and the only thing to do was surrender.

When we filed into the Sistine Chapel and gazed up at the ceiling, I felt a peacefulness and rapture I’d previously only ever experienced after taking a lot of pain in a scene. The stillness and reverence in the room were overwhelming. I barely dared to move or even breathe. The art had a message for me: that I should appreciate the present moment, drink in beauty wherever it shows up, savor every second of precious life. I felt humbled by the holiness of the chapel, rendered more whole by its wholeness.

Sometimes I watch media set in Italy and feel, once again, that creepy and comforting feeling of being in a place so old and well-worn that it takes on a godly quality. I look at the red lipstick adorning so many Italian women’s faces and think of the Armani lipstick I bought in the Sephora opposite the Spanish Steps, and the way applying it felt like casting a magic spell. I flip through my photos of lush countrysides and ornate architecture, longing to live that life again.

Someday I’ll go to Italy with my spouse, I suspect, and we’ll make new memories every bit as juicy and jubilant as these. But until then, I’ll keep visiting Rome in my daydreams, learning its lessons again and again: to enjoy the here and now, to revel in pleasure without guilt, and to view myself always as a powerful temptress capable of anything, even summoning red roses with the toss of a coin and the whisper of a wish.

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Tell Whether a Luxury Sex Toy is Worth the Money

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble, the Désirables Dalia, and a Canadian $50 bill. Yes, our money really does look like that.

A lot of people ask me whether my pricier sex toys are worth the money. The answer depends vastly on what you’re looking for, and there are certainly many affordable toys that are perfectly decent (that’s a whole ‘nother blog post). But if you’ve got some cash burning a hole in your pocket and a high-end sex toy on the brain, here’s some advice on how to ensure it’s worth the dough.

 

Check the material first

For cost-cutting purposes, a lot of sex toy companies use materials that are porous, toxic, or both. This is made possible by the lack of regulation in the sex toy industry, and is one of the biggest hurdles sex toy shoppers face, especially first-time users who don’t know what to look for and what to avoid.

Unsafe materials, such as PVC and TPR, are usually found in toys that cost say, $40 or less – but there’s a surprising number of pricier toys that use these materials too. (For example, the phthalate-ridden jelly rabbit vibe that gave me a chemical burn inside my vagina when I was a teenager is still being made, and currently retails for $47.96. YIKES. They should have to pay you to use that thing, if just to cover your medical bills!)

Here’s a short version of my material safety shpiel: only buy toys that are made of 100% silicone, hard plastic, glass, metal, lucite/acrylic, sealed ceramic, or food-safe lacquered wood. (Some combination of these materials is okay too; for example, some toys have a 100% silicone shaft and a hard plastic handle.)

Some specialized types of toys are okay to buy in porous materials – for instance, many strokers, such as Fleshlights, are made of porous materials like TPR and TPE, but in that case it’s considered more acceptable because penises are less prone to the types of infections that vaginas can easily get from using porous toys. Phthalates are still a no-no for everybody, though. Unfortunately, sex toy companies aren’t always honest about what’s in their toys, which is why you should do the next thing on this list…

 

Read reviews from various different sources

There are many sex toy reviews in various places around the internet – including over 300 on this blog! – and it would behoove you to read several reviews of any toy you’re planning on purchasing, before you purchase it. I think it’s best to read a mix of sex toy bloggers’ reviews, reviews on mainstream sites like Self and Insider (both of which I’ve written for, FYI), and laypeople’s reviews on sites like Amazon. This’ll give you an overall picture of what people think of the toy.

For a vibrator, check to see whether reviews say it’s rumbly, powerful enough, and has variable speeds/settings (plus whatever other criteria you want to prioritize, like waterproofness or USB-rechargeability). For a non-vibrating toy, seek out reviewers’ thoughts on whether its shape and size are comfortable, how easy it is to use, and how well it hits whatever erogenous zone(s) you’re looking to target.

It’s especially useful if you can find, and follow the work of, sex toy critics whose tastes seem fairly close to your own. That way, you can more safely assume that their recommendations will work for you and your body. For example, if you and your favorite toy reviewer previously agreed on how great the Satisfyer Pro 2 felt, and the reviewer posts a glowing new review of the Lora DiCarlo Osé 2, it’s quite possible that you would like the Osé as well (or at least its clitoral portion).

 

Think about the “cost-per-use”

By far, clitoral vibrators are the type of toy I use most often, since I need clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. So it makes sense that I’ve happily spent hundreds of dollars on great clitoral toys in the past: I use one nearly every time I masturbate or have sex. It’s easy to see how a $300 vibrator can be a good investment if you use it, say, 300 times in the first year that you own it. (In love with a vibrator?! Who, ME?!)

By contrast, something like the MotorBunny Buck Thrusting Sex Machine would be more of a “special occasion” toy for many people. That’s not to say you shouldn’t buy it, if you’ve got the funds – but it’s worth considering whether you’d rather spend that money on something you’d use regularly instead.

 

Touch it in-person

If you have the opportunity to see and touch a toy in real life, you can get a better idea of how well it’s constructed, how rumbly the vibrations are, how squishy the material is, etc., which is useful information when debating a purchase.

The most common way to do this is to visit a brick-and-mortar sex shop and check out their floor models, but if you happen to have a friend or partner who owns the sex toy you want, you could also ask them if you could come over to take a look and give it a squeeze. (Obviously it would be nice if they washed it first…)

 

Look for sales, deals, ‘n’ bundles

I really lucked out when I bought my Njoy Eleven. As of 2022, it retails for $360 in Canada – but when I bought it in 2015, it was selling for $200 and the retailer was having a “20% off everything” sale, so I ended up only paying $181 including tax. Not sure I’ll ever feel a rush quite like that again…

In addition to the periodic sales that many retailers run, you could also look for toy bundles, like the We-Vibe Date Night special edition kit, which contains my beloved We-Vibe Nova 2 along with one of We-Vibe’s super-rumbly vibrating cock rings. To buy these toys separately at full price would cost $288, whereas the bundle is only $217 right now. Wow!

If you see a toy bundle that contains some stuff you want and some stuff you don’t, you could ask a friend or partner if they want to chip in, in exchange for the toy(s) you’re not interested in. Teamwork makes the dream work!

 

Thanks to the folks at LuxuryVibrators.ca for sponsoring this post! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.