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Review: Chalovelo Thrum rabbit vibe

Kate Sloan

I’m doing a weird thing today and reviewing a vibrator I’ve already reviewed, at the request of the company who sells it. But you know what? Maybe I’ll feel differently about it this time around. Me and my vagina have aged nearly a whole year since that last review, after all!

What is the Chalovelo Thrum?

The Thrum is a rabbit vibrator, i.e. it provides vaginal and clitoral stimulation simultaneously. The external arm is fairly standard – it just vibrates – whereas the internal arm vibrates, massages the G-spot area with textured beads that swell in and out on the shaft, and mechanically strokes the A-spot with its gently upturned tip. It’s an ambitious multitasker, that’s for sure!

The Thrum currently retails for about $60. It’s a rechargeable vibe made of silicone and ABS plastic, and is IPX6 water-resistant, meaning you can wash it in the sink or use it in the shower, but shouldn’t submerge it in water.

Things I like about the Chalovelo Thrum:

  • Excellent A-spot stimulation: Man oh man does my A-spot ever like this toy. The tip of the Thrum’s shaft – which is shaped vaguely like the head of a cock, complete with mild coronal ridge – moves up and down in a stroking motion, like a partner’s fingers can. There are 3 steady speeds followed by patterns, some of which are rhythmically consistent and some of which are more frustratingly off-kilter.
  • Individually controllable arms: As ever, I appreciate that you can control the external arm and the internal arm separately from one another, and can even use one while the other is turned off. My G-spot and A-spot may want a different intensity of sensation from my clit at various points in the arousal process, so it’s good to be able to control these components individually.
  • Clit arm shape: The external arm of this toy kinda looks like a dolphin balancing a ball on its nose. At first glance, it may seem odd, but it’s surprisingly versatile – depending on how I position it, I can get broader stimulation with the thickest part of the shaft, or more pinpointed stimulation from the tip. My desires in this regard might change throughout a session, so it’s nice to have options.
  • Clit arm flexibility: I truly think the (much pricier) We-Vibe Nova 2 revolutionized the rabbit-vibe category, by making its clitoral arm very flexible, so that you don’t lose clitoral contact if you thrust the toy in and out during use. Lots of other sex toy companies have taken cues from We-Vibe in this area and are making rabbits with bendy clit arms now – and it works really well here, giving me leeway to thrust the toy if I want to, and even to position the clit arm higher on my clitoral hood or lower on the tip of my clit depending on my mood.
  • Price: $60 isn’t bad for a body-safe, rechargeable rabbit vibe.

Things I don’t like about the Chalovelo Thrum:

  • Buzzy clit vibes: The external arm is a make-or-break aspect of a rabbit vibe, because most vulva-owners get off primarily (or exclusively) from clit stimulation. As such, I wish this toy’s clitoral vibrations were rumblier and stronger. As-is, their intensity is middling, and their buzzy timbre prevents me from being able to reach orgasm with this toy because my clit gets a little desensitized and disengaged after a few minutes.
  • Only 3 steady speeds: Both the internal and the external arm of the Thrum have 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns. I’m not a big patterns person and would prefer more basic speeds to choose from. There’s not much variation between the speeds, either, and the amount of patterns feels like an attempt to compensate for the lackluster motor.
  • Short battery life: Up to 50 minutes of use after a 2.5-hour charging time… ain’t great.
  • Loud: The mechanical whirr of this toy would definitely be audible by someone in the same room as you, and might even be audible through a closed door in some cases.
  • Linty: Whatever silicone formulation its makers picked for this toy, it’s wildly prone to picking up lint, dust, hairs, etc., so you may want to give the toy a quick rinse before each use.
  • Both modes are on by default: This wouldn’t bug everybody, but it bugged me – as soon as you turn on the toy, both arms turn on (as opposed to having a ‘standby’ mode from which you can choose which functions to turn on), and the sensation can be pretty jarring, especially if the toy is already inside you at that point. At one point this made me shout “Whoa! Jesus Christ!” so loud that my wife heard me through a wall.

Final thoughts

I wish Chalovelo made a version of the Thrum that was just the A-spot-stroking portion, because I loved that part of the toy! I kept thinking about how hard I would be able to come if I could just pair that stroking with a clitoral vibe that is actually rumbly, strong, and has more than 3 steady speeds, because unfortunately, the Thrum‘s clit arm just doesn’t do the trick for me.

I still think it’s a nifty rabbit vibe, though, with functions I’ve rarely seen elsewhere. The way the textured beads on the shaft massage my vaginal walls is cool, and the clit arm’s offbeat shape makes it versatile. I just wish they’d blessed this toy with a better, rumblier motor, and ideally a longer battery life. But for $60, the Thrum is a decent rabbit at a decent price – and it’s hard to hate a vibrator that looks like a dolphin doing a trick.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions on my own.

7 Things I’ve Done That Unexpectedly Improved My Body Image

Kate Sloan

Feeling good about your body is a lifelong journey. Healing from systemic fatphobia, ableism, etc. is like healing from anything else: it’s not linear, and you might have backslides sometimes – but it’s exhilarating to notice an overall upward trend in how you feel about your body, even if it takes years, or decades.

Aside from more obvious things like reading the work of body-positive thinkers, getting rid of my scale, and swearing off commenting on anyone else’s body, there are 7 things I’ve done for my body image that helped more than I ever imagined they would… Here they are, incase they inspire anybody else to foster more body-positivity in themselves!

Got a bunch of tattoos

I have 7 tattoos, and each of them have pretty drastically changed my view of my body for the better. I’ve always admired the aesthetic of tattoos, so getting them has made me look more like the types of people I find hot – and it’s also hard not to love my body now that it’s got beautiful, bespoke works of art all over it! (Some people would disagree, but those people are wrong, and also, who cares what they think?!)

When I was younger, I used to dread the moment clothing would come off during sex with a new person, because I worried they’d judge my body harshly. But ever since getting my tattoos – especially the pink “good girl” bows on the backs of my thighs – I sometimes even look forward to that moment, because people are often delighted to discover the tattoos hidden under my clothes!

Dated people who fetishize the body parts I’m insecure about

They say you gotta love yourself before you can love anybody else, and maybe that’s true – but I know that I largely learned to love my ass by dating butt enthusiasts! I’ve never had huge boobs or any other particularly remarkable bodily features (at least in my view), but apparently my ass is notable enough that more than one devout butt appreciator wanted to date me. So that’s pretty cool. Helps a lot when they bury their face in it like a starving person at a pie-eating contest, too…!

Appreciated the things my body can do

Positive re-frame alert! I might not look like a runway model, but I can still strut down the street in a cool outfit. I may not have a big booty, but I can still dance to Sir Mix-A-Lot. I’m no hyper-athletic porn star or BBW sex doll, but I can still get fucked like a champ. Every human body is a miracle, whether or not it’s considered conventionally hot.

Took improv classes/performed in improv shows

On the note of appreciating what my body can do: it can make up scenes and songs on the spot, apparently, which is pretty fuckin’ impressive no matter what I happen to look like! (The brain is technically part of the body, after all… and without a body, none of my brain’s ideas could be expressed on stage or anywhere else!) It’s also nice to spend time in a community where someone’s dress size doesn’t matter anywhere near as much as their ability to crack jokes and roll with the punches.

Further: when I’m on stage, I barely think about my body. I don’t think about my aches and pains or my butt cellulite; there just isn’t enough spare time or mental energy for that shit. Improv’s fuckin’ meditative, dude. Big recommend!

Got a great body lotion

Simple yet effective: Get yourself a luscious moisturizer with a scent that makes your heart happy (or unscented if you prefer, dear chemically sensitive babes), and apply it liberally when you’re fresh out of the shower. This helps lock in moisture better, and also makes your regular workaday shower feel like a self-care ritual. I’ve been digging the “Vanilla Cashmere” lotion by EOS, which makes me smell like a slutty cupcake (ideal, obviously).

Invested in cuter loungewear

It’s hard to feel stoked about your body when you’re wearing a decade-old faded band T-shirt and baggy threadbare pajama pants. (I mean, for me it certainly would be. I don’t know your life!) Since I’m chronically ill, I spend a lot of my waking hours in PJs or loungewear, so I keep a perpetual eye out for pieces that are both comfy and cute, and wearing them makes a big difference in my day-to-day self-esteem.

Did psychedelics

Now, to be fair, some people find these more anxiety-provoking than soul-healing… but for me, during the half-dozen shrooms trips I’ve done, I’ve basically forgotten my body existed for the duration of the day. And I mean that in the most positive sense. Sometimes I would put on a kids’ movie from my youth, like A Bug’s Life or The Aristocats, and take extensive notes on the life lessons that seemed to leap out at me. I would get so absorbed in this task, and the ensuing self-reflection, that I totally forgot to worry about my body’s imperfections – all I could think about was the beautiful vastness of the universe, and my tiny-but-important role in it. Drugs rule, man.

 

Dear readers, have any of these strategies helped you love your body more? What else has worked well for you? Feel free to let me know in the comments!

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Are You Being Sexualized, or Just Flirted With?

Kate Sloan
Photo by mb

“Does this person actually like me, or do they just want to fuck me?”

This is a question I’ve pondered countless times in my life. It has been the source of much misery and angst. It has been dissected at length in many a journal entry. But I’m beginning to think that the question itself is based on a false premise – that sexual and romantic attraction are mutually exclusive.

It’s weird how often our culture – especially its more heterosexual side – depicts these feelings as a binary, where one cannot truly exist in the presence of the other. Growing up, much of the messaging I received about boys and sex (from media as well as from people in my own life) insinuated that if a guy pursued you for sex, he didn’t respect you as a person – and that if you “granted” him the sex he was seeking, he would respect you even less, and would never deign to date you. Conventional wisdom insisted that if I ever wanted a man to commit to me, I should deny him sex for as long as possible (thereby denying myself sex too, by the way!) – and that if a man was willing to endure a sexless interlude of indeterminate length, it meant he really liked me.

But I feel nauseous just writing that out! What an awful, depressing worldview! I don’t want human relationships to work that way – and I don’t think they actually do, in most cases. Sure, there are shallow cads (of all genders) who see sex as a prize to be pursued, rather than a pleasure to be shared – and there are also people who can and do separate sex from love (or even from liking), as in certain friendships-with-benefits and other casual arrangements. But for the most part, humans don’t experience lust in a vacuum – I think most of us would say our sexual attractions are informed by the non-physical traits we feel drawn to, whether those include intelligence, humor, charm, worldliness, dominance, submissiveness, or anything else.

I can definitely understand why we sometimes forget this, though, especially since being objectified for your body and sexuality can feel gross as hell. In my early twenties, I found it deeply off-putting when someone tried to leap into sexting when we’d barely just started messaging – not only because I felt this indicated poor social skills on their part, but also because it made me feel like a cardboard cutout of a woman, onto which one could project one’s fantasies (and jizz). They might as well have typed “porno babes in bikinis” or “lesbian sexy AI” into a Google search instead of sending me missives about their genitals. Of course their desire for me felt objectifying – they didn’t know me well enough to see me as anything other than an object.

But we have to be aware of when our past traumas are incorrectly coloring our view of our current situation. Although I’m in my thirties now, I still sometimes lapse into black-and-white thinking when someone expresses sexual desire for me early on. Alarm bells go off in my head: They just think you’re hot! They don’t care about your brain, your heart, your art! Once they fuck you, they’ll disappear forever, leaving you feeling worthless and alone!

When this happens, I try to take a deep breath and assess what I actually know. Usually, I come to the realization that the other person’s desire – much like my own – is fuelled and shaped by the specificities of who it’s aimed at. I long for the sweet golden-retriever softboy in a different way than I long for the sardonic dive-bar punk. My crush on the ballsy dominatrix with great eyebrows feels qualitatively different from my crush on the funny flannel-clad barista with fuzzy forearms. Every attraction is its own unique thing, beautiful and bright, and the sexual slant of a desire doesn’t preclude it from also having a romantic element. In fact, my solely-sexual crushes tend to blow away in the wind; it’s only the more emotionally substantive ones that stick around in my spank bank. Sex is so much more compelling when it’s not just skin-deep – and I don’t just mean that as a penetration joke!

So, the next time you find yourself reflexively wondering if someone really likes you or just likes the sex they could have with you, ask yourself: Do they seem curious about you, interested in you, eager to get to know you? Do their compliments (if they give any) reach beyond the realm of the physical? Do they value traits in you that you also value in yourself? Or does their desire seem to stem from who they think you are, who they see you as, or who they want you to be?

These things can be difficult to discern sometimes, but I think they’re worth reflecting on… if just because sex with someone who sees into your soul is one of the hottest experiences imaginable. 🥵

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Ways to Learn More About Your Gender

Kate Sloan
Sometimes my gender feels like a queer femme version of a boy at summer camp 😂 (featuring beautiful mb in the background)

I’m no gender expert, but I sure have thought a lot about my own gender. And I think more people could stand to do that type of deep thinking, whether they ultimately come to the conclusion that they’re cis, trans, or some flavor of gender-agnostic.

Socrates said “the unexamined life is not worth living,” and while I wouldn’t go that far, I do think an unexamined gender can cause you grief. Stumbling through life within the bounds of a prescribed gender role, without ever seriously interrogating that role’s suitability for you (or lack thereof), can breed resentment, anxiety, anger, insecurity, and depression. I’ve seen it happen – often for people who later discovered themselves to be trans, but also for some cis people who came to reject conventional gender strictures that had been stressing them out or holding them back. Who says a man or woman (or enby, for that matter) has to look and act a certain way? And more to the point, do you want to listen to them?

With that in mind, here are 5 quick suggestions for exploring your gender more deeply, if you haven’t already…

Work your way through My New Gender Workbook by Kate Bornstein

An absolute classic in the queer-&-trans canon. I’m sure it’s saved countless lives by this point. It’s a workbook that asks you questions about gender to help you figure yourself out. Kate Bornstein is a nonbinary icon and queer elder, and all of their books are fantastic, but this one holds a special place in my heart because of how practical, thought-provoking, and kindness-forward it is. I’ve gifted it to many, many people over the years, and lots of them have told me that they found it helpful.

Talk to other people about their gender

If you’ve got trans and/or queer friends who are open to it, you could pick their brain about gender: how they feel about their own, what led them to their current gender presentation, whether they see gender as a spectrum or something else, etc. Tread carefully, because this can be a touchy subject for some, with good reason – trans people especially are too often expected to justify and explain their gender, often in dehumanizing ways, so it’s quite reasonable if they don’t want to discuss it with you. But if they are down to chat, you might find their insights illuminating. Ideas on gender vary a lot across time and space, too, so you’d probably get vastly different answers from, say, lesbian poets in Bushwick than from trans escorts in Melbourne or drag performers in Paris.

Try on clothes you don’t normally wear

Clothing is one of the main ways we express our gender in the world, so it makes sense that changing the way you dress can be one of the most impactful – but also scariest – ways to push yourself outside your comfort zone gender-wise. Rampant transphobia might make this tricky or outright unsafe to do in public sometimes, unfortunately (which fuckin’ sucks; everyone should get to safely experience the joy of a fitting-room glow-up moment!!), but at the very least, you can do it in your own home. You could borrow a friend or partner’s clothing (with their permission, hopefully!), hit up your local thrift store, or maybe even just alter some clothes you already own. Try on a new gender expression for size, and notice how it feels!

Keep a gender envy journal

I forget which trans friend of mine introduced me to the concept of ‘gender envy,’ but it’s such a specific feeling that now I always notice it when it comes up! Sometimes I’ll see a person walking down the street, or a character in a piece of media, who activates a sense of longing inside me. It’s a specific longing to look like that person, dress like them, move like them, talk like them, and/or be perceived the ways they are perceived. For instance, Jane Lane from Daria and Spinelli from Recess were some of the first characters I ever felt this way about – and still to this day, I love dressing hard-femme/soft-butch like them, and wearing black leather boots and sharp-shouldered jackets like they do.

Part of self-discovery is simply mindfulness: paying attention to which things consistently light you up and attract you. Start keeping a journal of all the people and characters you feel gender envy toward, and you might notice some useful patterns after a while!

Make a list of adjectives

I don’t know about you, but I find terms like “masculine” and “feminine” to be pretty limiting in their scope when I’m trying to define somebody’s gender, including my own. These concepts are highly dependent on time, place, socioeconomic context, etc., and ultimately they can feel imprecise (or beside the point entirely) for those of us who deviate from the beaten path at all.

So, instead of trying to locate yourself on a binaristic gender spectrum, maybe ask yourself which adjectives describe the gender you find dreamiest to imagine embodying. (It’s okay if this changes over time, or even from day to day!) For example, here are some adjectives that describe my particular queer-cis-femme gender at the moment: brash, funny, charming, dapper, sharp, swaggery, sparkly, slutty, irreverent, and bright. What words come to mind for you?

 

Dear reader, how deeply have you explored your own gender? Have any of these methods been helpful for you?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Have Sex Quietly & Not Be Heard

Kate Sloan
Photo taken in the noise-testing area of the Womanizer factory in Berlin (sorry, can’t remember whose hands these are!)

There are certain sad realities of life that simply can’t be sidestepped. Sometimes you will lose someone you love. Sometimes you will have to pay your taxes. And sometimes – quelle tragedy! – you will have to have sex quietly. My condolences. (Or cumdolences, as the case may be.)

This is easier for some than for others – but if you struggle to keep quiet during sex when you need to, here are some quick tips:

Drown out the noise with more noise

You don’t have to crank up the Barry White if that’s too obvious (!), but some kind of music or other sound can camouflage your cries of passion. I like the “pink noise” setting on the Dark Noise app (its pitch is less grating to me than standard white noise), as well as instrumental jazz and Robot Science.

If you have a HomePod, Alexa, or similar, you can even use voice control to request white noise, rain sounds, or music. This is useful in the heat of the moment, when you may not want to pause the action to set up a soundscape like you’re the Philip Glass of ass.

Use quieter sex toys (or none at all)

Y’all know I love sex toys, but some of them are loud as hell. If sound level’s a concern for you, prioritize silent vibrators when you shop for toys (my reviews often discuss noise level, FYI!), and stay away from notoriously noisy toys like Fleshlights and fucking machines.

Cover the source of the sound

In most cases, the source of the sound is gonna be your own mouth (or your partner’s), in which case a ballgag may be useful, or even just faceplanting in a pillow. Just make sure you have a safe-signal in place (e.g. double-tapping on the other person’s arm or leg) so you can end the action quickly if these measures make it hard to breathe at any point. Beginners may want to stick with ‘breathable’ gags, which have holes in them to allow for airflow, although those don’t stifle sound quite as well.

Occasionally the loudest noises may come from something that is not your face, which you may or may not be able to cover up. For example, spanking someone under a blanket is quieter than spanking them out in the open, although it makes it more difficult to land satisfying hits. (Punching is also quieter than smacking…)

Cushion any impact points

If your thighs keep slapping against your partner’s ass every time you thrust into them, for instance, maybe one or both of you could leave your pants on (unbuttoned, natch) to muffle the smacking. If your bed keeps banging into the wall, move it out an inch or two, or stuff a pillow in between. If you’ve got a particularly squeaky bed, it may even be wiser to have sex on the floor, at least while you have to stay quiet.

Find alternate outlets for sounds

Why do we moan (or whimper, or scream) during sex, anyway? Sometimes it’s a way of handling/processing intense sensation, in which case you may be able to channel that impulse into gripping the sheets, scratching down your partner’s back, and other tactile outlets.

One big reason I make noise in bed is to give my partner nonverbal feedback on what’s working, so they can adjust technique accordingly throughout the process of getting me off. But this can just as easily be achieved by me gripping their arm tighter or breathing harder in their ear when things feel particularly good. You can still be a good bottom even when you have to stay quiet – sometimes it’s even hotter that way!

 

What are your favorite ways to make sex quieter?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.