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5 Sex Dolls I Wish I Owned (& What I Would Do with Them)

Kate Sloan
Thanks to SexDollGenie for all the images in this post!

Periodically, a sex doll company reaches out to me wanting to collaborate, and I’m once again forced to confront the fact that I find sex dolls fascinating.

Maybe it’s because I once wrote a piece about robotic sex dolls which posited that they have the power to shape our sexual future as a culture… or maybe it’s just because so many of them are extremely fucking hot, and I am extremely fucking bisexual.

In any case, today I’m partnering with the nice folks at Sex Doll Genie to show you 5 sex dolls I think are particularly captivating – and what I would do with each of them if I owned them.

 

Jessika is a 5-foot-tall sex doll with K-cup breasts (!!), delectable curves, and blazing red hair draped over one eye. Her designers clearly looked to Jessica Rabbit for inspiration; all she’s missing is those long purple gloves.

Since her namesake cartoon character was a showgirl, I think Jessika would be an excellent “practice bottom” for stripteases and lapdances. I’m definitely not confident enough to jump straight into putting on a sexy show for a new partner (or for any partner, really), so it would make sense to practice on somebody else – or something else – before giving it a shot. Jessika’s constant low-key smirk and quirked eyebrow read to me as devilishly dominant approval and amusement – she constantly looks like her sexual curiosity is piqued. I’d sit her in a chair and work on my moves, grinding against her lap and various other spots, until I felt ready to perform for an actual human.

She’d also be a fantastic prop for shooting Who Framed Roger Rabbit?-themed porn… though I’m not quite sure how I would figure into that! Would I have to be Roger?!

 

Doesn’t Chamae look like somebody’s badass older sister at a high school house party? She’s 5’6″ (taller than me!) and has an absolutely killer booty. If I saw her sitting on the couch sipping a beer, I think I’d have to go talk to her, even if I felt shy (which I definitely would, in the presence of someone so beautiful and cool).

Aside from kissing a Chamae doll – because she looks incredibly kissable – I think I’d most like to dress her up in hard-femme ensembles, as an avenue for my own inclinations toward goth/punk/”alt” style. I’ve always admired these aesthetics but never really felt cool enough to pull them off, so dressing up Chamae in leather, flannel and PVC would be super fun.

She also looks like she’d definitely be low-key kinky – I mean, just look at that spiked collar – so I wonder if it’d be fun to set her on one end of a sofa and then fuck someone on the other side, Chamae acting as a silent voyeur, as if the aforementioned high school house party suddenly got very sexy. (You just never know where those games of Spin the Bottle will lead…)

 

Speaking of high school… Shanaya is a 5’4″ sex doll with massive N-cup boobs, and she’s pictured wearing an outfit I can’t help but associate with cheerleaders.

I think one of the reasons cheerleaders are such a popular archetype in the land of sex and kink is that many kinky people were nerds in high school (and likely continue to be), and it feels powerful to roleplay a scenario where you finally get to rub shoulders – and other body parts – with a “cool kid.” Of course, social hierarchies in high school are elitist garbage, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun roleplaying them in adulthood.

Shanaya is so over-the-top hot that I think I’d have to involve her in a scene involving bimbofication, humiliation, or both. Maybe I’d pretend she was a bunny at the infamous Playboy mansion, stealing all the men’s attention despite how slutty I’d dressed for the occasion. Maybe I’d be the dorky girl at a high school sports game after-party, enviously watching the cheerleader get to fuck my crush. Or maybe I’d just lay my head on her N-cups and take a nap.

 

Hattie is dressed as a nurse, so obviously, upon seeing her, my mind jumped straight to medical play. A doctor treating my “hysteria” is a long-time fantasy of mine, one I’ve roleplayed numerous times with my partner, and I have to imagine the fantasy would only be furthered by the presence of a watchful, helpful nurse.

I could also imagine I was an inpatient at a clinic – perhaps for something silly like overly frequent masturbation or too much porn-watching – and that Hattie had been assigned to sit in my room and watch me for hours at a time to make sure I didn’t misbehave. It would be hot to envision her as my ever-watchful guard while I try to sneakily eke out an orgasm with my hand under the covers.

I could also, of course, just steal her entire costume and use it to roleplay as a nurse myself… What a versatile gal she is!

 

You know, I was going to write a whole Tinkerbell-themed thing about a fairy sex doll for this last one, but then I discovered Clarine, WHOSE BOOBS ARE VULVAS, and my brain exploded.

The fantasy implications of this innovation are innumerable. Remember Deep Throat, the classic porn movie where a woman has a clitoris hidden in the back of her throat that makes overzealous blowjobs orgasmically pleasurable for her? Clarine’s situation is similar, but different. She could (theoretically) glean as much pleasure from having her nipples played with as the average woman would from having her clit played with, so she’d be an ideal doll-partner for someone whose fondness for breasts verges on fetishism.

I can’t figure out from the pictures whether her breasts are actually penetrable (…yikes) but, if so, I do have to wonder what it would be like to “fuck” someone else’s boobs with your own erect nipples… Y’all, bodies are so strange and cool. Especially sex doll bodies.

 

Thanks to SexDollGenie.com for sponsoring this post! They have a truly wild selection of sex dolls to choose from; I find the “fantasy/mysterious looks” section the most compelling, if you want to take a gander. As always, all writing and opinions in this post are my own.

7 Reasons Masturbation is the Safest Kind of Sex

Kate Sloan

I’m sure some of you read the headline of this post and thought, “Yeah, Kate, I was trapped inside alone for most of 2020 – I know all about the benefits of masturbation, thanks!!”

I hear you. And I’m grateful for any sacrifices you may have made in service of public health, even if sometimes those sacrifices came in the form of, say, staying home with your rabbit vibrator in lieu of hopping on Tinder to get inadvisably railed by an unvetted, unvaccinated stranger.

While 2020 had a lot of downsides (obviously), I think one minor silver lining is that so many people spent so much more time masturbating than they ordinarily would. It’s a great way to get to know oneself better sexually, and to focus on one’s own priorities, desires, and pleasure, in a world that sometimes makes that difficult. It’s also, as previously discussed, almost always the safer option than partnered sex – and not just during a global pandemic! Here are 7 reasons masturbation may just be the safest sex you’ll ever have…

 

1. You can’t contract or transmit an STI

Sexually transmitted infections are part and parcel of human sexuality. In a world where you can stock up on condoms at any drugstore and buy PrEP online, we’ve got a better handle on STIs than we did decades or centuries ago, but acquiring or transmitting an STI is still a risk of partnered sex nonetheless.

With STI stigma being gradually reduced by the hard work of sexual health activists, and effective medical treatments now available for most STIs, it’s true that many of us (especially those of us with financial privilege and no preexisting conditions) wouldn’t suffer nearly as many consequences from getting an STI nowadays as we would’ve in ages gone by. But it’s still nice to know that when you jerk off (provided your hands and toys are clean!), you likely won’t be jeopardizing your own health.

 

2. You can’t get pregnant

I’ve definitely been through periods of life when I was oddly paranoid about getting pregnant, sometimes to the point of avoiding penetrative sex despite being on birth control and using condoms… An unexpected baby is a very scary thought, particularly when you know you’re physically and/or financially not up to the task of child-rearing quite yet (or at all)!

The good news is, masturbation can’t get you pregnant (again, provided that your hands and toys are clean, i.e. that they don’t have someone’s recent semen on them!), so you can go to town on yourself without fearing future babies.

 

3. There are no consent issues to worry about

Although I’m sure there are exceptions to this rule (probably having to do with trauma triggers), generally you’re not going to run into consent-related snafus when fucking yourself. After all, you know on a moment-to-moment basis what you’re okay with and what you’re not – or if you don’t actually know those preferences, masturbation is an ideal way to figure them out.

As someone who likes to involve intoxicants (e.g. weed, alcohol) in sexual scenarios, I also appreciate that drunk/high masturbation is overall much safer than drunk/high partnered sex. I’m not going to push my own boundaries or take advantage of myself, even when pleasantly buzzed.

Some people think it’s a consent issue to masturbate while thinking about someone who hasn’t consented to be thought about in that way. I disagree, because I don’t believe in policing people’s thoughts – but keep in mind that it can be a violation to share those thoughts with the person in question, so I wouldn’t recommend doing that unless your relationship with that person is such that it would be acceptable.

 

4. No travel is required

Sounds silly, maybe, but I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for 3+ years – just think how many bus accidents and plane crashes I’ve risked to get laid! The odds are low, of course, but on a bad anxiety day, I’d much rather skip any potential risks and just stay safely tucked into my bed, with an armful of sex toys.

Naturally, this also means masturbation can be more accessible and safer than partnered sex for people whose travel is limited by disability, financial status, pandemics (of course!) and other factors.

 

5. You can accommodate your own physical needs

This unfortunately isn’t true for everyone – there are, for example, disabled folks who are unable to masturbate and who may hire sex workers or sex surrogates to address this – but for many people, masturbation may allow for more of their access needs to be met than partnered sex. You can use your comfy ergonomic pillow or convenient suction cup dildo or relaxing heating pad without any fear of judgment.

For example, when I’m alone on a bad pain day, I can wrap a heating pad around my sore knee without worrying if someone else thinks it’s unsexy or unwieldy, keep my body still in particular positions so as not to overexert myself, and adjust the room to a temperature that I (and only I!) find agreeable. While I’m lucky enough to have a partner who’s always eager to make adjustments according to what I need, I know not everyone is that fortunate, and so sometimes masturbation can be a blessing.

 

6. You can accommodate your own mental/emotional needs

I can’t even count the number of times a random hookup teased me about something they didn’t know was a sore spot, made a body-shaming comment that stung more than I let on, or called me a triggering name during a kink scene.

Some of these incidents weren’t intentionally hurtful – they may not have known better, and I may not have known enough about my own brain and trauma history to be able to fill them in – but nonetheless, sometimes masturbation feels like a safer choice when you’re in a fragile frame of mind or going through a difficult time. If you trigger or upset yourself somehow, at least you can deal with it without also having to manage someone else’s reaction at the same time.

 

7. You won’t break your own heart

Sad but true: many times in my life, I’ve had sex with someone I loved (or just really, really liked) who I knew didn’t feel the same about me. It could almost be a form of emotional self-harm at times, returning over and over again for empty sexual experiences with people I wished would date me, but who only thought of me as their fuckbuddy.

While it would’ve been almost impossible to talk me into it at the time, I wish I’d spent some of those nights at home by myself instead. Probably I’d’ve had more orgasms and cried fewer tears. But hey, you live and you learn. Now I know that calling masturbation “self-love” isn’t just a cheesy euphemism – it’s also a true description of the healthy, healing pleasure you can give yourself whenever you need it.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Gvibe Gjack 2 & Gpop 2

Kate Sloan

The older I get, the worse my chronic pain gets – and the worse my chronic pain gets, the more I appreciate sex toys like the Gvibe Gjack 2.

I don’t know why more sex toy companies don’t implement looped handles like the one on this toy. Fun Factory, Lelo, and a few others have done so, but it’s definitely not as common as handles with no clear “grabbing point,” which force you to figure out on your own the most comfortable/least painful way to hold them for your particular body.

The handle on the Gjack 2, on the other hand, is designed with incredible thoughtfulness. I can slide my thumb easily through the open loop, and press against its farthest edge with minimal effort when I want to thrust the toy in and out. This feature is great for able-bodied people, too, because it gives you some extra leverage when you’re thrusting. My partner noted that of our collections, this is one of the most ergonomic toys to fuck me with; they can thrust and angle the toy as needed, with ease.

The Gjack 2 is a penetrative vibrator, but honestly, it could’ve (should’ve?) just been a dildo instead. Its vibrations, while decently powerful, are pretty buzzy and kind of loud. I’ve most often used this toy without even turning the vibrations on, and oddly enough, I think that’s the best-feeling way to use it.

It’s made of a material called Bioskin™, and if you know anything about the sex toy industry, you probably know that trademarked toy materials are usually a bad sign. 9 times out of 10, materials with names like CyberSkin™ or BioFlesh™ are just some version of jelly or thermoplastic elastomer – i.e. porous at best, toxic at worst. But according to blogger Phallophile, who contacted Gvibe to inquire about Bioskin, the material is actually a thin silicone veneer on top of a memory foam-esque material. If true, this is a smart solution for the problem sex toy makers have long faced: making toys that feel squishy like real flesh, but aren’t going to give customers chemical burns in their orifices.

(FYI, I asked a friend who is knowledgeable about sex toy science what the odds are that Bioskin is actually a safe material to use; the answer was that any nasty chemicals that could be [but aren’t necessarily] present in the foam would be able to leak through the silicone, but only in greatly decreased and diluted amounts, and that the risk of this happening would likelier be greater from “the bed you’re wanking in” than from a vibrator. The more you know…!)

Indeed, the Bioskin on my Gjack 2 feels smooth to the touch, like silicone, but has a squish more reminiscent of a foam mattress topper. That squish becomes really important when you insert the toy, because it’s covered in ridges all along its 5.5″ insertable length – ridges that would be way too intense, were they rendered in standard silicone. The squishiness makes them much easier to take, though I still feel a distinctive “popping” sensation when each one glides past my pubic bone. Notably, though, the material seems to muffle the toy’s vibrations, as does my mere flesh, so if you like powerful vibrations on your internal erogenous zones, this may miss the mark for you.

The toy’s cocklike head has the most squish of all, which would be a definite boon if your cervix is especially sensitive to pain. However, in testing this toy, I was reminded that my A-spot prefers firm touch. The nearly straight shape of the shaft contributes to the overall “meh”-ness of how the Gjack feels. It’s more like a cloud than a battering ram when it’s inside me, which I know is somebody’s jam, even if it’s not exactly mine.

To me, the most exciting thing about this toy is what it feels like to orgasm around something so spongy. It’s a unique sensation I know many people would love – but for me personally, this toy just doesn’t have enough “oomph” to totally wreck me the way something big and firm like the Eleven or Double Trouble can.

I was sort of hoping Gvibe would send me their Gbulb, an apparently powerful external vibrator that’s shaped like – wait for it – a lightbulb. (?!?) But instead, the second toy they sent me was the Gpop 2, a cute little vibrator designed to be unisex. (IMO, most vibrators are unisex, but it’s nice when a company acknowledges this outright!) This one has a looped handle too – yay! – and is shaped such that you could use it anally, vaginally, or externally, so it’s super versatile.

Because it’s made of silicone rather than Bioskin, the Gpop transmits vibrations much better than the Gjack. This toy rumbles and thrums beautifully, with way more power than you would expect for its diminutive 4.9″x1.1″ size, and feels fantastic on my G-spot and clit alike. The shaft is quite bendy, so if you like to press hard with your vibrators then you may find you can’t get as much pressure as you would prefer with the Gpop, but this feature also makes the toy more comfortable for anal insertion than your average vibrator.

I thought I would prefer the Gjack 2 because it looks more like the types of toys I tend to enjoy, but actually the smaller, rumblier Gpop 2 ended up being my favorite. I love its portability – in addition to being petite, it has a travel lock – and its combination of firm silicone and strong vibrations means it can get me off much more easily than the squishier, buzzier Gjack. At just $66, the Gpop is definitely one of the best vibes I’ve tried for its price point. I’m always thrilled to see more companies like Gvibe making colorful, waterproof, body-safe, relatively affordable sex toys, and I’m glad I got to try these ones!

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: ZIOXX Freedom Plus Extra Large Condoms

Kate Sloan

When Zioxx told me they wanted me to review their condoms, I knew I had to wait until my partner was out of chastity – which, truth be told, hasn’t happened much lately. See, while I am their keyholder and can thus remove them from chastity any time I wish, including for brief and frustrating interludes, post-chastity (or mid-chastity) isn’t a great time to test condoms. A crucial part of reviewing a condom is assessing how well it transfers sensation, and my partner’s sensitivity gets turned up so much from time spent in chastity that they wouldn’t exactly be an objective reviewer.

So I unlocked them, we had sex, I went to sleep, they jerked off the following morning while I dozed (I’m not a morning person, okay?!), and presumably their dick returned to its normal level of sensitivity. That night, a dommy growl crept into their voice as they told me, “I’m going to get you off, and then I’m going to fuck you twice to test out those condoms.”

“Twice?” I asked.

“I’ll last longer the second time, so I’ll get more of a sense of what they actually feel like.” Their hypothesis was sound, and the plan went off without a hitch.

Zioxx had sent me their Freedom Plus Extra Large condoms. My partner’s dick is on the bigger side of the spectrum as far as people I’ve been with (in the neighborhood of 7.5″ long and 1.75″ wide), so I figured the standard size wouldn’t work for them.

As it turns out, even these “extra-large” condoms were a bit too small. This has often been my experience with condoms made in Asia (Zioxx is based in China) – for example, I had a more average-sized partner a few years back who found regular Kimono condoms distractingly tight. These Zioxx XL condoms are 7.09″ long – that’s about half an inch shorter than a standard Trojan, and nearly a full inch shorter than our usual go-to condoms, Trojan Magnums or Magnum XLs. The Zioxx ones have a width of 55mm, which is wider than a standard Trojan but 5mm smaller than a Magnum and 8mm smaller than a Magnum XL. Resultingly, my partner found the Zioxx condoms a little tight during application and removal, and had a slightly more difficult time staying hard due to the tightness.

Other than that, though, they didn’t have many complaints. The lube on these condoms, which is water-based and contains moisturizing hyaluronic acid (yes, the stuff that’s in your skincare), seems high-quality but is perhaps a bit too liberally applied – it dripped a little on both of us as I was guiding their cock into me the second time, but honestly, I’d prefer that over the pitifully small amount of lube many companies put on their condoms. Keep in mind, too, that being water-based, this lube likely won’t be enough on its own for anal, despite how much of it there is on each condom.

These are pretty low-scent and low-taste, always good qualities in a condom, IMO. They’re made of natural latex, so obviously avoid them if you have a latex allergy. The elegant black outer packaging looks nice on a nightstand. The individual packaging of the condoms themselves is a bit too untextured to consistently get a good grip on with lubey hands, but if your hands are dry, you should be able to tear ’em open without issue.

Sensation-wise, aside from the sizing issues, my partner noted that these condoms are smooth and thin, and have excellent heat transfer. The overabundance of lube sometimes made it difficult for them to achieve the amount of friction they wanted, but they were still able to come relatively easily both times we tried these.

There’s no mention on Zioxx’s website of whether or not these condoms are FDA-approved, but they do say that they won a sponsorship from the Bill & Melinda Gates Foundation and that “each condom is 100% electronically tested” with “60 procedures of quality-control.” 🤷🏻‍♀️

Overall, aside from the sizing issues we experienced, these Zioxx Freedom Plus Extra Large condoms are pretty good. At $12.50 for a pack of 18, they’re also plenty more cost-effective than a lot of condoms out there. I guess you could say they were worth unlocking my partner’s chastity cage for.

 

This review was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own (and, of course, my partner’s).

Are “Makeshift” Sex Toys Safe to Use?

Kate Sloan
A cucumber that may or may not have been inside me at some point

There are a few classic questions that come to mind for me when I think about people who turn to sex educators for advice. “Why can’t my girlfriend come from penetration alone?” is one of them; “Does dick size matter?” is another. But here is the one I want to talk to you about today: “Can I use [xyz household object] as a sex toy?”

My initial knee-jerk response is a resounding “NO,” but if I want to be a bit more nuanced and detailed (like the people who wrote this guide to homemade male sex toys), I have to acknowledge that there are cases in which makeshift “sex toys” can be relatively safe to use. Generally, products actually made and marketed for that usage are safer and healthier (toxic jelly toys and “for novelty use only” monstrosities notwithstanding), but if you fantasize about using particular household objects for pleasure – or you face other barriers to accessing real sex toys, whether financial, privacy-based, or otherwise – you deserve to know how to use those objects as safely as possible. I’m not a doctor or a sex toy engineer and this is not official advice (don’t sue me!), but here’s what I know…

First of all, and most basic, you’re going to want to look for an object that is smooth. It depends on what you plan on using it for, of course, but generally, sharp seams and other pointy bits are to be avoided. You may be able to sand these down with sandpaper if you’re that committed to the cause.

Next, in an ideal world, you’d only use products made of non-porous materials, so they can be sanitized effectively and won’t accumulate bacteria over time. Glass, metal, hard plastic, and 100% silicone are all non-porous, and properly lacquered wood can be effectively non-porous even if the wood itself is not. A couple of the makeshift sex toys I used in my youth fit these criteria – one was a metal tube a friend had given me for my birthday that was designed for storing a single tampon in (?!), and one was the gently curved end of a hard plastic stereo remote control. The non-porosity of these materials meant I could clean them fairly easily with soap and water or a disinfectant wipe.

Many people are curious about using fruits or vegetables as sex toys. I understand the fascination – some of them have really beautiful and pleasurable-looking shapes! I also know this can be a cost-effective way to test out what kinds of toy shapes and sizes you’re into, especially since you can carve these treats however you like. (Were your eyes bigger than your vagina when you bought that giant cucumber? No problem, just whittle it down!) But if you plan on going this route, PLEASE wrap the item in a condom, at the very least. It’ll protect you from what’s on the surface of the toy, whether that be scratchy textures or pesticide remnants, and will lessen the likelihood of you getting an infection from stuffing yourself with produce. I learned the hard way that the plastic wrapping on some fruits and veggies is not a good enough barrier when I accidentally scratched up my insides with some tiny-yet-sharp protruding bits of plastic on a cucumber’s encasement. Just take the plastic off and replace it with a condom. And change the condom every time you reuse your “toy” thereafter, please!

“Put a condom on it” is actually good advice for a wide array of objects you could stick inside yourself. Given that even the actual sex toy industry isn’t regulated so not all products therein are actually body-safe, objects not made for that usage are even riskier. Whether you’re using a shampoo bottle, an electric toothbrush, or anything else, repeat after me: Put a condom on it!

Speaking of electricity… When it comes to putting electronics inside yourself, just say no. Toothbrushes are an odd example because they have to be moisture-resistant due to the nature of what they do, but even they are probably safest to use only externally, not internally. You don’t want to ruin your buzz (or your genitals) by accidentally zapping yourself mid-wank!

In addition, it’s my responsibility as a sex educator to tell you that you should not insert anything in your ass that doesn’t have a flared base. (Google “flared base butt plug” if you need a visual aid.) I also just generally wouldn’t recommend putting anything “makeshift” in your butt, because that area is more sensitive and more easily damaged than, say, a vagina or a penis, and it’s just not worth the risk, IMO.

Finally, please don’t fuck yourself with any items that other people in your household use, unless you have their explicit consent to do so. It doesn’t matter how clean you get it after you use it; it’s still a consent violation, and potentially a health and safety hazard, for other people who might encounter that object in your home later on.

Have you ever used a makeshift/homemade sex toy? How did it go?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.