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5 Excellent Excuses to Dress Up In Your Own Home

Kate Sloan

I’m sure that, like me, you’ve been reading a lot of conflicting advice online about how to stay stuck at home without totally drowning in despair. Some people say, “Put on lipstick and real clothes every day so you feel put-together and normal!” while others say, “Wear pajamas and skip shaving for as long as you want – shit’s hard right now and you should be gentle with yourself!”

The thing is, both of these perspectives are correct. Lounging around in sweatpants is necessary and uplifting, at some times and for some people. So is dressing to the nines.

With that in mind, here are 5 excuses to put on a fancy/cute/weird outfit, even if you don’t plan on leaving your house for the foreseeable future – because I know that some of you, like me, are of a persuasion that enables fashion and beauty to lift your mood and bolster your confidence. You don’t need an excuse to get dressed, but if you want one, I’ve got some for you!

Attend an online event

A few friends of mine have been loving the nightly opera streams currently offered by the Met, and I can’t imagine an online event better suited to be dressed up for, especially given how fancy people usually get to attend the opera. You could wear a sequinned gown, a velvet suit, a long and flowing skirt, a giant fascinator in your hair… Whatever feels elegant and dressy to you!

That said, there are lots of other online events worth dressing up for, albeit not necessarily as formally as you would for the opera. I recently enjoyed attending a Risk livestream; there are online queer dance parties, literary panels, film festivals, and much more. These are relatively easy to dress for because you can just ask yourself, “What would I wear if I was attending this event IRL?” and then wear that.

Host a gathering

We’re entering the era of the Zoom party! May as well have a good time if we have to be stuck at home. Invite several of your favorite people to an online event. This, blessedly, usually takes less planning and preparation than an in-person rendezvous, and also enables you to invite people you don’t normally get to see because they live in different cities/countries/continents than you.

You could hold a get-together to mark your birthday or some other significant occasion. You could also just pick a theme (which often makes it easier to choose an outfit) and have a party for the heck of it. Toast to your shared circumstances and have a good time!

Do a photoshoot

If you’ve got extra time on your hands, as many of us do right now, you may as well spend it feeling sexy and documenting your cuteness! (Check out my post on at-home exhibitionism for more tips along these lines.) Put on something you don’t often get to wear, but that you feel amazing in – like a set of fancy lingerie or a hot leather jacket – and set up your phone or camera to take some self-portraits. Post ’em or don’t – it’s up to you.

Should you happen to be self-isolating with someone else who also wants to participate, you could take some snaps of each other. Hell, if you want, you could even schedule a time to video-call a similarly dolled-up friend and the two of you could take screenshots of one another while you strike various poses. Anything to distract you from the constant barrage of bad news, right?

Roleplay a sexy scenario

This is, of course, easiest if you happen to be holed up with a partner – but you don’t have to be. You could make plans to Skype your sweetie for a costumed teacher/student roleplay, for example, or tell your polycule to dress as various different superheroes for a fanciful group FaceTime call designed to devolve into an exhibitionistic touchless orgy.

You could even incorporate your medium of communication into the roleplay itself; for instance, sometimes my partner and I talk on the phone pretending I’m a hysteria patient who’s called in to a medical hotline for advice and guidance. You don’t have to let our current era’s limitations hamper your erotic imagination!

Put on a performance

There are a lot of jokes going around right now about the proliferation of Instagram Live broadcasts, but frankly, if reading the Twilight novels aloud to an online audience or casually painting while chatting with your followers is what gets you through this tough time, I say go right ahead! It’s probably a nice escape for the people tuning in as well.

Slither into a satin dress to play some ukulele tunes on Facebook. Don your best goth ensemble to perform some of the Stephen King oeuvre on YouTube. Bust out your tutu for an impromptu ballet show on Instagram. Fuck the haters; dressing up and performing are fun, and may well be helpful to the folks watching.

And hey, if you want to put on a sexy show, there are plenty of ways to do that, as you probably know… This Cirillas Fleshlight review and my review of the Vixen Bandit are great places to start if you’re looking for sex toys that help with a wee bit of exhibitionism!

Have you been getting dressed much lately? Any good outfits/stories/pieces of wisdom to share on the subject?

 

Heads up: this post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Ways to Explore Exhibitionism While Social-Distancing

Kate Sloan

As I’ve said before, one of the (seemingly very few) silver linings of the current global pandemic is that those of us privileged enough to be able to stay home will now have more time for sex, pleasure, and exploration – at least, if our libidos manage to overcome the anxiety we’re all feeling!

You could, for example, use this time to lean into any exhibitionistic impulses you’ve been harboring. Sometimes feeling desirable is the best cure for a low mood. Lucky for you, I’ve got some suggestions for ways to show off sexually without ever leaving your house!

Start with sexting. If you haven’t yet discovered the joys of adult live chat, now’s the time! When exchanging sexts with a sweetie, turn up the exhibitionism dial by sending them pictures that demonstrate just how much they’re turning you on (with consent, of course) or even just by describing how you’re touching yourself and how you look at that moment. This is a fairly low-pressure way to ease into exhibitionism if that’s a direction you’re interested in moving in.

Perform in front of a mirror. Your exhibitionism is just as valid if you’re the only voyeur! In fact, some people even prefer it that way. Set the mood however you like – sexy music, low lighting, incense, self-massage, and so on – and then go to town on yourself, either with toys or just with your hands. (I will add that now is an especially good time to put effort into sex toy hygiene! I know a popular male cam model who uses rubbing alcohol to keep his toys free of bacteria, but you don’t have to go that far – a thorough scrubdown with soap and water should be fine for nonporous toys, even if you plan to put them in your mouth.)

Put on a cam show. No, you don’t have to look like – or perform like – the best live webcam girls to put on a very sexy show! An intimate cam performance for one spectator, especially one you know well and are attracted to, often has quite a different vibe from the more well-known, professional variety. If you’re not sure what to do, ask your beau if they’d like to watch you get yourself off. Then you can stage a spectacle involving a drawn-out striptease, seductive self-touch all over your body, a thorough fucking with sex toys, or whatever else you please. And hey, if you end up loving the experience and want to start putting on shows for groups and/or strangers, there are lots of places online to do that!

Send someone audio of your orgasm. The way you sound while you’re coming is probably super hot, even if you personally don’t think so! Use the voice memo function on your phone – or, if you’re fancy, a proper microphone and recording software – to record yourself getting off, and then send out the audio to any sweetheart or crush who enthusiastically consents to hear it. This can be a fun follow-up to an earlier sexting convo (“Wanna hear how hard I got off while re-reading your words?”), a follow-through on a kinky assignment (“I jerked off the way you wanted me to, Madame – here’s proof!”), or an out-of-the-blue lust-bomb.

Take thirst traps. Look, you’ve probably got time to kill at the moment – may as well spend it shooting nudes ‘n’ lewds if you are that way inclined. This could even be a self-care and self-love ritual of sorts, at a time when those things are very much needed. You could take a long, luxurious bath or shower, get dressed up and/or dolled up so you feel as foxy as possible, and then document the moment with your phone or camera. Depending on your comfort level, you may want to share the pics with one or two people, no one at all, or the entire internet – you can elicit that exhibitionistic rush either way!

Have you been engaging in any of these exhibitionistic behaviors while social-distancing? How’s it going?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Clone-a-Willy

Kate Sloan

I take great pains to document my sex life, whether on my blog (as you can plainly see) or in my journals or even in texts to friends. It feels like an act of archiving experiences, cataloguing them, so that in some sense I can hold onto them forever. It makes sense, then, that I would also want to somehow replicate – and thereby keep – my favorite dicks I have known.

This impulse evidently must be pretty common, because the Clone-a-Willy has been one of the most-discussed sex toys in the entire industry for as long as I can remember. Made by the geniuses at Empire Labs (whom I was privileged to meet at an industry tradeshow recently), this kit contains everything you need to first make a mold of a particular dick, and then pour silicone into the mold to create a body-safe, fuck-ready copy of said dick. What an incredible gift Empire Labs has given to the world.

I’ve been wanting to try a Clone-a-Willy since the moment I first heard of the product, and was delighted when my pals at Mindful offered to send me a kit. My partner and I decided on the hot pink version – the toy also comes in various skin tones and glow-in-the-dark shades – because, in their words, “I already have a flesh-toned version of my cock. I don’t need another one.” I love that the company makes the toy in so many colors; it’s a seemingly small thing but it makes the whole process feel more fun and whimsical, while also potentially making the product more inviting to non-binary and gender-nonconforming users, or people who just like colorful cocks.

The kit includes the following components: a package of algae-based molding powder, two tubs of liquid silicone, a plastic tube to assemble the whole thing in, a single-speed vibrator, a thermometer for measuring water temperature, a wooden tongue-depressor-esque stick to help with dispensing the silicone, and appropriately detailed instructions. You, in turn, will need the following items of your own for the dick-cloning process: a measuring cup, a large mixing bowl, scissors, a timer, a disposable container (like the kind of thing takeout soup might come in), a mixing spoon, and a 4″x4″ square of cardboard.

The instructions are fairly easy to grasp once you’ve read through them a few times, but you do need to read them thoroughly. Much like cooking certain complicated dishes, the Clone-a-Willy process progresses fairly quickly once it gets started, so it’s best to do your “mise en place” beforehand as best as you can.

You can read the instructions online if you’re curious, but to summarize… You’ll first need to get your dick (or your partner’s dick) hard and cut the plastic tube so it’s only half an inch longer than the penis you’re seeking to clone. (The provided tube is 11 inches long by 2.5 inches wide, so it should fit all but the most record-breakingly enormous dicks.) Then, in your mixing bowl, you’ll stir the molding powder into a specified quantity of 90-degree water (hence the thermometer in the kit) for precisely 45 seconds and pour it into the tube. At this point, the dick-owner must shove their erect-as-possible penis into the tube while the molding mixture starts to solidify, which takes only about two minutes.

This is the most stressful part of the process, because it requires you to maintain an erection while your dick is swimming around in a tube full of lukewarm whitish liquid – not necessarily the sexiest situation. My partner and I dealt with this by setting up a hypnotic trigger beforehand which would give them an extra jolt of boner-boosting arousal whenever I said the word “hard.” I also helped out during these crucial two minutes by kissing them, touching their non-genital erogenous zones, etc. Keep that dick hard at all costs, and definitely don’t miss your window of time – this stuff solidifies fast!

Once your mold is more-or-less firm, you can remove your dick from the tube. The instructions recommend letting the mold harden for an additional 4-8 hours before moving onto the next step, in which you mix together your two jars of silicone, slowly pour them into the mold, and top it all off with your vibrator wedged through a piece of cardboard to keep it properly positioned in the toy. Then you let the whole thing sit for 24 hours or more, at which point your fully-formed silicone dick is ready for extraction (and enjoyment).

Let me make a case for why the Clone-a-Willy is the perfect vibrator kit to try in the age of coronavirus. First off, if self-isolation or quarantining has dictated that you can’t see your partner face-to-face or genitals-to-genitals for a while, it might be nice to send them a fuckable effigy of your bits to help them feel closer to you. (Empire Labs also makes an equivalent version for vulvas now!) On the other hand, if you and your partner are holed up together – as was my situation – Clone-a-Willy is like a sexy science experiment you can do together. It’s a bonding experience, a collaborative process, and could even be incorporated into a kink scene if you’re so inclined.

It’s also worth noting that, at about $50-60 depending on where you are, the Clone-a-Willy kit is cheaper than a lot of realistic silicone dildos out there. It does require more work on your part than just picking up a couples’ vibe at the store, obviously, but I think it’s well worth its reasonable price tag, especially for the quality of the dildo you end up with.

Once we extracted the finished dildo from the mold (after waiting the full recommended 24 hours, very impatiently), I was struck by just how lifelike it is. It didn’t capture the full length of the dick being replicated, nor did it have the beautiful color gradient of peach-to-pink-to-purplish that I adore on the aforementioned dick, since it’s just pink silicone – but every bump, ridge, vein, and curve was preserved. Both my partner and I looked upon it in awe and agreed that it looked immensely, even somewhat creepily, close to their actual dick. Uncanny valley ahoy!

Of course, we pretty much immediately started boning, and soon they fucked me with their silicone cock. It’s unmistakably firmer and more battering-ram-esque than an actual flesh-and-blood dick, but sometimes that’s preferable! It’s also a little bit difficult to hold if you’re fucking someone with it – the dial base of the vibrator isn’t anywhere near as grippable as a typical chunky dildo base the likes of which would fit into a strap-on harness – but we managed to make it work. It was cool being able to combine their cock with things it normally can’t easily be paired with, like the Magic Wand Rechargeable or their mouth.

As for the vibrator embedded in the toy, it’s nothing to write home about: it’s only got one speed, and requires just one AA battery, so it’s not exactly a powerhouse. That said, you could probably replace it with a different, equivalently-sized vibe if you were so inclined, or just take it out once the dildo is set. I’m not much for internal vibration anyway.

Overall I’m really glad to own a gorgeous copy of my partner’s magnificent dick. I’m also impressed at how well the folks at Empire Labs have managed to create a dildo-making process that even a layman (or laywoman or layenby) can figure out. The Clone-a-Willy is a unique product and could be a lovely gift, whether you present your partner with a ready-made duplicate of your genitals, or the full unused kit, ready to be busted out on a particularly ambitious date night.

 

This post was sponsored by the good folks at JustMindful, who also provided the toy for me to review. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Quarantine Challenge: Try a New Sex Thing

Kate Sloan

If you – like so many of us – have effectively locked yourself into your own home because of the current global pandemic situation, I commend you. Social distancing is a smart and life-saving measure, difficult though it may be.

Articles abound on the internet right now about things to do while in quarantine, whether said quarantine is self-imposed or imposed by health officials or even your country’s government. I think that’s great – people are obviously very anxious right now, and being given explicit instructions or suggestions for what to do is (for me at least) often helpful when you’re distraught.

Since this is ostensibly a sex blog, I have some suggestions for things you could try if you find yourself cooped up at home, either with a partner or just by yourself. (Or, I mean, if you have a roommate who you think is both hot and chill, maybe they’d want to join in?!) Try these if you’re feeling bored, horny, ‘n’ exploratory…

Have lots of orgasms! Studies show orgasms reduce stress and boost your immunity, two effects we both sorely need right now. If it helps to think of this process as purely medicinal rather than erotic, then do that – I understand this isn’t exactly the most arousing time in history! I find big, strong vibrators are my best companion when I just want to crank out a climax. If you choose to order a new sex toy in these trying times, I strongly suggest you look into buying from your local indie sex shop if you have one – their income, like that of many small businesses right now, has probably taken a nosedive.

Work up to something big. While your housemates are cleaning out their closets or drafting the next Great American Novel, maybe you could work on your own magnum opus: your hungry holes! You could use toys or your hand to explore gentle stretching sensations the likes of which you’d feel if you were getting fisted, for example. If you’ve ever wanted to get into butt stuff but been too nervous or too tight, good news – you’ve probably got lots of time to spare now. So pull out those anal sex toys (ones with a flared base only, please), slather ’em in lube, and sloooowly acclimatize yourself to the sensation. (Remember, though: scientists say one of the coronavirus transmission routes is fecal-oral, so please, for the love of god, wash your hands when you’re done… which you should’ve been doing anyway.)

Fuck on drugs. I don’t know if you’re lucky enough to live (as I do) in a place where marijuana is legal and easily obtainable, for example, but if you happen to have a decent stockpile of your intoxicant of choice, maybe now’s the time to bust some out for sexy purposes. After all, you can’t exactly have a 6-hour edible-fuelled fuck-fest on a Tuesday under normal circumstances – but these aren’t normal circumstances. (That said, I would caution you to avoid drugs that you suspect will make you feel anxious and paranoid, since, y’know, we’re all already feeling that way all the time now.)

Make hand-washing sexy. There are infinite ways you could do this, from buying decadent moisturizing hand soap to putting a photo of your favorite hot celebrity above the sink with a drawn-on speech bubble that says “Scrub those hands for me, you beautiful bitch.” If you have a dominant (or can find one on, like, Twitter – there are a lot of horny/lonely/bored people out there right now!), maybe they could boss you via text into washing your hands more, or give you rewards for doing so.

Investigate a new-to-you porn genre. Some people are like, “When I retire, I’m going to really dive into the work of the classic Russian novelists,” but we’re pervs in a crisis, so we’re more like, “You know, I’ve always wondered what clown fetish porn was like…!” Just please make sure to pay independent porn creators for their work. (Here’s a beautiful video of me giving a blowjob that you can rent if you’re so inclined…)

What sexual thoughts and fantasies are on your mind in these trying times, if any?

They Can’t Take That (Wand Vibrator) Away From Me

Kate Sloan

I’m having a minor mental breakdown because the Scrabble app is being discontinued.

I know that doesn’t sound like it’s going to be relevant to sex toys and the other topics covered on this here blog, but bear with me for a moment. The Scrabble app – totally classic, with no bells or whistles, just that well-worn Hasbro aesthetic and those well-understood rules – has been my constant companion in my battle against anxiety and depression for several years. It’s one tool in my wide-ranging toolbelt of coping mechanisms, but it is a significant one. When I start to hyperventilate on the subway, or am en route to a party I’m nervous about, or am crying so hard I can’t get out of bed, I can always whip out my phone and play a few games of Scrabble against a skilled robot. The familiarity of the game, and my skill at it, calm me down in minutes.

When EA recently announced that they’re phasing out the classic Scrabble app in favor of the new (and way, way worse) Scrabble Go, and that users of the original app will be unable to keep using it past June, I honestly felt like a piece of the cliff I was standing on had suddenly crumbled and fallen away. Maybe it’s the fact that this announcement coincided with global panic about a pandemic as well as a continuing political shitshow, but it really felt like something had been taken away from me that I needed in order to function. Something I thought I could trust, and that I thought would always be there somehow, in fact will be gone in not too long.

That brings me to the Magic Wand. The Japanese corporation originally responsible for making and selling this legendary vibrator, Hitachi, almost pulled the plug on the product (so to speak) in the mid-2010s when – according to various sources – the conservative company got cold feet about the sexualization of their product. Marketed as a muscle massager, the Magic Wand had nonetheless picked up steam as a sex aid in North American masturbation workshops and porn flicks (though it is also available in the UK and elsewhere) and Hitachi wasn’t cool with that. American sex toy distributor Vibratex swept in and saved the day by taking over branding and distribution of the product so Hitachi could save face – but in the interim, Magic Wand fans were terrified. Theories abounded about the toy’s potential fate. Wands started popping up for hundreds of dollars on eBay and the like. The situation looked dire, until Vibratex started cranking out wands again (including the Magic Wand Rechargeable, a brilliantly-conceived update on the original) and harmony was restored to the universe.

I was reminded of this story when I heard the news about the Scrabble app, because there is something uniquely terrifying about finding out that what you once considered a constant comfort actually is not. This is true whether the thing that has crumbled is big – like your relationship, your family, or, say, the entire world order as you know it – or small, like an app or a vibrator. We place our trust in these things; they hold our emotional safety precariously in their hands. So it’s immensely destabilizing when one of them just winks out of existence.

The world may be incredibly fucked up right now, but I still have my Magic Wand, and it feels like a security blanket. Even when I’m scared of what’s to come, I can still have orgasms. Even if I have to self-quarantine, I can still have orgasms. Even if I get sick, I can still have orgasms (assuming I can muster the energy to administer them). Lots of people are turning to lots of familiar comforts in times like these – beloved shows on Netflix, dog-eared and much-read books, Skype calls with loved ones – and I’m glad that the Magic Wand is one of mine… especially now that my long-cherished Scrabble app is being ripped from my hands. (Okay, I might be being a tad melodramatic. Just a tad.)

 

If you want to know more about wand vibrators available worldwide, check out this review of the Hitachi Magic Wand alternative in Australia. This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.