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5 of the Most Commonly Fetishized “Non-Sexual” Body Parts

Kate Sloan
Taken at the Gramercy Park Hotel in 2019

I find fetishes fascinating. It truly speaks to human ingenuity that we have found ways to get horny about all manner of things, from leather boots to mannequins to piss.

Some of the most commonly fetishized objects are body parts. While some features of human anatomy are so commonly fetishized as to escape the fetish label, such as breasts and butts, plenty of oft-lusted-after body parts are generally considered “non-sexual,” despite them carrying a sexual charge for many people.

I’ll refer to this study in choosing some body parts to tell you about in this post. Let’s get into it…

 

Feet

I mean, you probably knew this was gonna be the top item on this list. 47% of the fetishists in the study have a foot fetish; it’s often thought to be the most common “non-sexual” body part fetish.

Different people like feet for different reasons, ranging from the taboo of kissing and licking a “gross” or “dirty” body part, to the powerful imagery of kneeling to kiss a god(dess)’s feet. As for people who fetishize having their own feet touched in sexual ways, power play can be an element of that as well, as can the fact that the feet are just really damn sensitive.

Curious about this fetish? I go into it in more detail in my book 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do, and you can also read more here on a different website.

 

Hair

7% of study respondents fetishized hair. This can refer to body hair as well as hair on the head. Folks with this fetish may enjoy looking at, touching, and/or licking hair. This makes sense to me, seeing as our society places a lot of importance on hair as a marker of beauty and identity.

There are lots of subdivisions within this kink – some people only fetishize particular types or colors of hair, for example (“blondes have more fun,” anyone?), while some fetishize specific hair-related actions, like someone getting a haircut or having their head shaved. This is how I initially discovered this fetish online: a friend of mine shaved her head in high school and fetishists started swarming the photos I posted on Flickr…

 

Bellies and belly buttons

3% of the study’s respondents said they were into the midriff and/or specifically the belly button. They might enjoy staring at bellies, touching them, humping them, or engaging in activities that allow for belly-to-belly contact, like wrestling, or sex in the missionary position.

I find it really interesting and, honestly, healing that many belly fetishists prefer chubby bellies. As someone who’s always been nervous about whether my stomach is “too big” (despite liking to have it kissed and complimented in the bedroom), it makes me happy that there are plenty of people out there who would like it because it’s not flat!

 

Legs

2% of respondents mentioned being into the legs and/or buttocks. It’s a little strange that the researchers grouped these two body parts together like this, since the butt is usually seen as a directly sexual body part and the legs are not, but I guess it makes sense because the two are so closely connected.

Historically, legs were fetishized a lot in the Victorian era because men would so rarely see a woman’s legs (or even her ankles) under those long skirts. I find it fascinating how cultural norms can have such a huge effect on what people find sexy, even though fetishes are often described by those who have them as feeling inborn and unchangeable.

 

Lips and/or teeth

2% of study respondents said they were into lips, teeth, or the mouth in general. This fetish goes beyond just enjoying oral sex and may involve fixating on specific lip shapes, long tongues, sharp teeth, or any number of other mouth-related features.

The mouth can obviously be a highly sexual zone for many of us, and is packed with nerve endings, so this makes a lot of sense to me. I wonder if mouth fetishists can ever have orgasms just from being kissed…

 

What anatomical fetishes do you find most interesting or intriguing?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Body “Imperfections” Are Part of What Makes Sex Hot

Kate Sloan

Content note: body image, internalized fatphobia, etc.

 

When I was younger, I was often horribly self-conscious about how I looked during sex. I’m sure many of you can relate.

I was terrified of my belly or thighs looking “too chubby” during sex, and paranoid about certain angles emphasizing a double chin. I fretted about lighting, preferring to be seen as little as possible during the act. I shaved almost every part of my body, very carefully, before every date that I thought might end in sex – and if I later noticed a patch of hair I’d missed, I felt deeply embarrassed about it, like my sexual partner du jour would definitely have noticed this oversight and would have thus judged me as having failed at femininity.

I know a lot of people feel this way, especially women. Porn is often blamed for the high standards we hold ourselves to, but I think the entire media apparatus is really at fault here – from women’s magazines that rate celebrities’ “beach bodies,” to airbrushed and gorgeously-lit sex scenes in movies and TV. There’s a lot of messaging out there which seems to suggest that only conventionally attractive people deserve sex (a standard that often ends up being fatphobic, racist, transphobic, and ableist in its execution). It’s no wonder so many of us are nervous about being seen naked.

And sure, not all of us have Kardashian curves, a J. Lo butt, or Emma Hix feet, but it ultimately doesn’t matter, because imperfections are part of what make sex feel so exciting, so raw, so human.

I love tracing my fingers along a partner’s body and feeling their softness, moles, hairs. I love being able to kiss and compliment parts of a partner’s body that they’ve felt insecure or uncertain about. I love feeling someone relax when they truly absorb the idea that they are safe – that I’m not going to make some snide comment about their shape, or criticize their grooming habits, or walk out in disgust. And I also love when partners take the time to ensure that I, too, can relax in that way. Relaxation is really important for arousal – read Emily Nagoski’s excellent book Come As You Are for more on why stress is the ultimate libido-killer – so anything we can do to help each other chill out will make the ensuing sex much better for everyone involved.

 

I may not be able to erase all your insecurities in one fell swoop (trust me, I wish I could!), but I do want to offer some actionable advice for those of you who are often distracted and derailed by bad body image thoughts during sex. Here goes…

Ask for the reassurance you need. This is easier to do with established partners than new or one-off partners, but it can be really helpful either way. Try saying something like, “Hey, I’m feeling kind of self-conscious about my [belly/thighs/hips/etc.] today – can you give them a little extra love?” I have been lucky enough to have several partners who would take this kind of request as an opportunity to convey their desire for me both verbally and physically (e.g. by kissing the area[s] in question), which has really helped me.

Reflect on how you feel about your partner’s body (or how you have felt about past partners’ bodies). Odds are good you weren’t obsessively cataloguing and judging their every flaw. In fact, in many cases their so-called “flaws” may have been super hot to you. Well, other people may feel that way about your body, too!

Wear something you feel sexy in. There’s no rule that says you have to get naked whenever you have sex. There’s lots of hot lingerie and loungewear out there, for instance, that you can easily wear while fucking (although you may need to get creative in order to do so, like by pulling the gusset of your underwear to the side). In some cases this can be even hotter than being naked!

Consume different media if your current “media diet” contains a lot of conventionally perfect bodies, which, odds are, it does. Seek out porn and other sexy media from creators whose bodies look more like yours. Over time, this can shift the way you see your own body.

Seek therapy if you can. You deserve a life of wild, unabashed joy, in and out of the bedroom, and unpacking your body image issues with a professional might just be the way to achieve that. I know it’s helped me a lot.

 

Have you ever struggled with body insecurities during sex? How do you deal with it?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog Flowliper

Kate Sloan
Apologies for the cat hair. You know how it is.

Pressure-wave toys have been around for about a decade, and most of them have been pretty samey. A few companies have branched out with innovations within the pressure-wave toy genre, like when Arcwave made one for dicks, or when Womanizer made one with an “Autopilot” mode, but for the most part, these toys have largely been relatively similar to each other. They usually feature a small nozzle that directs rhythmic air waves at the clitoris for “touchless” pleasure, a sensation some people like and some people don’t.

So I was glad to see the new pressure-wave toy from Tracy’s Dog, the Flowliper, because it genuinely does some things differently from a lot of other pressure-wave toys. Let’s talk about what sets it apart from the crowd.

 

What is the Tracy’s Dog Flowliper?

The Flowliper is a rechargeable pressure-wave stimulator for clitoral use. It retails for $36–46, depending on where you get it from.

And before you ask: I have no idea what the product name means. My best guess is that it’s a portmanteau of “flower” and “lip,” but who can say? (Tracy, I suppose. Or perhaps her dog.)

 

Image via Tracy’s Dog because I have misplaced one of my attachments, lol.

Things I like about this toy

  • Tapping Attachment: It’s common these days for pressure-wave toys to come with more than one silicone head to go over the nozzle, to account for differences in clitoris size from user to user. The Flowliper takes this even further by including two different-sized nozzle heads and a third attachment that has a thin membrane of silicone covering its hole. This attachment turns the toy’s pressure-wave technology into a different sensation altogether: the membrane “taps” your clit rapidly, feeling almost more like mild oscillation than air waves. Using the toy with this attachment worked well for me as “foreplay” for using the more traditional nozzle heads, as it’s a subtler, gentler sensation that’s nonetheless pleasurable, especially when lubed. A lot of users (myself included, at times) have complained about pressure-wave toys feeling too intense, especially toward the start of a session, and this is a great solution for that.
  • Easy to Change the Attachments: Speaking of the swappable heads, I like that there’s a notch on each head which lines up with a corresponding notch on the toy itself, making it easy to orient the head correctly when you’re putting it on. This has occasionally been tricky for me with other such toys, so I appreciate this little quality-of-life addition.
  • Ergonomic Size & Shape: I like the elegant curves of the Flowliper. Holding it usually feels comfortable and natural, even with my chronic-pain-addled hands.
  • Buttons: The toy’s buttons are satisfyingly clicky and work as expected. There’s a power button to turn the toy on or off, two arrow buttons for navigating through the toy’s three steady speeds and seven patterns, and another button that switches the toy to its “Dynamic Pulse” mode (more on that in a sec). The buttons are also conveniently placed, exactly where my fingers naturally sit when I hold it. The power button is even located farther away from the other buttons so that I’m very unlikely to hit it by accident during use. (These button details may seem minor, but trust me – bad buttons can ruin a toy, and this toy has great buttons.)
  • Dynamic Pulse Mode: When I flipped through the Flowliper’s instructions and read about its Dynamic Pulse mode, I was intrigued, because it reminded me of Womanizer’s “Autopilot” mode, in which the toy controls itself, varying between different vibration patterns and speeds to give you an experience that feels more like a human partner touching you. However, the Flowliper only costs about one-third as much as the Womanizer Premium, so as you’d expect, the technology in the Flowliper isn’t quite as finessed. The toy’s Dynamic Pulse mode changes to a random pattern and intensity approximately every six seconds, keeping you on your toes. This has its downsides (see below) but I still found it boosted my arousal in a fun, pleasurable, and genuinely surprising way. Like Womanizer’s Autopilot mode, Dynamic Pulse mode has three different “ranges” it can operate within – low, medium, and high – so it won’t skip around wildly from high settings to low ones or vice-versa, which is a super useful feature for building gradually toward orgasm.
  • Price: At $36 (currently, as of this writing), the Flowliper is a very reasonably-priced pressure-wave toy, considering that the other sub-$100 pressure-wave toys I tend to recommend are in the $50-70 range. With its three different attachments, three speeds, seven patterns, and Dynamic Pulse mode, you get a lot of bang for your buck with this toy, since it can provide a bunch of different sensations.
  • Nice Aesthetic: I like the mix of smooth matte silicone and shiny frosted plastic that Tracy’s Dog has used for this toy. It gives it a distinct, surprisingly elegant look.
  • Useful LED Indicators: The LED light display on the Flowliper shows you which of the three Dynamic Pulse modes you’re in (low/medium/high) while that feature is engaged, and also tells you when the toy’s battery is running low and shows you the battery’s progress while it’s charging. These features wouldn’t be super notable on a high-end vibrator, but I’ve rarely seen “luxuries” like a low battery indicator on a toy of this price point, so it’s cool to see Tracy’s Dog raising the bar.

Things I don’t like about this toy

  • Buzziness: My main problem with the Flowliper is that its pressure waves feel high-pitched and not especially impactful – i.e. “buzzy.” This becomes more true as you turn up the intensity, and results in less-than-amazing orgasms for me. Granted, this could be due to the nozzles being the wrong shape and/or size for my particular anatomy, and thereby not being able to form a good seal around my clit; it’s hard to say. (The two nozzles that come with the toy have a side-to-side diameter of about 1.25 cm and 1.5 cm, and an up-and-down diameter of about 2 cm and 1.5 cm, respectively. On that note, these would not be suitable for people with especially large clits, including those with bottom growth from testosterone; for them, I’d recommend the Lelo Sila instead.)
  • Not Enough Steady Speeds: Of the 10 settings you can cycle through with the Flowliper’s two arrow buttons, only the first three are steady speeds; the next seven settings are patterns (more on them below). I strongly prefer pressure-wave toys that have at least 8-10 different speeds; otherwise the jumps between speeds tend to be jarringly intense and/or the highest setting doesn’t feel powerful enough (both are true for this toy).
  • Bad Patterns: The Flowliper’s seven pressure-wave patterns are largely erratic and annoying. While using them, I often felt that I was experiencing pleasure and arousal despite the pauses in between bouts of stimulation, not because of them. They would be good for creating frustration (hopefully the fun kind) during an edging session and not much else, IMO.
  • Randomness of Dynamic Pulse Mode: Because the Dynamic Pulse mode is literally random, it can cause me to ruin my orgasms by accident, if, for example, six seconds of steady air-pulses gets me close and then the toy switches to spaced-out pulses just as I’m coming. Granted, this is my own fault for leaving the toy on Dynamic Pulse mode while so close to orgasm, but theoretically it would be ideal if orgasms felt great regardless of what mode I was in, which isn’t the case with this toy.
  • Noise Level: The Flowliper isn’t wildly loud or anything – it’s definitely within the range of what I’d consider reasonable for a pressure-wave toy – but it’s nowhere near as quiet as some of the higher-end ones I’ve tried. As with most toys in its category, the Flowliper is louder when it’s not making contact with your body, and gets a bit quieter once it’s on your clit.
  • Not Waterproof: The Flowliper is rated IPX6, which means you can use it in the shower and wash it in the sink, but shouldn’t submerge it in water. As a bathtime masturbation fan, this is always a bit of a bummer for me, but it’s understandable at this price point.

Final thoughts

It’s really awesome to see mid-range companies like Tracy’s Dog aiming for the stars by incorporating features normally found in much pricier toys, like useful LED indicators, multiple head options, and a mode that lets you lie back and let the sex toy do the work for you.

The Tracy’s Dog Flowliper is certainly one of the best pressure-wave toys under $40 that I’ve tried; its air pulses don’t feel overly aggressive and aren’t worryingly loud, it offers an interesting variety of sensations, and it feels elegant and comfortable in my hand.

The “buzziness” of this toy’s air waves, and the limitation of only having three steady speeds to play within, made it miss the mark for me – but don’t get me wrong: I’ve definitely had orgasms with this toy and enjoyed them. It’s not my fave, but it’s perfectly decent for the price point, and it makes me eager to see what Tracy’s Dog will come up with next.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

West-Coast Cities & What I’d Wear

Kate Sloan

This morning, I received some great news in my inbox: my U.S. immigration interview has been scheduled for early November!

I haven’t mentioned it much here (or possibly at all?), but my spouse and I have been working with immigration lawyers for quite some time, putting together my application to move to the U.S. You would think it would be a simpler process, since my partner is an American citizen and we got married nearly 3 years ago (!!), but it’s been a bureaucratic labyrinth. I’m very glad (and very, very lucky) that we have professionals helping us through it.

Anyway, because my application is still pending, I’m not currently supposed to enter the States – so, naturally, I have been daydreaming about a lot of American cities that I want to return to, or visit for the first time, as the case may be. *wistful sigh*

I’m an east-coast gal – born and raised in Toronto, trying to move to New York – and, while I generally gel better with east-coasters culturally, west-coast cities nonetheless intrigue me. Here are a few I’d like to visit when I’m allowed to again, and some dreamy outfits I’d wear…

Portland

Undoubtedly my favorite west-coast city, Portland is full of impassioned weirdos, cool bookstores, and great coffee. (Also, incidentally, one of the best-stocked sex shops I’ve ever had the pleasure of visiting, Spartacus Leathers.)

You’d look right at home in Portland wearing a plaid flannel shirt, skinny jeans, and boots (god, remember that odd-looking collaboration collection Dr. Martens did with Pendleton?! How very Portlandia), but I usually want to dress more femme than that. In a patterned dress, colorful cashmere cardigan, lace tights, and a pair of ever-ubiquitous Docs, I’d feel comfy enough for an hours-long jaunt betwixt the shelves at Powell’s, but would still be dressed-up enough for a drinks date at the Multnomah Whiskey Library afterward.

Since Portland is famously the “city of roses,” naturally I would incorporate a rose motif into my ensemble: a red rose hair clip, and earrings to match. Add a cozy scarf, a cute little crossbody bag, and a poppin’ red lip, and I’m ready to stroll through the rose garden with my sweetheart, even if it gets chilly.

Los Angeles

L.A. culture and New York culture are often regarded as opposites, but I think people from both cities have a flair for the dramatic, just in different ways. And since I love a themed outfit (which is one of the ways I have a flair for the dramatic), I’d have to dress up in a caricature of Californian glamor if I went there.

Pink and blue feel like very Cali colors to me. A blue silky tank top tucked into a Barbie-pink high-waisted skirt would be the ideal foundation for my outfit. I’d pair that with pink lips, pink heart-shaped sunglasses (very Lolita), and a pink heart necklace from my favorite L.A.-based designer, Tarina Tarantino. Sunscreen is a must-have for sunny California days, natch, as is an adorable Instax camera that matches my outfit. I’d bring along a blue moto jacket incase it got colder at night.

I wonder if Los Angeles escorts and strippers would have the best recommendations for where to get sexy high heels locally. These blue ones are by Manolo Blahnik, and while I could likely handle wearing them for the duration of a cab ride, dinner, and an improv show at the Upright Citizens Brigade, I’m sure I wouldn’t want to traverse the whole Hollywood Walk of Fame in them!

San Francisco

My main reason for wanting to go to San Francisco is that it’s a major hub for queer folks, so of course I’d want to dress in a loudly gay manner there. If ever there was a good reason to buy rainbow boots…!

I’d make sure to wear bike shorts under this flowy yellow dress, so I wouldn’t flash anyone if the breeze picked up as I walked along the Golden Gate Bridge. A shiny red jacket would keep me cozy in the event of wind or rain. And of course, gotta have coquettish red sunglasses and a red lip to match.

My look would be rather different if I was attending the Folsom Street Fair – think black leather and dominatrix vibes – but I think this would be the ideal outfit for daytime touristy shenanigans in the “city by the bay.”

 

What are your favorite west-coast cities, and what do you regard as the best things to do there? (Asking for a friend… The friend is me, when I’m allowed back in the USA!)

 

This post was sponsored by my pals at Slixa. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

People With Penises Can Wear Strap-Ons Too!

Kate Sloan
Photo by (and of) my lovely partner, modeling a RodeoH harness with a Godemiche Ambit dildo

Today I come to you with an important public service announcement: people with vulvas aren’t the only ones who can wear strap-ons. People with penises can wear ‘em, too!

You might be thinking, “Why would someone want to strap on a fake dick when they already have a real one?” There are actually many answers to this question; here are just a few of them:

 

Variety’s sake

Your dick’s shape and size are great, but there are other shapes and sizes that can also feel good. For instance, I used to ask a particular boyfriend to strap on a dildo that was smaller than his actual cock so we could have anal sex more easily. The dildo also had a deeper curve than his dick, so it could stimulate my G-spot (through the anal-vaginal wall) more intensely than he could without it.

Some toys also offer a texture and/or hardness that your dick just doesn’t, such as glass dildos (of which there are indeed some that are harness-compatible). Strap-ons are fantastic for broadening the array of sensations you’re able to provide for your partner.

 

Stamina

Being able to last “long enough” is one of the primary sexual concerns of a lot of penis-havers, and it becomes almost a non-issue when you’re strapping on. (I say “almost” because it is possible to reach orgasm from fucking someone with a strap-on – but naturally, it’s more difficult and less common than getting off from regular ol’ penile stimulation.) You can basically fuck your partner for as long as you want – or as long as they want – without worrying that you’ll come too soon.

This can give you peace of mind, but it may also give your partner peace of mind. I’ve often worried I was taking “too long” to come during PIV, especially if my partner was noticeably staving off their orgasm – often with difficulty – so I could reach mine. But when they’re wearing a strap-on, I can take my time a bit more, and still experience the super-intense orgasms I have from getting fucked while providing my own clitoral stimulation with my fingers or a vibrator. My partner can even fuck me with a strap-on after they’ve already come, something that’s tough to do if (like most people) you’ve got a refractory period.

 

Erectile difficulties

If you struggle with inconsistent or nonexistent erections, using a strap-on can make a world of difference in your sexual confidence and capability. Strap-on sex gives you a lot of the same intimacy, closeness, and thrusting leverage as you get during standard PIV or anal sex, but you get to use a store-bought boner instead of worrying about conjuring your own. (This may be especially relevant for you if you’re unable to use medications like Viagra due to having medical contraindications or a lack of financial access to them.)

 

Focus

One complaint I’ve occasionally heard from partners is that they’d like to be able to pay more attention to my pleasure faces and noises, etc. during sex, but get somewhat distracted by their own pleasure, making this hard to do.

When you’re wearing a strap-on, you can more readily focus on what’s going on for your partner, which many people find ultra-hot. It also means that when it’s “your turn” to receive pleasure (e.g. via a post-strap-on-sex BJ), you can focus fully on that, instead of also worrying about whether you’re pleasing your partner enough at the same time.

 

Kink

Sometimes wearing a strap-on is just fucking hot! Maybe your fantasy is to dominate your partner by ploughing them with a huge dildo, or maybe you want to satisfy them with a strap-on while your real cock’s locked away in a chastity cage… There are about a zillion different kinky scenarios that could benefit from incorporating a strap-on.

A lot of kink is about power, and wearing a formidable cock that never gets soft can be quite powerful… as can “forcing” someone to fuck you with a strap-on, verbally humiliating them about it, etc. There’s so much psychosexual territory to explore!

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.