spon

4 Ways to Practice Dirty Talk… Outside of the Bedroom

Kate Sloan
Photo courtesy of mb

Dirty talk intimidates a lot of folks, for the same reason many people would be terrified to get on a stage and do improv: “What do I say?! And what if I make a fool of myself and get laughed at?”

But as with improv, it gets easier the more that you practice, I promise. Here are 4 quick suggestions of settings ‘n’ situations that lend themselves well to dirty-talk drills…

 

1. Talk out loud when you masturbate

Often, the least intimidating way to try something new sexually is to incorporate it into solo sex first. To quote my own book: “Hey, even world-class actors rehearse in private before performing for an audience!”

You could describe the fantasies flitting through your mind, say the things you wish a partner would say to you, or just narrate what you’re physically doing. The point is to get used to saying the words, without filtering yourself too much. If you get stuck, just pretend to be your favorite porn star (or the hottest dirty-talker from your sexual history), and say what they would say!

 

2. Read erotica aloud to one another

This is often easier than coming up with your own original material, as it were, because it gives you plausible deniability: “Oh, it wasn’t me who dreamed up those filthy ideas – it was the author, whose words I was simply reciting!” 😇

But this also gives you practice saying sexy words out loud, and lets you appreciate your partner’s reactions to the hottest parts, which may motivate you to try your hand at dirty talk without a script someday.

 

3. Text your partner “I was just thinking about…”

Sexting is lower-pressure than dirty-talking aloud for many people, so you could always start there. I’ll sometimes tell my partner what I fantasized about during a masturbation session earlier that day, or I might describe a hot erotica story I read or cool porn clip I watched.

Sure, sometimes I feel a flash of shame as I convey these things – that’s natural, in a sex-negative world that frequently punishes authentic expressions of desire – but that’s why it’s good to practice. The more shame I work through, the less of it I feel.

 

4. Fantasize together at a sex shop

Sometimes, when words fail you, it can be helpful to shop sex toys together – the objects on the shelves act as inspiration, much like the ‘suggestion’ that prompts an improv scene!

Weave through the aisles with your sweetheart and point out products that catch your eye, whispering to each other if you dare: “I’d love to bend you over and use that paddle on you.” “Your cock would look so good sinking into that stroker.” “I’d hold that vibe on you until your eyes rolled back in your head.” 😈 Maybe you’ll buy something, maybe not – but the communication you’ll open up between the two of you is priceless.

 

What are your favorite ways to practice talking dirty when you feel a little rusty at it?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

An Underrated Way to Expand Your Kink Palate…

Kate Sloan

Ever feel stuck in your kinks, like you’re just looping the same fantasies in your head every time you jerk off/have sex, unable to break free from your own patterns?

Trust me, I’ve been there. While I’d never advise you to shame yourself for your desires, sometimes it’s not shame so much as boredom and monotony that make us want to expand our kink palates and palettes. Humans thrive on novelty, after all, and even your all-time favorite treat might leave you wanting more at times. (A lady cannot live on chocolate cake alone, as much as she might want to…!)

One thing I’ve learned over the years is that you can liven up your kink life by playing with people whose kinks differ from yours – ideally people with whom you have some overlap, but plenty of differences, too. As a fetishist friend of mine once put it (while consensually threatening to do a knife-play scene with me!), “I mean, we aren’t looking to be life partners here. Maybe just learn some stuff.”

This resonated with me deeply because, for me, so much of kink is about learning: it’s a lens through which to continually discover and rediscover what interests you, what excites you, and what you’re capable of. And in kink as in the rest of life, we often learn the most from people who are very different from us – because they inspire us to try things we otherwise wouldn’t have considered, and therefore to reveal new facets of our sexualities and selves.

For instance, if I hadn’t met my now-wife, whose biggest kink is erotic hypnosis, I doubt I would have fully realized how much pleasure I get from flow-state-esque headspaces like trance and subspace. Trance allowed me to explore alternate forms of bondage, too – ones that constrained me using the power of my own mind, instead of ropes or chains, which was cool and hot in totally unexpected ways.

It was also through my wife’s love of hypnosis that we discovered my fondness for dollification, bimbofication, and other forms of “intelligence play” – which have been surprisingly healing endeavors for me, as someone whose smarts have long been the load-bearing center of her identity and who sometimes needs a break from carrying that mantle.

So, this week my advice to you is: Find a way to expand your kink horizons by connecting with someone whose tastes are way outside your wheelhouse. Could some new friends at a munch introduce you to your Next Big Thing? Could a random, exhibitionistic Omegle video call free your mind by letting you play a role in somebody else’s fantasy? Could filling out a Yes/No/Maybe list with a current partner lead the two of you down entirely new paths together, that you wouldn’t have stumbled onto without discussing not only your similarities but also your beautiful differences? Only time will tell… and you won’t know until you try! 😉

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker

Kate Sloan

My preferences for clit-sucker toys are so specific, I can usually tell if I’ll like one just by looking at it. And as soon as I saw the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker, I figured it would get along well with my clit – and I was correct about that.

(Don’t you wish it worked that way with human clit-suckers, too? Like gaydar but for pussy-eating skills… I’m sure my adventures on Tinder in my twenties would have been a lot more satisfying if I had cunnilingual clairvoyance!)

What is the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker?

This cute little toy uses air-pulse technology, also known as pressure-wave technology, to stimulate the clit with rhythmic waves of air. While companies often refer to these toys as clit-suckers, they don’t actually apply suction in the way that something like a clit pump does – but some people describe them as feeling like oral sex nonetheless.

This Funzze air-pulse toy is made of silicone and ABS plastic, retails for $33.99, and runs for about an hour on an hour-long charge.

Things I like about the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker:

  • It can get me off, no problem! To me, this toy’s air waves feel more like rumbly vibration that surrounds the tip of my clit. They’re low-pitched enough that I can feel them both on the surface of my skin and more deeply in the internally-buried parts of my clit. This leads to orgasms that are intense, deep, and fully felt – unlike orgasms from the buzzy vibration or weak pressure waves found on many other toys at this price point. I actually said “Whoa” out loud after coming with this toy for the first time, because I was that surprised 😂
  • The reason I requested this toy to review is that it has a larger mouth than most other toys in its category, a quality my clit tends to prefer. The hole has a diameter of 1.4 cm, or just over half an inch. That’s nearly as big as the mouth of my beloved Lelo Sila – although the Funzze toy’s mouth is only about 1.1 cm (0.43″) deep, versus the Sila’s mouth depth of 1.5 cm (0.59″), so I wouldn’t recommend this Funzze toy for anyone who has a large clit or who wants their whole clitoral shaft stimulated. The Sila is still better for those cases, albeit wayyyy more expensive.
  • This toy’s mouth has softly rounded silicone edges, which makes it comfortable to use and allows it to maintain a better seal around my clit, even if I writhe around a little during a session. (Always use lube – ideally a water-based formula – with pressure-wave toys, by the way! They feel a lot better and are less prone to causing irritation that way.)
  • It won’t be to everyone’s tastes, but I like this toy’s lovecore-y aesthetic! The heart-shaped button is cute, and I appreciate that it’s made of grippy silicone, while the rest of the toy’s body is made of glossy ABS plastic, so the button is easy to locate by feel and to keep a good grip on, even with lubey fingers.
  • At just 3.6″ tall by 2″ wide, this toy is petite and therefore arguably travel-friendly; it doesn’t have a travel-lock function, but it does come with a drawstring storage bag for travel.
  • It only costs $34! Honestly pretty rare for a toy at that price point to make me come 😆

Things I don’t like about the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker:

  • This toy has 8 settings, with just one button to cycle through all of them – and bafflingly, the settings are 2 steady speeds followed by 6 annoyingly inconsistent patterns. The patterns could be good if you love tease & denial, but personally, I mostly reach for sex toys when I want satisfaction, not frustration! Those of us who prefer steady speeds (which is most users) generally appreciate having more than just 2 to choose from – especially since this toy starts off fairly intense, so I have to get myself turned on using my hand (or another toy) before I’ll be able to enjoy this one.
  • Like most pressure-wave toys, this one’s mouth is sized such that it’ll only focus on the tip of your clit, if your clit is medium-to-large. I prefer indirect clitoral stimulation so I usually prefer to use these toys through my clitoral hood, which, to be fair, is entirely doable with this toy.
  • This toy is louder than I was expecting, for how petite it is. Even when its mouth is full of clit, it makes a somewhat grating buzzing noise, albeit one that likely couldn’t be heard through a closed door.
  • I think this toy is slightly too bulky, depth-wise, to fit well between bodies in the missionary position (whether for PIV or strap-on sex). You could manage it with an adapted position that allows for slightly more space between your pelvises.
  • Confusingly, the toy’s product page says it’s fully waterproof, while its manual and product specs say it’s only splashproof. (I suspect this may be the result of poor A.I. translation, as is common these days, but who knows.) In any case, I wish this toy was fully waterproof as its webpage claims, because I like using clit stimulators in the bath sometimes.

Final thoughts

I am always on the lookout for pressure-wave toys at an affordable price point, because many people want to try them, but (reasonably!) don’t want to drop $150+ on a really nice one when they don’t even know if they’ll enjoy the sensation. To that end, I’m glad that the Funzze Pink “O” Clitoral Sucker only costs $34, because that means that more people get to access the pleasures of this type of toy!

That being said, only having two steady speeds is a pretty big flaw, since most users prefer them (according to various informal Twitter polls that I and my colleagues have run over the years, anyway). This toy’s noise level also makes it tough to recommend for anyone who needs utmost discretion or just prefers quieter toys.

But I can’t deny that this toy brings me to some sharply intense orgasms. Its laser-focused clitoral directness isn’t always what I’m in the mood for – but it’s a sweet, cute, ultra-portable little mouth that can make me come and only costs $34, and I think that’s pretty neat.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: SeekHeart Buniva rabbit vibrator

Kate Sloan

Sex toy reviewers are basically genital daredevils. We take risks with our junk so our readers don’t have to. 🫡

Or at least, that’s what I told myself when I first took the SeekHeart Buniva rabbit vibe out of its box – because it looked a little scary, to be honest with you! The spindly, ribbed sections on its shaft almost looked like teeth in the maw of some great, gaping monster.

And yet, being the vaginal stuntwoman that I am, I was deeply curious – because I’d never seen a rabbit vibe that looked like this before, and trust me, I’ve tried a lot of them! So I lubed up the Buniva and put it through its paces. Here’s what I learned…

What is the SeekHeart Buniva?

A rabbit vibrator is a specific type of dual-stimulation vibrator – that is, a vibe that offers both external and internal stimulation at the same time. This one has two independently-operated motors, one for each “arm” of the toy: an internal one for vaginal pleasure, and a classic pair of little bunny ears for clitoral pleasure.

What sets the Buniva apart from other rabbits is the hollow, ribbed section at its center. There is a spindly texture on the parts of the toy that (at least theoretically) rub against both the upper vaginal wall near the entrance and the external part of the urethra/possibly the clitoral shaft, depending on how your anatomy happens to line up with the toy. (More on this later.)

The Buniva is made of silicone and ABS plastic, lasts about 55 minutes on a 90-minute charge, and is IPX6 water-resistant, meaning you can wash it in the sink or use it in the shower, but should not submerge it in water.

Things I like about the SeekHeart Buniva:

  • When I saw its instruction manual describe this toy’s vaginal arm as having “deep, rumbly vibrations,” I scoffed and said out loud, “Yeah, right; I’ll believe it when I see it,” because of how many sex toy companies lie about this nowadays – but actually, the Buniva follows through on that claim! The vibrations of this toy’s internal arm are deliciously low-pitched and pretty strong. I enjoyed using this part of the toy on my clit, getting myself turned on before moving on to penetration – and once it was inside me, the deep vibrations felt wonderful on my vaginal walls and especially my A-spot, which the toy’s slightly upturned, 5.5-inch-long shaft can hit easily.
  • This toy lends itself well to being thrusted during use, which is unusual for a rabbit vibe – typically they lose clit contact when you try to thrust them, but this one is designed such that the clitoral arm moves/bends with you as you push the toy in and out. As with any dual-stim toy, it won’t work for everyone, because different people have different amounts of distance between their clit and vaginal opening – but the flexibility of the Buniva’s clitoral arm makes it fairly adaptable in this regard.
  • Okay, let’s talk about that spiky-looking texture! It might appear to be painful, but when you look at it up close, it’s more like the texture on those “ribbed for her pleasure” condoms – which is to say, it’ll be painful for some people, but plenty of other people will enjoy it. Just make sure to lube up this area of the toy really well for optimal results. At its best, the ribbing on the vaginal arm massaged my G-spot on each thrust. I wasn’t able to take the toy deep enough for the clitoral arm’s ribbing to make contact with my body, but someone with a vaginal depth of at least 5.5″ would be able to feel it against either their clit or the external part of their urethra. Urethral stimulation certainly isn’t for everyone, but some people like it, especially since the urethra is part of the super-sensitive CUV (clitourethrovaginal) complex. I’ve rarely seen a vibe that targets this zone so directly.
  • I appreciate that this toy charges via USB-C, because I always have one of those around to charge my laptop + Kindle anyway. I wish more sex toy companies would use existing charging-port shapes like this, rather than making proprietary ones.
  • At the time I’m writing this, SeekHeart currently sells this toy for a wildly low $14.83 on Amazon, or $35.49 on their own website. I don’t know how they can afford to price it that low, but a vibe of this quality could easily be sold for $40-60, so this is an impressive price.
  • This is a decently quiet toy, especially on the lower settings.

Things I don’t like about the Seekheart Buniva:

  • This toy’s biggest flaw is, unfortunately, all too common: the vibrations of its clitoral stimulator are annoyingly buzzy/high-pitched and not particularly strong. Given that the majority of people with vulvas need clit stimulation to reach orgasm, it always perplexes me when companies seem to treat their dual- or triple-stim toys’ clitoral arm as an afterthought, when for many users it’ll be the most important component of the toy. If the Buniva’s clitoral arm was as rumbly and powerful as its internal arm, I’d be able to give this vibrator a more enthusiastic endorsement, but alas, it is not.
  • Although (as mentioned) I sometimes enjoy the toy’s ribbed texture against my G-spot, there are other times when it feels mildly scrapey/irritating. It’s crucial to lube up that part of the toy for maximal comfort – and you’ll also want to clean it super-duper-extra well between uses and pee after using it, to reduce the odds of a UTI.
  • Each of the toy’s 2 motors offers only 3 steady speeds followed by 7 vibration patterns. Most users prefer steady speeds, myself included, so I always wish there would be at least 5 of them, to allow for more variety and a smoother gradation between settings.
  • It’s rare that I feel strongly about a toy’s aesthetics, but I don’t like the color of this one. It’s a muted shade of brownish-red that reminds me of menstrual blood. (Although, hey, maybe that makes it ideal for menstrual masturbation!)

Final thoughts

I was surprised that this toy was able to bring me to orgasm, given that its clitoral vibrations are fairly buzzy and weak, and that I – like most people with my anatomy – only get off when there’s good clit stim going on.

But the Buniva does something interesting: it stimulates the internal parts of the clit as well, with its ripply texture, deep A-spot-focused vibrations, and thrustability. My orgasms with this toy would certainly feel better if its clitoral arm was rumblier and stronger, so that I could actually feel the clit stim at the moment of climax, instead of being slightly desensitized from the buzzy vibrations – but it’s a testament to this toy’s smart design that I can come with it nonetheless, due to how it massages my internal clit when I thrust with it.

If you prefer to keep your rabbit vibes stationary, this one probably isn’t for you, because it shines best when thrusted. But if you want a maximalist, ultra-textured rabbit that’ll surround your clit in vibrations from all sides while you thrust with it, the surprisingly affordable Buniva‘s got the goods. It’s not as scary as it looks, I promise.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How (& Why) to Try Financial Domination in Your Relationship

Kate Sloan

Financial domination (a.k.a. findom) is a widely misunderstood kink, often thought to be the sole domain of sex workers – and while SWs are obviously total pros at it (literally!), findom can also be done within personal relationships. I would know, because I’ve done it in mine!

So, whether you decide to bring up this kink with a current partner, or seek out a new one on a findom dating site, here are my top tips for trying findom…

 

Figure out your “why”

It’s understandable if findom holds no appeal for you, especially in these economically precarious times. However, if there is some part of you that feels intrigued by this kink, it’s good to ponder why, and then discuss your answer(s) with your partner(s).

To jump-start your thinking, here are some common reasons financial domination turns people on:

  • Power: At its simplest, findom is about power exchange, same as any other type of dominance-&-submission play. Money is power in our society, and so, when you give your money away, you are giving away some of your power. Some people find that very hot – and likewise, some people find it equally hot to be given that power, either freely or through (consensual, play-acted) “force.”
  • Objectification: Being objectified (or objectifying someone else) is a popular kink which can take many forms, and findom is one of them. In her book Mating in Captivity, for instance, couples’ therapist Esther Perel writes about a husband who struggled to see his wife in a sexual light after their kids were born, because of his (very common) Madonna/whore complex. Perel recommended they “introduce a little healthy objectification” into their sex life, so the wife told her husband she’d give him an “involved, prolonged, great blowjob”… for a hundred bucks. And it worked! It helped him to see her as a sexual being again, instead of as “just” the mother of his children.
  • Cuckolding: Some people incorporate findom into their cuck kink, by (for example) paying for their partner to go on a date with someone else, or buying them fancy lingerie for said date. Money can massively raise the stakes on such interactions.
  • Alleviating guilt/shame about money: My partner makes significantly more money than me, and I sometimes feel bad when she buys me nice things or takes me nice places, because I worry that she feels obligated, or that I shouldn’t be such a spoiled princess. But through findom, we can recast these kindnesses as part of our kink dynamic, which makes it easier for me to accept them. When I attire myself and carry myself like one of those hot leather-clad dommes from fetish porn and online femdom sites, I can feel like I deserve to be a spoiled princess!

 

Set clear lines around certain activities

This might be controversial, but I don’t think you should financially incentivize any sexual activity that you want to continue doing for free at some point in the future. When humans get paid to do something, they tend to lose the intrinsic motivation to do that thing without being paid; this is called the overjustification effect.

For this reason, I’d suggest either only paying (or being paid) for activities you wouldn’t otherwise do much or at all, or setting up a very specific “container” in which you’ll be paid, such as a roleplay where you’re both in-character as someone other than yourself. Hopefully these measures will keep the overjustification effect at bay.

 

Decide on a budget everyone can handle

When it comes to findom, I would never advise someone to play outside their means. You should not be going into debt or stressing yourself out just to participate in this kink!

This is why it’s a good idea to negotiate a specific budget before any findom scene, and to agree on a safeword so either party can tap out if they want to.

And by the way, there’s no rule that says you have to use real money. If Monopoly money still makes your brain chemicals go brrr, then by all means, use it!

 

3 scene ideas for findom beginners:

  • Have your partner pay you a certain agreed-upon amount for an activity you might not otherwise do very often or at all, like a striptease, bootblacking, or foot massage. You could do this as a client/provider roleplay if you like.
  • Agree on a budget and then go shopping for something frivolous/fun/sexy – like lingerie, sex toys, or porno mags – on one partner’s dime. When not interacting with sales staff, you can roleplay as a spoiled brat and doting caregiver, or whatever else feels hot to you.
  • If your relationship structure allows for it, and if you’re into the cuckoldy angle, have one partner pay for the other’s drinks/dinner/etc. on a date with someone else. Alternatively, just pay for them to enjoy some self-care – e.g. a mani-pedi, facial, or deep tissue massage. Maybe they can text you a selfie from the spa/salon/etc., playfully taunting you for being a hapless paypig 😘

 

Have you ever tried findom? How did it feel for you?

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.