Reviews: We-Vibe Tango X, Satisfyer Curvy 3+, & Lelo Smart Wand 2

I was sent these three toys recently while researching some pieces for the Insider about the best sex toys for couples and long-distance play. Here’s what I thought of each!

We-Vibe Tango X

I’ve long been loud about how much I love the original We-Vibe Tango. It has most of the qualities I’d ever want in a clitoral vibe: small, rumbly, powerful, firm, versatile, quiet, and waterproof. But it was missing a few key features – namely, it lacked a travel lock, had only one button you had to use to scroll through all 8 modes, and had a notoriously bad battery that was finicky as hell to charge and would tend to die completely after 1-3 years of use. Hence me owning several Tangos in my time.

The new Tango X has fixed all of those issues: We-Vibe added buttons for navigating between settings, provided a travel-lock option, and equipped the toy with a better battery that charges more easily. They also added an ergonomic silicone finger grip, something I hadn’t known I wanted but that makes the toy a lot easier for me to use on bad hand pain days.

The vibe is just as rumbly and strong as it ever was, albeit with more steady vibration settings to choose from so the jumps between settings don’t feel as abrupt as they used to. The addition of extra buttons, in particular, makes this toy much less annoying to use during partnered sex, because I don’t have to scroll through aaaaall the settings to get back to my fave, thus interrupting the action with some ill-timed vibration patterns. I’ve used the Tango X with my partner several times now and it is even more intuitive and well-suited to partnered-sex applications than it used to be, plus it remains a trusted choice for masturbation, whether I’m pairing it with a dildo or using the Tango X on its own.

I find it impressive that We-Vibe managed to keep the Tango X relatively affordable – $75 at time of writing – despite all these upgrades. (Canadians, that’s about $99 for us.) It remains an absolute staple in my toy collection, and because it has such rumbly and variable vibrations, I think it’d make a great gift for any vulva-possessing person in your life who has expressed wanting a clitoral vibrator but doesn’t quite know what to look for. Bravo, We-Vibe – bravo!

Satisfyer Curvy 3+

This ultra-sleek pressure-wave toy looks to me like something a grown-up Regina George might use. It’s cool, modern, and ergonomic as hell.

I was interested in the Curvy 3+ because Satisfyer gave me its predecessor, the Curvy 2+, back at ANME, and I loved it more than I expected to. The softly rounded edges of the “mouth” made it more comfortable around my clit than a lot of its pointier-edged counterparts, it had a broad range of settings and patterns, and its shape and matte silicone made it easy to hold onto, even when lube got involved. The “handle” end also vibrates and is insertable, incase you want to switch back and forth between clit stimulation and G-spot vibration – great if you’re travelling and don’t have access to other toys, I guess – but I didn’t end up using that feature much because, well, I own many, many dildos that feel better than the Curvy 2+’s handle.

That said, after trying the updated 3+ version, I actually prefer the earlier one! The 3+ has a flatter design that feels less sexy and more clinical in my hand somehow, and consequently its insertable end is also slimmer and less satisfying; it pokes my G-spot rather than filling me up. Most crucially, the “mouth” of the 3+ is smaller, shallower, and has less rounded-off edges, whereas the 2+ has a mouth that’s a good 0.1″ wider and 0.2″ deeper – which may not sound like much, but can make a big difference for a clitoral pressure-wave toy. I can fit a significant amount of my hooded clit into the Curvy 2+, but pretty much only the tip will comfortably fit into the 3+ and generally I have to pull back my hood a bit (yowch!) to even accomplish that much. The 2+’s mouth also has those gently rounded edges that make it much comfier to use, even when I’m pressing the toy firmly against my body.

Satisfyer’s app functionality is worth mentioning here, because it’s really fucking good. Like Lovense toys, Satisfyer toys connect quickly to their corresponding app and are super responsive when you’re controlling them that way. My partner and I have found my Satisfyer Curvy 2+ useful when we’re 500 miles apart but they want to “go down on me”; short of hiring a cunnilingually gifted sex worker and whispering instructions into their ear via audio call, the Satisfyer app is the closest my partner can get to performing oral on me when they can’t actually put their mouth on me.

While I’m sure some people will appreciate the aesthetic updates and functional differences of the Satisfyer Curvy 3+ versus its predecessors in the Curvy line, it’s the Curvy 2+ that has captured my heart (and my clit’s heart, if it had one), and that’s the one I’ll be reaching for more often in the future.

Lelo Smart Wand 2

Obligatory caveats about Lelo: ethically, they are… not great. They hired a domestic abuser as their spokesperson despite abuse survivors’ outcries against this, produced condoms that seem like a health hazard, sued We-Vibe in a vindictive act of patent-trolling, and released a sex toy excusively for male bankers (????), among other things.

While I do think their products have had a sharp decline in quality over the past decade or so, their Smart Wand line is a rare diamond in the rough, IMO – albeit with some problems of its own. I loved my original Smart Wand, although later it betrayed me by dying after only a year. No matter what I did to try to recharge and revive it, it was simply dead, dead, dead. I was just outside of Lelo’s 1-year warranty period so the best they would’ve done for me is provide me with a 50% discount code to buy another one, which – given how quickly the first one had perished – seemed risky and futile.

When I was at ANME in early 2020, I saw a new version of the Smart Wand on display which was bright turquoise (or “aqua,” according to Lelo). This exact shade is one of my favorite colors ever – in fact, I’m currently typing on a computer whose hard-shell case and keyboard cover are both the same color as my Smart Wand 2 – so I ached for it on those grounds alone. Later I asked Lelo for one, and it is just as glorious a hue as I remembered.

I’m not actually sure what’s different about the Smart Wand 2 versus the original Smart Wand; it’s been too long for me to remember and Lelo’s product copy is annoyingly unclear on this point. I do know that a lot of people reported mechanical issues with the original Smart Wand, most notably that sometimes the vibrations would jump around erratically, suddenly ramping up to a high setting or dropping to a low setting without users’ consent. This glitch was mostly reported as happening on the toy’s highest settings – and unfortunately, some reviewers say the Smart Wand 2 has the same issue.

I personally haven’t experienced this glitch, and didn’t experience it with the original Smart Wand, which suggests to me that maybe I use this vibe differently than the folks who noticed this problem. Pressure is often a culprit when vibes glitch out, but I’ve experimented with various amounts of pressure while using the Smart Wand 2 and still haven’t encountered that particular glitch (though I do notice that the vibe tends to get a bit weaker when you press it into your body, as often happens with vibrators). 🤷🏻‍♀️ Your mileage may vary, and purchase at your own risk!

I actually kind of love the Smart Wand 2, I’m somewhat ashamed to say. It’s gorgeous, smooth, and glamorous. Its handle has an ergonomic curved shape that I find useful when I massage my neck and shoulders with it. It’s reasonably quiet for a wand vibe, especially on the lower end of its intensity levels, and gets very strong and rumbly when you want it to. It’s also 100% waterproof, something that used to not matter as much to me in wand vibes but that matters enormously to me now that I live with chronic pain and thus do some of my best relaxin’ and wankin’ in the tub.

But despite all its glamour and strength, the Smart Wand 2 does have some problems. The buttons annoy me at least once every time I use it; Lelo has a bad habit of designing toys with buttons that somehow seem both oversensitive and undersensitive, sometimes requiring multiple presses to go to the next setting and sometimes skipping a few settings with just one press. I also find that the “+,” “–,” and “pattern” buttons are pretty indiscernible from one another when you’ve got your eyes closed or are using the toy in the dark, so I’ve accidentally started a vibration pattern many times when I meant to hit the “+” button instead, potentially ruining or losing my impending orgasm.

I’m also not especially fond of the rounded head. It works well for muscle massage, but one of the reasons I love my Magic Wand Rechargeable is that it has a more squarish shape so I can use its head’s edges/”corners” to produce a more focused, pinpointed sensation on my clit than the broad roundness the Smart Wand 2 allows for. However, if you like all-over vulva vibration, that won’t be an issue for you.

The Lelo Smart Wand 2 costs a whopping $199, and as stunning and seductive as it is, I don’t think it’s really worth that amount of money, especially when you can get a more dependable Magic Wand Rechargeable for just $130, or We-Vibe’s Wand (which is fully waterproof like the Smart Wand) for $170. The Smart Wand 2 reminds me of a beautiful but erratic socialite – and while that kind of person is fun to spend a night with once in a while, generally I’d rather come home to a reliable sweetheart like my Magic Wand.

 

Thanks to We-Vibe, Satisfyer, and Lelo for sending me these toys to try! Have you used any of these? What did you think?

Review: We-Vibe Touch X

I actually shrieked at my screen when my sex toy reviewer pal Epiphora told our blogger group chat that We-Vibe was launching newly updated versions of the We-Vibe Tango and Touch. It was that exciting.

See, this duo of vibes has long been revered as some of the absolute best in the biz, but they’ve also always had problems that made them hard to recommend without reservations. Charging and battery life were the most egregious issues; I would get several emails a year from readers who loved their Tango but found that it kept dying prematurely, or wouldn’t charge right. As for me, I’ve owned at least 4 different Tangos over the years because mine kept biting the bullet (so to speak).

Those issues have been fixed now, and so have many others. Let’s dive in and talk about the We-Vibe Touch X, which my friends at TheVibed were kind enough to send me.

Of We-Vibe’s two legendary clit vibes, I’ve always preferred the Tango, because of the way its slim shape fits between my labia for super-easy clitoral shaft stimulation, and (even more importantly) the way its hard plastic body transmits its sharply rumbly vibrations so well. The Touch never really thrilled me as much, because – being made of silicone rather than plastic – its vibrations felt comparatively muted and softened. Many people consider this a feature rather than a bug, which is why I’ve often recommended the Touch to folks who find plastic vibes uncomfortably hard, or who have genital piercings, injuries, or other quirks that require a gentler approach. But in the past, I’ve pretty much never reached for my Touch unless my Tango’s battery was dead or I had misplaced it somewhere (probably at a Tinder hookup’s house). Those softened vibrations just don’t quite do it for me.

But that’s all different in the new iteration. We-Vibe retooled the Touch X’s motor so that the vibrations feel significantly closer to the surface now. They also feel specifically focused in the tip of the toy, so my fingers don’t get buzzed as much as they used to while I use it. Yay!!

The vibration quality now is a subcategory of “rumbly” that I think of as being like fast tapping. It’s similar to how the JeJoue bullet vibes feel: each individual “tap” can be discerned, at least on the lower speeds. It’s a satisfying sensation that makes the vibe feel less like a robot and more like a human being, at least in terms of how my clit responds to it. The vibrations get slightly buzzier as you move up through the toy’s 8 (!!) intensity levels, but they remain gratifyingly rumbly enough to get me off with ease. They also get pretty damn powerful – it’s possible that the Touch’s motor was always this strong, but the new redesign allows me to actually feel all those impressive vibrations transmitting through the silicone.

The shape of the Touch is a major selling point for its hardcore fans. It comes to a point at the tip, but it’s a point that has some squish, so you can press it hard into your clit without hurting yourself. It has a big “scoop” on the underside that would probably work great against a bigger clit or the frenulum of a penis, though I can’t really find a way to make it work with my particular genitals. More often than not, I end up doing with the Touch basically the same thing I do with the Tango: holding its slimmest edge against the side or top of my clit, so I get stimulation that is indirect but somewhat pinpointed. It works well for this, though I do find myself readjusting the Touch more than I need to with the Tango, and I find the Touch trickier to fit between bodies during penetrative sex (though it’s certainly better suited to this task than, say, any wand vibrator).

I love having 8 different speeds instead of 4; it makes it much less likely I’ll numb myself out by overstimulating my clit too soon in a session. I also adore the new addition of a “plus” and “minus” button so I can navigate between settings without having to loop back around to the beginning using one button, like the original Touch and Tango required. As a power user who loathes vibration patterns, I appreciate that they’re only accessible via a patterns button, which I never press, not even accidentally. If you do like patterns, I think you’ll dig the way their intensity can be turned up or down using the other buttons (all vibrators should have this feature!!). The buttons, blessedly, are all located in a place that feels intuitive for my hands, even when they’re hurting.

My one real complaint about the Touch X is that its “handle” end has some slightly abrupt edges that sometimes feel like they’re digging into my fingers a bit. This is a very minor issue, because they’re wrapped in silicone, which I think would cushion them plenty well enough for someone who doesn’t have chronically achy hands like I do. But it is enough of an issue that I’ll probably reach for the Tango X more often than the Touch X, for this reason in addition to some of the others previously mentioned.

I also don’t love that the silicone collects lint so quickly (as evidenced by the lint visible in the photos I took for this post, which persisted even after I spent a couple minutes trying to remove it all), but that’s basically par for the course with silicone.

Overall, though? Thank you, thank you, thank you to We-Vibe for updating these classic clit vibes in a way that will legit change people’s lives. Owning a vibrator that is rumbly and strong, yet ergonomic and accessible, is a game-changer – particularly at a reasonable price. The We-Vibe Touch X is a triumph, an instant classic, and a bedside staple. And when the pandemic is over, and we’re allowed to go places again, I’m sure it’ll accompany me on numerous trips in my handbag or suitcase, somehow even more charmingly versatile and useful than it was when I tried the original Touch so many years ago.

 

Thanks so much to my pals at TheVibed.com for sending me this product to try!

Review: We-Vibe Nova 2

God, I love We-Vibe. I really, really do. I love We-Vibe so much that, during BOTH of the stints I worked in sex toy retail, my managers noted, “You really like We-Vibe, huh?”

I mean, of course I do. As a company, it’s leaps and bounds ahead of the toymakers those managers were more hyped about (Crave, Jimmyjane, and Lelo, perhaps because of higher profit margins or more luxurious marketing). Its toys are truly wonderful and genuinely innovative, unlike those of companies whose business model hinges on stealing other people’s ideas. In fact, We-Vibe’s toy designs are so good that they’re often the ones being stolen. In a perplexing example of “patent trolling,” Lelo infamously bought a preexisting vibrator charging patent and then sued We-Vibe for supposedly infringing on the copyright of this technology that Lelo didn’t even invent. We-Vibe speculates this was an act of retaliation for the lawsuit they filed against Lelo when Lelo started making couples’ vibes that copycatted the inventive C-shaped design We-Vibe famously pioneered. Classy move, Lelo. 🙄

Anyway, I don’t just love We-Vibe because they make other toy designers jealous. I love them because their toys are consistently fantastic. In the rare case where they mess up and make something people widely dislike – or even something with widely disliked features or elements – they’re not afraid to go back to the drawing board and crank out a new version.

The vibrator I’m reviewing today is the Nova 2, an update on a toy that was actually pretty broadly adored. The original Nova was a groundbreaking addition to the dual-stimulation (a.k.a. “rabbit”) vibe category, in that you could thrust it in and out without the flexible clitoral arm losing contact with your clit. This meant that you could have the best of both worlds: the dynamic G-spot stimulation you’d typically only get if you were thrusting a dildo inside you, and the consistent clitoral stimulation you’d normally only get from holding a vibrator on your clit. Total game-changer.

The Nova 2 kept all the things the original Nova did well, and added a few small touches that somehow make it an even better vibe. Chief among them is that the toy’s internal arm is now poseable, so you can bend it into a more pronounced curve if you want more intense G-spot stimulation, or straighten it out if you want it to be able to get deeper inside you. The angle of the internal arm will also affect how the external arm feels: more curved = less space between the two arms = more pressure on both your G-spot and your clit. I love a customizable vibe.

Notably, the bendability on the Nova 2 works differently than the two hinges at the heart of this company’s other bendable toy, the We-Vibe Sync. The Sync only bent in those two very specific places, while the Nova 2 can be bent more like a piece of metal wire: in various spots along its length, slowly, gradually, and with much effort. Ultimately I think this makes the Nova 2 more durable than the Sync, the floor model of which had broken in both of the sex shops where I once worked, due to customers’ overzealous manipulation of the hinges. The relative difficulty of bending the shaft also means that it’s far less likely to straighten out over time when it’s inside you, unlike some other bendable toys like the New York Toy Collective Shilo (which I otherwise like).

Also, interestingly, when I unbend the Nova 2 so it’s as straight as it’ll go, it’s often long enough to hit my A-spot (depending on where I’m at in my menstrual cycle and my arousal cycle). This is excellent news and makes the toy even more versatile than it already is, though I will say that I think it’s better suited for G-spot stimulation because of its shape.

It’s hard to tell for sure whether the motor has been updated significantly or not, because different materials can make the same motor feel different. The Nova 2’s silicone is squishier than the comparatively firm Nova 1, and what results is vibration that feels rumblier, less sharp, and more spread out within my internal clitoral network when I use it. I also found in my tests that the Nova 2 feels stronger on its top speed than the original does. If you liked the first Nova but would’ve preferred a bit more rumble and intensity, the Nova 2 will give it to you – the key phrase in that sentence being “a bit.”

The controls have been updated, in a small yet significant way: the button that lets you switch between only clitoral vibration, only internal vibration, or both at once used to be in the centre of the Nova’s control panel, in between its four other buttons that alter the vibration intensity and cycle through patterns. On the Nova 2, that button has been smartly moved to be below the rest of the control panel, meaning you’re less likely to hit it accidentally and ruin your own orgasm by, say, switching off the clitoral vibrations at a crucial juncture. The buttons are also more clearly marked now and are far easier to tell apart in the heat of the moment both by sight and by feel. And because it’s now the minus button that turns the vibe off instead of the middle button, it’s easier and more intuitive to shut it off quickly when you need to – you just hold “–” until the vibrations stop.

The overall aesthetics are worth mentioning too, since the original Nova was a friendly coral-and-white combo and the new one only comes in a sultry purply-pink. I don’t typically have strong feelings about sex toys’ colors, but I know some people do, including for reasons of potential gender dysphoria/euphoria. The Nova 2’s overall look is sleeker, with the shaft and handle streamlined into all one color and the metal charging connectors moved to the underside so you don’t have to look at ’em while the toy is in use. Oddly, the seam running along the top of each arm is more pronounced both visually and tactilely on the Nova 2 than it was on the original, but you likely won’t notice unless you have Princess & the Pea-level sensitive genitals.

Speaking of comfort, though, the clit arm of both of these toys feels a little pokey to me. It’s not exactly pointy, but sometimes it gets a bit uncomfy mid-use and I have to shuffle it around until I find a better spot on my clit (which changes throughout the arousal cycle). This problem is slightly lessened in the Nova 2 because it’s made of squishier silicone, but the shape is unchanged.

So what’s the verdict? Do you need a Nova 2 if you already have a Nova? I would say no, unless your Nova is on its last legs from heavy use, or it’s not quite powerful enough for you, or you wish you could change the angle of the internal arm, or some combination of these factors. If you’re happy with your current Nova, though, I don’t think you need to upgrade.

What about people who’ve never tried the Nova before – do they need a Nova 2? Well, as with any dual-stimulation vibe, it’s important to first consider whether you actually like both internal and external vibration simultaneously (not everyone does!). But if you’re pretty sure you do, I think there’s no better vibe in this category than the We-Vibe Nova 2. Unlike other rabbits, this one doesn’t rely on your vulva matching the exact measurements and specifications the designers had in mind – you can adjust the internal arm, bend and flex the external one, and thrust and readjust throughout a session as needed. It’s a dual-stim vibe for people who hate (most) dual-stim vibes, but don’t want to hate them. I hope other toy designers will take a cue from We-Vibe on this one (without directly ripping them off – *cough* Lelo *cough*), because we all deserve better than a vibe that hurts our innards, refuses to reach our clit, and must be kept perfectly still to remain pleasurable. We deserve a vibrator that works with us, not against us – and that’s the Nova 2.

 

Thanks to We-Vibe for sending me the Nova 2 to review! You can buy it from SheVibe if you’d like one.

Monthly Faves: Creeps, Couture, & California

This month was a wacky one: I traveled too much, worked too much, and had too much sex (okay, actually, maybe not enough). Here are some January highlights…

Sex toys

• I was so excited when I saw that We-Vibe has launched a new wand vibe, and when they offered me one to review. It does not disappoint: it’s waterproof and rechargeable, the vibrations are rumbly and strong, and you can use standard-sized wand attachments with it but it’s more ergonomic and sleek than your average wand. There are some problems with the controls scheme on mine (I’ll say more about that when I do a full review), but overall I’m quite pleased with this toy. Thanks, We-Vibe!

• Another We-Vibe thing: they sent me their new Chorus vibe in a vibrant, glittery pink (eee!) and my partner controlled it via the We-Connect app during a phone sex session. I’m very impressed with the motor, and with the way this toy stays connected to the app way more consistently than previous iterations. My partner still finds that the app is too buggy and imprecise for their style of dominance; hopefully We-Vibe will update it and smooth things out.

• I revisited the Zumio S this month after chatting with a Zumio employee at ANME and thinking, “Huh, I haven’t used that thing in a while.” The slightly wider tip really does help to diffuse this toy’s intense oscillations so they’re more tolerable for folks with sensitive clits like moi. Orgasms with this toy are always zanily intense!

Fantasy fodder

• I’ve dug into season 2 of Netflix’s You, a quirky dramedy about a pathological stalker and murderer who’s also a mega-romantic. It has been described as “Dawson’s Creek meets Dexter” and that’s pretty spot-on. There are a few sex scenes in this show, but my favorite and most-fantasized-about one will always be the first one with Beck from season 1, where (spoiler alert) our deranged hero Joe finally gets to bang the girl he’s been crushing on, and… comes, instantly. (As we’ve discussed, I definitely have a premature ejaculation kink!) That sense of desperation, of “I’m so lucky to be here” and “I can’t believe this is really happening,” gives me alllll sorts of kink feelings about Joe – and it’s especially interesting juxtaposed with the way he also seems to want to be a dom and/or a vaguely daddy-esque figure to the women he dates.

• One of my frequent fantasies while receiving oral sex lately has been about a sexual dystopia where clitoral suction – as opposed to a more licking-centric style of cunnilingus – is so stigmatized that you have to seek it out in secret from skilled underground practitioners. Why is my brain like this? I don’t know.

Sexcetera

• The deadline for my book was on the 17th, and I managed to get my draft submitted 2 days early! I’m still acclimatizing myself to having so much extra time and brain-space after working so hard on this project for months upon months… It’s supposed to come out in March 2021, so sit tight!

• It was lovely to be able to attend ANME Founders in Burbank this year – although admittedly, my body was not thrilled about the jet lag and long flights! In any case, I got to hang out with my best friend, see what’s new in the sex toy industry, and chat with some industry pals – all under the California sun. ☀️

• Sextistics: this month I had in-person sex 21 times and phone sex 9 times, totaling 30 sessions.

Fashion & beauty

• I was traveling for more than half of this month, so skincare became extra important to me – planes and stress turn my skin to garbage which, in turn, makes me feel like garbage! I’ve been enjoying Kate Somerville exfoliation products, and serums by The Ordinary.

• Been kinda obsessed with designer shoes lately. First there was the royal blue Loubs. Then there was the sky blue Manolos. Then there was the simple, pointy black Cole Haans. I think that’s all I need for now, but staring at fancy shoes online sure calms me down when I feel overwrought.

• In December, I cut my hair short! I love it. Products by DevaCurl have become must-haves for me now. Scrunch, scrunch, scrunch!

Media

• Did you know John Mulaney made a kids’ special called John Mulaney & the Sack Lunch Bunch? I expected it to be fairly silly, and it is, but it’s also stuck with me a lot since I watched it. Jake Gyllenhaal’s guest appearance as an unhinged music teacher is a highlight – but I gotta say, my favorite song in the show is definitely “I Saw A White Lady Standing On The Street Just Sobbing (And I Think About It Once A Week).”

• If you’re not listening to You’re Wrong About yet, you are MISSING OUT. I’m usually not much for podcasts that discuss historical or news events in painstaking detail, but this one is exceptional, not least because the two hosts are some of the most empathetic, thoughtful humans ever to sit in front of a microphone. Their current multi-part series on the O.J. Simpson trial is magnificent.

• Andy Shauf’s new album The Neon Skyline is the fictional, musicalized story of one drunken, heartbroken night at a Toronto dive bar. As with everything Andy writes, it’s lovely and occasionally devastating.

Little things

Ringing in the new year with kisses and eggnog in New Jersey. Being overdressed for Starbucks. Obliging doormen. Matt reading my book chapters aloud to me every night during the writing process. A big night out for family-style Italian food and Hamilton. Dirty gin martinis. Getting ridiculously dressed up for a very fancy party. Matt taking my heels off me and putting my flats on me in the lobby of a luxury hotel. Lovably persnickety bartenders. Getting to write about Tegan and Sara for Herizons mag (it’ll be in the next issue, I think). Surprising Matt with tickets to Little Shop for their birthday (it greatly surpassed my already-high expectations). John from Uberlube announcing “Who wants lube?!” and handing out bottles of the stuff. Strategizing over fast food lunches. Bex domming me back to our hotel room when I accidentally got way too high on California weed. Editing my book for 5 hours in the Burbank Marriott lobby, and then getting veggie pasta and Southsides while reading Oliver Sacks. Cashing big checks. Buying new glasses (much-needed). Jazz and cocktails at the Flatiron Room. Watching Jacqueline Novak rant about blowjobs for an hour. Meeting cool people from Twitter for good drinks and good conversation. A sweet needlepoint gift from Eric. Complimenting hospitality staff on being excellent at their jobs. Incredible seafood platters. Belgian waffles at Café Landwer. Rhea Butcher saying they bought “women’s vitamins” because no one makes non-binary vitamins yet. Getting the “couples’ seat” at the Bad Dog Theatre and laughing so hard my glasses fog up. One of our favorite bartenders announcing “Bubbles!!” and bringing us champagne. Watching Jeremy & Elsie Larson’s daughters grow up. Penn Badgley’s feminism. Microwaveable heating pads. Reliable vibrators. Long-term love.

Which Sex Toy Should You Buy Your Sweetie For Valentine’s Day?

Buying sex toys for someone other than yourself is always a gamble. (Hell, sometimes buying one for yourself is a gamble.) It’s a very personal category of product, like porn or perfume; you can’t necessarily know what’ll work for someone even if you think you know them very well. Usually you’re better off getting them a gift card, or taking them shopping.

That said, there are a few products out that I think are relatively safe bets, depending on you and your partner’s tastes and bits. Here are my top Valentine’s gifts recommendations for 2020…

The We-Vibe Chorus is a brand-new offering from the company that basically invented the couples’ vibe. (Yes, I am side-eying every company who’s ever ripped off We-Vibe’s original, award-winning design very hard right now.) Like the We-Vibe Sync, it’s an adjustable, C-shaped vibrator meant to be worn with one arm inserted to hit the G-spot and one outside on the clit. However, unlike the Sync, you control the vibrations by squeezing the accompanying remote, like a sexy li’l stress ball (or you can turn off that function and just use it like a regular remote).

In a departure for We-Vibe, this one uses a technology called AnkorLink in lieu of Bluetooth – supposedly it’ll maintain its connection more consistently because it can pass through flesh better. You can control the vibe with the remote or with We-Vibe’s proprietary We-Connect app, making this a viable option for long-distance partners as well as local ones. If you like (or think you would like) couples’ vibes for use during sex in private or play in public, this is the most glorious new one I’ve seen in years.

Available at SheVibe.

The Magic Wand Plus is a long-awaited addition to Vibratex’s Magic Wand family. It bridges the gap between the overly strong, loud, plug-in, porous-headed Magic Wand Original and the comparatively sleek, 4-speed, silicone-topped Magic Wand Rechargeable (still one of my all-time favorite vibrators). The Plus has the silicone head and the 4 speeds, but not the rechargeability – or the high price tag.

This makes it, as far as I’m concerned, the best choice for someone who thinks they want a wand, or a powerful vibrator in general, but isn’t totally sure and doesn’t want to drop $100+ on one. It’s a luxury electric wand at a decent price, and if my Vibratex experiences are anything to go by, it’ll last you a good long time. (My MWR is still going strong after nearly 5 years.) Go forth and buzz!

Available at SheVibe, and the Smitten Kitten.

PinkCherry sent me one of their Candy Hearts butt plugs recently and, while I’m not normally one for super cutesy sex toys, this one is kind of charming. It’s silicone and the base is made to look like a candy conversation heart emblazoned with an explicit message. This is the kind of thing that sells like hotcakes in sex shops around this time every year.

Of course, part of the appeal here is that a gentle, adorable aesthetic can make a toy seem less intimidating. Butt stuff is old hat for many people, but if your partner is an anal newbie (and digs hyperfemme style), this might be just the thing to help ease them in – and at a totally doable price point, too. With its 1.6″ diameter, this plug isn’t totally beginner-friendly but would probably be comfortable for most butts after at least a few minutes of warm-up with (extremely lubricated) fingers. Happy Valentine’s to your butt!

Available at PinkCherry U.S. and PinkCherry Canada.

I’ve wanted a Liberator Decor Heart Wedge for years even though I already have their (very similar) Wedge and Jaz shapes. What can I say – I’m a sucker for hearts. As with most of Liberator’s products, this one is essentially a firm foam pillow made for supporting bodies during sex. It holds weight far better than a stack of regular ol’ pillows, and the soft casing can be zipped off for laundering, so don’t worry about ruining your “velvish” heart with semen or squirt!

I think this would be an especially lovely gift if your sweetheart has been experiencing body pain or some other health condition that makes certain sex positions more difficult or uncomfortable to get into lately. However, I think pretty much any sexually active person could benefit from having one of these around. Sometimes you just need a little help finding the right angle, and you might as well do that using a product whose aesthetic makes you smile.

Available at SheVibe.

I got a chance to check out the new Womanizer Premium at ANME Founders recently and was really impressed with how far this line’s “Pleasure Air” technology has come. Incase you haven’t heard, companies like Womanizer and Satisfyer are cranking out toys that use tiny blasts of air to create touchless clitoral stimulation that feels something like a mix between oral sex, a clit pump, and a tiny person rap-tap-tapping on your junk. It’s not everyone’s cup of tea, but it certainly is unique!

As far as I can tell, the main things setting apart this latest model from previous Womanizers is the highly ergonomic, sexy shape – which I think would make it particularly suitable for use during PIV sex – and the extra power. I’m looking forward to getting my hands on one of these, because – unlike the tacky, leopard-print and rhinestoned Womanizers of yore – the Premium is elegant, modern, and totally covetable.

Available at SheVibe, and the Smitten Kitten.

 

What sex toys do you have your eyes on for Valentine’s Day?