A number of friends have asked me this question over the past few months, as I’ve worked my way through the beginner and advanced musical improv classes at Comedy Bar here in Toronto.
I’m always glad they asked, because I’ve been obsessed with this art form for years, even before I gathered the guts to get involved in it myself. I could yap about it for hours.
our ask-for was “a room in the house”
the suggestion we got was “mud room”
I was given the song title “It’s Too Mud-Roomy”
I sang a soulful solo about divorce and muddy boots 😂
When they ask about it, I explain to them that this type of musical improv (as opposed to, say, instrumental jazz improv) involves singing songs you make up on the spot, with the help of a musical director who’s playing the piano. Often it’s shortform games you might’ve seen on old episodes of Whose Line Is It Anyway, like Hoedown or Irish Drinking Song, in which you make up lyrics as a group to a pre-existing melody.
But other times, we make up the lyrics and the melody simultaneously, and – to quote the musical improvisor Zach Reino – “if that sounds terrifying… thank you!”
It is terrifying, but that’s part of why I love it. You’re surfing the razor’s edge of adrenaline at all times, always trying to land that next line, that next rhyme. And because improv is based on the momentary impulses of our strange brains, sometimes it goes to some zany places.
yay, I can upload longer videos here now, so I can share this:
my solo song from my musical improv show earlier this week!
the suggestion I got was “THE VERY LAST PIZZA”
this show was completely wild for me because I wasn’t nervous at all, which I’m pretty sure has never happened to me in my LIFE
All this to say, darlings, that this semester I’ve been bumped up to the ‘pro’ musical improv class, and we’re doing a bunch of shows!! And you’re invited, assuming you’re in/near Toronto or can get here!
My class and I will be performing in 8 weekly shows at Comedy Bar’s Danforth location. You can buy tickets at this link for whichever performance(s) you’d like to attend. I’m gonna be in these ones:
Sunday, April 27th at 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, May 4th at 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, May 11th at 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, May 18th at 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, May 25th at 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, June 1st at 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, June 8th at 7:30 p.m.
Sunday, June 15th at 7:30 p.m.
Incidentally, each of these shows ends with a musical ‘improv jam’ where you can (optionally!) put your name in a hat and get called up to do impromptu improv with a bunch of other cool comedy nerds, myself likely included (depending on post-show energy levels). So if you enjoy the show and it gets you curious about trying musical improv yourself, you can give it a shot immediately, with supportive folks – including (I think) our ultra-talented musical director Jacob Ollivier on the keys!
if I may tempt you further, here is a brief clip from my last musical improv show, of me improvising a blues verse about spaceships & Jeff Bezos 🚀
It’s so exciting to be doing so much improv performance again; prior to this latest stint, I hadn’t really done improv since high school (which was 14 years ago!!), and getting back into it has reminded me that laughter and joy are more important now than ever… and that when you force yourself to do fun-scary things, it gets easier to do hard-scary things, too.
Hope to see you at Comedy Bar for some unhinged, off-the-cuff musical fun 😘
I had to take two flights back-to-back, spending a grand total of 12 hours in airports and airplanes each way, to get to XOXO Fest 2024. But it was worth it.
I last went to XOXO in 2019, when my spouse, mb, introduced me to it. It’s “an experimental festival for independent artists who live and work online” – hey, that’s me! – and brings together writers, podcasters, designers, musicians, and filmmakers (among many others) from around the world. It involves social meetups, conference talks from smart people about the wisdom they’ve accrued on the internet, demos of cool games and art projects, and (famously) raucous karaoke parties.
The pandemic was not kind to the events industry, however, so there hasn’t been an XO for five years. This latest one, in 2024, was the final one, equal parts reunion and last hurrah. I knew I had to be there, and was really blessed that both mb and I were able to get tickets.
I wore this out for dinner at Canard (always good, highly recommend) after arriving in Portland late on Wednesday night. Lately when I travel, I’ve enjoyed packing clothes that all match each other and go together, for the maximum number of viable outfit combos – so you’ll see throughout this post that I’m decked out in blues and greens, which incidentally matched the decor of our hotel beautifully!
What I’m wearing:
• Green polka-dotted dress – thrifted in 2015
• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag – vintage on eBay
• Rainbow earrings – an Etsy store called 3DelightfulShop
August 22nd, 2024
On this day, we got a delicious brunch with our pal DJ Pynchon from the hypnokink community, who is lovely. Then I spent a good portion of the afternoon soaking in a tub in our hotel room, letting my fibro-ridden body recover a bit after all that travel.
In the evening, we had dinner with my friend Epiphora, one of the people who initially inspired me to become a sex toy reviewer many years ago. She is, as ever, brilliant and funny.
Then we went to the XOXO opening party for a while, before I ducked out to go play some songs at an open mic at Haymaker Bar, thanks to my very talented and sweet friend Eric who had invited me. Definitely an unusually packed day for me, but such is the nature of travel sometimes!
What I’m wearing (you’ll have to ask mb yourself if you want to know the deets of her fabulous outfit here):
• Green tri-blend tank top – American Apparel
• Turquoise pleated skirt – Zhanchtong
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Navy knee-high socks – gift from my mom
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag
• Magic Wand earrings – an Etsy shop called FUELifestyle
August 23rd, 2024 (morning)
The first full day of XO started with a welcome address from “the Andys,” Andy Baio and Andy McMillan, who organize the conference. (All hail!)
After checking in with the delightful pen-and-paper nerds at the #stationery meetup, we attended a few sessions from the Indie Media Circus lineup, hearing from creators and founders about how they’ve built reader-supported projects that seem more sustainable than the current (dying) mainstream media apparatus.
My love had just gifted me this shirt, a souvenir from WWDC. I love the vintage Apple logo – and the rainbow, of course, which matched my earrings perfectly!
What I’m wearing:
• Apple T-shirt – gift from my spouse
• Black modal nightgown – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag
• Turquoise leather collar – Tiffany’s, a gift from my love
• The ever-stylish and ever-present XOXO badge/lanyard
August 23rd, 2024 (evening)
After the Indie Media Circus, I went back to the hotel for another bath, so I’d be refreshed for the rest of the day, which was mostly social meetups. I didn’t attend as many this year as I did in 2019, because I was trying to pace myself, energy-wise – but I caught up with mb at the #queer meetup, where we chatted with some cuties, and then we walked over to Rum Club for the #cocktails meetup, where we chatted with yet more cuties. (The piña colada I had was quite possibly my favorite drink of the whole trip.)
• Floral-print skater dress – American Apparel
• Apple Watch with Hermès watch band – both from my spouse
• Same cardigan, leggings, bag, boots, earrings, and badge as above
August 24th, 2024 (morning)
A slightly more subdued outfit for the final day of XOXO! This was the actual conference day, so there were a ton of fascinating talks given by total geniuses.
My favorite talks included Gita Jackson on worker-owned and subscriber-funded media, Erin Kissane on the COVID Tracking Project, Ed Yong on compassionate health & science coverage, and Cabel Sasser telling a wacky story about a mural on the wall of a McDonald’s that left me laughing, sobbing, and wanting to make more art. XOXO really is a magical place.
During our lunch break, mb and I went to Dimo’s Apizza for a wonderful pepperoni pie and a couple of Negronis in the sunshine. A perfect day.
What I’m wearing:
• Pale blue T-shirt – gift from my friend Sarah
• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• Navy high-waisted skirt – Old Navy
• Black leggings – Gap
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather Coach Willis bag
• Magic Wand earrings – FUELifestyle
August 24th, 2024 (evening)
I managed to squeeze in one more quick bath before heading out to the XOXO closing party. It ended exactly how it should’ve ended: with the two Andys doing karaoke to the Ghostbusters theme. (In 2019, the music podcast Punch Up the Jam did a legendary live show at XOXO where they talked about the Ghostbusters theme for an hour and a half. In my admittedly marijuana-soaked memory, it is the funniest thing that has ever happened, so I was glad to see a callback to it all these years later.)
I danced. I giggled. I sang along. I felt grateful to have gotten to attend XOXO (twice!). I felt inspired to wear more weird outfits, make more weird friends, and post more weird art on the internet. Thank you for that, XO staff & community. 💖
What I’m wearing:
• Blue and green patterned dress – Winners, I think? The label says Maggy London
• Same cardigan, leggings, boots, bag, badge, collar, watch, and rainbow earrings as above
Outside the Museum of Sex on Magic Wand Day earlier this year
Ah, New York. What is there to say about this city that hasn’t been said already, by Frank Sinatra or Joan Didion or, hell, even Carrie Bradshaw?
I’m not a New Yorker myself (yet!) but my spouse is, and I am awaiting a green card that will allow me to move there, something I’ve low-key wanted to do ever since my first visit to the city at age 9. It’s a city known for tourism (an industry that had an economic impact of $74 billion last year!), and I myself have visited there 20 times in the last decade, sometimes staying weeks or months while visiting my partner – so while I’m far from an expert, there are many places in the city that I adore. People frequently ask me for recommendations when they’re visiting either Toronto or New York, and I’ve already written about Toronto extensively, so let’s talk about my other favorite city, and what I’d recommend there for sex nerds like you and me!
Bluestockings
Described as “New York’s only queer-, trans- and sex worker-run bookstore,” this is a fantastic shop, not only in terms of what they carry but also in terms of what they do for the community. (For instance, they were unfairly threatened with eviction in 2023 for distributing life-saving naloxone kits and fentanyl test strips to people who need them.)
Whether you want to learn about grassroots activism movements, queer art, trans joy, the history of NYC escorts, or just lose yourself in some kinky poetry, this is the place to go.
Lady Konfidential
Located on the 12th floor of an office building on West 57th St., this store used to be called Eve’s Garden before it rebranded, and it was the first feminist sex shop in the United States. A woman named Dell Williams founded it in 1974, after having a terrible experience at a Macy’s department store, where a male sales associate shamed her for buying a vibrator. (You can hear more about this in episode #3 of my miniseries Making Magic!)
It’s always fun to visit various different sex shops and see what they choose to carry, but this one is particularly interesting since it’s literally a piece of sex toy history. And they carry my favorite lube brand, Sutil, even though Sutil is a Canadian company, which makes me like them even more.
The Leather Man
Gotta love an old-school fetishwear shop with a basement full of sex toys! It’s clearly a must-visit.
The Leather Man is on Christopher Street, surrounded by a lot of gay history, including the Stonewall Inn, so it’d be a good pitstop on a queer-themed tour of the city. And the Magnolia Bakery is a few blocks away, incase you want cupcakes for aftercare. 😉
The Museum of Sex
Located on 5th Avenue, this institution is exactly what it says on the tin: a museum of sexual culture and history. Some of their exhibits are (I believe) permanent, including some displays of vintage vibrators – but most are short-term exhibits that come and go. I’d always suggest looking up their current offerings online before buying tickets, because they’ve been hit-or-miss for me in the past – but by and large, I tend to have a good time when I go here, and always come away with some new knowledge to ponder or a new fantasy to consider.
Their gift shop, located in the lobby, is also a pretty well-curated sex shop, carrying many toys, lubes, and novelties. I still find it kind of baffling that they stopped carrying (most?) books a while ago, since they’re a museum, but hey, what can ya do.
House of Yes
This is a performance venue in Bushwick, but that’s sort of like saying the Eiffel Tower is a building in France… It has to be experienced to be understood!
Their circus-themed shows are my favorite ones I’ve been to; people do all kinds of wacky burlesque, aerial acrobatics, poledancing and more. The audience gets really raucous and there’s always tons of cool queers everywhere. They also hold parties of various kinds here, including sexy ones 👀
What are your favorite sex-related spots in New York City?
This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Montreal is a great fuckin’ city. I’d put it in my all-time top 5, for sure, along with Toronto, New York, Portland and Chicago. So I was glad to have an excuse to go there for 10 days recently.
My spouse, mb, and I are knee-deep in the process of trying to secure my green card so I can move to New York to be with them. We’ve been in a long-distance relationship for six years, and married for three, so needless to say, we’d love to finally be able to live together!
As part of that process, I was recently required to attend an immigration interview at the consulate in Montreal. I don’t really know why I needed to trek out there when there’s a perfectly good U.S. consulate in downtown Toronto where I live – but my partner and I noted that the interview date was about a week before our wedding anniversary, so we decided it would be nice to make this bureaucratic necessity into a romantic vacation.
I have to give a huge shout-out to my spouse for choosing most (all?) of these places for us, and (in many cases) for spoiling me with meals and drinks I wouldn’t be able to afford on my own. The immigration interview itself ended up being somewhat anticlimactic because we were told we need to submit more documents and wait longer to get an answer from the government, and I was pretty sad about that, but going to all of these wonderful places really brightened my mood and helped me see the whole debacle in a more positive light.
We went here on our first night in the city. My spouse had been on a plane for about an hour, and I’d been on a train for 5 hours, so we were both a little tuckered out, but they took very good care of us here.
The menu was wild, and very Québécois. One dish was essentially a lobster bisque with truffle, served with cold whipped cream on top to look like a cappuccino; I normally don’t like lobster but it was quite delish! There was also a French onion soup served inside an actual hollowed-out onion, and a fantastic steak course, among other things. One of my favorite parts of the meal, though, was a maple-flavored cotton candy that was served at the end. I just kept eating more and more – it was like a maple sugar cloud dissolving in my mouth!
This place was near our Airbnb so we went there a couple times, once for evening cocktails and once for brunch, and it was great both times. My favorite thing I got there was my brunch dish, some slices of cured salmon served with blinis, capers, dill yogurt, and a quail egg. The flavor profile reminded me of so many meals I had with the Jewish side of my family as a kid, so it felt like home.
What a gorgeous museum! We spent an hour or two looking at art one afternoon and it was very relaxing and inspiring. One of the exhibitions was focused on pop art (a fave genre of mine), and it was also fun to peruse the museum’s permanent collection, which features many total showstoppers.
Unexpectedly, one of the pieces that’s stayed with me the most is Ron Mueck’s Dead Dad, a sculpture of a dead man, which was given an entire room to itself, intensifying its solemnity (not to mention creepiness).
This place was named the best restaurant in Canada, so of course my foodie spouse wanted to go. Every single thing we ate and drank there was incredible. I have very few photos of our night there because we legit just kept immediately eating everything they brought us 😂
This place reminds me of my favorite cocktail joint in Toronto, Civil Liberties – both bars have a “verbal menu,” meaning that instead of picking a drink from a pre-ordained list, you have a little chat with the bartender about your likes and dislikes, and they make something great just for you.
On this occasion we were served by a charming Scottish bartender who chatted with us amiably while making us stellar drinks. Cloakroom also has, unusually, a collection of vintage spirits; mb and I were able to sip some decades-old Fernet Branca, which normally tastes like mouthwash (to me, anyway) but which, in this case, had mellowed over the years into something subtler and sweeter. Really cool how booze changes as it ages, just like humans do, and how we can effectively reach back through time to taste retro delicacies.
This was one of my favorite places the last time we visited, so I knew I wanted to go back. The Coldroom is hidden away behind an unmarked metal door; walk down some stairs inside and you’ll find yourself in an ornate basement bar that serves fabulous cocktails.
I’d had a really great Southside when we came here in 2019, so I ordered one again, even though it wasn’t on the menu. It was the Platonic ideal of a Southside, truly. Just perfect. Thank you, Coldroom.
I’ve been to Montreal several times but had never climbed the mountain which gives the city its name. On this trip, we decided to hike up to the top. It was a challenging journey for me, since I’m chronically ill and not in shape at all, but I was really glad we did it. The hike featured lots of gorgeous views, and near the top of the mountain, there’s a huge, heated chalet that feels like reaching heaven after a long trek through purgatory. We sipped hot chocolate and looked out at the city, vast and dazzling, below. A magical adventure!
This place had a friendly, informal vibe, which contrasted nicely with the top-tier food they served. One of my favorite things we ate there was a knish (a traditional Jewish baked good) topped with a healthy mound of caviar. Like, damn.
They also have a Hemingway daiquiri on their cocktail menu – that’s a daiquiri sweetened with Maraschino liqueur, essentially – and it was one of the best drinks I had during the whole trip. Perfectly balanced, sweet and tart. Yum.
I think this might’ve been my favorite meal we had in Montreal. Their duck à l’orange was just perfect, and dessert was a transcendent chocolate tart. The martini they made for me was also, hands-down, my fave martini I had the whole trip (and I order martinis pretty often!). Highly recommend.
We checked out the local Holt Renfrew department store, and got lunch at their in-store restaurant while we were there, which was fancier than I expected. I got a green pea risotto, the memory of which still haunts me because it was that fucking good.
The department store itself was nice too. We wandered around looking at wildly expensive coats, dresses, bags, and shoes, but all I bought was a tube of fancy toothpaste. All in all, a good shopping day!
There’s just something about live jazz… I listen to a lot of jazz when I’m at home, but it’s always different to see it live. The energy crackles. The vibes are electric. The improvisation is (of course) unpredictable, which is exciting. It’s a pretty different experience. I often feel like I’m at church when I go to a jazz club, in the sense that it feels like communing with like-minded strangers while revelling in the near-universal magic of music.
Even though sometimes us anglophones couldn’t understand what Montreal’s many francophones were saying during our trip, seeing live jazz reminded me that music is a language we can all understand, which is beautiful and comforting in chaotic times.
This place holds a special place in our hearts, because the last time mb and I were there together, they told me for the first time that they were having “gender feelings” that they wanted to explore. A few months later, they came out as nonbinary. Accordingly, we wanted to return to this bar in celebration of that memory.
All the drinks we had were great; I’d especially recommend the Ramos slush, their unique take on the Ramos gin fizz, a notoriously hard-to-make cocktail.
I’m a huge fan of sushi, as is my spouse, so we were excited to check out this “theatrical omakase experience.” Omakase means “I leave it up to you,” and so this type of meal involves trusting the chef(s) to serve you a tasting menu of sushi and other delights – great for an indecisive submissive like me, haha!
The “theatrical” aspect of the meal was cool too – we got a front-and-center view of the chefs while they worked, and they presented the dishes to us in various showy ways. Gongs were rung and sake was swilled. It was a memorable and delicious dinner.
We went to this legendary restaurant for our anniversary dinner. It is the very essence of an old-school French restaurant – classy, ostentatious, and generous with butter. We split a bottle of champagne and raised our glasses to toast our love and togetherness.
Earlier in the day on our anniversary, mb totally spoiled me by taking me to this place, which is a spa on a boat. We each got a blissful hot oil massage in the middle of our hours-long stay, and spent the rest of the time in the spa’s various steam baths.
Total silence is required in most of the spa, so we spent a lot of time sitting quietly in wonderfully hot water. It was unbelievably relaxing and meditative. At one point, my partner took my hand and pressed on my inner wrist, a spot that triggers me to go into trance. I drifted in that half-awake state for a few minutes, amazed at how my sweetheart can control me and relax me without saying a word.
I always come here when I go to Montreal, because their espresso is so damn good. We needed to kill a bit of time before my train ride home, so this is one of the places we hung out at. As ever, the coffee was A++ and so was the ambiance.
Have you been to Montreal? What are your favorite places there?
As with any pandemic-burdened year, I didn’t get to go to as many events in 2022 as I would’ve preferred… but that meant that the ones I did go to were all the more special, because I was much more selective about events I considered worth attending. Here are 4 of the most memorable and remarkable events I went to this year.
Once upon a time, there was an improv show called ASSSSCAT. It began in the 1990s and featured an all-star team of improvisors, including Amy Poehler (pre-SNL fame). The format was simple: a guest monologist, usually a professionally funny person like a TV writer or a character actor, tells an off-the-cuff, true story from their life inspired by an audience suggestion, and then a cast of improvisors does a longform improv set based on that story. This continued for over 20 years; the cast and crew shifted over time, but the core of the show – and its rabid audience – stayed consistent.
When the theatre at which ASSSSCAT was performed, the UCB NYC, had to shut down during the pandemic, the cast wasn’t ready to say goodbye. And so Raaaatscraps was born: the spiritual sequel to ASSSSCAT, transported to a different venue (Caveat, a cabaret/comedy theatre in the East Village) and performed every Sunday night.
My now-spouse took me to an ASSSSCAT show on our 2nd date, way back in January 2018, and it was one of the many things that made me fall in love with them. I’d grown up watching and doing a lot of improv, and still to this day it’s one of my favorite art forms; it fascinates me and informs my worldview and even my spirituality. So it felt refreshing and affirming to have a partner who understood that on a deep level and felt that way about it too.
Ever since Raaaatscraps started up, I’ve gone in-person whenever possible, but mostly have watched it via livestream every week, since I’m not usually in New York. It’s cute to see my spouse sitting in the front row while I’m watching from my apartment in Toronto, especially when we laugh at all the same jokes! The rotating cast is wildly talented and their improv is frequently incisive, absurdist, thought-provoking – and always hilarious. Some people go to church on Sundays; I go to Raaaatscraps, and I’m a better person for it. I don’t know how else to describe it except that you should watch it!
Pandemic notwithstanding, it’s been several years since I had the energy and inclination to actually attend Pride events. They used to be a vital annual way that I reconnected with my local queer community as a whole and felt a sense of belonging that everyday life didn’t always allow for – but somehow that fell by the wayside, maybe after I fainted from overheating in a throng of people in the gayborhood one year, or maybe after I kept running into exes and then literally running away from them, who knows.
Anyway, it was healing and lovely to attend an actual Pride event this year, albeit not an “official” one. This comedy show’s bill was packed full of queer and trans comedians, telling jokes, performing songs, improvising and dancing. My partner and I sat in the front row and roared with laughter all night long, discovering many new fave performers along the way. We had fake cash shot at us from a money gun, applauded one performer as they announced their new-ish pronouns, laughed and cried and celebrated. It was exactly the queer communion I needed.
Into the Woods has been my favorite musical since I was a kid, when my mom or my aunt (not sure which) showed me a fuzzy pro-shot VHS of the original cast performing the show. Over the years, I’ve seen it wherever I could, and have always found it interesting to see how different theatre companies handle it. It’s a story that intertwines several classic fairy tales – Jack & the Beanstalk, Cinderella, Little Red Riding Hood, etc. – and like those tales, Into the Woods itself can be interpreted and reinterpreted in countless different ways.
My partner was able to score us a couple of tickets for the current Broadway production, and I loved it. Of particular note to me was Gavin Creel as Cinderella’s Prince (he is hilarious), Cole Thompson as Jack (incredibly moving), and Kennedy Kanagawa puppeteering Jack’s cow, Milky White, in a way that felt mournful and touching. It’s wild to see a show you know like the back of your hand, presented in a way that feels both classic and respectful to the text, and new and fresh, all at the same time.
It was also very emotional for me to see a Stephen Sondheim show relatively soon after his death in November 2021. He was one of the great geniuses of our time and I’m so glad I got to live at the same time as him for a while, as cheesy as that may sound.
I’ve been invited to a lot of press events in my time and many of them have been somewhat uninspired, if nonetheless luxurious: an open bar, a goodie bag, a brief talk from the company’s education rep, and that’s it. But the Lovehoney press dinner I was invited to in October was quite different.
In addition to letting us take whatever products we wanted from their current lineup and providing education about those products, the company had also put together a menu of custom cocktails, served oysters on ice, and – most incredibly of all – hired the chef and team at Patois to serve us an 8-course meal inspired by sexuality and sensuality. The whole affair made me feel very fancy and respected as a journalist, and I also got to chat with lots of fascinating folks from my industry, something I don’t often get a chance to do.
I went home in an Uber paid for by the company, carrying a huge bag of sex toys and a takeout box of beef brisket, rice and peas cooked in delicious spices. There are times when my job feels grueling and thankless – like when I’m hunched over a Google Doc, enumerating the virtues of clitoral vibrators for the 8th time that week – but then I’m invited to events like this, and I remember how glamorous my line of work actually is, and how grateful I feel to be in it.
What were your favorite events – online or off – that you attended this year?
August 21st, 2024
August 22nd, 2024
August 23rd, 2024 (morning)
August 23rd, 2024 (evening)
August 24th, 2024 (morning)
August 24th, 2024 (evening)
Le Musée des Beaux Arts
Cloakroom Bar
Mount Royal
Place Carmin
Café Olimpico