Review: Lovense Velvo rabbit vibrator w/ rotating beads

Kate Sloan

What is the Lovense Velvo?

Lovense, makers of great long-distance sex toys, recently added the Velvo to their lineup. It’s a rabbit vibrator, a.k.a. a dual-stimulation vibrator, meaning that it targets two different erogenous zones at once – in this case, the clitoris and the G-spot. The external arm vibrates against your clit, while the internal arm massages your G-spot in an undulating motion with rotating rows of silicone-covered beads.

Like all Lovense toys, this one connects wirelessly to Lovense’s app on your phone, which you can use to control the toy yourself from a short distance, or to invite a far-away partner to control your toy with their phone. The Velvo is made of silicone and electroplated plastic, is IPX7 waterproof, and currently retails for $119.

Things I like about the Lovense Velvo:

  • Rotating beads: This feature is the thing that sets the Velvo apart from all Lovense’s other products, and it’s great. The beads’ rotation feels like someone is massaging my G-spot in a circular motion, which I happen to adore (the first time I ever squirted with a partner was actually achieved via this fingering method!). There are some mechanical issues with this feature, which I’ll discuss more below, but it works just fine most of the time, and feels fantastic in a highly unusual way. You can even hold down the rotation button for a few seconds to reverse the direction of the rotation when you want to mix things up.
  • Flexible clitoral arm: The bendiness of the Velvo’s external arm allows it to be positioned in various places on/around the clitoris, as per your preferences (e.g. on the clitoral hood, to the side of the clit, or directly on the tip). It also allows the arm to remain in contact with your clit even if you thrust the toy in and out a bit, which I sometimes like to do, especially when I’m getting close to coming. The arm’s flexibility also means it can almost certainly reach your clit no matter how big or small the distance may be between your clit and vaginal opening.
  • Good clit vibrations: I’ve come to expect Lovense’s vibrators to be strong and rumbly, and this one is no exception. The vibrations do get slightly buzzier as you turn up the power, but they never feel annoying or numbing. The clit arm is the most important part of a rabbit vibrator, for me and for many other users, so I’m delighted Lovense got this one so right.
  • Independently controllable arms: As should be standard for rabbit vibrators, this one allows you to control each arm separately from the other – either via Lovense’s app or via the buttons on the toy itself. So if your clit suddenly wants more stimulation than your G-spot (or vice-versa), you can make that happen.
  • App functionalities/Long-distance capabilities: As always with Lovense toys, I gotta shout out their app, which is overflowing with useful features for long-distance connection. Your partner can be thousands of miles away and can still control your vibe with their phone, as long as they have internet access. You can chat with them via text, voice, or video directly within the app. You can also sync up the vibrations to music/sound, create your own vibration patterns, and try other people’s custom patterns. And if your partner has a Lovense toy of their own, you can make your toys “talk to each other” in various ways – e.g. thrusting the Velvo faster/harder makes your partner’s Max 2 stroker vibrate more intensely. Highly recommend using Lovense toys during phone sex; I do it frequently and it’s always fun!
  • Dimensions: I found the Velvo’s dimensions to be satisfying and never overwhelming, unlike those of some other beaded rabbit vibes I tried back in the day. The Velvo’s shaft has an insertable length of 5.35″ – plenty long enough to reach just about anyone’s G-spot and massage the area around it, too – with a diameter of 1.42″.
  • Waterproof: Love that the Velvo is IPX7 waterproof, so I can use it in the shower or bath, and can easily wash it in the sink without fear of ruining it.

Things I don’t like about the Lovense Velvo:

  • Weakened by pressure: Not to brag, but my vag muscles clamp down pretty tightly when I’m nearing orgasm (an FWB once said that fingering me is “like wrestling a little monster”), and I noticed that the Velvo’s beads slowed to almost a full halt when that started to happen. It doesn’t ruin my orgasm, per se, because the clit vibrations keep going and I can continue manually thrusting the toy through my orgasm – but it does limit how “blended” the orgasm can feel, since the G-spot stimulation eases up right when I want it to double down instead.
  • Occasionally glitchy: You’re supposed to hold down the rotation button for 3 seconds if you want to change the direction of the rotation, but I found that sometimes my Velvo would just randomly switch directions on its own, without me pressing anything. Sometimes that sudden change would distract from my pleasure, and I imagine it could quasi-ruin an orgasm if it happened during one, too.
  • Only 3 pre-programmed clit vibration speeds: When using Lovense toys by myself (as opposed to with a long-distance partner), I’ll often control them using just the buttons on the toy, since that’s easier/simpler/quicker – and when using the Velvo that way, I found that it only has 3 pre-programmed speeds of clitoral vibration, which is not enough. Typically I like a toy to have at least 5, ideally 8-10, so that I can escalate the intensity gradually throughout a session without any jarringly big jumps between speeds.
  • Straight shaft: To me it seems strange to make a G-spot toy with no curve at all. Sure, the rotating beads are the star of the show, but I think they’d feel even more impactful in a curved shape. The lack of a curve is probably why this toy hasn’t been able to make me squirt, despite how good the beads feel against my G-spot. I would’ve also loved if this toy could hit my A-spot when thrusted deep inside me, since the combo of G-spot + A-spot + clit stim usually leads to some amazing orgasms for me – but it’s lacking the curve it would need to achieve that.
  • Noisy: This is common for toys that rotate or do other motion-heavy mechanical functions, but the Velvo’s rotation feature makes a sound I described in my scribbly testing notes as “witchy shrieking.” 🧙‍♀️ It’s not wildly loud, but the sound is repetitive and has a high-pitched quality that some folks might find grating.
  • Can’t easily be used hands-free: Whether for multi-tasking reasons, disability reasons, or just laziness reasons, you might sometimes want to use a rabbit vibe hands-free, and this one doesn’t quite work for that purpose. Eventually the rotation motion always makes the toy slip out of me and/or makes the clitoral arm lose contact with my clit. Bracing the toy against a pillow between my legs helps somewhat.
  • Relatively short battery life: It’s normal for dual-stimulation vibes to run out of power quicker than toys with only one function, but the Velvo’s battery life is even shorter than that of Lovense’s other rabbits – you get up to 78 minutes of play time from a 110-minute charge.

Final thoughts

When it comes to the Lovense Velvo, I’m torn… On the one hand, it can easily get me off, and feels excellent when it does so. The rotating beads feel like a partner’s fingers massaging my G-spot, the clitoral arm’s rumbly vibrations are plenty powerful enough for me, and the toy works well whether I thrust it in and out or just hold it still inside me.

On the other hand, for the Velvo’s $119 price tag, I would hope that any mechanical issues would have been ironed out – but I experienced some glitching and stalling when I put this toy through its paces. It also drives me nuts that there are only 3 pre-programmed clit vibration speeds, meaning that I always need to either control the toy with my phone (which allows for more granular control over vibration strength) or resign myself to startlingly big jumps in intensity when I turn it up.

Overall, for my particular preferences and anatomy, I’m a bigger fan of Lovense’s other rabbits – the A-spot-stroking Nora and the G-spot-tapping Osci 3 – than I am of the Velvo. But I still think the Velvo is an impressive achievement on Lovense’s part, and I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything quite like those rotating beads before. If you want a G-spot-focused dual-stimulation toy to use solo or with a long-distance partner, the Velvo is well worth considering!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

The Only Eyeliner Worth Wearing

Kate Sloan
Photo by mb

I first started wearing liquid eyeliner in the eighth grade. I tried it on when I dressed as Marilyn Monroe for Halloween one year and promptly fell in love.

The problem is, liquid eyeliner is a fickle mistress. My initial go-to was by L’Oreal and would sting horribly any time it got into my eyes – which was almost inevitable, because it would smear any time I cried, and I’m a very tears-prone person. Later I tried other liquid eyeliners, by Stila, Kat Von D, and Urban Decay – but all gave me some version of the same problem: they would smudge if I cried at all, or even if I laughed too hard. Given the type of life I lead, that shit just wasn’t gonna fly!

But all such problems went away when I tried MAC Liquidlast liner for the first time. Now it’s been my liquid liner of choice for over 6 years. Every time I branch out and try a different one, I end up regretting it and going back to Liquidlast. Monogamy isn’t my jam when it comes to relationships, but in the realm of eyeliners, there’s only one true love for me! 😂

A few key scenarios where Liquidlast has consistently out-performed the competition:

  • Crying: As mentioned above, I cry a lot – sad tears, happy tears, occasional “what the fuck?!” tears – and have never found an eyeliner that stands up to it better than Liquidlast. At most, I’ll get some minor flaking that’s easily solved with a quick touch-up.
  • Laughing: I am a very expressive laugher, prone to cackling so hard that my eyes squeeze shut – so getting femmed up to attend comedy shows was always a dicey proposition for me before discovering Liquidlast. Now, I have no such worries, not even when I’m seated in the front row of an improv set featuring performers I think are total babes…!
  • Rain: When the skies crack open and start pouring on me while I’m en route to a date or a show, I’m never concerned that my eyeliner will run. Other stuff might (concealer, blush, mascara), but Liquidlast does not give a fuck. It laughs in the face of rainfall.
  • Sweat: I am a sweaty person at times, whether it’s prompted by vigorous sex, hot-and-heavy makeouts, or just power-walking the streets of Toronto or New York, and Liquidlast handles it without issue.
  • Blindfolds: Wearing a blindfold during sex/kink is a pretty frequent thing for me, and my Liquidlast is always intact after such a session, save for maybe some slight flaking.
  • Naps: I am a medically tired person and have been known to take li’l disco naps before big nights out – and amazingly enough, when I use my fave tried-and-true longwear products like Liquidlast, I can nap on a fully-done face without fear of fucking it up. Occasionally I might need to fix a lip smear or touch up some flaked-off spots, but mostly it looks just fine.
  • Stage performance: Not only does Liquidlast hold its own against stage-fright sweat – it actually looks blacker than a lot of other eyeliners, even under stage lights. Great for my occasional improv & music performances!
  • Giving head: My decade-old blog post on blowjob-friendly lipsticks is still one of my most-viewed pages, so I feel it’s important to tell you that Liquidlast lasts longer than anyone I’ve ever blown. 😉 As a sexually anxious person, it honestly helps me a lot to know that my eyeliner will still look on-point afterward even if I get cum/drool/sweat all over my face.

Fellow makeup-lovers, do you have an eyeliner you treasure as much as I treasure MAC Liquidlast? Feel free to tell me about it in the comments!

Behind the Seams: Red Leather Jacket!!

Kate Sloan

April 8th, 2026

So I bought a red leather motorcycle jacket. Like so many of my best decisions, my wife had to talk me into it. An email showed up in my inbox declaring that a bunch of Danier Leather stuff was on sale, including their classic motorcycle jacket in “radiant red.” I already have a leather jacket that I love (incidentally also by Danier), but it’s black, so it doesn’t exactly stand out – and its shape is plain and boxy, lacking the effortless cool of a moto-style jacket. After some hemming and hawing, I pulled the trigger, and it arrived in my eager little hands a few days later.

This was the jacket’s maiden voyage – I wore it to attend an improv show at Comedy Bar. I felt nervous at first, like I wasn’t quite “pulling it off” – but pretty quickly, the jacket’s magic started to rub off on me, giving me some confident swagger I normally find hard to access. The intersection of clothing, gender, and confidence is so fuckin’ rad, dude. And funnily enough, none of my friends at the bar even commented on the jacket the first time I wore it, which I took to be a sign that it didn’t look out-of-place on me at all!

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather (spoiler alert: you’re gonna see it a lot in this post! Like, in every outfit!)
  • Dark red tank top – gift from my mom
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Custom-color Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
  • Vintage red leather Coach Willis bag – Etsy
  • Prescription sunglasses – Zenni

April 10th, 2026

A fun solo date night! I love taking myself out for little adventures around the city. First I went to Comedy Bar (yep, again… it’s my home-away-from-home-away-from-home, okay?!) and drafted some song lyrics over a beer. Then I subwayed over to Casa Sushi for dinner, where I hadn’t been in ages, although it was one of my major haunts in my early twenties. Then I had some time to kill before an IMAX screening of Project Hail Mary (absolutely loved it), so I had a drink at the very swanky Stock Bar, journaling in between two couples on dates. Vaped a little weed before heading into the movie theatre; highly recommended for any space movie, as long as you’re not too prone to anxiety!

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Hot pink sweater – Gap, gift from my mom
  • Blue skinny jeans – thrifted
  • Custom-color Nike Air Force 1s
  • Vintage red leather Coach Willis bag
  • “Ace” baseball hat – from the Ace Hotel shop; a gift from mb, picked out by pax; I love that it inadvertently advertises part of my sexual identity 😂
  • Prescription sunglasses – Zenni

April 14th, 2026

Hello, Chicago! After my wife gave a delightful and widely acclaimed keynote talk at Deep Dish Swift, the two of us met up with her friends Alex and Jillian for dinner at Monteverde, which was delicious. Fun night! I may have had a few too many Paper Planes…

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Blue tank top – thrifted
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Black leather Frye harness boots

April 15th, 2026

Another nice day in Chicago! We visited the Bean and a vintage camera shop, and later went out for dinner (+ excellent ice cream from Jeni’s) with mb’s friends Syd and Quinn. Then we zipped across town to the Annoyance Theatre to see their jury duty-themed improv show, which was a blast.

What I’m wearing:

  • White T-shirt with vintage Apple logo – gift from mb
  • Black cashmere cardigan – Gap
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Little red leather purse – came with a gift from Clarins
Photos by mb

April 16th, 2026

I’ve been highly enamored with Field Notes pocket notebooks lately, so I wanted to visit their HQ while we were in town. It’s only open to the public a few days of the week. Such a chill space, filled with notebooks and nerds thereof! I admittedly left with 7 more notebooks than I’d had when I walked in…

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Red tank top – Gap
  • Black straight-leg jeans – Gap
  • Black leather Frye harness boots
  • Red leather bag – Clarins
  • The key to my sub’s chastity cage worn on a necklace
  • Prescription glasses + sunglasses – both from Zenni

April 17th, 2026

I got back to Toronto in time to attend the monthly free karaoke night at Comedy Bar, where I was celebrating my early birthday with some friends (my actual birthday is the 23rd). Had a great time, laughed my ass off, sang some Sondheim, drank a lot of beers, etc.!

What I’m wearing:

  • Red leather jacket – Danier Leather
  • Red fit-and-flare dress – H&M
  • Black leggings – Gap
  • Custom-color Nike AF1s
  • Red leather vintage Coach Willis bag

How would you style a red leather jacket? Feel free to let me know in the comments…

P.S. Want more blog posts like this? Check the outfit tag!

How to Give a Ton of Pleasure with a Long-Distance Sex Toy

Kate Sloan
Screenshot

I have had a lot of phone sex in my life. Like, a lot. At this point it’s quite possible I’ve had phone sex more times than I’ve had in-person sex. Being in a long-distance relationship for over 7 years will do that to a person! (Or at least, to an aurally-inclined person like myself…)

In that time, I’ve learned a lot about how to make phone sex as hot as possible – and some of my favorite innovations in that regard are toys by Lovense. Many other brands have attempted to make toys that can be controlled from a distance, but none so successfully as Lovense, if you ask me. Their toys have more reliable connectivity than any others I’ve tried, their app is thoughtfully designed, and their catalogue offers tons of stimulation options for people of various anatomies, genders, and preferences.

The last time I made someone come using a Lovense toy, she gasped out afterward, “You should write an article about how you do that!” I’m sure that different people have different approaches, but my style of Lovense-topping has always been well-received (so to speak), and so I feel qualified to advise on this! Without further ado, for your enjoyment and edification, here are six quick tips for giving someone maximal pleasure with a Lovense toy…

 

1. Hop on an audio call

You could use a Lovense toy on somebody without being able to hear them, but in my view, that would be much harder and much less hot! As with IRL sex, someone’s noises can give you a lot of guidance about what’s working and what’s not, and are also just sexy as hell.

Lovense’s app has a built-in voice-call feature, but feel free to use whatever audio functionality you and your partner(s) prefer – I tend to do audio-only FaceTime calls, for instance. Most audio-call apps will sound a hell of a lot better than a regular ol’ phone call, which is often so low-quality that you can’t hear important subtleties like how fast somebody is breathing.

 

2. Set the toy to ‘float’ mode

By default, Lovense toys are set to automatically return to 0% power output if you take your finger off the touchscreen of your phone (or whatever other device you’re using the Lovense app on). This can be useful in certain situations, like for “tease & denial” play – but mostly I prefer to enable “float” mode, which keeps the vibration at the level you left it at, even if you put your device down to grab some lube, touch yourself, take a selfie, etc.

 

3. Start low & slow

Vibration is a wonderful thing, but it can be overwhelming, especially early on in the arousal process. If you crank up the vibration too quickly, you risk overstimulating your partner, which could cause discomfort, pain, or temporary numbness. That stuff is hot for people who are specifically into overstimulation (a.k.a. “orgasm torture”), but the rest of us will probably want to start with gentle vibration and work our way up gradually. That’ll preserve as much sensitivity as possible, allowing for greater heights of pleasure.

 

4. Create the illusion of motion

Okay, this might be the real secret to my success as a Lovense top… Throughout a session, I’ll usually wiggle my finger up and down on my phone’s touchscreen, rather than keeping the vibration fixed at one level. I’ll increase and decrease the overall intensity as needed over the course of the session, rarely holding my finger completely still for longer than a few seconds. This is because the body gets accustomed to vibration after a bit, and so a steady, unchanging vibration can start to feel less stimulating over time (especially with buzzy/high-pitched vibration, more often found on the high end of Lovense toys’ power range).

Because of this principle, slight undulations up and down tend to make the vibration feel more impactful and less numbing. They also create the tactile illusion of motion – the slight oscillation makes penile vibration feel more like someone is actually stroking/riding you, for instance, while rhythmic stimulation of the G-spot can feel almost like human fingers massaging that spot. (I’ve even squirted from having the Lush used on me in this way!)

You can experiment with different types of motion at different times – for example, I prefer to move up and down a larger distance as someone gets closer to orgasm, because it seems to more closely resemble the way you’ll often instinctively fuck someone harder as they’re about to come.

 

5. Talk dirty

Sure, you could do a Lovense scene in total silence, or just listen to your partner’s moans… but 91% of people are turned on by dirty talk, so it tends to make sex hotter, the way salt makes food taste better. Dirty talk is also useful in closing the gap when having phone sex – it helps you stay mentally connected to your partner, by sharing a mutual sexual fantasy through your words. Vibration can sometimes feel coldly mechanical on its own, but may feel a lot better when, through the magic of dirty talk, you’re thinking of the vibrator as your partner’s hand or tongue or cock.

It might take some practice to get used to operating the Lovense app while talking dirty – but the better that you get at each separate skill, the easier it’ll be to combine them, and even to get into a sweet sweet flow state while doing so!

 

6. Don’t forget aftercare!

Phone sex really isn’t that different from in-person sex. Both can involve intimacy, pleasure, orgasms, big releases of neurochemicals like dopamine and oxytocin, and potentially complicated feelings. Just as I might feel empty and sad if someone rolled out of bed right after sex and left without a word, I similarly struggle when a partner unceremoniously ends a call (or falls asleep!) too soon after phone sex.

Aftercare is unique to each person/couple, so you should discuss aftercare preferences with your partner(s). For some, it may be as simple and quick as reminding each other to drink some water and then saying goodnight. Others may prefer some lovey-dovey pillow talk, or each whipping up a midnight snack together over the phone, or even “sleeping together” all night via speakerphone. Aww, cute!

 

Fellow users of long-distance toys, do you use these tips in your sessions? Anything else you’d recommend?

 

P.S. If you want to know more about specific Lovense toys, here are all the reviews I’ve written of them (and I’ll be publishing another one in the next few weeks, too!):

  • Exomoon (lipstick-shaped clitoral vibrator)
  • Spinel (self-thrusting sex machine)
  • Lush Mini, Lush 4, and Lush 3 (wearable G-spot vibrators)
  • Domi 2 (mini wand vibrator)
  • Ferri (magnetic clip-on panty vibrator)
  • Gush (penile vibrator; guest review by my wife)

 

This post was NOT sponsored, although I do get a little kickback (at no cost to you) when you buy products through my affiliate links, which helps support my writing so I can keep doing it!

Review: BeMoreKinky BDSM app for couples

Kate Sloan
idk why this one made me laugh so hard but it did, and now it’s the lead image in my review, lmao

What is the BeMoreKinky app?

Available for both iOS and Android, the BeMoreKinky app is designed by and for kinky couples. It’s meant to be a hub for sexual communication between you and your partner, via features like BDSM quizzes, scene planners, end-to-end encrypted chat, guided intimacy exercises, a habit tracker, and a punishment wheel.

You can use it solo to gain self-knowledge about your kinks and desires, but it works best when used with a partner. You can invite them via a special link or code, and you’ll be able to interact through the app, see each other’s list of kink activities you’re open to, and more.

Things I like about the BeMoreKinky app:

  • Conversation-starter: As someone who wrote an introductory book on kink that was meant to kickstart a dialogue between partners, I’ve heard from many readers about the value of an external kinky conversation-starter, especially early on in one’s sexual self-discovery. It can be hard to bring up the things you’re into, and playing with this app together is a low-stress way to raise these topics. You could narrate aloud while one of you does a quiz on your bondage preferences, for example, or discuss your favorite titles/honorifics as you fill out your profiles together – and then just see where the conversation takes you.
  • Lots of kink inspiration: Human sexuality is so vast that there’s always more to discover, and this app is crammed full of kinks, fetishes, and activities for you to peruse and discuss. If you feel like your sex life is in a rut, but you don’t know quite how to shake things up, this app could definitely inspire you in that regard. For instance, lately I’ve been pondering what femdom-y honorific I might like to be called by a new person I’m seeing, and it was interesting to scroll through BeMoreKinky’s list of suitable titles (mistress, goddess, empress, etc.) to see what struck me.
  • MojoUpgrade-style activity matching: Anyone else remember MojoUpgrade, the classic internet quiz that shows you only the activities that both you and your partner said you’d be up for? It’s a great communication tool, and one of the core features of BeMoreKinky is something similar – once you and your partner have both rated several kink activities (which admittedly can be a decent-sized time investment), the app shows you all the activities your partner rated highly, as well as the ones you both said you like. This is a helpful starting point for planning scenes together, particularly with newer partners whose sexuality you’re less familiar with and less comfortable directly asking about.
  • “In the mood” status indicator: In the app’s “profile” tab, there’s a slider where you can indicate to your partner whether you’re “in the mood” or not. This didn’t send me any kind of notification when my wife activated hers – I had to seek it out myself by looking at the “partner” tab – but still a potentially useful functionality for people who struggle with sexual communication.
  • Encrypted chat: The built-in chat feature is end-to-end encrypted, so you can rest assured that your kinky convos are safe and secure. Sure, the same may be true for whatever app(s) you currently use to text with your partner in everyday life, but some people may prefer having a separate digital space for sexy chats, especially if you’re doing some kind of roleplay that benefits from that type of digital compartmentalization. (Sexy tech-support agent roleplay, anyone?!)
  • Tracks habits & rewards: Lots of kinksters enjoy dynamics where one partner monitors the other’s progress in achieving certain goals, whether those are directly kinky (e.g. “shine Mistress’s leather boots once a month,” “edge yourself 3 times before coming”) or more quotidian in nature (e.g. “read a book per week,” “go for a walk every day”). BeMoreKinky has a feature that allows you to assign and track the completion of habitual tasks like these. There are other apps that can do this, sure, but how many of them are built right into the interface you’re already using for kink negotiation and sexy chat? It’s cool to be able to do it all in one place. This feature was admittedly somewhat buggy when I tested it out, but hopefully it’ll get ironed out in future releases.
  • Polyamory features (in beta): There’s a huge degree of overlap between the kink community and the consensual non-monogamy community, so I was glad to see that BeMoreKinky has a “multi-partner mode” in beta currently. You can switch between multiple partners (up to 5!) without any of them being able to see each other’s quiz answers. While this doesn’t cover every possible non-monogamy configuration, it nonetheless makes this app much more polyamory-friendly than most of the comparable apps/sites I’ve seen.
  • Sleek design: It’s a good-lookin’ app, I must say!

Things I don’t like about the BeMoreKinky app:

  • Buggy: I unfortunately encountered a lot of bugs while trying to use this app – chat messages would randomly vanish, new habits didn’t appear until I’d closed/restarted the app, sometimes the app would randomly switch to a different tab without me selecting that, etc. My wife is a software developer so I sympathize with the struggles involved in making an app like this, but these types of issues are particularly frustrating when you’re trying to get into a sexy/kinky mood and would rather focus on flirting than troubleshooting!
  • A.I. integration: There is A.I.-generated stuff all over this app – some of it disclosed, some seemingly not – and it’s characteristically mediocre. Granted, I’m biased ‘n’ bitter, as a human being who writes about kink professionally and has been (shoddily) replaced with A.I. by some of my past clients – but I still find it sad to see A.I. being used for things like kink scene planning. Half the fun of kink is communicating about it – the negotiation, the flirtation, the mutual discovery – and if you use an A.I. tool to do that stuff, you’re denying yourself and your partner the opportunity to get to know yourselves and each other better, and all the delicious intimacy and vulnerability involved in that process. Naturally, I’m also against the usage of A.I. for art/writing/etc. because it takes away work/pay from skilled human creators who could’ve done a better job.
  • Poorly written quizzes: Probably related to the above point, I found many of the quizzes in this app to be confusingly written, repetitive, at least partially inaccurate, and ultimately not all that illuminating. For example, a quiz titled “Are you a giver or receiver?” mostly asked about dominance and submission – a separate concept from giving vs. receiving, as most kink educators could tell you – while a different quiz on impact play essentially just told me that I’m into impact play, which I already knew, rather than offering any insight on how I might explore that further or what specifically draws me to impact.
  • Overwhelming/excessive at times: This app is packed full of so many features that I think it could easily scare off some nervous newbies. I know from working in sex shops that BDSM beginners often feel overwhelmed as-is, because they’ve already battled through layers of shame and stigma just to be able to admit they might be kinky. The sheer number of features in this app could make them feel out of their depth, instead of encouraging them to dip a toe into kinky waters. It also annoyed me that the app only saves the activities you rate if you rate an entire category of activities (e.g. the “strict femdom” category contains 40 activities), so if you have to stop midway through, none of the activities you’ve rated to that point will be saved. This makes the app even more intimidating, because you can’t “microdose” it by just rating a few activities here and there when you have time – you have to commit to going through a long list of them before they’ll save.
  • Not good for trans people: Upon downloading the app, my wife filled out her basic profile, including indicating that she only wanted to be referred to with feminine terms. Shortly thereafter, we tested out the A.I. scene planning feature, and it immediately misgendered her(!!) and made erroneous assumptions about our sexual anatomy. As-is, I would recommend that trans and nonbinary people avoid this app for the time being. I hope better guardrails are put into place in the future, because (needless to say) this type of unnecessary technological misstep could ruin someone’s scene/night.

Final thoughts

I think the BeMoreKinky app is an admirable effort to make kink more accessible to the masses – not everyone is as comfortable yapping about their deepest sexual desires as I am(!), and sometimes an external resource, like an app or a book, can be immensely useful in jumpstarting these conversations.

That being said, I worry about the perils of bringing A.I. into the bedroom with us. Even setting aside more extreme or existential concerns like A.I.-induced psychosis and environmental impact, outsourcing your scene-planning to a robot robs you of the opportunity to practice thinking (and kinking) for yourself. It distances you from your partner in an intimate arena that can otherwise feel soul-affirmingly connective. It introduces the possibility of boner-killing awkward errors, like misgendering your sweetheart or yourself due to a coding oversight. And in this case, it does all this without adding much value that couldn’t be equally gleaned by just having the guts to talk to your partner about sex.

I feel similarly about BeMoreKinky as I did about the Fifty Shades series, which is to say: I’m concerned about damage it may do and misconceptions it may propagate, but at the same time, I’m happy for the people it may help to discover themselves and their sexualities, and I deeply hope that the good ultimately outweighs the bad. Sometimes we have to make such trade-offs in our continuing efforts to, uh, be more kinky.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the app. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.