Behind the Seams: Romantic, Autumnal, & a Little Slutty

Kate Sloan

August 6th, 2025

Bit of a throwback – I think the last time I wore this dress on here, it was for a friend’s party in 2018, when I wore it backwards so the lacing went up the front. Recently rediscovered it when I moved, and on this night I wore it out to a wine bar with my wife. (“Wine wife, wine life,” as Zach Reino would say.)

What I’m wearing:
• Black minidress with corseted back – Forever 21, circa 2016
• Black leather 1490 Doc Martens (they make me feel so hot & queer, I love them so much)
• Black leather Coach Station bag – vintage on eBay many years ago

Photos by mb

August 9th, 2025

Wore this out for another dinner with da wife. Not a terribly notable outfit, except that 1) the photos she took of it are so pretty and 2) I’m wearing a hat emblazoned with the logo of the Wythe Hotel, which is a romantic spot for us. It’s where we stayed on our 2nd date, and also where we first told each other we loved each other and wanted to officially date each other. That was in Brooklyn way back in 2018, and now we live in Brooklyn together. Aww.

What I’m wearing:
• Black modal romper – MeUndies
• Black leather jacket covered in pins – Danier Leather
• Navy knit hat – Wythe Hotel gift shop
• Black leather vintage Coach Station bag
• Pink/red/blue Nike Air Force 1 sneakers (unseen)

August 11th, 2025

A random Monday-evening-dinner look. Did you know that there’s a ton of gorgeous graffiti in Bushwick? And sometimes it even matches my outfit!

What I’m wearing:
• Navy tank top/bralette – some generic chain store
• Blue cashmere cardigan – J. Crew
• Turquoise pleated skirt – Zhanchtong
• Vintage black leather Coach Station bag
• Black leather Frye 12R harness boots
• Tiffany & Co. leather dog collar – a gift from my wife
• Red heart-shaped prescription glasses – Zenni

August 16th 2025

Here’s what I wore to a party my metamour threw to celebrate his then-upcoming top surgery. I love queers. The party was being held in the ‘Red Room’ at a bar called Singers so I guess I felt inspired to wear red!

What I’m wearing:
• Orange skater dress – American Apparel many years ago (very nipply but who cares)
• Red cropped cardigan – can’t recall where I got it but it was bought to wear to mb’s sister’s wedding
• Red triangle earrings – a Toronto craft fair iirc
• Black leather vintage Coach Station bag
• Black leather Converse Chuck Taylors

August 18th, 2025

On this day, I wrote my Lovense Lush Mini review and then went with my wife + some pals to a screening of vintage lesbian porn. This look seemed à propos.

What I’m wearing:
• “S.L.U.T.S.” tank top – bought at the NY Folsom Street Fair a few years back
• Very tight Denim Forum jeans – thrifted
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather 1490 Doc Martens
• Navy acrylic clitoris-shaped earrings – an Etsy shop that seems to have shut down

August 21st, 2025

Wore this to go see Weapons with my wife. I liked it, though not as much as Cregger’s previous movie Barbarian.

What I’m wearing:
• Black long-sleeved shirt – gift from my mom
• Denim Forum skinny jeans – thrifted
• Black leather vintage Coach Station bag
• Black leather jacket (in my hand) – Danier Leather
• Black leather 1490 Doc Martens
• Silver hoop earrings – ?
• Crave Vesper vibrator/necklace (bad vibrator, pretty necklace)

August 27th, 2025

This was a cool night – I had been invited to an erotica-writing workshop taught by sci-fi romance legend Cecilia Tan, hosted by sex toy company Dame, at the romance-centric Brooklyn bookstore The Ripped Bodice. There was a conversation between Cecilia and Dame founder Alexandra Fine about erotica, arousal, the role of sex toys in the writing process, etc. and then we did some writing exercises together in little notebooks we were given. (I was very enamored with the pens they gave out and ended up buying some of my own, lol.) Got to mingle with some other writers, mostly fellow femme-presenting folks, which was really cool! Thanks for the invite, Dame.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink tank top w/ built-in bra – Gap; a gift from my mama
• Turquoise pleated skirt – Zhanchtong
• Pink leather Doc Martens
• Pink leather Kate Spade New Bond Street Florence bag
• Apple Watch w/ navy leather Hermès band – both gifts from my wife
• Raspberry-pink leather heart earrings – Unicorn Collaborators
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather

September 12th, 2025

Wore this to have dinner with my wife at one of our fanciest faves, the Gramercy Tavern, where they always treat us well. If you’re ever there, order a classic daiquiri… and tell ’em mb sent you…

What I’m wearing:
• Red fit-and-flare dress – H&M
• Red socks
• Red/orange/blue Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
• Silver hoop earrings
• Black prescription sunglasses – Zenni
• Red leather Coach Willis bag – vintage on Etsy
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather

September 13th, 2025

Can you tell I like red? Here’s another outfit I wore to dinner/drinks with my wife…

What I’m wearing:
• Red tank top – Gap
• Black ponte pants – Gap
• Black leather belt – Gap
• Red leather vintage Coach Willis bag
• Red cowboy boots with stars on them – a hand-me-down from my high school girlfriend’s mom in like 2009 (!)

September 20th, 2025

Wore this to my cousin’s wedding! It was held at an extremely fancy golf course; the dress code was “garden formal.” I didn’t really know what to wear, but Betsey Johnson never lets me down.

What I’m wearing:
• Pink floral-print Betsey Johnson dress – vintage on eBay
• Black leather belt – Gap
• Yellow cardigan – a gift from my bubbie in like 2008 I think?!
• Black faux-leather flats – Winners
• Black leather vintage Coach Station bag

October 2nd, 2025

Kind of a weird night – I had planned to take my friend Sarah as my +1 to a media event I’d been invited to, which was the launch party for a Halloween-themed pop-up bar. We went out for dinner beforehand to a Mexican restaurant, and while we were eating, I received an email telling me the event had been canceled due to unforeseen circumstances! So Sarah and I just finished our margaritas and called it a night. Oh well, at least we looked cute…

What I’m wearing:
• Blue dress – American Apparel
• Blue & green flannel shirt – Old Navy (been thrashing this one lately, it’s great for improv shows)
• Blue socks – promotional item from the sex toy company Dame
• Red/pink/blue Nikes (didn’t have any more suitable shoes with me 😂)
• Black leather vintage Coach Station bag

October 7th, 2025

Wore this on what was surely one of the best first dates of my life thus far! You can listen to me tell the full story here… Suffice it to say, it was apt that I wore red, because I spent much of the night blushing profusely, so at least my look was cohesive 😂 This was also, as it turns out, a perfectly-engineered outfit in which to get fingered in a park during autumn in New York.

What I’m wearing:
• Red sleeveless dress w/ pleated skirt – Winners many years ago (bought for a wedding rehearsal dinner in 2013!)
• Red thigh-high socks – American Apparel
• Black leather jacket – Danier Leather
• Black leather Frye harness boots
• Black leather vintage Coach Station bag
• My ever-ubiquitous red lipstick, which I’m sure got kissed off of me by the end of the night

 

P.S. Want more posts like this? Check out the ‘outfit‘ tag!

One of the Hottest Things a Dom Can Ever Say to Me…

Kate Sloan

There are plenty of things doms have said to me over the years that reliably send a shiver up my spine. “That’s an order.” “Did I say you could move?” “Good girl.”

But one that I’m thinking about a lot these days (because a wildly hot person has said it to me a few times lately) is: “Duly noted.” Let me explain…

With all the discourse these days about whether A.I. chatbots and porn video games are suitable replacements for human companionship (IMO: no, but you do you!), I find myself frequently pondering: What makes humans uniquely sexy, much sexier than any cheap simulacrum rendered in ones and zeroes?

The answer I come back to again and again is desire. A robot cannot want me. It can perhaps convincingly pretend to want me, but whenever I recall that its desire is constructed, my proverbial boner deflates in an instant. Mutual desire is the bedrock of any sexual encounter I’d want to be a part of, and the whole shebang feels hollow and flimsy without that foundation.

For similar reasons, it’s incredibly hot when a dom says “Duly noted” (or variations thereof) in response to me dropping some info they might want to implement later – like that I enjoy having my hair pulled, or that I sometimes burst into cathartic tears while being praised during a spanking. It demonstrates their desire for me, their desire to make me feel intense feelings in optimal ways – and it also demonstrates their desire to know me better, to understand what makes me tick sexually. I can’t think of many things I find hotter than that.

A robot, by contrast, may well remember things you’ve told it, but its own desires aren’t a factor in deciding what to “duly note” about you. And so I don’t really give a shit what a robot chooses to remember about me. If fucking me is like an adult video game, I don’t want to be ‘played’ by a robot that’s calculating its route based on probabilities; I want to be a fun challenge for a smart, focused human who brings their own turn-ons, talents, and ambitions to the table. (There’s a reason I adore the ingenuity of human speedrunners on Twitch but refuse to watch tool-assisted speedruns, which I find boring by comparison!)

The moment when someone actually employs information they previously “duly noted” – says the exact right thing at the exact right moment, touches the exact right spot in the exact right way – is one of the hottest moments that can ever happen during sex/kink, if you ask me. It communicates, all at once: 1) I pay attention to you and remember things you say, 2) I am astute, clever, and resourceful, and 3) it turns me on to make you feel good. I mean, what could be sexier than that?!

Now, doms, I know I’ve given you a powerful tool here, but don’t go around dropping this line left and right like it’s some kind of secret password… It works best when used judiciously – because, unlike a robot, your brain doesn’t just store information indiscriminately. Your brain picks and chooses what’s worth “duly noting,” and when to put that knowledge into action. And that sharp discernment is what makes you irresistible to subs like me, who want to see you ‘win the game’ fair and square: no cheat codes, no algorithms, just your gorgeously imperfect human body and brain, doing what it does best.

 

Fellow subs, do you also have a weakness for this particular line? Any standout memories related to it? Feel free to sound off in the comments!

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Bottoming is a Skill! (+ some tips on how to build it)

Kate Sloan
Photos by mb, of me finding out that Nick Jonas was performing in the Miscast video we were watching, lol

I am a good reactor. That is to say, I am good at reacting to things. I used to think this wasn’t even a skill – but through sex, kink, and comedy, I’ve learned that it absolutely is.

Over the course of a typical week, I’ll attend at least one improv show, and have kinky phone sex with a partner at least once. While these two activities occur in different places, contexts, and headspaces, in many ways I bring the same skills to the table for both: I dial up my natural reactions slightly, making more noise than I would if I was alone, because my responses serve a social function. They communicate what I’m enjoying, which helps the partner or performer hone their approach over time; they encourage any others present to react more openly too – and perhaps most crucially of all, they provide positive feedback which can make someone feel good, motivated, and appreciated.

Audience members at comedy shows might think they matter less than the performers they came to see, but without attentive audiences, performers simply couldn’t do what they do, or at least wouldn’t enjoy it nearly as much. And by the same principle, when you’re bottoming (i.e. receiving sensation) in a kink scene, you might feel like you’re “not really doing anything” and like your top is “doing all the work” – when, in fact, it’s your receptiveness and reactivity that’s making their “work” feel like play! They might even feel lucky to get to top someone like you.

Suffice it to say: Bottoms aren’t just punching bags and cock sleeves – we’re a living, breathing, positive feedback loop, with skills worth boasting about. How do you build those skills, though? I could talk about this for hours, but here are 3 quick tips from my years of bottoming:

Amplify your reactions

A lot of people learn to be ultra-quiet when receiving pleasure (or pain, for that matter) while growing up, so for some of us, it may not come naturally to make noise at first. However, you can practice this skill, like anything else.

Moaning (or gasping, whimpering, etc.) is not automatically inauthentic just because you consciously choose to do it. You’re merely turning up the volume on your natural reactions to make them more legible to your top, which they will find both hot and useful. It gets easier the more that you do it, I swear. (And if you hate making noise in a silent room, put some music/white noise/rain sounds on, for fuck’s sake!)

Unlearn your people-pleaser tendencies

If you, like me, struggle with a compulsion to always say ‘yes’ and do what people expect of you, you might just be a people-pleaser. It’s an understandable maladaptation, but when it comes to bottoming, it can corrode the connection between you and your top. In order to play safely, they need to trust that you will safeword or say ‘no’ if you want/need to – which means you have to be able to say ‘no,’ even to someone you really like, and even when you’re incoherent from subspace.

I needed a few years of trauma therapy to address this issue, but even just saying ‘no’ to your partner about innocuous things (e.g. “Do you want Mexican food tonight?” “No, I had Mexican food last night…”) can be good practice. Work that muscle until it’s strong!

Ask yourself why

When something feels good during sex/kink, either physically or psychologically, ask yourself why that is. In other words, ask yourself what you liked about it, and file your answers away. Do the same for anything you decidedly don’t like – what made it unpleasant for you? You can share this info with tops as needed.

One of the things tops have consistently complimented me on is that I know what I like/want/need – but it took a lot of work for me to get to that point! Self-knowledge is often hard-won, and expressing that self-knowledge to someone else can feel super vulnerable – but that’s part of what makes kink such a beautiful practice: it invites us to know ourselves and our partners better, to see different sides of ourselves, to uncover the deep ‘whys’ of our own pleasures and joys.

Fellow bottoms, what other skills do you think are important for us to hone?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

10 Creative Ways to Write a Sex Toy Review

Kate Sloan

I’ve been writing sex toy reviews for 13 and a half years (!!), and in that time, I have experimented a lot with form and genre. These days, you’ll mostly see me writing within a specific template, because it’s easiest to write, easiest to skim through, and does well on Google… but if I had my druthers (and my link juice), I would much rather write reviews that are a bit more creative! And I’m sure I will again, someday, when the right toys come along.

To hopefully help inspire other writers, here’s a list of 10 alternate formats that make for great sex toy reviews…

1. Erotica story

It’s a classic for a reason! Lots of people are turned on by sex toy reviews, and you can always lean into that, if you feel comfortable doing so. For instance, I’ll occasionally start a review with a flowery retelling of my first session with a toy, or of the first time I used it with a partner, etc. Some would say this’ll make readers more likely to click your affiliate links, too, since a horny shopper is an eager shopper…

2. Diary entry

As a lifelong diarist, I adore this method. One of my favorite examples is Girl on the Net’s review of the We-Vibe Nova, in which the vibrator becomes a jumping-off point from which to talk about her recent gut-wrenching breakup. Sex toys aren’t just mechanical objects – they can also trigger old memories and stir up emotions, from elation to loneliness to resentment to rage. There’s no use in keeping your toy review’s tone placid and peaceful if that wasn’t your experience of the toy!

3. Cultural commentary

Another fave of mine… Trends in the sex toy industry are often predicated on larger sociocultural trends, which are interesting to point out and commentate on. For example: Why are realistic dildos seen as more threatening than non-representational ones? What does the sometimes-racist marketing of strokers say about the past and present of racial politics? And what do clitoral suction toys say about gender?

4. Comedy of errors

Typically I don’t plan to write this type of review, but sometimes a testing session goes so thoroughly awry that I have to… like when a glass egg got stuck in my vagina, or when I tried to stick a shoe in my ass. Hey, nobody said a sex toy review couldn’t have plot, jokes, or the looming threat of danger!

5. Love letter

Some sex toys really are that good. You can write a Shakespearian soliloquy to your favorite one, or an erotic missive, or a heart-rendingly romantic screed – whatever comes pouring out of you, so to speak.

6. How-to

This works best for especially complex or unusual sex toys, the likes of which a reader may not have encountered before. How do you set up a Sybian? How can you work vibrating nipple clamps into a variety of kink scenes? What are the best practices for wielding a rubber flogger?

7. Lab report

I could see this format working well for a toy that makes a particular, falsifiable claim, such as “It’ll always bring you to orgasm in 60 seconds or less.” Test the hypothesis, quantify your results, and publish your findings! (See Danielle Bezalel’s Magic Wand experiment for a fantastic example.)

8. Fashion piece

I’ve done it before and I’m sure I’ll do it again. Some sex toys are just so cute-looking that they deserve to be coordinated with your outfit(s). This format works especially well for wearable items, like bondage harnesses.

9. Fiction vignettes

I used to sometimes write pieces about what toys I thought would be found in the nightstand drawers of specific fictional characters I adored, like Chuck Bass from Gossip Girl or Rosa Diaz from Brooklyn Nine-Nine. Similarly, you could write about various different fictional people trying out the toy and what their experience of it might be. This is a fun way to show different facets of a toy’s capabilities.

10. Interview

No, I’m not suggesting you interview a sex toy… although you can certainly try! What I actually mean by this one is: you could use a toy with a partner (or multiple partners) and then interview them about the experience. Sometimes, people who aren’t in the sex toy industry at all will have surprisingly great insights about products’ shortcomings and upsides – and could there ever be a better testimonial than “I begrudgingly agreed to test this out for my partner and then it made me come harder than I could ever have predicted”?!

What are your favorite alternate formats for sex toy reviews, dear readers?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Ways to Practice Dirty Talk… Outside of the Bedroom

Kate Sloan
Photo courtesy of mb

Dirty talk intimidates a lot of folks, for the same reason many people would be terrified to get on a stage and do improv: “What do I say?! And what if I make a fool of myself and get laughed at?”

But as with improv, it gets easier the more that you practice, I promise. Here are 4 quick suggestions of settings ‘n’ situations that lend themselves well to dirty-talk drills…

 

1. Talk out loud when you masturbate

Often, the least intimidating way to try something new sexually is to incorporate it into solo sex first. To quote my own book: “Hey, even world-class actors rehearse in private before performing for an audience!”

You could describe the fantasies flitting through your mind, say the things you wish a partner would say to you, or just narrate what you’re physically doing. The point is to get used to saying the words, without filtering yourself too much. If you get stuck, just pretend to be your favorite porn star (or the hottest dirty-talker from your sexual history), and say what they would say!

 

2. Read erotica aloud to one another

This is often easier than coming up with your own original material, as it were, because it gives you plausible deniability: “Oh, it wasn’t me who dreamed up those filthy ideas – it was the author, whose words I was simply reciting!” 😇

But this also gives you practice saying sexy words out loud, and lets you appreciate your partner’s reactions to the hottest parts, which may motivate you to try your hand at dirty talk without a script someday.

 

3. Text your partner “I was just thinking about…”

Sexting is lower-pressure than dirty-talking aloud for many people, so you could always start there. I’ll sometimes tell my partner what I fantasized about during a masturbation session earlier that day, or I might describe a hot erotica story I read or cool porn clip I watched.

Sure, sometimes I feel a flash of shame as I convey these things – that’s natural, in a sex-negative world that frequently punishes authentic expressions of desire – but that’s why it’s good to practice. The more shame I work through, the less of it I feel.

 

4. Fantasize together at a sex shop

Sometimes, when words fail you, it can be helpful to shop sex toys together – the objects on the shelves act as inspiration, much like the ‘suggestion’ that prompts an improv scene!

Weave through the aisles with your sweetheart and point out products that catch your eye, whispering to each other if you dare: “I’d love to bend you over and use that paddle on you.” “Your cock would look so good sinking into that stroker.” “I’d hold that vibe on you until your eyes rolled back in your head.” 😈 Maybe you’ll buy something, maybe not – but the communication you’ll open up between the two of you is priceless.

 

What are your favorite ways to practice talking dirty when you feel a little rusty at it?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.