hypnosis

“A Song A Week” Challenge: Monthly Recap 10 of 12

Kate Sloan

Song 41/52: “Go Deeper”

Lyrics:

Breathe in some fresh air and breathe out all your cares and keep breathing
And notice the thoughts that are passing, arising, repeating
And let them all go, because deep down, you know that you’re safe
And inside your mind, you can certainly find a nice place

Let your eyes fall closed if they want to
Feel your spine – it’s strong and it’s got you
Feel your mind melting as it tries not to

Chorus:
Go deeper now
Doesn’t matter how
Just go deeper now
Let your thoughts drift away like a cloud

And if it feels good, then maybe you should let it take you
It’s easier, so just give in and let go of what ails you
Your arms getting heavy, along with your legs and your chest
And if you relax, it is simply a fact that you’ll rest

Who knows where your mind disappears to?
If you call it back, it’ll hear you
But we both know you’re really just here to…

(repeat chorus)

 

Songwriting diary:

I was deep in trance during a hypnokink scene when the idea entered my mind that I should write a song that is a hypnotic induction. It felt like such an important idea that I said it out loud to my spouse through the fuzzy fogginess of trance, so that I might remember the idea later on. And I did!

Incidentally, a few days before that, I had watched this video about a chord progression that’s apparently super popular in Japanese music but isn’t widely used in Western music (although, notably, both of Rick Astley’s best-known songs – “Together Forever” and the infamous “Never Gonna Give You Up” – use this progression, as does the Silk Sonic banger “Leave the Door Open”). I’d made a note of it incase I wanted to use it for a song at some point. I thought it made sense to use it for this hypnotic song because it’s a progression that never resolves to the home chord of the key, which gives it this strange feeling of perpetual unfinishedness and driftiness, like being in trance.

I wrote some lyrics for the first verse and prechorus, and then sang them over the progression – and then I improvised the chorus after that, and liked how it came out so I kept it.

Song 42/52: “I’d Marry You Again”

Lyrics:

I’d marry you again
Just say when, just say when
Walk down another aisle
Hey, why not? It’s been a while

No need to have it catered
Don’t need a decorator
And tell our friends and family that we’ll see ya later

Just wanna say those vows
We already know how

I’d marry you once more
And meet you out on the dance floor
I’d throw a bright bouquet
Just like I did back on that day

There’s no RSVPing
It’s all about the feeling
Don’t mean to be repetitive, but it is worth repeating:

I’d marry you again
Just say when, just say when

 

Songwriting diary:

I had tweeted a few days before writing this song about how I still regularly have the momentary thought that I’d like to marry my partner before remembering we already did that. I just love them so much, and wanted to marry them so much before we did it, that my mind evidently still clings onto that as a beloved goal even though it’s already happened. It’s nice.

So, with that in mind, I started improvising words while plucking a minimalistic little ukulele part, and the beginning of this song came out. I built it from there, pulling from online lists of wedding-related tropes and traditions to fill out the rest of the lyrics. It’s a pretty short song (actually it’s the shortest one I’ve done for this challenge), but that’s nice sometimes!

Song 43/52: “Every Morning”

Lyrics:

Is love hard, or has love just been hard before?
My guard is up, but I don’t wanna be guarded anymore

Chorus:
Every morning, you say “I love you”
And every morning, I say “I love you too”
That’s just what we do

My dream love never quite looked the way this does
But my dream, love, was a dream for who I thought I was

(repeat chorus)

Back then, my heart would stop and start
Hot and cold, highs and lows
Then you came ’round; I’m safe and sound
In the now, ’cause I know:

(repeat chorus)

Every morning that I’m in your arms
Is a morning when I thank my lucky stars

 

Songwriting diary:

I was very frustrated this week at my apparent lack of success in writing a song. It was Friday night and I’d polished up 2-3 songs I’d been writing over the past few weeks, but didn’t really like any of them (one was about tattoos, one about gender and one about impostor syndrome). I wrote in a song earlier this year that “the songs never have to be good; they just have to get done,” and while that’s true, there have definitely been several songs this year that I’ve ostensibly finished but haven’t felt good enough about to include as part of this challenge. I always wanted to push myself to write something better instead, which is what happened this week.

I was messing around with my favorite voicing of the Fmajor7 chord on the ukulele and found a rhythmic way of finger-picking it that was very evocative to me, and so I started improvising a vocal line over it. I had just guested on my spouse’s podcast earlier that day, and one of the things we talked about was how I always imagined I’d end up with a writer, actor, visual artist, or other artsy type when I got older, but mb’s personality and brain are creatively oriented even though they’re not in one of those conventionally artsy fields. (Software development definitely involves a lot of creativity!) So I guess I was in a mood to marvel at how our love story turned out so different from what I’d envisioned all those years and is somehow nonetheless exactly what I needed.

Song 44/52: “Grandmaster”

Lyrics:

I don’t know how you bring out the best in us
There’s people like you, and then there’s the rest of us
I take your thoughts as gifts and as gospel truth
Though my family worries that I might be wasting my youth

But it’s not a waste
To follow you anyplace
And I’ll follow you home, ’cause you’re the only home I know

Chorus:
‘Cause you’re my grandmaster
And I’m falling faster
Than I ever thought I could
And though they insult what they call a cult
I know that your heart is good
I know that your heart is good

I thought I knew myself before I met you
But all that I knew was the lens I’d been looking through
My world is shifting as I absorb your words
You never listen, but somehow I still feel heard

But that’s just your way
And of course, I am glad to pay
For the privilege of being a prisoner you’re freeing now

(repeat chorus)

If sometimes I question some of your lessons
I’m sorry if I’m out of turn
If I understood it, I’d know that you’re good at
Helping us learn what we need to learn

(repeat chorus)

I think that your heart is good

 

Songwriting diary:

Months ago, the first two lines of this song randomly occurred to me (“I don’t know how you bring out the best in us/ There’s people like you, and then there’s the rest of us“) and I wrote them down in the music folder of my notes app, not really sure what they were about or when I’d ever be able to use them.

At some point I started watching season 2 of The Vow, which is a show about a New York-based cult called NXIVM that I’ve been fascinated by for a while – I’ve seen a couple of documentary series on it and read a book about it. It occurred to me that those lines sounded like something that one of the cult leader Keith Raniere’s followers might have said about him, and then I decided I wanted to write a song from their perspective. It was partly inspired by “Unworthy of Your Love” from the musical Assassins, specifically the part sung by Squeaky Fromme to her hero and lover Charles Manson, and the way she is clearly so brainwashed and taken in by him. “Grandmaster” is one of the names that Keith Raniere’s followers called him, along with “Vanguard.”

I’m honestly not that happy with this song and it feels like one of the only ones I’ve kind of “phoned in,” but I’m also glad I wrote it and I think there’s some good lines in it. Besides which: the entire point of a challenge like this is to generate new songs, some of which I’m gonna like and some I’m not. It’s a useful lesson in releasing perfectionism and just doing what I can do, every single week.

Monthly Faves: Robots, Doctors, & Hearts

Kate Sloan

Wow, what a wild month. I hope you’re keeping well in this unprecedented time, my loves. In an attempt at recapturing normalcy, here’s a list of sexy and sexy-adjacent things I enjoyed this month…

Sex toys

• My favorite sex-related acquisition of the month was my hot pink Clone-a-Willy. I mean, of course it’s my favorite – it’s my partner’s dick, immortalized in silicone. Getting fucked with it has been a delight.

• When we did a Dildorks episode wherein I hypnotized Bex (you can watch the video here if you’re a Patreon supporter of ours, or if you choose to become one), I used my trusty pink Tarina Tarantino heart necklace as a pendulum for the inductions. I really can’t think of an object I’d like better for this purpose. #HypnoFemme

• Sutil has become my favorite lube brand, and this month they sent me a care package containing enough lube to last me the rest of the year, at least. Their “Rich” lube is a must-have for me these days – it’s thick and long-lasting enough for just about any sexual activity I get up to.

Fantasy fodder

• I asked my partner a while ago what kind of content I should write about COVID-19 and one of the things they suggested was medical roleplay… At first I was like “TOO SOON!” but honestly, turning my anxiety-fuelled daymares into over-the-top sexual fantasies about doctors and masks, etc. has been a helpful coping mechanism for me! If you have coronavirus-related sexual fantasies (and don’t think it’s gauche to discuss them), feel free to sound off in the comments…

• Lately my partner has been coming fairly regularly while giving me oral sex – through a combination of grinding against the sheets and just finding my vulva/sounds/wetness really hot, apparently – and it really brings new meaning to the whole interaction. I’m much more able to relax into receiving sensation, even for a long time, if I feel like my pleasure is hugely pleasurable for my partner as well!

• My partner and I have been working our way through Westworld (more on that in the Media section) and it’s full of delicious perviness. The idea of being a sex robot built specifically to give pleasure – and of not even knowing that that’s what you’re for – is immensely hot to me… not to mention the low-key hypnokink stuff that’s all over that show!

Sexcetera

• Some of my work elsewhere this month: In my newsletter, I wrote about sex when you’re sick, pandemic anxiety coping methods, and why bars are the places I miss most at this time. On The Dildorks, we interviewed JoEllen Notte about sex and depression, did a hypno scene, and talked about solo kink and sex and dating in the time of coronavirus. Our guests on Question Box included sex writer Ana Valens, voiceover artist Sarah Sumeray, and my brother Max – and we also did a St. Patrick’s Day special where Brent and I got extremely drunk (go look it up in your podcatcher of choice; it’s a hoot). I also guested on the Sofia Gray podcast to talk about pubic hair, and my pal Erin Pim invited me back onto the Bed Post podcast for an enlightening discussion about keeping long-distance relationships fun and sexy (very relevant right now!).

• Ever wanted to see my partner give me a spanking? Good news: now you can rent a scene on MakeLoveNotPorn depicting just that! It’s a video of our traditional New Year’s spanking (yes, it’s a few months old now), where my Sir makes me list my achievements and goals between hits. I think you’ll dig it!

• Sextistics: This month I had phone sex 12 times, and then my partner came to stay with me and we had in-person sex 13+ times (it isn’t quite the end of the month yet at time of writing so I’m not sure of the total). Look, you gotta fill those quarantine hours somehow!

Fashion & beauty

• The great Rachel Syme started a hashtag called #DistanceButMakeItFashion wherein people are encouraged to dress up despite the lack of anywhere to go, and post pictures of their fancy outfits. It’s become a Sunday tradition but you can really do it any time. I enjoyed getting dolled up in shades of blue, and (on another occasion) swathing myself in velvet and doing a sharp cut crease.

• Did you know Zenni makes PRESCRIPTION heart-shaped glasses?! I got myself a pair in red, and I absolutely love them. When I bought them, I figured I’d only bust them out on special occasions, but I’ve actually been wearing them almost every time I leave the house for a socially-distanced walk or a rare trip to the store – I feel that I might as well brighten people’s days in these bleak times if I can, and they make me feel cute as hell, too!

• My pal Clementine Morrigan has a new T-shirt available featuring gorgeous art from one of their zines. I am loving mine!

Media

• I’m late to the party but I finally started watching Westworld, HBO’s dark thriller about an Old West-themed amusement park staffed with sentient robots who slowly start to realize that their world and their very existence are a contrivance. Lots of people recommended this show to me back when I was working on a piece about how sex robots could shape our sexual culture, and they were right to do so: it’s full of tricky ethical questions about sadism, solipsism, and the nature of artificial intelligence.

• Like seemingly everyone on Twitter right now, I am obsessed with the new Animal Crossing game, New Horizons. It’s an extremely relaxing and adorable life simulation game. I’ve been fishing and crafting my troubles away!

• One of my favorite distractions these days is the YouTube channel How to Drink, which my partner introduced me to a while ago. Greg, the affable host, makes excellent cocktails while jovially explaining how you can make them too. His 4-hour-long “quarantine special” livestream was a breath of fresh air – he taught us all how to make a “quarantini” while being good-natured and sweet and cute. Thanks for the escapism (and the drink ideas), Greg.

Little things

My therapist being excited to hear that I did shrooms. A flower from Zoe as an “It’s almost your birthday!” gift. Getting overly dressed up for karaoke. Kale salad at Insomnia. Watching Cats with the rowdy Drunk Feminist Films crew and my mom. Taking socially-distanced walks through parks and down to the harbor. FaceTiming with the fam. My surprisingly awesome tax advisor (and the relief of getting my taxes paid on time). At-home cocktails lovingly prepared by my sweetheart. Wearing bright colors to combat the gloominess of the weather and just, y’know, the world right now. Use Your Words nights with Dan and Sarah. Owning an embarrassment of peanut butter. Livestreams from Civil Liberties. Being with my love, who makes me feel safe even when the world is scary.

12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 2 Fears Defeated

Kate Sloan

Every December here, I chronicle 2 major fears I’ve – to some extent – conquered within the past year. (Read previous years’ fears: 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018.) This year I have one kinky one and one professional one…

Hypnotizing my partner

When my beau and I first met and began discussing their hypnosis kink, I think I told them pretty early on that I had no intention of learning how to hypnotize people. I likely would’ve been more open to the idea if Matt was solely a bottom in this regard, but they’re a top-leaning switch and I’m a bottomy sub, so we were content to cleave to those roles when it came to hypnosis. Matt hypnotized me regularly for a whole year before I ever did it to them.

On December 19th of last year, however, we did our first trance scene with me topping. I don’t remember in much detail what we did, what induction I used, or anything else. I just remember that earlier that day, I’d been staring at Matt’s nose (which I love and think is soooo handsome) and thinking that slowly stroking it up and down would be a good way to put someone into trance. I was right.

A large part of my aversion to hypno-topping came from the misconception that you have to say the exact right words in the exact right order to make it happen. I felt I hadn’t “studied up” enough and lacked the passionate interest that would drive me to learn. But a year of being regularly hypnotized by a skilful person had taught me that the process is looser and more improvisational than I’d thought. I knew some basic inductions and techniques (at least in theory) from reading Mind Play and I knew my partner had some experience going into trance, which tends to make it easier for someone to get back there again. So I set aside my apprehensions and gave my partner this beautiful gift that they had been giving me for a year.

In the time since then, I’ve tranced Matt tons more times, usually while domming them (they are my 24/7 dom but we do occasionally switch). It’s a lovely new avenue of intimacy for us, and I look forward to seeing what other kink-related fears I can conquer in 2020.

Writing a book

Okay, as of this moment, the book is only about 85% done. BUT. Even that much is an accomplishment worth celebrating!

For a long time, I thought I would never write a book… and then I thought I would write and self-publish one… and then I thought I wanted to go the traditional publishing route but would never find a publisher or an agent who would have any interest in the sort of book I wanted to write. But this year I got a book deal, from a publisher who sought me out specifically, which I just never thought would happen. Life is a wild ride!

I feel like, every day for the past few months, I’ve begun every writing session thinking, “I can’t do this. I will never finish this. This is going to be awful. I CAN’T DO THIS.” But my partner and friends and family have been around to remind me of my abilities and my drive and what I’m doing it all for, and that has helped enormously. It’s largely because of those people that I’ve managed to get this far in the process – and when I finish the book, in time for the deadline next month, I’ll have my social supports to thank for that, too.

Our culture is full of inspirational messages in Hallmark cards and Hollywood blockbusters that amount to “You can do anything you set your mind to!” and, while there are many factors that complicate that sentiment (like privilege or the lack thereof), it feels truer to me now than it did a year ago. I can’t wait to finish this book draft and hand it in, if just to prove to myself that I could and I can.

What fears did you face in 2019?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 3 Fave Encounters

Kate Sloan

I had a lot of good sex this year (quit braggin’!), but these encounters stick out in my mind as some of the best and most memorable. Read on for R-rated descriptions of my various perversions and their manifestations!

Bimbo Hypno (Content note: bimboification, ableist language, forced feminization, hypnosis, age play / daddy / DD/lg)

All these years that I’ve been writing 12 Days of Girly Juice posts, I’ve never highlighted a phone-sex encounter as one of my favorite sexual experiences of the year – but phone sex feels to me more and more like real and legitimate sex, and so it would be strange not to include some, especially since it makes up about 55% of my sex life at this point! (Uhh, more dorky statistics like that to come in my year-end Sextistics post. Just you wait!)

My Sir and I had been thinking a lot about “intelligence play”/bimboification/forced feminization, and the intersections therein, when we decided to do a scene incorporating all of these. After extensive negotiation, here’s what we settled on: I laid out a full face’s worth of makeup on my desk and set up my computer there. Sir called me on the phone, put me into trance, and suggested to me that with every item of makeup I applied, I could let go of a little more of my intelligence. I could sink into the bliss of ignorance, set aside my overanalytical adult tendencies, and just be a pretty, childlike little doll. When they woke me up and called me on FaceTime video, I was already feeling spacey, and that just developed further as I began to put my face on, piece by piece.

By the end of the scene, I was slurring slightly on super simple sentences. I looked very cute but could barely formulate a thought. I was deeper in “little space” than I’d ever been before, feeling genuinely like that little girl I so often roleplay as. My daddy took me to bed (by which I mean, we each separately retired to our beds) and fucked me over the phone the way they do almost every night – but this time felt different, because my brain felt dimmed. As someone who’s too often wracked with anxiety and intrusive thoughts during sex, it was magic to be able to just… turn that off. I was always a very bright little girl when I was a kid, but sometimes being a little less astute for a while can be amazingly relaxing.

Matt says: This was definitely one of the most memorable scenes we did this year, even though we weren’t in the same room. I remember watching you on FaceTime video putting on the makeup and getting dumber, and getting more and more turned on as you got dumber, and I was struggling to figure out when I should fuck you! I wanted to fuck you from the beginning, but also I wanted to make you as dumb as possible and let you finish your makeup, obviously… so it was a struggle against my own arousal! I was also thinking a lot about what questions I could ask you to confirm and convince you of your dumbness. I asked you about process, like about why you were doing certain things with your makeup, and you had kind of a hard time figuring that out. The hypnosis, I remember a lot; the makeup, I remember a lot; the resulting phone sex, I don’t remember as much. It was like, sex with you-but-dumber, which was great, but it didn’t stick with me as much as watching you get dumber. But I do remember I came really hard, so…

Unprecedented PIV in Portland (Content note: alcohol)

I don’t know why, but I never assume roleplay scenes will lead to particularly good sex. I mean, for me, that’s not the point of them: they’re more about playful exploration, closer to an improv show than a porn shoot. But sometimes, the sex therein can be incredible.

When Matt and I spent a week in Portland, it seemed like a good opportunity for a roleplay we’d been wanting to do for a while: we would go to a bar and pretend to be strangers meeting for the first time. We decided on Barlow, a swanky cocktail bar around the corner from our hotel. I went over there, ordered a daiquiri, and sat reading How to Date Men When You Hate Men, the loud title of which further contributed to what we already knew: the beginning of the scene would be tricky for Matt. They would have to woo me – a shy, defensive introvert, perpetually wary of strangers’ approaches – into wanting to talk to them. Wanting to talk to them so much, in fact, that I would put my book down to do so. This is no small feat!

Matt came in a few minutes after me and ordered a daiquiri as well, which ended up being the catalyst for our conversation (they were damn good daiquiris!). We small-talked about drinks, books, and the conference we were both attending, and then, inevitably, discussing my line of work led us to disclose (some of) our kinks and (some of) our attraction to each other. I agreed to let them come up to my hotel room, saying “Maybe we could just make out” (which is indeed what I would say if I actually met a hot stranger at a bar in broad daylight in a city with which I was unfamiliar). We paid our check, made our way to the hotel, and giggled nervously in the elevator.

I honestly don’t remember much about the sex that ensued, mostly because its conclusion was so bafflingly intense that it probably blew all the other memories out of my brain. We were having good old-fashioned dick-in-vag sex, and I had the Eroscillator on my clit, and before I even fully realized what was happening, their dick felt so good that I came – way sooner and more easily than I normally would from this activity – and felt them coming at the exact same time. A simultaneous PIV orgasm is one of those sexual goals that I’ve never really understood or fetishized, but it felt so perfect in that roleplay – I had the sense that even though we were “strangers,” we knew each other’s bodies and minds deeply, and were instantly, fiercely connected to each other. That’s pretty much how it felt when we actually met for the first time, so it was romantic to revisit that sensation – albeit while having an orgasm so hard and fast that it surprised me and left me breathless.

Matt says: What sticks out to me about this scene was how difficult it was for me, because I am not used to “picking up people” in this way. Even though I knew you’re my partner and we were gonna end up at home together, I felt really high-stakes about picking you up. So, from the moment I walked into the bar, I was really nervous about what I would say to you, when I would say it, where I would sit – everything about the whole interaction. I was very calculating about it, even down to our interactions with the bartenders, because they didn’t assume we were together, and then when I tried to pay for us together, that was a whole problem I had to solve… It was this, like, choreographed dance in the bar, and once we were back in “your” hotel room, it was much easier to relax into fucking you. I felt like I had “scored” you, which is a feeling I don’t often get, and I really wanted to impress you with my oral skills and PIV skills and stuff. I felt like the way we came together was beautiful and perfect, and if my character had walked off into the night and gone back to their Airbnb or whatever, it would’ve been this beautiful perfect moment, but then we got to spend the rest of the day together and it was even better.

Cryin’ & Goodbyin’ (Content note: hypnosis, alcohol)

I was only supposed to spend a week in New York in August, but as my flight time neared, Matt wrapped their arms around me tight, silently Feeling Some Feelings, and then observed, “I’m not doin’ too good.” I wasn’t doin’ too good either. We rearranged our plans to give me three extra days in New York, which wasn’t very much but seemed like enough. We just weren’t ready to say goodbye yet.

On the night before our actual goodbye, we attended a workshop on hypnosis and sadomasochism, stopped off for some late-night Mexican food, and then came back home. Matt wanted to do some trance stuff (naturally) and asked me what I wanted to feel; I was so flooded with love already that my answer came easily: “I want to feel romantic.” They put me into a deep, slightly drunken trance (margaritas are delicious!!) and then talked me through amping up my pre-existing romantic feelings. With my hazy eyes fluttering, I clutched at them and began to cry. Big, hot tears soaked my beloved’s pillow as they talked me through it, murmuring in my ear about love and trust and togetherness.

When they woke me up, they went down on me lovingly and fucked me with the Eleven lovingly and made me squirt lovingly. It all looked very rough from the outside but was actually maybe the most romantic sex I had all year. Kinksters are redefining “lovemaking” and I’m very glad.

Matt says: I was so sad that you were leaving, even though we had extended your stay. I was just wrecked. I was so fucked up about it. Watching you spill your tears all over my blue pillowcase in this beautiful, long pattern made me feel better about it, and then I was like, “I want more of that.” So I did this trance scene, and I got more tears out of you, and then I fucked you and got you to squirt all over my sheets, and my sheets were just covered in your wetness and your essence… I felt like I had gotten everything out of you that I possibly could before you left, and that made me feel more okay about saying goodbye. I laid on those sheets for days after you left, like, “She’s still here, in a way.” Fuck. It was the perfect ending to that trip.

What were your most memorable encounters of the year?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2019: 5 Sex-Savvy Superheroes

Kate Sloan

Hello, friends! I’m back with another instalment of 12 Days of Girly Juice. Today we’re talking about the 5 people who have had the biggest impact on how I think and feel about sex and relationships this year. Let’s jump in!

Clementine Morrigan is doing some truly incredible work. Their zines, workshops, and books are always profoundly thought-provoking, but it seems like the most popular thing they made this year was Love Without Emergency, a zine based on their constantly-sold-out workshop on trauma-informed polyamory. As Clementine thoughtfully notes in the zine, there are almost no resources out there for people who want to be polyamorous but struggle with it due to mental health issues and/or a history of trauma. Too many poly resources assume we’re all “sane” and “in good working order” mentally and emotionally – and that’s just not realistic or fair. We need more people like Clementine out there creating a model for what polyamory can look like for those of us who are anxiously attached, trauma survivors, or both. I’m so appreciative of the work she did this year to bring more attention to this issue.

Jimanekia Eborn is a force to be reckoned with, and a constant inspiration. Her podcast miniseries Trauma Queen focuses on healing from assault and trauma; the frank conversations therein are always refreshing and illuminating. More recently, she’s been raising funds for Tending the Garden, a retreat for women of color who are survivors of sexual assault. She also collaborated with Tango to design an Art of Healing kit, full of sexy and sensual items aimed at promoting sexual mindfulness. The work Jimanekia does is so, so important and I’m so glad she’s doing it.

Raven Kaldera has written, co-written, or edited about a zillion books, but this year, one in particular came to my attention and rocked my world. Kneeling in Spirit is about submissives with disabilities, and the ways they manage to pursue power exchange and kinky sex despite physical difficulties. I picked up this book because my chronic pain has been getting worse by the year, and so has my anxiety about whether my pain will one day make it impossible for me to have the kinds of sex I like to have. Raven’s book contains stories from many different kinksters about how they work around their disabilities – or sometimes actively incorporate their disabilities – in pursuit of their preferred types of sex and kink. I found it deeply inspiring and comforting. Along similar lines, Broken Toys is Raven’s book about submissives with mental illness, and that one’s a great read too. I’m so grateful to Raven for creating these resources, and for all the other education work he does.

Sleepingirl is a hypnokink genius; there’s no other way to put it. Her podcast Two Hyp Chicks delves into ultra-nerdy sub-topics within the world of erotic hypnosis, all backed by her many years of extensive research on how hypnosis works in the brain. Earlier this year she released The Brainwashing Book, a high-level tome on how to combine hypnosis with classical and operant conditioning to achieve your kinky brainwashing goals. Her other writing about hypnokink is less technical, more romantic: she elucidates the intimacy of hypnosis better than anyone I’ve ever read. I’ve learned so much from her this year about what hypnosis is and what it can be.

Dr. Liz Powell‘s book Building Open Relationships is, as far as I’m concerned, the best existing book on non-monogamy. It gave me immense comfort this year many times over, and I still pick it up now and again when I need a kernel of poly wisdom. This year, concerns were raised about the misconduct of a co-author of one of the most popular polyamory books out there, so I felt extra grateful this year for Dr. Liz’s compassionate, open-hearted, inclusively-written book. I’m sure I’ll be recommending it to poly newbies and veterans alike for years to come.

Who were your sex-savvy superheroes this year?