It’s interesting, the narratives that evolve around particular sex toys. A woman who likes big realistic dildos, for instance, will often be assumed to like big dicks too, even if that’s not the case. A man who uses an anal vibrator can easily elicit comments about how he’s probably gay, even though anyone with a lick of sense knows that butts have no sexual orientation. And similarly, if you poll the public about what type of person owns a sex doll, odds are good that they’d tell you it’s single and (involuntarily?) celibate people who own them.
It’s true that sex dolls tend to be big investments – Best Real Doll has offerings ranging from $80 to $2,199 – and one could make the argument that a person is likelier to make that type of investment if they’re highly motivated by, say, horniness or loneliness or a combination thereof. But as anyone who’s ever been in a relationship can tell you, being coupled up is not an automatic or everlasting cure for horniness or loneliness!
Not to mention – and this is what I’d really like to talk about today – using a sex doll with a partner (or with multiple partners!) can be fun as hell. Let me count the ways…
Scenario 1: Long-distance play
Most applicably to my own life as a person in a long-distance marriage, adult sex dolls can be wonderful toys for couples who are separated by distance, whether for the long-term or the short-term.
Masturbating for each other over FaceTime or Zoom is fun, but it doesn’t necessarily help you feel like you’re there in the room with your sweetheart, because, well… if you were, you’d probably be touching them, rather than them touching themself. Watching them use a sex doll, on the other hand? *chef’s kiss*
Seeing my partner do things like go down on their sex doll, or get on top of it and fuck it, is like seeing my own sex life with them represented from a different angle. It’s also a bit like watching amateur porn the two of us have made together, except I’m not even there. It’s great! Highly recommend!
Scenario 2: Cuckolding
Cuckold kink is having a bit of a moment in the popular consciousness right now. (There’s even a whole book about the history of cuckolding, called Insatiable Wives. The more you know!)
However, even people who fetishize being cucked (or doing the cucking) may not want to actually go through with it in real life, for various reasons. Maybe they’re worried about STIs or COVID safety; maybe they work in childcare, education or politics and are concerned about being outed if they scout for a third on the apps; maybe they just prefer to be monogamous IRL despite their profoundly non-monogamous fantasies. That’s all valid, and cuck fans in those situations deserve to be able to explore their kink nonetheless!
That’s where sex dolls come in. They pose way fewer problems than a human stranger in your bed, and they also conveniently can be stored under said bed when you’re done, which… is generally inadvisable with real-life people. (Unless they’re into that, in which case, mazel tov.)
Chastity play is a part of my dynamic with my partner, and I could see it being fun to ride a sex doll in front of them while they’re locked up, as a way of teasing them with what they can’t have.
But even if denial isn’t explicitly part of your play, it can be hot to give your partner a show. They can “look but don’t touch,” like at a strip club, or they can get involved after a while if the spirit moves them. Sex-doll three-way, anyone?
Have you ever used a sex doll with a partner? Is it something you’d consider?
This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
Well, it happened again: I was offered a sex doll to review, and had to figure out who in my life was both 1) willing to receive and test the doll and 2) reliable enough to give me useful feedback on it so I could write a review.
This is one of those weird logistical problems that people never think about when they ponder the realities of being a sex toy reviewer. See, I don’t have a dick (except for the kind you can strap on), so I’m not a member of most sex dolls’ target demographic – and while my lovely and dependable partner does have a dick, they already reviewed a sex doll for me and were disinclined to make more room in their small New York City apartment for a new member of the family. Likewise, a friend who also reviewed a sex doll for me previously was (I assumed) not up to doing so again, having given away his doll to a friend (!) for reasons I can’t quite recall but that may have had to do with moving house and not wanting to lug a 68-pound torso onto a U-Haul truck.
So this time I asked another friend, someone I knew would give the doll a fair shot and tell me his uncensored thoughts on the experience. After he’d had a few weeks to test out the toy, I took him aside in his kitchen and we chatted about the finer points of the Tantaly Britney over prosecco and beer. It was yet another delightfully weird day in my career as a sex toy reviewer, although frankly, I’ve had weirder.
It might seem like it’d be exciting to receive a message saying, “Which doll would you like from this website?” but I imagine the decision can actually be somewhat daunting. Tantaly carries a wide array of dolls in varying sizes; the one my partner reviewed was a petite 14 pounds, but the more lifelike models can reach weights of nearly 70 pounds.
This time around, I asked my appointed tester why he’d chosen the Britney model, and he said, “It was the lightest, while still being the most of a person.” In other words, he wanted the realism of having a full torso-size doll, so as to more closely replicate the experience of having sex with an actual human – as opposed to just being a butt or whatever – but he didn’t want masturbation to turn into a deadlift workout. The Britney weighs in at a reasonable 28.6 pounds.
Interestingly, he also asked his partner for her opinion on which doll he should choose. I think this is brilliant, having seen – both in my own friend group and in hotbeds of online sex discourse like Reddit – the havoc that can be wreaked on a relationship if one partner buys a sex doll or another “big commitment”-type sex toy without their partner’s knowledge or approval. Your solo sex life is your own, certainly, and I’m suspicious of anyone who thinks they get to non-consensually control your masturbation habits – but at the same time, I can imagine feeling a bit blindsided and hurt if a full-size sex doll showed up on my partner’s doorstep one day and they hadn’t even asked me how I’d feel about them owning one, y’know?
Although he had already looked through the options and thought Britney seemed like the best pick, my friend showed his partner the site and asked which one she thought he should go with – and she actually liked the Britney best, too, because its breast size was more average than that of some of the cartoonishly busty models on offer. I’ve gotta say, when it comes to measures of compatibility, I can think of worse ones than “similar taste in sex dolls.”
Using the Tantaly Britney
Mr. Tester was, for the most part, quite happy with the Britney. He’d never tried a sex doll before, but had used strokers like the Tenga Flip Zero. He said that the dick sensations were pretty similar between the two, but the overall experience of using the doll felt “less clinical” and made it easier to imagine that the toy was a real person. This fantasy aspect is probably the main reason to consider getting a sex doll rather than a stroker, plus the fact that you can get on top of a sex doll and thrust into it in a way that can be hard to achieve with a stroker. (Something like a Fleshlight mount can make this easier to do with some strokers, however.)
The Britney doll has two “tunnels” – a vagina and a butt – and my friend didn’t observe much difference in sensation between the two. The main factor as to why he might pick one over the other for any given session was related to positioning: certain positions work better for one hole or the other, such as standing at the edge of a bed.
Having a squeezable pair of boobs right in front of you is also a strong selling point, and something that my friend enjoyed. I mean, I get it. Boobs are great. If you’re into them, they’re definitely a major benefit of having a doll rather than a stroker or a disembodied butt or pussy.
The main issue with the Britney – and with seemingly every sex doll – is the cleaning. All three of the people I’ve asked to review sex dolls for me have described the post-session cleaning process as “a production” – you have to wash the toy’s orifice(s) out right away, resisting the urge to bask in the pleasant afterglow of orgasm, because any jizz or lube you leave in there can eventually get moldy and ruin your very expensive sex toy. (Hot, huh?)
Smaller dolls like the Scarlett can be washed out in a sink (depending on the size of your sink, natch), but dolls with more lifelike proportions like the Britney will need to be dragged into a shower or bathtub for their ritualistic post-fuck ablutions. The physical effort of doing this, and of carefully rinsing out all the cum, can be annoying enough to deter you from using the doll as often as you otherwise might. My friend said he’d be likeliest to use this doll at times when he had at least an hour free – not because he lasts that long (he said jokingly), but because realistically that’s about how long the full process takes, from dragging the doll out of her storage spot and setting her up on the bed to washing her out and drying her off after using her.
Another problem is that these dolls are prone to leaching dye onto your sheets – but fortunately my friend had read the user manual before fucking the doll for the first time (always a good idea when you get a new sex toy of any kind!) so he was prepared for this eventuality and laid down a towel under the doll.
Final thoughts
My friend thinks the Tantaly Britney is a high-quality product for its $329.99 price point, and that if you’re in the market for a sex doll, this one is definitely worth considering. Its soft curves and pleasurable orifices make for a masturbation experience that feels much closer to partnered sex than using a stroker. Unlike some of the other pals I’ve asked to review sex dolls for me, this friend thinks he will actually use this toy on a semi-regular basis even now that the review is done, because in many ways it’s a significant step up from simpler/smaller/cheaper toys like those by Tenga.
But with great pleasure comes great responsibility, and when it comes to sex dolls, mainly that means cleaning. If you can contend with the aggravating need to wash out the doll immediately after using it – and if your living situation and physical strength are such that you can transport the doll back and forth to the bathroom or kitchen as needed without too much trouble – then you might be a good candidate to own a sex doll.
Real-life sexual partners may not require you to clean them after sex, and may not stain your sheets with their skin like a sex doll can, but there’s still something comforting and exciting about the near-realism of a doll like the Britney.
This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, everything I’ve written here is something I actually believe to be true.
She doesn’t know I’m in here
She doesn’t have a clue
She gets to be your girlfriend
I get to be with you
I hide out in the closet
It’s nice and dark inside
She gets to cook you dinner
I get to keep you satisfied
When the door locks
And your pants drop
And you feel like messin’ around
I’m a good girl
With my mouth full
So I can’t make a sound
Chorus:
I wanna be your sex-shop treasure
I wanna be your secret pleasure
I wanna be your perfect plaything
So you will think I’m so amazing
And though I’m so alone without you
At least I get to think about you
I wanna be convenient, sweet and small
I wanna be your doll
Your doll, doll, doll
It’s nice to know my purpose
It’s nice to have a home
You always make me nervous
I always make you moan
If this is Stockholm syndrome
I can’t say that I care
You like it when I lie here
I like it when you pull my hair
When the mood strikes
And the vibe’s right
And you feel like messin’ around
When the night falls
I’m a good doll
Who never makes a sound
(repeat chorus)
Songwriting diary:
A friend of mine mentioned he was keeping his sex doll in a closet, and I found that idea weirdly haunting. For a while I had a note in my folder of music ideas that just said, “From the perspective of a sex doll hidden in the closet: She doesn’t know I’m in here…”
I was messing around with that idea and came up with a piano part that reminded me of the Dresden Dolls’ song “Coin-Operated Boy,” which is thematically similar. For a few days I only had the verses and prechoruses, and didn’t know how (or whether) I wanted to finish the song. But then a chorus melody came to me, and I made a recording of myself da-da-da-ing it. I was out walking around doing some errands and kept listening to these two recordings back-to-back, pondering what I wanted to say as the sex doll.
Ultimately the lyrics I came up with for the chorus are very reminiscent of times in my life when I’ve felt used, discarded, and ignored by men I was seeing, or wanted to be seeing. Maybe this is why I was so drawn to that image of the sex doll waiting around in the closet to be used – it reminded me of how it had felt to wait by the phone for a text that would never come, or that would be a booty-call text instead of an I-love-you text.
Song 24/52: “Difficult Woman”
Lyrics:
They call me a difficult woman
‘Cause I’m always late to the set
They chide me for needing reminders of lines
I admit I am prone to forget
I wait every day in my trailer
It gives me time to think
And I’m not a child, so once in a while
I speed up the wait with a drink
Chorus: I’m not perfect; neither are you
I’ll never be perfect the way they say they want me to
They call me a difficult woman
That rumor was spread by my ex
I helped the director get ever erecter
I shouldn’t mix business with sex
I’m worried my name’s on a blacklist
And that’s why the cameramen stare
But it could be the tits, the charisma and wit
Or it could be my famous blonde hair
(repeat chorus)
They call me a difficult woman
I swear they don’t care if I die
If not for my name and my face and my fame
I doubt that I’d still be alive
I take every pill they prescribe me
I never miss even one dose
And I’ve never taken too many to waken
But honestly, I have come close
(repeat chorus)
I don’t care what secrets they spread
They’ll never defeat me – I’ll never let them kill me dead
Songwriting diary:
I’d been watching a bunch of songwriting challenges on YouTube where someone would use a random word generator to come up with 3-5 words that they would then have to incorporate into a song. One of the times that I did this, the words I got were “me,” “difficult,” and “woman,” which was immediately very evocative to me. I wrote down the line, “They call me a difficult woman,” and then started pondering what type of person/character would say that line and why.
It seemed clear to me pretty quickly that this had to be a song about Marilyn Monroe. I was thinking about how she would often forget her lines while filming Some Like It Hot, show up late to the set, and thereby incur the rage of her male director and co-stars. Her mistakes, it seemed, were always blamed on her and her alone, even though she was struggling with a drug addiction, a painful chronic illness, a history of sexual abuse, and widespread mistreatment by the media and by people in her own industry.
As I wrote the rest of the lyrics, I also started thinking about Judy Garland, who (like many other actors of her time period) was given amphetamines and barbiturates by people at the movie studio she worked for, leading to lifelong struggles with addiction, which were (of course) frequently blamed on Garland herself.
This was such an interesting songwriting process to me because I don’t know that I would have ever sat down and thought, “I’m going to write a song about the injustices faced by midcentury Hollywood starlets” – but the constraints provided by the random word generator inspired me to do exactly that.
Song 25/52: “The One”
Lyrics:
Isn’t it romantic? Isn’t it so sweet
That I could fall in love with anyone I meet?
But you’re the one I stay with; you’re the real thing
The one who I come home to; the one who wears my ring
I’ve been in love with other folks
But none of them got all my jokes
So I’ve been looking for the love
I know that I’ve been dreaming of
Chorus: You’re the one
The one I need, the one I want, the one
Who keeps me safe and warm, just like the sun
And every day, I’m glad for all you’ve done
You’re the one
I know it’s idealistic, and soulmates aren’t real
But every time I kiss you, that’s just the way I feel
It sparkles like a firework, it’s catchy like a song
Your arms are like my armor; your bed’s where I belong
I know we both have been through hell
At first, it scared me when I fell
Love was work, and now it’s play
And all those memories melt away
(repeat chorus)
I know we’re not invincible
We’ve got a lot to learn
But we’re up to the task
And I think we can last
Even though I know we’ve both been burned
(repeat chorus)
Songwriting diary:
I don’t even know what to write about this one because it mostly just flowed out of me improvisationally! The first verse was inspired by a polyamory-related idea I was thinking about, which I think I first read in Dr. Liz Powell’s book Building Open Relationships: that one of the beautiful things about non-monogamy is that your partner stays with you not because they’d be lonely without you but because they actively choose to be with you specifically.
I worked on the second verse and the bridge over the days after I wrote the first verse and chorus, and did some lyric-editing after it was all done, but musically I don’t really know how this came to me because it just… did. Songwriting is weird like that sometimes.
Anyway, it’s a song about my spouse, who is the love of my life and the person who made all my many years of dating misadventures seem worthwhile just to have met them eventually. When my friend Bex interviewed me about songwriting on our podcast The Dildorks recently, he asked me if there were any subjects I wanted to explore more through my songs that I hadn’t yet, and I said that I’d always struggled to write happy songs about being in love with Matt because our relationship has always just been… really good, and loving, and open, and comfortable. Even when we have conflicts or issues, they’re approached in a way that is loving and compassionate. This song was my attempt to write an uncomplicatedly romantic song about my love, and while I certainly don’t think it’s my best work, I like how it came out.
Song 26/52: “Dear Professor”
Lyrics:
Dear professor, I confess you’re often on my mind
When you lecture and you gesture with those forearms so defined
It’s hard to focus, hard to notice anyone but you
But I obey and get an “A” because you want me to
Your red pen hurts like a slap
I’d love to sit upon your lap
But I don’t like to break the rules
I’ve always felt my safest here at school
Chorus: I need a lesson
I’m second-guessing myself
I need a witness
I need some forgiveness
I need a teacher
Not some smug and pious preacher
I need some pressure, I need some pressure
I need you, professor
Dear professor, let me guess: you’re married happily
Do you let her give you pleasure? Do you take the lead?
Does she know you? Does she show you reverence at night?
Does she love you more than I do? I don’t think that’s right
Your passion always shines right through
Oh, the things that I would do to you
But I don’t wanna get suspended
And I would be so sad when it ended
(repeat chorus)
When I’m home, and alone
I don’t get to be your girl
In my bed, I feel dead
With my stomach all a-swirl
But in class, I can pass
For a normal somebody
Raise my hand like I planned
If I fall for you, will you call on me?
(repeat chorus)
Songwriting diary:
While feeling uninspired recently, I looked through a Reddit thread of potential song ideas, and one that jumped out at me was “a college student who’s in love with their professor.” This is something I’ve experienced quite strongly many times, and realized I hadn’t really written about in a song before, so I decided to take a crack at it.
I wrote the lyrics for the first verse + prechorus in my Notes app late one night and kinda forgot about them for a while. Then I started trying them out with different melodies and instruments. I had originally envisioned this as kind of a cheeky, cheerful song, but when I paired the lyrics with a more sad-sounding ukulele part, it felt right and I decided to go farther down the path of this being kind of a tragic song about desperately craving validation from someone who can never fully give it to you in the way that you want.
Song 27/52: “Lullaby for Little One”
Lyrics:
You’re never alone when you’re with me
I know you’ve been hurt and I think that’s so shitty
But hey – look where we are today
I know you feel strange and exceptional
But, if it helps, I am strange and bisexual too
You’ve got me and I’ve got you
And I know that deep down, we are one and the same
I know that we’re sharing one body, one name
I know that we also share all of those memories and shame
Chorus: And I’m here now to listen
And I’m sorry that I’d gone missing
It may not be much, but now that I know you
I know all the love that I wanna show you
And I’ll still be here for you even when everyone goes
I love how you stand up to bullies
The stuff that they scoff at is always so silly
But you, you do what you wanna do
You may not believe that your brain is a blessing
And I know that life can be plenty depressing
But wait – everything’s gonna be great
And when you are lonely, I swear I’ll be here
I’ll never be far from your faith and your fear
I’ve muddied the waters, but soon I can make them run clear
(repeat chorus)
Songwriting diary:
Okay, this one was weird… A month or two ago, a friend of mine submitted the phrase “I am strange and bisexual” when I polled my Instagram followers for songwriting prompts, and I wrote the first verse of this song. I was envisioning it as a song about a friend, maybe a friend who was feeling down about the political onslaughts on LGBTQ+ rights and needed some cheering up. I wrote a chorus for it that I later scrapped which went, “Queers have each other’s backs/ Queers can getcha through it/ Queers help other queers relax/ Almost any queer can do it.” I could’ve continued in this direction but that chorus just didn’t sit right with me, in part because of how much infighting there actually is in queer communities these days.
I set that song aside and didn’t really think about it again until a month or two later, when I was walking around Newark airport and this song just started playing in my head randomly. My brain was kind of chewing on it, figuring something out. And then I sat down at my gate, took out my Kindle and read a chapter or two of You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For by Dick Schwartz, which is about using the principles of Internal Family Systems therapy to improve your relationships. A lot of that book is about getting to know your “inner children” so you can address your traumas and show yourself some compassion, and by the time my flight had started boarding, I’d realized that this song should actually be about my inner child.
When I got back home to my apartment in Toronto a few hours later, I took out my ukulele because I wanted to write a song. I was kind of resistant to the idea of working on the inner child one because it felt too heavy and emotional for the exhausted mood I was in post-travel. So I pulled two tarot cards as songwriting prompts, hoping they would give me a different idea. But the cards I pulled were the Nine of Swords and the Nine of Pentacles, which respectively symbolize (among other things) misery and anxiety, and safety and accomplishment. These notions, paired together, reminded me so much of the work I’ve been doing with Internal Family Systems that I literally said out loud, “OKAY, universe, I will finish that song!!” and then I did. I’m not really a religious person and don’t know exactly what I believe in spiritually, but the creative superconscious often feels wildly tangible to me. I know that sounds pretentious – oh well, it’s true!
I was describing this song to my therapist while it was in the works, and they exclaimed, “Oh! It’s like you wrote a lullaby for your parts!” which of course I immediately wrote down. Ultimately I decided “Lullaby for Your Parts” would seem weirdly sexual out of context, so I went with a slightly altered version of that title 😂
Thanks to SexDollGenie for all the images in this post!
Periodically, a sex doll company reaches out to me wanting to collaborate, and I’m once again forced to confront the fact that I find sex dolls fascinating.
Maybe it’s because I once wrote a piece about robotic sex dolls which posited that they have the power to shape our sexual future as a culture… or maybe it’s just because so many of them are extremely fucking hot, and I am extremely fucking bisexual.
In any case, today I’m partnering with the nice folks at Sex Doll Genie to show you 5 sex dolls I think are particularly captivating – and what I would do with each of them if I owned them.
Jessika is a 5-foot-tall sex doll with K-cup breasts (!!), delectable curves, and blazing red hair draped over one eye. Her designers clearly looked to Jessica Rabbit for inspiration; all she’s missing is those long purple gloves.
Since her namesake cartoon character was a showgirl, I think Jessika would be an excellent “practice bottom” for stripteases and lapdances. I’m definitely not confident enough to jump straight into putting on a sexy show for a new partner (or for any partner, really), so it would make sense to practice on somebody else – or something else – before giving it a shot. Jessika’s constant low-key smirk and quirked eyebrow read to me as devilishly dominant approval and amusement – she constantly looks like her sexual curiosity is piqued. I’d sit her in a chair and work on my moves, grinding against her lap and various other spots, until I felt ready to perform for an actual human.
She’d also be a fantastic prop for shooting Who Framed Roger Rabbit?-themed porn… though I’m not quite sure how I would figure into that! Would I have to be Roger?!
Doesn’t Chamae look like somebody’s badass older sister at a high school house party? She’s 5’6″ (taller than me!) and has an absolutely killer booty. If I saw her sitting on the couch sipping a beer, I think I’d have to go talk to her, even if I felt shy (which I definitely would, in the presence of someone so beautiful and cool).
Aside from kissing a Chamae doll – because she looks incredibly kissable – I think I’d most like to dress her up in hard-femme ensembles, as an avenue for my own inclinations toward goth/punk/”alt” style. I’ve always admired these aesthetics but never really felt cool enough to pull them off, so dressing up Chamae in leather, flannel and PVC would be super fun.
She also looks like she’d definitely be low-key kinky – I mean, just look at that spiked collar – so I wonder if it’d be fun to set her on one end of a sofa and then fuck someone on the other side, Chamae acting as a silent voyeur, as if the aforementioned high school house party suddenly got very sexy. (You just never know where those games of Spin the Bottle will lead…)
Speaking of high school… Shanaya is a 5’4″ sex doll with massive N-cup boobs, and she’s pictured wearing an outfit I can’t help but associate with cheerleaders.
I think one of the reasons cheerleaders are such a popular archetype in the land of sex and kink is that many kinky people were nerds in high school (and likely continue to be), and it feels powerful to roleplay a scenario where you finally get to rub shoulders – and other body parts – with a “cool kid.” Of course, social hierarchies in high school are elitist garbage, but that doesn’t mean you can’t have fun roleplaying them in adulthood.
Shanaya is so over-the-top hot that I think I’d have to involve her in a scene involving bimbofication, humiliation, or both. Maybe I’d pretend she was a bunny at the infamous Playboy mansion, stealing all the men’s attention despite how slutty I’d dressed for the occasion. Maybe I’d be the dorky girl at a high school sports game after-party, enviously watching the cheerleader get to fuck my crush. Or maybe I’d just lay my head on her N-cups and take a nap.
Hattie is dressed as a nurse, so obviously, upon seeing her, my mind jumped straight to medical play. A doctor treating my “hysteria” is a long-time fantasy of mine, one I’ve roleplayed numerous times with my partner, and I have to imagine the fantasy would only be furthered by the presence of a watchful, helpful nurse.
I could also imagine I was an inpatient at a clinic – perhaps for something silly like overly frequent masturbation or too much porn-watching – and that Hattie had been assigned to sit in my room and watch me for hours at a time to make sure I didn’t misbehave. It would be hot to envision her as my ever-watchful guard while I try to sneakily eke out an orgasm with my hand under the covers.
I could also, of course, just steal her entire costume and use it to roleplay as a nurse myself… What a versatile gal she is!
You know, I was going to write a whole Tinkerbell-themed thing about a fairy sex doll for this last one, but then I discovered Clarine, WHOSE BOOBS ARE VULVAS, and my brain exploded.
The fantasy implications of this innovation are innumerable. Remember Deep Throat, the classic porn movie where a woman has a clitoris hidden in the back of her throat that makes overzealous blowjobs orgasmically pleasurable for her? Clarine’s situation is similar, but different. She could (theoretically) glean as much pleasure from having her nipples played with as the average woman would from having her clit played with, so she’d be an ideal doll-partner for someone whose fondness for breasts verges on fetishism.
I can’t figure out from the pictures whether her breasts are actually penetrable (…yikes) but, if so, I do have to wonder what it would be like to “fuck” someone else’s boobs with your own erect nipples… Y’all, bodies are so strange and cool. Especially sex doll bodies.
Thanks to SexDollGenie.com for sponsoring this post! They have a truly wild selection of sex dolls to choose from; I find the “fantasy/mysterious looks” section the most compelling, if you want to take a gander. As always, all writing and opinions in this post are my own.
Sometime last year, I got the kind of email that sex bloggers hope for, pray for, live for. It was an email offering me an item that was not only free, but weird.
The company in question produces and sells adult dolls, and they were reaching out to offer me one of my own – no strings attached. Apparently they had made a surplus of dolls for a recent film shoot and now thought they might as well try to distribute them as promotional samples. Despite living in a tiny apartment already bursting with my possessions, I was elated. This felt like the pinnacle of my entire life as a sex writer. What’s cooler than being offered a free life size sex doll?
This act of generosity didn’t end up coming to pass – the company ghosted me, as so many do – but for those few hopeful days, I thought a lot about what I would actually do with a sex doll. I don’t have a dick to stick inside her, and the thought of fucking a silicone doll with a strap-on cock doesn’t exactly thrill me. But, when I managed to set aside the potential creepy factor, I still viscerally wanted that vapid blonde to be propped up on a chair in my room, peering at me, keeping me company. Why?
Here are a few fun things one could do with a sex doll other than fucking its orifices…
Play dress-up. I mean, this is the obvious one for a femme comme moi. I haven’t entirely grown out of my youthful, Barbie-influenced desires to put cute outfits on beautiful, inanimate human facsimiles. Just as you might swap out certain decor elements in your home to mix things up from time to time, I could put my doll in different outfits to suit my mood on any given day. She could be like a sartorial mascot of my bedroom, setting the tone for the day with her ensembledu jour.
Kinkspiration. As I’ve told you before, my Sir and I are entranced by the idea of using erotic hypnosis to make me think I’m a sex doll. Of course, you don’t need an actual doll to be present for this activity – that’s kind of the entire point – but I did request that my partner show me some photos of sex dolls before and during the trance induction to give me a mental image of what I’m aiming for. Having a sexy real sex doll right there in the room with us would be even better! I could observe her up close and get a more concrete sense for how she occupies space, thereby enabling me to be a better doll when the time came.
Exhibitionism. I’m sort of interested in being watched during sex in theory, but in practice I don’t seem to like it that much. It makes me too anxious and self-conscious, which I’m sure is common. For that reason, I think having a sex doll in the room could be a kind of happy medium – I could suspend my disbelief enough to imagine someone was peering at us from the shadows, without needing to actually contend with the anxiety this would produce if the voyeur was human. One step at a time, you know?
Pictures. Would I look cute kissing a sex doll? Or kneeling between her legs? Or sitting on her face? I don’t particularly think so, but my partner probably would. ‘Nuff said.
Practice. There are a lot of physical kink and sex skills one could practice on a sex doll – flogging, face-slapping, foot worship – but I am thinking mainly of more cerebral ones. For example, I want to work on my dirty talk, especially in a more dominant mode than I’m used to, and practicing by speaking aloud into my empty bedroom doesn’t always cut it. Gazing into the eyes of a doll – however vacant and constructed they might be – would at least approximate the oft terror-inducing experience of saying filthy words to someone’s face. And then maybe I could ramp up to addressing an actual person that way, someday.
What would you do with a sex doll, if you owned one, besides fuck it?
This post was sponsored by the folks at sexdollmarts.com, where you can buy premium sex dolls customized to your specifications (fun!). As always, all writing and opinions are my own.
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