spon

Why is Cock-Milking So Hot?

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Seekheart Raiden telescopic rotation masturbation cup

Content note: I’m gonna talk about some forms of consensual non-consent in this post, primarily cock-milking/”forced orgasm” play. We’ll also touch on animal sexuality in the context of farming/husbandry.

Sometimes it takes me a long time to accept that I’m into a particular kink simply because I don’t like the name of that kink – or at least, the generally-agreed-upon name that it goes by in kink communities, fetish porn, etc.

I’m sure I would have embraced my fondness for “throatpies” much sooner, for instance, if they weren’t called, well, “throatpies.” (That’s the term for someone ejaculating while being deepthroated, FYI. It has nothing to do with pies!)

Likewise, there’s something about “cock-milking” that just doesn’t do it for me. I tend to shy away from anything livestock-adjacent in my sexual language – I’m fuckable, not breedable, thank you very much! – and the idea of someone being “milked” for their semen just makes me think about husbandry tanks and factory farming… although of course, there are many people for whom the dehumanizing livestock angle is the turn-on, and I love that for them. We should all be so lucky as to find sexual language that makes us feel “as happy as a pig in shit,” to invoke another farm-based metaphor 😂

It’s a pity that I don’t particularly connect with “cock-milking” as a phrase, because I sure do enjoy it as a kink. I love dicks, cum, and witnessing/giving intense pleasure, and I love the power exchange involved in “forced orgasm” play, so it makes sense that I’d also be into the type of cock-milking you can do with a mechanical wonder like the Seekheart Raiden. I haven’t gotten to try this particular one, alas, but its gun-like aesthetic is fascinating, and reminds me of the power tools used by farmers to extract semen from actual livestock. (Best of luck to anyone who I’ve just sent down that particular Wikipedia rabbit hole… or artificial bovine vagina, as the case may be…)

Indeed, I think something like “semen extraction” is my own preferred terminology for this kink. I adore medical play, but mostly the kind where the patients are treated like humans, not animals – although frankly, given how dehumanizing and even abusive the real-life medical system can be, sometimes this feels like a distinction without a difference!

As is probably common, my cum-harvesting fantasies usually conveniently omit the reason that the cum is being harvested at all… Maybe your genetics are being researched by an evil scientist, or you’re being baby-trapped by an alien trying to propagate a new planet; who the fuck knows. The point is, someone wants your cum and they want it bad – and they therefore want your orgasm bad, and will move heaven and earth to make it happen.

Writing that out and reading it back, I have to wonder if my interest in these fantasies stems at least partially from my own experiences of bad sex, of sex where my orgasm didn’t matter to the other person. Wouldn’t it be the ultimate antidote to that type of sex if someone not only wanted you to come, but literally needed you to? And if you don’t, then their career, Nobel Prize, or entire species could be on the line?

But that can’t fully explain my proclivity for this kink, because usually I identify moreso with the scientist or bratty evil genius doing the cum extraction. That, too, probably serves a psychological function: in stark contrast to all the times I’ve felt unattractive and unable to capture a crush’s sexual attention, in these fantasies my “victim” is so turned on by me and my ministrations that they literally cannot escape their own arousal, pleasure, and orgasm. Validation ahoy!

Is it fun to psychoanalyze yourself through your fantasies like this? Yes! Is it illuminating? Sometimes! I think one other benefit I glean from it, though, is that it helps me feel more connected to other perverts throughout time and space. Whether or not we agree on which terminology is hottest, and whether or not we practice our kinks in the same ways, we all have our own motivations for doing what we do – and these motivations are usually more similar than they are different. We all want to be loved, accepted, and valued, for instance – and it’s fascinating to observe all the zillions of different ways that manifests in fantasy, whether yours involves vanilla missionary lovemaking in a Paris hotel room, or having your cum guzzled by a ruthless alien on the Starship Enterprise. 🚀🖖

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Seekheart G-Spot Slap

Kate Sloan
*slaps roof of sex toy* this bad boy can fit so many fucking flapping tongues in it

Be honest: How willing would you be to have sex with someone, if you knew that their signature move was called the “G-spot slap”?

You can understand, then, why I was somewhat trepidatious to review the pithily-named Seekheart G-Spot Slap… but it’s actually a pretty interesting toy with some unusual functions that set it apart from other dual-stimulation vibrators. Let’s talk about it!

Gif via Seekheart

What is the Seekheart G-Spot Slap?

This toy features two main functions:

  1. The titular G-spot-slapping! This toy’s internal/vaginal arm has a long, noodle-shaped piece of silicone positioned inside a little alcove, so that it flicks back and forth rapidly when its vibrations are turned on, “slapping” your G-spot (as well as your posterior vaginal wall) on each stroke.
  2. A “mouth,” meant to stimulate your clit, with a tongue that vibrates and “licks” up and down, and lips that move back and forth in sucking-esque motion (although it doesn’t produce actual suction – more on that later).

This toy is made of silicone and ABS plastic. It’s IPX6 water-resistant, meaning it can stand up to high-pressure water streams from any direction (like while being washed between uses) but shouldn’t be submerged in water. It lasts about an hour on a 2.5-hour charge, which is pretty typical for a multi-function toy like this.

Things I like about the Seekheart G-Spot Slap

  • There are many ways that sex toys attempt to imitate cunnilingus, from rhythmic air waves to suction to flappy silicone tongues; some are more effective than others, and I tend to prefer those which are motion-based, like the undulating “lips” of this toy, over the more stationary kind. Motion-based toys stimulate more of my clit (as opposed to just focusing on the tip), which is more satisfying and more authentically oral-like. To that end, I really liked how this toy could rhythmically massage my clitoral shaft with its lips in a way that very few other toys have managed to do. When well-lubed, it can even make me come (which I suppose is no surprise, given that I have an easier time coming with human partners when they suck my clit rather than licking it).
  • Unlike a lot of other motion-based toys, this one didn’t seem to slow down much when pressure was applied, or when my vag muscles squeezed around it. Hooray!
  • As violent as the word “slapping” might sound, in practice the G-spot slapping function pretty much just feels like vibration. It starts off rumbly-ish and gets buzzier as you turn it up, but adds a nice undercurrent of sensation that I enjoy. (I didn’t really notice any stimulation on my posterior vaginal wall, possibly because that’s just not a very sexually sensitive zone for me.)
  • The very tip of the toy’s internal arm also “taps” against the A-spot area when the flapping function is turned on. This function doesn’t seem to be mentioned anywhere on the G-Spot Slap’s website, but it’s there! I found that it seemed to vibrate the general vicinity of my A-spot, rather than intensely targeting the spot itself, though, so I’d look elsewhere if you’re hoping for a very A-spotty vibe.
  • Each of this toy’s two main functions can be controlled separately with its own button, so you can (for instance) crank up the power on the internal part while leaving the external part at the same setting, or vice-versa.
  • Further, the buttons are well-labelled and easy to locate, even in the dark, because they’re raised and they light up when the toy is on.
A-spot-tapping tip

Things I don’t like about the Seekheart G-Spot Slap

  • My main issue with this toy is that the lips don’t create suction and don’t apply much pressure… they just move back and forth, like someone open-mouth kissing your clit again and again. That feels good to a point, but just like when human partners do it, I tend to want a little more zeal once I get turned on, and this toy just can’t provide it. Any suction created by the lips’ motion is immediately broken as they continue to move. I was able to get off with this toy by holding it very firmly against my vulva to maintain clit contact as consistently as possible, but even then, the orgasm was hardly satisfying, because – again – there was no suction and very minimal pressure being applied to my clit while I came.
  • The “tongue” inside this toy’s “mouth” is quite pointy, rigid, straight, and uniform, which ultimately makes it feel pokier and far less pleasurable than, say, the more realistic tongue of the Seekheart Licker. To make matters worse, the vibrations conducted by this tongue are quite buzzy, and don’t add much (if at all) to the pleasure provided by the surrounding lips.
  • The mouth has 4 steady speeds followed by 6 patterns; the “slapper” has 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns. That is not enough steady speeds, especially since they start quite fast – it would’ve been nice to have several slower options as well. And also it’s irritating that you have to cycle through all the patterns to get back to the first speed.
  • The mouth function is distractingly noisy. When you first turn it on, it sounds like mechanical whirring. In use, it sounds more like somebody is grumbling against my vulva (rhythmically chanting something like “bubble bubble” or “rumble rumble,” to be specific!). Not exactly a mood-setter, unless you’ve got a mumblecore fetish.
  • Speaking of noise: Oddly enough, because this toy’s vaginal arm has a big cutout in the middle of it, it’ll induce the occasional queefing-type sound during use. This doesn’t bother me, and doesn’t cause me any discomfort or anything, but it might bug some users. On that note, the cutout itself also makes the toy minorly more annoying to clean than it would otherwise be, as does the mouth.
  • Unlike with some other dual-stim toys, there’s not really an easy way to use either function of this toy on its own if you wanted to. You can’t, for example, position the toy’s mouth on your clit without also inserting its vaginal arm (or at least, I couldn’t figure out a way to do so!). There isn’t enough flexibility in the shaft to allow for that.
  • At the time that I’m writing this, the G-Spot Slap is retailing for £43.99, which converts to about $58 USD or $81 CAD. I ultimately think that’s too pricey for the lackluster clit stim you get with this toy, at least if clit stim is important to you (which it is for most vulva-havers).

Final thoughts

I’m always saying how much I love it when sex toy companies take risks, creating innovative new ways to prompt pleasure – and the Seekheart G-Spot Slap does a bunch of stuff I haven’t seen elsewhere much, if at all, so I’ve gotta give the company kudos for pushing the envelope!

It mouths your clit with soft lips (“softer than men’s,” according to the Seekheart website!) while vibrating it with a tongue, albeit a pretty pointy one… and it also “slaps” your G-spot and A-spot with pleasing vibration, albeit without much precision. I wish its clitoral sensations were more intense and concentrated, but not every toy aims for intensity – and if the idea of having your clit sweetly kissed again and again is a turn-on for you, you should certainly consider the G-Spot Slap!

But as for me, I think I’ll stick to coming between human lips instead of mechanical ones, because they know me better and feel better – at least until the technology improves. 🤖😉

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As ever, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Seekheart Licker tongue-like toy

Kate Sloan

This tongue-shaped toy actually made me come.

That may not seem like big news, especially for anyone reading this who happens to have gone down on me before, and therefore knows how much I like receiving (good) head… but the truth is, while human tongues have an okay-to-good track record at getting me off, mechanical tongues tend to be less effective. Usually they weaken dramatically when any pressure is applied, leaving fans of forceful licking in the lurch – not to mention, most manmade tongues are eerily smooth and symmetrical, bearing little resemblance to the marvelous, muscular human organ they seek to replicate. You might as well jerk yourself off with a wilted flower petal.

But the Seekheart Licker is a rare outlier. Not only does it look and feel more like a human tongue than any other toy I’ve tried, but it exerts more force than I was expecting – to the point that during my first testing session with it, the tongue part finished me off so quickly and unexpectedly that I didn’t even get to test the toy’s other function, and had to adjourn for a while to reset my refractory period before I could finish testing. 😂

What is the Seekheart Licker?

The Licker is a dual-stimulation toy, meaning (in this case) that it has an internal part which is inserted vaginally for G-spot stimulation, and an external part for clit stimulation.

But as you can see, the Licker’s internal/vaginal part is a tongue! It has an upturned tip that flutters up and down in a motion resembling fast licking when it’s on. The external/clitoral part features a ‘tapping’ mechanism instead (Seekheart calls it ‘beating’). These two functions can be used either simultaneously or separately; each has 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns.

The Licker is made of silicone and ABS plastic, and lasts about 1 hour on a 2.5-hour charge.

Gif via Seekheart (I know this looks wild, but it really does visibly flutter like that!)

Things I like about the Seekheart Licker

  • I already sung its praises up top, but… that tongue, though! 👀 It’s made of soft, squishy pink silicone with a firm mechanical core, which gives it a realistic feeling that rivals dual-density silicone dildos. It bears a bumpy, tastebud-like texture, making it even more lifelike and pleasurable. It starts wide and narrows to a point, as tongues tend to do, allowing for vastly different sensations depending on how you angle/position the toy – I favor licks that massage my clit downward through the clitoral hood, for instance, which is easily achievable with the Licker. Rather than bending up and down mechanically, it seems to merely use rumbly vibration – but the tongue is so well-designed that these vibrations make its curved tip flick up and down quickly within an inch-wide range of motion, which feels fantastic on my clit (when the toy is properly lubed and positioned), like the enthusiastic tongue of a determined partner.
  • The clit-tapping function is cool too! It reminds me of the Hot Octopuss Pulse Queen, albeit less rumbly and therefore not quite as pleasurable. And because the clitoral arm has a bit of flex to it, I found that it lined up with my clit just fine (which can be an issue with dual-stim toys), and I could even position the tip of the toy up on my clitoral hood where I prefer it.
  • The internal and external functions of this toy can be controlled separately via their discrete buttons. I’d be more likely to use these functions separately than together, in fact, since I mainly masturbate clitorally. The buttons themselves are straightforward and easy to use: long-press the power button to put the toy in standby mode, then short-press that same button to cycle through clit-tapping modes, or short-press the other button to get that tongue a-flappin’.
  • This is a remarkably quiet toy, which is a very rare quality to find in anything featuring a mechanical tongue. Usually they creak and groan horribly, but this one produces only a soft, unobjectionable whirr that I doubt could be heard at all through a closed door.
  • At the time that I’m writing this, the Licker is priced at £39.99, which works out to about $53 USD or $73 CAD currently. I think that’s a fair price for what you get.
  • While this toy is designed for vaginal and clitoral use, the tongue part could really be used on any external erogenous zone – lube it up and try it on the frenulum of a penis, for instance, or on your nipple, taint, or butthole. Just make sure to sanitize it before using it on a vulva or vagina again, if you choose to use it anally. (On that note: Could you insert the tongue inside your butt? Sure. The rest of the toy would function as a flared base. Should you? Probably not, because it’ll likely just slow down/stop working, for reasons I’ll get into next…)

Things I don’t like about the Seekheart Licker

  • Fundamentally, I just don’t think a tongue (whether human or robotic) is the right tool for G-spot stimulation. While the Licker’s tongue does flap more strongly than many other tongue-like toys I’ve tried before, it can only handle a certain amount of pressure before it slows down or stops entirely – and apparently my vagina’s natural muscle contractions during the early arousal process (not even talking about orgasm here!) are enough pressure to make the tongue stall out. This defeats the purpose of having a dual-stim toy. For this reason, I enjoyed the Licker most when I was using its tongue clitorally rather than vaginally.
  • I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: 3 steady speeds is not enough. Most vibrator users prefer steady speeds over patterns, according to several informal social media polls run by myself and colleagues of mine over the years – so toys should ideally have at least 5 steady speeds, as a matter of far higher priority than any patterns. (Toy designers, take heed!). I haven’t yet been able to reach orgasm with the clit-tapping part of this toy because my clit is a diva requiring more gradation than a mere 3 speeds can offer. 💅
  • While the Seekheart website repeatedly describes the Licker as “waterproof,” it’s not. It is rated IPX5, which means it can withstand low-pressure water streams, but should not be submerged in water or exposed to high-pressure water streams. So, washing it in the sink should be fine, but don’t take it in the shower or bath.
  • Commonly for tongue-shaped toys, you’ll need to use a lot of (water-based) lube with this one for it to feel as good as possible, and you’ll probably need to reapply a few times throughout a session, because the tongue’s flapping motion seems to make lube dry up more quickly.

Final thoughts

I often implore sex toy designers to make products which do one thing very well, rather than overwhelming users with unnecessary bells and whistles. And if the Seekheart Licker were only a tongue, it would succeed at that assignment, because it’s realistic in look and feel, quiet, versatile, simple to use, and can bring me to orgasm easily and consistently. The orgasms even feel closer to those I get from oral sex than those I get from vibrators!

The Licker’s clit-tapping external arm could use some more steady speeds. As-is, it’s not stimulating enough to get me off on its own or in conjunction with the tongue, due to how the tongue slows to a standstill when inserted vaginally.

But when I limit myself to using the tongue on my clit, this toy works wonders – and actually feels almost like a human tongue. Frankly, given how rough these last few months have been personally and politically, I’ll take any excuse to receive some luxuriant head, even if it’s from a machine!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Customize Your First Fantasy Dildo!

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Nothosaur Graptor, which I’ll be reviewing here within the next month or so!

Fantasy dildos are some of the zaniest toys on the market, boasting wild shapes, bold colors, and (often) extensive mythological lore. Their designs are impressively creative, and perhaps even more impressive is the way you can often customize a fantasy dildo to your particular specifications. Nothing makes me feel quite as fancy as a bespoke dong!

The customization process can be intimidating, though, especially if you’ve never done it before or just haven’t gotten a strong sense yet of your own sex toy preferences yet. So today I’ve partnered with the folks at Juliet Toys, a retailer that carries dozens upon dozens of fantasy dildos, most of which can be customized. Let me walk you through the main considerations when devising your dream dildo…

Shape vs. Fantasy

Before you even get to the customization part, you have to choose which dildo you actually want. The way I see it, there are two main ways to approach this decision: Do you want a dildo with a particular shape, or a dildo that suits a particular fantasy?

For instance, even if canine-inspired dildos don’t do anything for you mentally, you might enjoy the knotted shape for how it stimulates your G-spot or prostate. On the flipside, I’ve occasionally chosen fantasy dildos to review based solely on the intriguing fantasies they inspired in me, like a robot dick or an alien appendage, without caring too much about the shape. In the ideal situation, however, you’d find a dildo which ticks both your boxes, so to speak – one which appeals to you both psychologically and physically. That’s really the hole-y grail.

While we’re talking shape, it’s worth noting that a dildo needs to have a flared-base to be anal-safe. A flared base also makes a dildo harness-compatible, although so can a Vac-U-Lock hole in the base (more on that below).

Image via Juliet Toys

Size

Fantasy dildos tend to run large. To give you a sense of what I mean: I have occasionally been accused of being a size queen in the past, because I enjoy glass and metal dildos up to 2″ in diameter… which is the same width as the knot on the small size of this “Pooch” dildo. For this reason, always check and double-check the measurements of the size option(s) you’re considering, which will generally be listed on the product page.

If you already own a penetrative sex toy of some kind (or many of them, as the case may be!), you can measure them – or check their measurements in their manual or on the brand’s website – to get a sense of what sizes have/haven’t worked well for you before. Another method you could try, if you enjoy being fingered, is to measure your own fingers (or a partner’s) while bunched together into a fingerfucking formation, and compare those to the product’s dimensions. (This is easiest to do with either a tape measure, or a piece of string and a ruler.)

Firmness

Depending on its firmness or “shore,” a silicone dildo can feel like a fully-flaccid dick, or like the hardest erection you’ve ever felt, or anywhere in between. Since this is another hugely subjective consideration, here’s a bunch of rapid-fire questions to help you decide:

  • Are you new to dildos, or to penetration in general? If so, a softer toy may be comfier.
  • Do you know that you’re prone to vaginal/anal irritation or pain? If so, a softer toy may be comfier. (And please use a good water-based lube with it.)
  • Have you chosen a dildo size that’s larger than you’re used to? If so, a softer toy may be comfier.
  • Does the design of your dildo feature any irregular/jagged edges, intense ribbed/dotted/veiny texture, and/or stark and non-gradual changes in diameter along the shaft? If so, a softer toy may be comfier.
  • Do you like being penetrated hard/fast/rough? Then you’d probably prefer a firmer toy, especially if you’re seeking to target the G-spot or prostate.
  • Do you find that your orgasms feel better when you have something to squeeze/clench around? If so, you might prefer a firmer toy.
  • Would you describe yourself as a size queen/king/monarch? If so, you might prefer a firmer toy, because they feel bigger/more filling.
  • Do you plan on using the toy in a strap-on harness? If so, you’ll want it to be firm enough that it can stand up on its own, but not so firm that it could hurt someone if you get a little too zealous (especially if you’re a new/inexperienced strap-on top), so a medium firmness is probably best.
  • What fantasies do you plan on pairing with this dildo, if any, and would they be benefited by a particular firmness option?
Image via Juliet Toys

Color

Sex toy aesthetics are a very personal matter; I can’t tell you how to pick a dildo color any more than I can tell you what color to paint your bedroom, because that all depends on you, baby. However, some questions to ask yourself might include:

  • Do I plan on using this dildo in a strap-on at any point, and if so, do I want it to be close to the skin tone of the person who’ll be wearing it?
  • Do I care if this toy matches/looks good with any of my other toys, or my partners’ other toys (perhaps including a strap-on harness, as mentioned)?
  • Do I care if this toy matches/looks good with my bedroom decor?
  • Do I plan on taking any photos or videos that feature this toy, and if so, what color(s) would work best for the lighting and backdrop etc. that I’m envisioning?
  • Do I want a dark-colored toy to conceal any potentially “embarrassing” substances like menstrual blood or fecal matter, should those situations arise? (These can be easily washed off a silicone toy with soap and water, but some people feel uncomfortable at the thought of these substances being visible at all during sex, in which case darker toys may help, similarly to using black latex gloves for anal fingering.)

One more tip on colors: If you ever see a fantasy dildo that has some solid-color options and some gradient/multicolor options, generally the latter are gonna be prettier, not to mention more unique and eye-catching. I’ve never regretted choosing one over a more uniform colorway. (The purple-to-powder-pink fade on this butt plug, for example? Iconic!) Sometimes these are more expensive than single-color toys, however, so keep an eye on the price.

Base Features

Some fantasy dildos can be customized to have a hole in the base, which is compatible with Vac-U-Lock accessories (sold separately). These accessories include things like harnesses, dildo mounts, fucking machines, handles, and suction-cup bases. Even if you don’t plan on using your toy with any Vac-U-Lock accessories, though, you may still want to consider this customization option, because 1) maybe you’ll change your mind down the road, 2) you can jam a small vibrator into the hole for some extra sensation, and 3) using the hole as a “finger hole” (à la bowling ball) can be a more ergonomic way to grip the toy for some users.

I’ve occasionally seen other base options offered, like a suction cup – which is great if you want to use the toy hands-free – or a hole specifically sized to fit a standard bullet vibe. If you’re offered one of these options and you’re unsure whether to go for it, I’d lean yes, because you can’t really make your own hole in the base of the toy if you change your mind later, but it also won’t be disruptive if you end up never using it.

Cum Tube: Y/N?

Not all fantasy toys offer a cum-tube option, but some do, like the Luna squirting dildo. I think you probably already know in your heart whether a cum tube interests you or not; it’s just one of those things! But if you’re on the fence, consider the tube’s practical benefit as well as its aesthetic ones: It can be useful for adding more lube without having to take the dildo all the way out of you.

The way a cum tube looks during use is generally considered its main selling point, though – so if you, your partner(s), and/or your online audience are fond of the sight of an ejaculating cock, it might be worth checking off the cum-tube option when you place your dildo order. There’s also ovipositor dildos, for those of you who prefer a different sort of ejaculation…

 

Fantasy dildo lovers: Anything I missed here? Any crucial considerations that you’d urge newbies to consider before purchasing?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

In Defense of Sex Dolls (Stigma Be Damned!)

Kate Sloan
Image via this post’s sponsor, Coeros, makers of cool custom sex dolls!

I’ve written quite a few articles about sex dolls and sex robots over the years, so I’ve encountered plenty of anti-sex-doll stigma while researching these products. One common argument, often made by people who are basically well-meaning, goes as follows:

“It’s fine if someone wants to own and use a sex doll, so long as it doesn’t interfere with their ability to form human relationships.”

Today I’m going to go on the record about a hot take of mine: I think it’s fine to use sex dolls even if they do disincentivize you from seeking a relationship – so long as you’re okay with that. Let me explain…

 

Not everyone wants romance or sex!

Yep: asexual and aromantic people might well enjoy a sex doll even if they don’t enjoy dating/fucking actual people. My allo (non-ace/aro) readers may be wondering, “Why would someone want a sex toy, presumably to be used during masturbation, if they’re asexual?!” and the answer is that sexual attraction is different and separate from sexual behavior and sexual desires. For instance, a straight woman might jerk off to lesbian porn sometimes because it focuses primarily on clit stimulation, but that doesn’t negate her heterosexuality – or a gay man might impulsively hook up with a female friend just to ‘try it out,’ and might even have a good time, but that doesn’t change the fact that he’s gay.

Asexuality is a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction – but many ace people still masturbate and/or have sex. And since there’s a high degree of overlap between the asexual and aromantic communities, it’s entirely plausible that some ace and/or aro people might enjoy using sex dolls and other types of sex toys. These products supply sexual pleasure without the requirement of seeking human connection that may or may not be wanted.

There are also people who don’t identify as ace or aro but are celibate for various reasons – perhaps due to trauma or mental health struggles, or perhaps just as a matter of choice – and those folks could get a lot of value out of sex dolls too. If you’ve been in nonconsensual situations before that made you feel very out of control, for instance, I can see how it could be deeply empowering to get yourself a custom sex doll – you have full control over the doll and how you engage with it, which could be less scary and triggering than sex with a human being.

 

You don’t owe the world a cookie-cutter love story!

As queer, trans, kinky, and polyamorous people already know well, the world is full of harmful myths about what constitutes a ‘healthy’ or ‘acceptable’ relationship. There are infinite different ways to structure and label our relationships – so, although you may be drowning in cultural messages to the contrary, you have no obligation to get into a monogamous, long-term romantic relationship, or any other kind of relationship, for that matter. Your life is yours to design!

As disability and anti-fatness advocates often point out, our society mandates health as a moral good, which is why so many people feel justified in shaming fat folks and disabled folks for not ‘working hard enough’ to meet a particular definition of health. This practice is harmful and wrong-headed, not only because health depends on some factors we have no choice over (like disabilities and genetics), but also because no one is morally obligated to be healthy. Health versus illness is a practical consideration, not an ethical one.

Likewise, there’s nothing intrinsically good or bad about being in a relationship, or not being in a relationship – whether temporarily, or for decades at a time! Don’t get me wrong: humans are social creatures, and if someone lacks any meaningful social connection in their life (including friendships), that’s likely not healthy for them, and I would counsel them to join local hobby/interest-based groups to meet people. But romantic and sexual connection are not requirements for a life well-lived, and don’t let anybody tell you different.

 

Ultimately, it’s just a toy

I think what people tend to forget, when they clutch their pearls about sex toys ‘replacing’ human connection, is that these products simply… don’t replace human connection. A sex doll can’t make you laugh, fascinate you in conversation, or make you feel truly loved. Even as A.I. technologies get better, I don’t foresee humanoid robots ever fully overtaking humans as our preferred sexual partners. Real people are fallible, imaginative, imperfect, and human, and that’s why it’s dynamic and exciting to connect with them. I love knowing that a partner chose to touch me in a specific way because of a combination of their own preferences and their knowledge of my preferences – and I find it tough to believe a robot could ever replicate that, in large part because robots cannot experience desire. (Fight me, philosophy majors. No, seriously, feel free to fight me about this in the comments; I’m curious to hear your take!)

If someone truly feels that all of their romantic and sexual needs (to the extent that they have them) are sated by a sex doll, I’m happy for them! We all should be so lucky as to have our needs abundantly met. And if they find, instead, that something is missing and that they want to continue seeking human connection, I’m happy for them too. The more pleasures you pursue and experience, the closer you get to building your ideal life – by which I mean, the life that is ideal for you, specifically. You’re the only one who gets to decide that.

So no, I don’t think there’s anything wrong with owning a sex doll, even if it does lead to a change in your romantic and sexual priorities. That’s your choice to make, because it’s your life to live – and if you want to live it hand-in-hand (or dick-in-vag) with a sex doll, more power to you. Just make sure, for fuck’s sake, that you clean it properly after every use.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.