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5 Sexual Fantasies I Have About Sex Work

Kate Sloan

1. As a special gift – perhaps for a birthday or an anniversary – my partner hires an escort who is trained in the fine art of cunnilingus. While I lay there blindfolded, my partner gives explicit verbal instructions to our guest for the evening, first on how to tease and arouse me, and later on how to lick and suck my clit until I’m an incoherent wet mess.

Later that night, after our new friend has left, we lie in bed together eating ice cream and debriefing. I feel safe, supported, and loved.

 

2. I’m at an upscale lingerie store, staring longingly at a deep red lacy bra and its matching panties and garter belt. The price tags, when I glance at them, set off a spike of adrenaline in my body due to their sheer lunacy: $440 for the bra, $250 for the panties. I don’t even want to look at the price of the garter belt.

“Excuse me, miss,” says a random man I hadn’t noticed skulking in the stockings section. He’s tall and handsome in a nondescript way, like a detective in a film noir. “If you don’t mind me saying so, those would look wonderful on you, and it would be my honor to pay for them.” He holds out a credit card, golden and heavy, nodding toward the cash register, where the bored-looking sales clerk seems to already know this man’s M.O.

I smile coolly, take the card and the garments to the front, and tell the clerk, “These are on him.” My smirk makes him visibly tremble as he signs the sales receipt.

 

3. I submit an application to join a house of elite London escorts and subsequently find myself invited in for an interview. As it turns out, the “interview” is really a rigorous test of sexual technique, aimed at ascertaining my skill level so as to figure out how to price my services, or indeed, whether to hire me at all.

The house has invited some beloved regulars to be our test subjects for the day. Surrounded by other brothel hopefuls, I suck cock after cock, showing off my blowjob skills, possibly my greatest asset in this hiring process. After a particularly satisfying orgasm, one of the men says to the madam of the house, “You should hire this one – her tongue is magic,” and I glow with pleasure at the vaguely dehumanizing praise.

 

4. A client flies me out to his city for a long weekend date. As I climb out of the Uber he sent to the airport and begin dragging my suitcase up the steps to the fancy hotel where we’ll be staying, I get a text from him. Sorry, darling – something came up at work. Can we raincheck until next month? Make yourself comfortable and get whatever you’d like from room service, on me.

I smile serenely in the elevator, let myself into the clean white room with a shiny keycard, and collapse happily on the enormous bed. Later, I take a sex toy or two into the massive bathtub that overlooks the city, and get myself off decadently like no client ever could.

 

5. I catch the attention of an influential congressperson so as to pitch them on the importance of rights and protections for sex workers, they subsequently make an impassioned speech on the house floor, and every politician in attendance wipes tears from their eyes as they vote to repeal SESTA/FOSTA and decriminalize sex work permanently at the federal level.

Okay, that one isn’t so much a sexual fantasy… but it’s definitely something I ponder ardently from time to time.

Write to your local politicians and make it clear to them that you care about sex workers’ rights. Sign petitions, donate to SWOP Behind Bars and Red Light Legal, and advocate for people to respect and decriminalize sex work. People in that industry may be hot as hell, but they’re also human, and they’ve suffered more than their fare share of discrimination and stigmatization. It has to stop.

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Toys That Stimulate the Internal Clitoris

Kate Sloan

The clitoris has long been considered a mystery – particularly by male stand-up comedians in the 1990s, who seemed like they’d rather spend their time searching for sexist punchlines than for the clit – but, on the plus side, we know more about it now than we ever have.

We know, for example, that it is the anatomical pleasure equivalent of the penis – meaning that a person with a vulva having an orgasm without clitoral stimulation is about as uncommon and difficult as a person with a penis coming without penile stimulation (i.e. doable for some people under certain circumstances, but certainly not for everyone all the time). We know that many people prefer indirect clitoral stimulation, because the tip of the clit is extremely sensitive for many of us. We know that the clitoris is made of erectile tissue just like the penis, which swells with arousal. And we also know that the clit, like the penis, has both an external portion and an internal portion – but unlike the penis, the clitoris is essentially an iceberg. The part you can see is only a small part of the whole story.

This discovery, made by Australian urologist Helen O’Connell in 2005, utterly changed how the clitoris is thought about and discussed. There are even theories that the pleasure some people feel from their internal erogenous zones, like the G-spot and A-spot, is actually just the result of indirect internal clit stimulation. I don’t know enough to decide whether or not I agree with that, but I do know that it impresses me greatly when a date/beau/partner has a grasp of internal clitoral anatomy and can use it to their advantage in bed. Just like how most penis-possessing people probably prefer a partner touch their whole dick, not just the head, so too do many clitoris-owners prefer a holistic approach to their clitoral pleasure.

With that in mind, I’ve partnered with the folks at Mivaness to put together this list of sex toys that stimulate the internal clitoris. Try these out if you’re curious about the deeper pleasures of clitoral stimulation!

 

Image via Mivaness

We-Vibe Nova 2 (my full review here)

This sleek, sexy vibe has everything I want in a dual-stimulation toy. It’s elegant. It’s waterproof. You can control each component of it separately, so as to customize your perfect pleasure experience. It’s strong and rumbly as hell. And most notably, it sandwiches your entire clit – internal and external – between its two “arms,” creating the sensation of having your whole clit surrounded by delicious vibration.

I love the flexibility of the Nova 2 – in addition to its motor, it’s the major thing setting it apart from lesser rabbit vibes on the market. The internal arm is poseable, so you can angle it however feels best, and the external arm moves and flexes with your body, so you can thrust the toy in and out as needed without fear of ruining your own orgasm. This is overall a gorgeous vibe for connoisseurs of full-bodied clitoral pleasure.

 

Image via Mivaness

Dame Arc (my full review here)

I hear from a lot of people that they want to enjoy G-spot stimulation, but it just doesn’t feel as good as clitoral stimulation and/or it gives them a feeling of needing to pee. That impending-urination sensation is normal, especially if you’re unused to G-spot play or haven’t gotten yourself highly aroused before stimulating that area; if you empty your bladder beforehand and perhaps lay down a towel for some peace of mind, you should be totally fine.

But as for that first complaint – that G-spot stim doesn’t feel as good as clit stim – I think the Dame Arc is the exact type of vibe that could help shift your perspective on that. It’ll rumble against your internal clit while you do whatever you like to the external part: rub it, stroke it, use another vibrator on it, or whatever else works for you.

Over time, you might find that you come to associate your G-spot with pleasure even if you didn’t initially feel that way – and all because you tapped into the power of the internal clitoris!

 

Image via Mivaness

Lelo Sila (my full review here)

Many “pressure-wave” toys, like the Womanizer and Satisfyer, claim to stimulate the entire clitoris with their unconventional sensations. I can say, however, that the Lelo Sila does this better for me than any other pressure-wave product I’ve tried.

It has a bigger/wider/deeper “mouth,” so it can envelop the head and shaft of your external clit even as you get more aroused – and it also has those flat “lips” around its opening which indirectly stimulate the legs and bulbs of the internal clit during use. It creates a deeper, rumblier sensation than any other toy I’ve tried of this type, at least for my particular anatomy.

I think if you’re a diehard fan of clitoral stimulation but you want to branch out a little, something like the Sila might help you explore the profound pleasures of internal clit stim.

 

Image via Mivaness

Magic Wand Rechargeable (my full review here)

A classic, and for good reason! The extreme power and rumbliness of the Magic Wand makes it ideal for stimulating the deeply buried parts of the clitoris, even though you’re (probably) only using it externally.

When you hold a vibrator this rumbly against your clit – or even against the areas above, beside, or below it – you’re vibrating the tissue underneath as well, including some of the internal clitoris. This is likely one of the reasons some people need vibration to get off: for some people, surface-level stimulation just isn’t enough. And once you’ve seen a diagram of the whole clit, it’s easy to see why.

The Magic Wand can also be kitted out with insertable attachments that enable you to stimulate your G-spot with its intense vibrations. I encourage you to experiment and figure out what feels best for your body!

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog OG Pro2

Kate Sloan

There’s a lot to like about the Tracy’s Dog OG Pro2 – it’s waterproof, made of smooth silicone, has a powerful motor and an elegant aesthetic – but I just don’t think my body is cut out for this type of toy.

It’s a good idea in theory: a pressure-wave clitoral stimulator attached to a vibrating internal portion to hit the G-spot. I have enjoyed some other toys of this type before, and I’ve enjoyed this one too. The issue for me, though, is that generally with this type of toy you can’t use just one part of it at a time – you have to use both. You can’t, for example, get turned on by using just the clitoral stimulator, until you’re wet enough to insert the G-spot arm. You also can’t use the G-spot arm internally by itself without the external part blocking access to your clit. For this reason, I’m glad that this vibrator only costs $59.99 – I’d be hesitant to spend much more than that on a toy that lacks versatility the way this one does.

That said, if you already know for a fact that you like clitoral pressure waves paired with G-spot stimulation (likely because you’ve used two separate toys to achieve this purpose before), the OG Pro2 could be a good upgrade for you. It pairs intense clitoral stimulation with deep, rumbly G-spot vibration, and is one of the best toys of this type that I’ve tried, at a reasonable price point.

I just don’t think I’m the ideal person to use this toy. I prefer to start at a mild level of external-only stimulation and work my way up to higher intensities and dual stimulation, and this type of product doesn’t really allow for that. Its settings, both internally and externally, start at a pretty intense level for my preferences. That, alongside the logistical impossibility of using either of the toy’s two functions separately, makes it so that I have to warm myself up with my hands and/or other toys prior to using this toy, every time. I find that somewhat irritating because, when I buy a sex toy, I want it to be able to take me through the whole arousal process from start to finish. But if you only tend to reach for a toy once you’re already turned on, then this would be a moot point for you.

Another reason I’m not terribly fond of the OG Pro2 is that it’s pretty damn loud. Both of its functions make enough noise to be clearly audible from across a (large) room, though perhaps not through a closed door. I tried using this toy in the bath, and even underwater it made enough of a racket that I got a little self-conscious about being heard.

The clitoral stimulation portion of this toy just… doesn’t feel that good to me. It’s high-pitched/”buzzy,” as far as pressure-wave stimulation goes, meaning that it doesn’t feel like it resonates in the deeper tissues of my internal clit. It’s also shaped in a way that makes it abnormally easy for me to accidentally break the suction seal created by the toy just by moving around slightly, the way I normally do while masturbating. The button that controls the pressure-wave end of the toy seems to make it pulse faster rather than stronger when I turn it up, which makes it pretty hard for me to reach orgasm with this toy; when I get close to climax, usually I want the speed of stimulation to remain fairly consistent while the intensity gradually increases, and this toy can’t really do that.

But as for the positive aspects of this toy, of which there are actually quite a few… I really do like its rumbly G-spot vibrations. They’re stronger and deeper than what I’d generally expect from a $60 toy. They do get buzzier as you turn up the power, but in a way that my G-spot finds pleasing (once properly aroused) rather than annoying or overly numbing. There are only 3 solid speeds followed by several patterns, but I don’t mind that as much in a G-spot vibe because my internal spots appreciate the sense of “motion” created by vibration patterns.

I love that this toy is waterproof. Being a dual-stim toy that stays put pretty well when my thighs are closed around it, I can use the OG Pro2 hands-free in the bath while reading erotica on my Kindle or just letting my mind wander. The amount of pressure/tension provided by the toy’s “neck” makes this even easier; it doesn’t tend to slip out of me or move around too much of its own accord, even as I get wetter and more turned on.

I also really like that each of the toy’s two functions is controlled independently by its own button. The buttons are easy to locate in a hurry, whether visually or by touch, and require a decisive press, so they aren’t prone to skipping speeds or needing extra presses like some toys’ buttons are.

While I think the Tracy’s Dog OG Pro2 is overall a great toy in its category and for its price point, it just doesn’t really work for my particular body and preferences. But if you love pressure-wave clitoral stimulation mixed with powerful G-spot vibration, and you’re looking for something easy to use and even potentially hands-free, I think it’s an option worth considering.

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

You Don’t Have to Do What Your Sex-Positive Friends Do

Kate Sloan

I’ve had a nearly lifelong love affair with the sex-positive movement. It has made life better and brighter for me, given me a solid community to connect with, and helped me recontextualize my sexual desires outside of a patriarchal, slut-shaming lens. I’m very thankful it exists.

That said, the movement has attracted its fair share of criticisms. In my view, most of its critics focus on ways that individual practitioners fail to uphold the actual values of sex-positivity. The movement itself is based on the idea that sex is inherently natural and that any sexual activity performed in a risk-aware and fully consensual way is A-OK; of course, the implication is that the inverse is also true, that sex acts achieved through force or coercion are not acceptable. However, some people within the movement use sex-positivity as a guise under which to propagate harmful and coercive values, such as “more sex = better” (nope!), “everyone wants sex” (definitely nope!), and “having as much sex as possible is what makes you cool” (nope, nope, nope!).

 

Here are 5 activities I used to think were, in some sense, an important part of being sex-positive, which I’ve since realized are no such thing:

1. Having tons of group sex all the time. Lots of my sex-pos pals are way into threesomes, foursomes, and moresomes, and I’m happy for them! I’ve just learned over time that I’m too introverted, anxious, and hypersensitive to really enjoy group sex most of the time. I’m open to the possibility of small group encounters with trusted and beloved folks, but I no longer attend orgies hoping irrationally that I’ll somehow like this one even though I haven’t liked any others. Good for me!

2. Anal sex feels pleasurable and freeing for many people, but I’ve tried it a couple times and it has mostly just made me feel ill! I still like some forms of anal play – wearing a butt plug while I do other sex stuff, being rimmed, fucking other people with a strap-on – but actually getting fucked in the ass is probably just not for me. Remember: even when using what people think is the best anal vibrator in the world, or when hooking up with someone who claims to be an anal-sex pro, it’s entirely possible that you just won’t like anal – and that’s fine!

3. All my life I’ve heard that it’s important to avoid “starfishing” during sex – i.e. to be active and participatory at all times rather than “just lying there.” However, in exploring kink, I’ve learned again and again that some people like a partner who “just lies there”! I will clarify here that I don’t think it’s generally fun to have sex with someone who has no reactions to what’s going on, unless that’s your specific kink – but as a submissive, bottomy person who lives with daily chronic pain, sometimes I just want to lie back and receive during sex, and often my partners are delighted by that, because I tend to date/hook up with people on the toppier and dommier side of the spectrum. You do you!

4. A lot of porn shows people getting into acrobatic sex positions because doing so makes for a better visual. I’ve also seen many people doing this at sex events, orgies, etc., presumably because either those positions feel good for them, or they enjoy the exhibitionism of showing off that way, or both. That’s great for them, but I can only physically sustain a few different positions, and generally I’d rather feel good than look good.

5. There are also many sex-positive-identified people who will counsel you that not wanting an orgasm every time is doing a disservice to yourself, or is in some way less “empowered” or less “feminist” a choice than the alternative. While this is certainly true for many individual people (particularly straight women who have been conditioned over time to accept a status quo of zero orgasms, while their male partners are getting off left and right), I think it’s pretty useless as a society-wide mandate. Sometimes I just don’t feel like coming, or being touched sexually at all, but am perfectly happy to get my partner off – and that is my choice and my right!

What sex acts have you felt pressured to do because those acts were described as “cool” or “empowered” or “sex-positive”?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Have Sex in a Long-Distance Relationship

Kate Sloan

For a long time I maintained that I would never be in a long-distance relationship, because sex and other forms of physical affection mattered too much to me.

However, then I fell in love with a brilliant, beautiful, dominant-leaning switch who lives 500 miles away from me, so… that whole “never ever doing an LDR” thing kinda flew out the window.

Before we ever even had sex IRL, it became apparent to us – in the many many hours we spent falling in love over the phone – that we couldn’t be one of those long-distance couples who wait until they’re physically together to share any kind of sexual intimacy. There’s nothing wrong with that type of relationship, of course, and if it works for its participants then I wish them well! But this post is for people who aren’t happy with that being their status quo, and who want to explore alternate ways of building a satisfying sex life within a long-distance relationship. Here are some of the things that have worked for me and mb…

 

Phone sex

This is the first way we ever really had sex, and is still, by far, the most common way we get each other off. Although it’s largely gone out of vogue in favor of sexting and other more “modern” forms of long-distance sex, I still think nothing really beats the phone. Sexting feels too abstracted for me a lot of the time, as if I’m having sex with my iPhone rather than with my partner, whereas Skype sex, Zoom sex, etc. make me too self-conscious about my own appearance to really focus on feeling good. Phone sex strikes a happy medium between the two, allowing for the intimate immediacy of hearing your partner’s thoughts and reactions in real-time, but without the hyper-scrutiny that can arise in video sex.

My top tips for phone sex:

  1. Don’t use the actual phone, if you can help it. Do an audio call on something like FaceTime or Skype (yes, these normally video-centric services allow for audio-only calls). The quality is much better and so your experience will be better too.
  2. Get the right equipment. You don’t want to be fumbling with your handset while you’re trying to, um, “fumble with your handset.” For years I’ve used a pair of standard wired Apple earbuds, which have a microphone built-in, leaving my hands free to do other things.
  3. Talk about what you would do if you were physically together. It’s that simple. Or, if you prefer, you can use your imaginations to craft a roleplay scenario that would only be possible on the phone.

 

Sexting

It’s not my preferred way of having long-distance sex, but many people enjoy it. Personally I find it too hard to juggle typing and touching myself at the same time. Many of the folks I know who are into sexting say that they don’t really masturbate during the sexting, but moreso after it, when they can scroll back through the messages to their heart’s content. I prefer the real-time aspect of phone sex.

However, sexting can be really fun, and may be especially useful as an avenue for communication if you struggle to tell your partner about your sexual desires and preferences. After all, sometimes it’s easier to type “I want you to [x]” into your phone than to say it out loud to your partner’s beautiful face. I suggest reading Tina Horn’s book Sexting if you’re looking for advice on how to sext like a pro.

Sexting can also involve the exchange of sexy photos or videos, both of which can be lovely to receive (consensually, at appropriate times) when you’re missing your partner’s body.

 

Long-distance sex toys

There was a time when virtual sex via high-tech toys – a field of products sometimes known as “teledildonics” – was an exotic, futuristic concept, something technology magazines wrote about with wonderment and awe. These days, though, that type of toy is pretty widely available, so “touching” your partner via Bluetooth is a beloved option for many long-distance couples.

My partner has a long-distance stroker and butt plug, both of which we frequently use not only when we’re apart but also when we’re together, because sometimes my chronic pain is such that it’s easier for me to control sliders on my iPad screen than to actually give sensation with my own two hands.

The folks at Honeysx recommend the Magic Motion brand of remotely-controllable sex toys for long-distance couples. I like their bright, punchy aesthetic and reasonable prices!

 

Video sex

If you or your partner have an exhibitionistic or voyeuristic streak, this is probably something you’d enjoy. Personally, performing in front of a webcam or phone camera feels too much like, well, performing for me, which makes it hard for me to relax into arousal – but I know lots of people feel the polar opposite!

Make sure you use a medium that’s totally secure (someone Zoom-bombing your private moment would be pretty awful). Consider having sex toys on hand to use on yourself, as proxies for your partner’s hands/mouth/genitals/whatever.

 

What’s your preferred method of having long-distance sex?

 

This post was sponsored by Honeysx, a site that has a great selection of long-distance sex toys. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.