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Making VR Porn With My Partner Was Hot, Cool, & Weird…

Kate Sloan
Playing the ukulele with an Apple Vision Pro on for some reason

“Would you fuck your clone?”

This is one of the many questions that us sex nerds tend to debate with each other. It’ll come up in the blogger lounge at the sex conference, or in the back row of the sexual psychology lecture, or in the aftercare cuddle puddle at the play party. No matter the answers amongst the group, it’s sure to be an interesting conversation.

There are some standard sub-questions that arise as a result of this bigger, broader question, like: Is fucking your clone closer to incest, or masturbation? Are you sexually compatible with yourself, or would you run into some classic top4top or bottom4bottom difficulties in trying to fuck yourself? Are you attracted to yourself, and if not, does that even affect your answer?

That last one is really the clincher for me, and is the main reason I would not fuck my clone: I’m just not that into me. Granted, you don’t have to be attracted to someone to fuck them, and I certainly haven’t been super attracted to every person I’ve ever hooked up with – but I think, in this case, I would find that hurdle tough to overcome.

I bring this up because making VR blowjob porn with my partner, and subsequently watching said porn on my partner’s VR headset, is probably the closest I’ll ever come to fucking my clone – and it was both very weird and very cool.

A quick rundown on VR porn for those unacquainted: Virtual-reality headsets, while commonly used for video games, can also be used to watch hyperrealistic, three-dimensional media, including porn. Websites such as Virtual Real Porn offer VR videos, for instance, as do some early-adopter independent creators. Some sex toys can even be synced up with VR porn for an extra-realistic experience – for example, a stroker might slide up and down on your dick to the exact rhythm and depth depicted in the 3D clip you’re watching. The future is here, and it is sexy!

When my partner got an Apple Vision Pro headset shortly after its launch, she let me try it out, and showed me various cool features on it – and because we’re both perverts, she also asked me if I wanted to watch and/or make porn on it. Naturally, I said yes!

One of my all-time favorite porn genres is POV blowjobs, so we decided to start with one of those. The Vision Pro can take 3D video, so my partner strapped hers on and hit ‘record,’ and I got to work. Giving head to someone who’s wearing an enormous VR headset is pretty hilarious, I have to admit – but there were also times when it felt hot in a deeply perverse way, like I was being coolly surveilled by a bug-eyed alien, or blowing a disinterested gamer during a LoL raid.

It wasn’t my first rodeo (or, uh, blow-deo) – I’ve starred in BJ porn a handful of other times before – but something still felt new and fresh about it, I think because I was aware that people other than my partner might watch the video one day, and might therefore feel like I’m blowing them, and so I felt a certain responsibility to ‘play all the hits,’ as it were – to be a crowd-pleaser, all the way through. (The video isn’t currently available for purchase, although another (non-VR) POV blowjob of mine is.)

The most surreal part for me was watching the video later on, while wearing the headset myself. It was nothing like the times before when I’d watched my own 2D blowjob videos in a QuickTime window on my laptop screen – now, the image filled my entire field of view, and appeared so three-dimensional that I almost thought I could reach down and brush my own hair out of my face.

I got to observe a blowjob I’d already experienced, but from a different angle. In essence, I got to receive a BJ from my clone… and it was weeeeeird! Despite POV blowjobs being a go-to search term for me on any porn site, I just couldn’t get into this one. I was too consumed with self-criticism, too zoomed in on my flaws, my awkwardness, and the sheer fact of me being me.

So, no – I don’t think I would fuck my clone. But would I watch her suck off my partner in 3D, just to revel in the frisson of charged discomfort it conjures? Abso-fuckin-lutely. I have, and I would do it again.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

5 Ways to Make Video Sex Less Nervewracking!

Kate Sloan

For the nervous among us, video sex (…or whatever we’re calling it these days) can be a bone(r)-chilling proposition – not because we don’t want to have it, necessarily, but because of all the anxieties it raises:

Will my body look appealing enough to my partner, through the lens of my low-def (or, worse, high-def) webcam? Will the glow of my laptop screen create flattering light in a dark room, or will it just make me look like a scene from The Blair Witch Project? Will my internet die at an inopportune moment, leaving a harrowing freeze-frame of me on my paramour’s screen? Will I squirt all over my very expensive computer and incur the wrath of the nerds at the Genius Bar?! (Uhh, that last one has never actually happened to me… yet…)

I’ve been in a long-distance relationship for seven years, and although phone sex is our go-to, we do occasionally have sex via video call – and, while it initially made me shake with anxiety, I’ve used the following tips to get much more comfortable with it…

 

Tip #1: You don’t have to do video the whole time (or at all!)

Obligatory note on consent: If you don’t want to have video sex, you don’t have to. Period. There are other ways to connect sexually in long-distance relationships, and if video doesn’t turn your crank, I’d encourage you to communicate that to your partner and discuss other options. (This might be a dealbreaker for them if they’re a very visually-oriented person… or it might not, because photos exist. Who knows.)

That being said, it’s possible to freely consent to video sex even if you’re not that excited about it. Maybe there are things about it that turn you on, like being able to see/hear your partner’s reactions to your body, but your anxieties get in the way eventually. This has often been the case for me, so I very much appreciate that my partner and I will sometimes switch to an audio call after a while. The visuals are like an appetizer, or an aperitif, whereas the phone call is the main dish. Going audio-only helps me relax more, so I can enjoy myself more – and maybe it would help you in the same way.

 

Tip #2: Seek salacious inspiration

Whenever I feel unsexy in a particular sexual situation, I’ll look up videos of porn performers in that same situation, and see how they do it. Now, granted, this isn’t always the best approach – (most) porn is meant as entertainment, not education, and you may want to skip this one if you know that porn triggers your insecurities – but it’s an interesting starting point, at the very least.

Pay attention to stuff like: What poses/positions/angles do they use? Which toys seem to both feel awesome and look awesome on camera? How much time are they spending flirting with the viewer versus focusing on their own pleasure? What aspects of their style/approach, if any, appeal to you or would feel fun for you to try out? If it’s within your relationship boundaries, you could even hop onto a website featuring cam performers, BDSM cams, etc. and watch a live show for inspiration (don’t forget to tip!).

 

Tip #3: Wear something you feel cute in (and leave it on, if you want to!)

While sex is commonly depicted as a naked activity, it doesn’t have to be! I often feel more confident when I’m sporting a little outfit of some kind, even if said “outfit” is just a slip dress and some thigh-high socks. Sometimes I’ll strip it all off before the night is over, but other times I’ll just pull clothing aside to access relevant body parts as needed.

If the idea of being fully naked in front of a webcam freaks you out, why not ask your partner what clothing or accessories they’d find you hottest in? You don’t have to fulfill their wishes, of course – there are very few people for whom I would willingly subject myself to an underwire at this point, for instance! – but it could help you feel a whole lot foxier without even having to take your clothes off.

 

Tip #4: Try a medium-appropriate roleplay

It can sometimes feel awkward to try to replicate analog sex in a digital medium, so to speak… which is why it might help to do a roleplay that makes sense as a video call.

For example, you could roleplay a telehealth appointment gone awry when the doctor gets the hots for their patient… or an online job interview that yields chemistry more personal than professional… or a tech-support call with a shy-but-corruptible computer nerd. The possibilities are effectively endless! (And once again – if you need inspo, roleplaying live cams sites are a good place to start.)

 

Tip #5: Wear a blindfold

It may seem counterintuitive to wear a blindfold while engaging in such a visual form of sex… and indeed, if visuals are your primary turn-on, you might wanna skip this one. But I wanted to mention it, because wearing a blindfold reduces my sexual anxiety massively. It means that I don’t have to see myself on the screen (something that can also be fixed via settings in some apps, or by sticking a Post-It note over your own face on the screen – hey, whatever w0rks!), and it also just allows me to focus more closely on things that turn me on more than visuals do, like sounds, words, and sensations.

 

What has helped you most in combating video-sex anxieties?

 

This post contains sponsored links. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Why Does Ovulation Make Me Crave Realistic Dildos So Bad?!

Kate Sloan
Pictured: realistic dildos made by Solina, Vixen Creations, and the Pleasure Tailor

One Sunday afternoon, I grabbed the bin of dirty sex toys from under my bed and brought it to the sink for cleaning. As I stared down into its contents, I was confronted with the realization: Every single toy in the bin was a realistic dildo. Apparently, I had craved cock – and only cock – for the past week or more.

I chuckled about this as I began soaping up the dildos, giving them sudsy handjobs under running water. I wondered what could possibly explain this sudden phallic fascination. On a hunch, I whipped out my phone to check my cycle tracking app – and lo and behold, I was (very likely) ovulating. Suddenly, it all made perfect sense.

Now, don’t get it twisted – I am a huge fan of dicks, and of their silicone facsimiles, on most days of the month, not just when I’m ovulating. But despite how much I like getting dicked down, I don’t fantasize about it all that often. Like the majority of people with vulvas, most of my pleasure – and all of my orgasms – come from clit stimulation, so when I’m fantasizing about having stuff done to me, usually it’s some kind of clit stuff.

But around ovulation time, I’ve noticed that my thoughts seem to wander to dicks more often. I used to notice this most acutely when I worked in sex toy retail and would catch myself staring longingly at the dildo display, filthy images flitting through my mind – but only at that particular time in my cycle. And now, I see it in my dirty-toy bin, which tells me truths about my current headspace like prophetic tea leaves in a cup.

Of course, from an evo-psych perspective, it makes complete sense that I would crave peen-in-vag sex at the time when that type of sex could most readily knock me up. I don’t even know whether I’m physically capable of getting pregnant (I’ve never knowingly been pregnant, never had a pregnancy scare, and have a history of ovarian cysts and irregular periods), but nonetheless, my body and brain seem to be pushing me toward that outcome when I ovulate.

This is a good illustration of something I strongly believe about sex toys: that they can help us make better sexual decisions for ourselves – decisions that are more in line with our values, preferences, and goals, both in and out of the bedroom. Back in the day, for instance, I used to sate my cyclical cock cravings by finding people to hook up with on dating apps – and while there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, the urgency of my desire would sometimes lead me to ignore red flags and rush into an evening of stilted conversation and bad sex.

These days, the only dicks that interest me are the ones attached to people I actually like, and the disembodied ones in my nightstand drawers. I would much rather keep myself satisfied with sex toys as needed, and only go out with people who genuinely excite me and treat me well, than roll the dice on impulsive hookups that are almost never as good as the fantasies in my head.

I’m sure some people would argue, “It’s not the same! Using a dildo could never feel as good as real human connection!” and to those people, I would say: Have you even felt dual-density silicone, babe?! It feels pretty fuckin’ good, my dude!!

But also: I do experience real human connection when masturbating. It’s a connection with myself, my body, and my fantasies. And anyone who doesn’t see the intrinsic value in that is just not someone I’d allow into my life – let alone into my holes.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Lusting for Lovecore: Matching My Outfits to My Favorite Uberrime Dildo!

Kate Sloan

I love sex toys, I love fashion, and I especially love opportunities to blend those two interests together. So I’m sure you can understand why I was so excited when indie sex toy company Uberrime reached out recently to ask if I’d like to write a post about…

…how custom toys can feel like an expression/extension of self? You have such a consistent and memorable collection of go-to colors in both your business branding and personal fashion, I figured if anyone would want a toy to “match,” it might be you!

Needless to say, I replied with an enthusiastic YES!

I’m a massive fan of Uberrime’s Night King dildo (here’s my review from 2019 if you’d like to read it), because its length, shape, and coronal ridge make it an absolute powerhouse for A-spot stimulation. The brand sweetly offered me a brand-new, custom-made Night King, in the colors of my choice, to highlight the extreme customizability offered on Uberrime’s site. Color isn’t the only thing you get to customize, either: you can also select your preferred firmness for your new toy, and decide whether you want a port in the base for a bullet vibrator or a Vac-U-Lock device. Gotta love a bespoke dong!

Choosing dildo colors can be a challenge for an indecisive femme comme moi, but in this case, I knew exactly what I wanted: red and pink. In other words, I wanted a “lovecore” Night King. I love these colors, but perhaps even more importantly for this post, I have a lot of clothing in these colors!

I started putting together outfits in my head before my new Night King even arrived on my doorstep – and when it did, it was so stunning in-person that I was even more excited to style it up. Ready to see the dildo-inspired ensembles I came up with?

Lounging in bed

When my friend Billy and I interviewed the kink writer Tina Horn on our podcast back in June, she said,

Part of the reason that I know I’m not femme is that I’ve learned so much about what ‘femme’ is to femmes… One of the defining things that I hear over and over again from femmes is that they’re femme when no one’s watching, or their resting state is femme, or they put on lipstick for themselves… You can put on lipstick for yourself, not because you’re brainwashed by the patriarchy!

While there are many valid definitions of femmeness, this one (among others) resonates with me – because not only do I frequently wear lipstick while alone, but I also frequently put together little loungewear ‘outfits’ that serve the sole purpose of making me feel cute while staying comfy. It’s an important outlet for my femme inclinations, especially since – what with being a chronically ill freelancer – I spend way more time in and around my bed than I do in most other places!

This is exactly the type of outfit I’d wear for a leisurely masturbation session on a Saturday afternoon, or even for a toy testing session during the week. Comfort is paramount when I’m hoping to get turned on, and this look takes that into account. (I’ve paired the Night King with a pink We-Vibe Tango X, because I – like most people with my anatomy – find dildos most pleasurable and effective when there’s some clit stimulation going on.)

What I’m wearing:
• Dark red modal slip dress – Calvin Klein Sleepwear
• Pink and red heart-print acrylic cardigan – Unique Vintage
• Bare feet

Party bimbo

Been a minute since I went to a kink conference or play party (’cause, y’know, pandemic + fibromyalgia), but I think this would be the ideal outfit to wear to something like a hypno munch or an intelligence-play workshop. Love a bimbo moment!

The lovecore Night King doesn’t exaaaactly fit inside my tiny heart-shaped purse, but that’s kind of part of the look, if you ask me…

What I’m wearing:
• Pink ribbed cropped tank top – Forever 21
• Pink and red heart-print velour trackpants – an Etsy shop that has since gone out of business
• Neon pink striped beanie – another Etsy shop that has since gone out of business!
• Raspberry pink leather heart earrings – Unicorn Collaborators
• Pink/red/orange custom Nike Air Force 1 sneakers
• Red heart-shaped bag – Kate Spade

Soft butch

One for the androgyny-enjoyers! (I count myself among your ranks…)

It’s been interesting observing the way that fluctuations in my chronic illness symptoms can influence my gender presentation. Sometimes a high-pain day will lead me to dress masc like this, because this type of outfit is more utilitarian and easier to throw together.

Occasionally my pain makes me feel so disconnected from my body that I only want to top, and not bottom, during sex – meaning that I want to do stuff to a partner, but don’t want to receive touch/pleasure directly myself, because keeping my awareness on my own body feels icky and depressing at those times. This is an outfit I might wear at a play party if I was in that type of mood, since it suggests the sex acts I am and am not up for, and gives me some soft-butch swagger that feels good when I’m in Top Mode.

What I’m wearing:
• Long-sleeved black shirt – gift from my mama
• High-waisted straight-leg jeans – Everlane
• Hot pink Doc Martens
• Aslan Leather Nicki Jaguar harness with Uberrime Night King dildo (read my review of this harness here – it’s been my fave for many years!)

Sex writer extraordinaire

Pre-pandemic, I used to write in cafés almost every day. I would tuck my laptop into a tote, throw on an energizing outfit, and then go hole up in the corner of a coffee shop to sip a latte and nibble a muffin while writing about dicks, dates, ‘n’ doms. I miss it! (I still do it once in a while, but definitely not as often.)

This would have been a perfect ensemble to wear while writing a blog post in public – say, a review of my lovecore Night King! I would toss the dildo into my bag before leaving the house, incase I needed to check its measurements or firmness, etc. while writing – surreptitiously and out of view of other patrons, of course!

What I’m wearing:
• “Run the Fuck” T-shirt – the Museum of Sex gift shop (the quote is a Betty Dodson-ism)
• Red pencil skirt – American Apparel
• Pink metallic cowboy boots – Jeffrey Campbell
• Pink leather satchel – Kate Spade (this was the first expensive/fancy bag I ever bought for myself, waaay back when I was like 22, and I still adore it)
• Red heart-shaped prescription glasses – Zenni
• Lovecore Night King + limited-edition “cherry blossom” Lamy Safari rollerball pen (gift from my spouse) + pink legal pad (gift from my brother)

Bonus outfit: Actual sex

I mean, it is a sex toy, after all…!

To tell you the truth, the Uberrime Night King has long been my spouse’s go-to dildo when she fucks me with a strap-on. As mentioned, it hits my A-spot with aplomb. You usually lose up to an inch of useable dildo length when you wear one in a harness, because of the thickness of the harness itself, but the Night King’s 8″ insertable length means it can still easily hit my A-spot even when strapped on. I chose the 12A/medium shore for this Night King, and I’m glad I did, because that firmness makes it feel incredible pounding into my spot again and again. (It helps a lot that my spouse’s strap game is top-notch, of course…)

The most recent time that my partner came to visit me, she had brought her harness, and we decided to try out my new Night King… and once she slid it into her harness and lubed it up, I was so struck by how hot it looked with her outfit that I asked if I could snap a photo for this post. Luckily for me (and for all of you!!), she obliged. And then, naturally, we had excellent strap-on sex 🤤

So, here is a very real-life example of how sex toy aesthetics can amp up excitement and arousal. Red is my spouse’s signature color, and one that looks exceptionally good on her, whether in the form of a lipstick, a mesh tank top, or (yes) a custom-made dildo – and I love that this dildo can easily be incorporated into both of our aesthetics, even though our styles are pretty different from each other!

What she’s wearing:
• Red mesh tank top – a fetishwear shop in Berlin called Schwarzer Reiter
• RodeoH briefs harness
• Uberrime Night King dildo, of course 😍

If this post has got you curious about matching your outfit to your dildo – or matching your dildo to your outfit! – then why not check out the Night King and the rest of Uberrime’s catalog, and pick the color(s) that make(s) your heart sing? Life’s too short for ugly toys in depressing shades; I want my toys to be bright and beautiful works of art, and Uberrime makes some of the prettiest silicone dildos I’ve ever seen. Pretty enough, even, to be a crucial component of some of my high-femme outfits. 💖

 

This post was sponsored by Uberrime, who I really, truly adore. As always, all writing and opinions (and outfits, except for my spouse’s!) are my own.

Review: Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator (& some thoughts on clit vibe design)

Kate Sloan

It’s often been said that the clitoris is like an iceberg: the part that’s visible is practically minuscule, compared to what’s not visible. To pleasure a clit in its entirety requires that you go beyond just the parts you can see.

Likewise, I think the sex toy industry has barely scratched the surface of what’s possible when it comes to clitoral stimulation. Yes, there are a variety of shapes to be found in the clit-toy category,  and sometimes you’ll even see something super imaginative, like a wheel of silicone tongues or a tongue-like rolling ball. But the vast majority of clitoral toys vibrate (or oscillate, etc.) or they use air pressure waves – and the vast majority of these are focused on the tip (glans) of the clit.

Some 3D-printed models of the entire clitoris

You can imagine, I’m sure, that in a world where the only penis toys on the market stimulated the head of a dick exclusively, there would pretty quickly be demand for something that produces a, shall we say, deeper sensation. And for the same reason, I think way more sex toy companies should be considering the often-ignored parts of the clitoris in their toy designs: not just the clitoral shaft, but also the internal crura and vestibular bulbs that round out the clitoral nerve network.

To that end, I’m always thrilled to see new double-pronged clitoral vibes – like the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator, which I’m reviewing today. Several companies have attempted a design like this, and now Funzze’s taken a swing at it too. Let’s discuss…

What is the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator and how can it stimulate a clit differently from most vibes?

Funzze says that the dual-pronged side of this toy is meant to evoke “bunny ears” while the other end is a “bunny tail,” but if you ask me, this thing looks more like one of those comedy rubber chickens. In any case, the bunny-tail side is intended for clitoral or G-spot stimulation, while the bunny ears can lay on either side of a clit (or a nipple, or what have you).

And therein lies this toy’s aptness for internal clit stimulation: it applies vibration to the sides of the clitoral shaft, and (indirectly) to the vestibular bulbs of the clitoris. For me at least, this is a very different sensation from direct clitoral glans stimulation, and I strongly prefer this more indirect approach, because it helps me avoid overstimulation. The pleasure also just feels more full-bodied overall, because more of my clit is being stimulated. (By the way, you can totally hold a regular vibrator against these areas – such as a bullet or a wand – to feel a similar sensation, and indeed, I think this is a big reason wand vibes are so popular: they stimulate the clit more deeply and diffusely than smaller, weaker vibes do.)

Another thing I love about dual-pronged vibrators: usually I can sort of snuggle my clit up into the curve where the two prongs converge, which provides some stimulation on the top of my clitoral shaft as well. With this toy, I can squeeze/pinch my clit between the two flexible silicone arms, roll it back and forth, slide them up and down, etc. Experimenting this way during my testing sessions was fun, because it truly is rare for a clitoral toy to surprise me with how it feels, now that I’ve tried so many of them.

Other things I like about the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator

  • There are three motors in this toy! The vibrations are concentrated into the tips of the ‘tail’ and each ‘ear,’ which makes this vibe great for teasing pinpointed spots – not just the clit but also the nipples, balls, perineum, labia, etc. As described, the bunny ears are nice for clitoral shaft/bulb stimulation, while the tail can apply more direct stimulation wherever you like (except for in your butt, because this toy is not anal-safe).
  • The controls are easy to learn and use: each end of the toy has its own button, which you hold down to turn on or off, and short-press to cycle through settings. I didn’t even have to look at the toy to control it after a while.
  • When it comes to double-ended toys, usually I wish I could flip back and forth easily between the two ends, depending on what sensation I’m looking for at any given moment – but this often gets messy after a while, as lube and bodily fluids get everywhere. This toy actually solves that problem, though, because its “handle” is the middle section, which (in my experience) stays relatively dry during use, so you can switch back and forth between the ears and tail any time you want without losing your grip on the toy.
  • The silicone bunny ears are very flexible, meaning that they’d be able to flank a broad range of clit sizes comfortably. I also found that they stayed in place pretty well if I spread my outer labia while arranging the bunny ears around my clit.
  • It’s decently quiet, and wouldn’t generally be audible through a closed door.
Pencil for scale (and also because I was taking notes for this review!)

Things I don’t like about the Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator

  • Unfortunately, this toy suffers from the most common ‘fatal flaw’ a vibrator can have: its motor is just way too buzzy, and not strong enough. I can enjoy the uniquely enveloping stimulation of the bunny ears for a few minutes, but then my sensitivity gets significantly lessened by the high-pitched vibrations and it’s hard to feel pleasure or reach orgasm. Bummer, dude.
  • Each end of the toy has 10 settings you can cycle through, but there’s not much discernible variation between them, and I always wish there was more power on the high end.
  • It’s splashproof (IPX6) but not waterproof, so you can rinse it in the sink but you can’t take it in the bath.
  • The downside of the bunny ears and tail being so flexible is that they can hardly apply any pressure at all, so I wouldn’t recommend this vibe for anyone who likes pressure.

Final thoughts

I’m always hopeful about bunny-ears-shaped vibrators when I see a new one come out, because they stimulate the clitoris in an unusual way, sandwiching it inescapably between sweet vibrations. The Funzze Double-Ended Bunny Vibrator isn’t ideal for me, because its high-pitched, surface-level vibrations don’t rumble my internal clitoral network the way I (and many others) prefer.

But I think its design is thoughtful, and bodes well for the future of clitoral toys – because, as with the problem of the orgasm gap itself, we need to try every angle of approach if we want to seek out the greatest, fullest pleasures.

 

Oh, and Funzze’s having a Black Friday sale right now! Use codes BF20, BF30 or BF40 to get up to 40% off your order, depending on the value of your order. Details above!

 

This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.