spon

Review: Magic Wand Plus

Kate Sloan

When I interviewed Shay Martin – co-owner of Vibratex, the company that legendarily saved the Magic Wand from extinction when Hitachi wanted to pull the plug on it – for a story I was writing in 2015, she said something that sex toy makers never say. She said that in updating and modernizing the toy, she was doing her best to keep everything the same, with the exception of the problems the redesign was trying to fix (mostly, the porous foam head and the overworked motor). She said she knew she was going to receive phone calls from Magic Wand purists regardless, claiming the new toy felt different or sounded different or just was different in ways that mattered to them – so it made sense to change only what absolutely was not working – a head all too easily stained by menstrual blood or cum, a motor known to occasionally burst into flames – and leave almost everything else the exact same.

This is rare in the sex toy biz. The We-Vibe Nova 2 is a recent example of a sex toy re-release that kept the best and tossed the rest – but in general, sex toy updates tend to add bells and whistles nobody asked for (*cough* Lelo) without making the improvements that would actually excite customers (*cough* also Lelo). So, needless to say, I’ve been wanting to try the Magic Wand Plus ever since it was announced – and thanks to my pals at TheVibed.com, I finally got to!

For context, there are already two major Magic Wands to be aware of (not counting the literally hundreds, if not thousands, of knockoffs and wannabes out there): the Magic Wand Original, a plug-in 2-speed behemoth essentially identical to the original Hitachi Magic Wand except for the minor motor updates as outlined above, and the Magic Wand Rechargeable, a contemporized version that no longer chains you to an outlet and that boasts 2 extra speeds and some vibration patterns. The MWR is the better choice for the vast majority of users, because its added 2 speeds are on the lower end of the intensity spectrum, bringing it down from “HOLY FUCK” territory into something more approachable, even for a vibrator novice – but, notably, the MWR is more than twice the price of the MWO. So it’s no surprise so many horny hopefuls on a budget would go for the MWO; it was the best option that existed for them – until the Magic Wand Plus.

The MWP is the best of both worlds: it has the MWR’s nonporous silicone head and wider variety of speeds, but is only a little pricier than the MWO: $65 versus $55 on TheVibed. The trade-off is that it’s plug-in rather than rechargeable, and it doesn’t have vibration patterns. That’s it.

The more that I think about it – and the more that I use the MWP instead of my well-worn old MWR – the more I realize that those trade-offs are no big deal for me at all. I almost never use vibration patterns, and I almost never use wand vibrators anywhere that doesn’t have electrical outlet access (especially in, y’know, pandemic times). Sure, it’s great to have a travel-friendly vibe I could whip out in a bar bathroom or back alley if need be, but generally I need those vibes to be small. I can literally only think of one time that I used a wand in a situation that lacked nearby outlets, and that was during a porn shoot at a sex club – not exactly a normal set of circumstances for most people.

The combination of laziness, depression, and chronic pain also renders me chronically reticent to plug in my vibes when they run out of juice – so, despite the modernity and convenience of wireless toys, my most-used vibrators these days are ones that plug into the wall. I am just not organized or on-top-of-things enough to habitually remember to charge vibes before I need them, so electric ones are, oddly enough, often the best choice for me. (That said, though, the MWR has a brilliant feature a lot of other rechargeable toys lack: you can use it while it’s charging. The more you know…)

So, that being the case, I cannot think of a single thing I love about the Magic Wand Rechargeable that the Magic Wand Plus doesn’t also have. And it’s about half the price, which is a pretty fucking big benefit, especially right now when many people’s sex toy budget is – to say the least – constricted.

The lack of vibration patterns on the MWP freed up some space in the control panel, so Vibratex added a “minus” button. This means that you can quickly move back to the previous speed if you so desire, instead of needing to cycle through all 4 like you do on the MWR. This is a pretty small difference, unless you like to move up and down the intensity scale a lot during sessions like I do, in which case it might actually be super convenient.

I do not have Princess & the Pea-level genital discernment skills, so in discussing the more minute differences between these toys, I will defer to my friend Epiphora, who does. She says the MWP is slightly buzzier and stronger than the MWR – possibly owing to differences in motor weight – and when I really strain to pay attention, I can detect this too. But, as she also notes, the difference is most notable between the 2nd and 3rd speed, so if (like me) you tend to hang out on the lower 2 speeds, this won’t be an issue for you. (For reference, I always max out when using smaller vibes like the Tango, but the lowest 2 speeds of the MWR/MWP are more than rumbly and strong enough to get me off.)

Perhaps as a result of the minor differences in buzziness/strength, I also notice that the MWP is louder and rattlier than the MWR. But both quiet down significantly when pressed against skin and flesh, where (presumably) they will spend most of their time.

I sort of wish the MWP’s wire was a bit longer – it stretches 6 feet – but I also know that the 12-foot length of my beloved Eroscillator‘s cord gets tangled more than I would prefer, and can be more of a hindrance than a convenience at times. If your preferred sexytimes zone is more than a couple feet away from an outlet, I would suggest throwing an extension cord into your cart alongside the MWP if possible, but it’s not a huge deal. The wire also gets in my way occasionally when I’m holding the toy, but I just rotate it around until the wire juts out away from me and the annoyance is neutralized.

So what’s my verdict? The Magic Wand Plus is a genius invention. Vibratex found a way to make a blessedly more affordable version of their absolutely magnificent Magic Wand Rechargeable, without compromising on any functions that matter to me. If you care a lot about portability or patterns, then disregard this – but if all you want is beautifully strong vibrations at a decent price, I think the Magic Wand Plus is absolutely the best bang for your buck.

 

Thanks so much to TheVibed for sending me this toy to try! This review was sponsored, which means I was paid to write an honest and fair review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Look at Meee!: A Product Wishlist for Exhibitionists

Kate Sloan
From a recent striptease set I shot at a customer’s request.

Oddly enough, I’ve done more sex work than usual since the coronavirus swept the world. I guess it makes sense: lots of people are stuck at home, bored, and battling a stress-inflamed libido. Of course some of them would slide into my email inbox to inquire about purchasing nude pics, lingerie shots, or sexy videos. (Pro tip: if you do this, state your intentions upfront, have your credit card at the ready, and do not under any circumstances ask me for a “free sample.”)

This being the case, I’ve been thinking lots about various upgrades I could make to my arsenal of exhibitionistic equipment to boost the quality of my output. Here are some items I think would drastically improve your nudes, clips, and/or cam shows, whether you’re performing for beloved partners, regular customers, random strangers, or even just for yourself.

 

A selfie stick. These are fairly cheap and are sold all over the internet, so if you want to try your hand at some exhibitionism, they’re a great starting point! You can use them to shoot selfies, of course (they’re particularly useful for taking full-body shots or butt pics), and you can also use them to lend different angles and degrees of distance to sexy videos or mobile livestreams.

A lighting setup. Some people go the whole nine yards, with multiple lights and diffusers/reflectors; some people just spring for one ring light; some people get by with just a small bedside lamp. It depends on what effect you’re going for – but generally, more lighting is better than less. On the best cam sites, you’ll sometimes see people getting creative with lighting colors and effects, but as long as you’re well-lit enough to be clearly visible, there’s no need to get super fancy.

A non-distracting backdrop. You could keep things simple by just performing in front of a blank wall, or a wall you’ve draped with a bedsheet or blanket. You could also look into the more pro-level backdrops preferred by professional YouTubers, etc.

A tripod. If you have to choose between a selfie stick and a tripod, choose a tripod every time – it’s more versatile and forgiving. Standard tripods are terrific; however, these days I’m also lusting after a suction-cup iPhone holder, because it enables you to affix your phone to any hard surface (like a wall, floor, or even ceiling if you can reach it) at the exact angle that you want.

A camera remote. Whether you’re shooting with a phone, a webcam, a point-and-shoot, or a decked-out DSLR, there’s likely a remote-control option available to you somewhere. It’ll make your life so much easier, especially when taking a lot of pictures at a time.

Suction cup dildos. These types of toys make it easier to create content where you’re “riding” a dildo, since the suction-cup base easily mounts to a shower wall or floor – which could be great for a POV scene, or just for the fun and pleasure of it. Hard, smooth surfaces work best, like tile or lacquered wood – or, if no viable surfaces are available to you at the moment for whatever reason, use a hardcover book or other rigid, flat object instead. (Yeah, it might look a little strange if you’re riding your old geography textbook in bed, but anyone watching will likely be too distracted by your bangin’ bod to notice.)

See-through sex toys, like a clear glass dildo or anything from the Fleshlight Ice range. These give the viewer a peek at the inner workings of your sexual response, almost as effectively as if they had X-ray vision!

Lube. I recommend this for any sexual activity, as you no doubt already know if you read this blog, but it can be particularly handy during exhibitionistic play – especially if your session goes on for a long time (gotta get all the shots you need!) and/or you get nervous in front of the camera and find that your nerves affect your natural lubrication level. When making content related to “creampies” and other forms of cum fetishism, you may want to go with a lube that looks semen-esque, such as Sliquid Silk.

Face powder. I’ll leave your other makeup decisions up to you, but powder is a must-have. It gets rid of the pesky shine that can crop up on the oily areas of your skin. (Some kinds of shine are hot – like the glisten of wet, excited genitals – but a shiny face is often just distracting.) If you’ll also be doing makeup for other models whose skin tone differs from your own, look for a translucent setting powder so you don’t have to worry about tone-matching (although some of these still create a light cast on darker skin, unfortunately). Don’t forget a puff or brush to apply it with!

A robe or dressing gown. Not strictly necessary, of course, but it is nice to have something glamorous to slip in and out of between shots – particularly if it’s cold where you are, or you’re in a location where people might randomly walk by at any moment. (Abandoned stairwell, anyone?)

Photo/video editing software. Crucial. I mostly keep it simple with iMovie and the other built-in editing functions on my various Apple devices, but there’s a whole world of applications out there to explore. They may be less or more useful to you depending on how intense you want to go with your editing. Final Cut Pro and Adobe Lightroom are two popular choices.

 

What do you consider must-haves for a burgeoning exhibitionist or sexy content creator?

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Biird Obii

Kate Sloan

Picture yourself as Cinderella, or Snow White, or another of those Disney princesses who enlist woodland creatures to do their bidding. Picture the sun cresting over the horizon, beams of light beginning to stream into your quaint forest cottage. Picture a pink cartoon bird landing on your windowsill and chirping, “Would you like an orgasm?” That’s kind of the whole vibe (so to speak) of the adorable Biird Obii.

Made to look like a stylized little bird, the Obii is a rechargeable vibrator that also offers “pressure wave” stimulation, the technology originally developed (as far as I know) by Womanizer and later utilized by other companies like Satisfyer and Lelo. New phenomena in the realm of clitoral stimulation don’t come along too often, so it’s no surprise that so many sex toy reviewers and sex writers have effused about the wonders of pressure waves – they really are pretty cool. They work by way of a tiny panel inside the toy’s nozzle that moves back and forth to create rhythmic suction/pressure around your clit, if you can get a good enough seal. This makes the sensation essentially “touchless” in a way that vibrators are not, so some people report more intense orgasms and shorter refractory periods with this type of toy.

The control panel on the bottom of the Obii – thoughtfully labeled, with buttons that are easy to press but hard to accidentally press, hooray – allows you to flip between the toy’s 4 vibration modes (3 steady speeds + 1 pulsing pattern) and its 3 pressure-wave intensities. You can use one at a time or turn them both on if you like your clit-sucking with a side of vibration.

The problem is, the vibrations on this toy are… sad. Like, “weak” or “disappointing” are not even the right words; when I turned on the vibrations for the first time, I felt like saying out loud to the toy, “Oh, honey…” They’re meager, they’re buzzy as hell, and they’re buried so deeply in the toy that I can’t even discern where the motor is or which part of the vibe I’m supposed to press against my clit, since all positionings feel equally numbing and underwhelming. If you are looking for a vibrator – or you’re curious about pressure wave toys but want to be able to use yours as a vibrator incase it turns out you don’t like pressure waves – then definitely look elsewhere. The power and resonance of the Obii’s vibrations are literally on par with one of those single-use bullets sold alongside Trojan condoms in fluorescently-lit drugstore aisles.

But what makes the Obii interesting and remarkable isn’t the vibration, it’s the pressure waves. And those are actually pretty swell. The waves this toy creates feel stronger and, for lack of a better word, “rumblier” than those I’ve experienced from some others. While reaching orgasm is always a slow process for me with this type of toy, because it focuses so intensely on the exposed tip of my clit and thus risks overstimulating me easily, they are nonetheless very much within reach when I’m using this toy. I wish there were more than 3 settings, because my clit is a sensitive little flower and I like gradation, but the existing settings are plenty good enough to get me off. And incase you’ve never had a pressure-wave orgasm, I’ll reiterate here: they really are different from orgasms with a vibrator, or orgasms achieved via just about any other means. They’re kinda like… if your clit was a dick, and you were getting a blowjob from a robot, but the robot only knew how to suck the head of your dick and not the shaft, but it was really good at that. (Bam. Another brilliant sex toy reviewer metaphor. 😂 I’m good at my job sometimes, I swear.)

An issue with the Obii, which some other reviewers who I deeply respect have pointed out, is that the nozzle is unusually small for a toy of this type, and that the moving panel inside the nozzle is abnormally close to the opening. What this means is that people with bigger clits will likely have a hard time using the Obii comfortably. I have asked a couple partners of mine over the years whether my clit is small, average, or large (yes, dating me is quite an adventure), and both of them said it was average or perhaps slightly larger than average, and I found this toy comfortable and inoffensive – but your mileage may vary. (It’s annoying that culturally we don’t talk about clits nearly as much as we talk about dicks, and so we don’t have an understanding of what an “average-sized” clit would look like, but also, maybe that’s a blessing in disguise. There’s already enough vagina-shame in the world; let’s not start comparing and competing with regards to clit size!)

The Obii won the Red Dot design award, and it’s easy to see why, from an aesthetic standpoint: it’s very pretty. I actually love how cute it is, and I think it would make you happy if you’re one of those people whose experience is genuinely improved when the sex toy you’re using is #AestheticGoals. It also doubles as a bedside lamp when placed on its cradle to charge; it casts a dim, warm glow that would be ideal for sexytimes (although, you know, the light would go off whenever you grabbed the Obii to use it). The silicone used all over the toy is wonderfully soft and silky in my hand, though it’s also one of the foremost lint magnets in my entire sex toy collection.

The silkiness of the silicone also poses problems during use. I can’t maintain a solid grip on the toy for long unless I squeeze it past the point of comfort (which, as someone with chronic pain in my hands and elsewhere, I’m especially disinclined to do). The ridges on the side of the toy seem like they could help with grippiness, but in practice they don’t actually help much. This also points to one of the problems with making a “design-y” sex toy: just because a shape looks pretty doesn’t mean it’ll feel good in someone’s hand or against someone’s body. While testing the Obii I often found myself reminiscing fondly on more ergonomically-shaped pressure wave toys like the Satisfyer Penguin.

All of that said, though… I can’t deny that I like pressure wave stimulation, in a “forced orgasm” kind of way, because it’s more intense and more direct than the stimulation I typically pursue – and I also can’t deny that the Biird Obii is pretty damn good at that type of stimulation. At one point while I was testing it, I watched a video on YouPorn of a domme holding a wand vibe against a penis pump in which her sub’s cock was trapped, and it occurred to me that the stimulation of pressure wave toys is similar to what I imagine that would feel like: mild and muffled vibration paired with insistent suction. It’s a very effective combo on my clit and on the clits of many other people. The Biird Obii may not be the perfect manifestation of this type of toy, but it’s cute as hell, smooth and soft, and surprisingly satisfying – so I say, as long as your clit is on the small-to-average side, have at it.

 

Thanks to Biird for sending me the Obii to try! This review was sponsored, which means that I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this product. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog Pecker

Kate Sloan

I’m back with another Tracy’s Dog review! And I’ve learned slightly more about this company since reviewing another toy of theirs last week! Namely: that the company is titled the way it is, as per TD’s marketing team, “because we are loyal and loving to our customers and we always get our customers’ backs no matter what. Always be there for them if they need anything. Also, we bring joy and pleasure to people!”

I guess I’d rather refer to my favorite vibes as “woman’s best friend” than as a “battery-operated boyfriend” as some companies insist upon doing. I do sometimes have to do a double-take when I read phrases like “Tracy’s Dog clitoral sucker,” to make sure I haven’t accidentally stumbled onto bestiality porn (yikes), but, you know, there are sex toy company names out there that I dislike more. (“Womanizer” and “I Rub My Duckie” come to mind!)

The toy I’m reviewing today is the Pecker, a new G-spot stimulator from Tracy’s Dog – so called, presumably, because it attacks your pleasure zones like a woodpecker. It’s both a vibrator and a pulsator. The vibration is plenty good enough for me – decently strong and rumbly for a $37 toy, 3 steady speeds followed by 7 patterns – but the real point of interest on this thing is the pulsation. There’s a circular panel in the tip of the toy which, much like the “Pulse Plate” on the Hot Octopuss Queen Bee, trembles visibly like the “come hither” motion of a particularly dexterous partner’s fingers. And when I first saw it do this, my G-spot started trembling too.

See, the reasons I didn’t like the pulsation of the Queen Bee were that 1) the “Pulse Plate” was too large and broad to hit a targeted spot like the clit with any precision or intensity, and 2) my clit doesn’t really like this type of pulsing, so it would seem. But my G-spot is a different beast, plus the pulsating part of the Pecker is small enough that it can actually focus on a particular spot instead of mostly pummeling the surrounding area. This feels like Tracy’s Dog employed the right technology for the right erogenous zone. Always a delight when sex toy companies manage to do that!

Image via Tracy’s Dog.

So what does the pulsation actually feel like? I have to admit that when I first inserted the toy and held down the pulsation button to turn it on, I nearly fell out of bed from the sudden intensity of it. I’d already spent several minutes watching porn and stimulating myself externally so I’d be warmed up for testing, since I know my G-spot requires a lot of foreplay, but the Pecker was still too intense for me right off the bat, even on the lowest setting. However, it was the kind of over-intensity that’s borderline-pleasurable and that can feel more enjoyable if you lean into it and accept that the slight discomfort is part of the complexity of the sensation. For me, intense G-spot stimulation is almost always accompanied by some degree of that “need to pee” feeling, a stingy edge of discomfort. It usually blossoms into pleasure when I give it time to do so, and though the Pecker was initially very jarring to my spot, it did eventually start to feel good as I continued turning myself on.

It’s interesting to compare the toy’s vibration functions and its pulsation, which you can activate either separately or together – to which I say, hallelujah, I love this function. Tracy’s Dog points out that since there are 10 vibration settings and 5 pulsation settings, there are 50 different combinations you can create thereof – and while not all of them feel noticeably different from one another, my G-spot craves the sensation of motion enough that even a small change can help ramp me up to a higher arousal level. The pulsation feels sharper, like an exacting partner pressing their fingers hard and fast into your G-spot, while the vibration feels more massage-like and stimulates the whole vagina rather than just that one spot. They both have their place, and I switch back and forth between the two a lot during use, but activating them both at the same time is usually far too much sensation for me. That said, if you’re one of those “No amount of G-spot stimulation is enough!!” people, you’d likely enjoy the onslaught of feeling that this toy provides.

As with the last Tracy’s Dog toy I reviewed, I found that this one has patterns that don’t entirely work for my body. Of the 5 pulsation settings, my favorites are the straight-‘n’-steady 5th one (why did they put the most basic one last?) and the steadily pulsing 2nd one. The others are comparatively erratic – a slow and steady up-and-down, a rumbling escalation ending in 3 strong bursts, and 3 medium taps followed by one longer and stronger buzz. While I’m sure some people would enjoy them for their teasing qualities, for me they’re too intense and all-over-the-place and usually just end up making both me and my G-spot feel jumpy and on edge.

However, the combination of the steady pulsation mode with a vibration pattern? Blissful. Sometimes I’m using the vibration function for a while, and then I get close to orgasm but don’t necessarily want to change the vibration pattern, lest I ruin my own orgasm. Turning on the pulsator at this point is often enough to push me over the edge – though, just as often, it becomes overwhelming and I have to backpedal a bit. (My G-spot is a fickle bitch, it’s true.)

I’m usually thrusting when I use this toy, which significantly improves how it feels for me. Hyperfocusing on just one area of my G-spot is a good way to overstimulate me in short order; I appreciate being able to move the toy in and out to stimulate both the shallower and deeper parts of my G-spot. Thankfully and thoughtfully, the toy has a looped handle which makes thrusting a whole lot easier than it otherwise would be, both for me and for any partners who might fuck me with this toy in the future. I also appreciate that the Pecker is on the longer side for a G-spot toy (about 8″ total or 6″ insertable), so I can massage all areas of my G-spot even as it swells from arousal. Tracy’s Dog made this toy long-ish because they wanted it to also be able to hit the A-spot or the prostate; however, for me, the tip isn’t quite narrow enough to slide up into my A-spot, and I would hesitate to use this toy anally because the base isn’t flared enough and the pulsating plate seems difficult to clean as effectively as anal bacteria requires. To me this is 100% a G-spot toy and it serves that function very well.

I wish the Pecker’s pulsator had some lower/less intense settings instead of starting at “WHAT THE FUCK” levels, but truth be told, I’d rather a toy be too strong than too weak. And it’s not even that this vibe is too strong (as my clit can attest from when I’ve held the Pecker on it, where it just registers as a middling vibrator) – it’s that it’s simultaneously strong and very focused on my G-spot. I can always dial back the sensation by angling the toy so it presses less directly against my spot until I’m ready for it; when a G-spot vibrator is too weak, there’s not much you can do to fix the situation.

I’m quite surprised by how much I like the Tracy’s Dog Pecker, especially since its name contains the phrase “dog pecker.” It just does what I want a G-spot toy to do. Whether I turn on the vibrations, the pulsation, both at the same time, or even neither, it gives me more than enough G-spot stimulation (with a little added thrusting) to create profound and surprising blended orgasms while I’m using another vibe on my clit. I could also see this toy mixing well with oral sex, since the looped handle would make it easy for a partner to hold and thrust while going down on me. If you like a LOT of G-spot stimulation, I think you’ll dig this one – so long as you can get over the name.

 

Thanks to Tracy’s Dog for providing this toy for me to review! This post was sponsored, meaning that I was paid by Tracy’s Dog to write a fair and honest review of their toy. As always, all words and opinions are my own.

Review: Tracy’s Dog Craybit

Kate Sloan

My relationship with the sex toy company Tracy’s Dog didn’t exactly start off on the right foot. Er, the right paw.

They’ve sent me a bunch of pitch emails over the years, often containing weird glaring missteps, like accidentally addressing me as Emmeline (she was my roommate at the Woodhull conference once, but we’re not the same person!) and – in the most recent case – kiiinda plagiarizing my own writing back at me.

I got an email from Tracy’s Dog a while ago about their new rabbit vibe, the Craybit (so called because its strange tagline is “Let’s get crazy a little bit”). This toy’s claim to fame is that it has three motors: one to target the clit, one to target the G-spot, and one to target one of my very favorite erogenous zones, the A-spot. “You might be familiar with the G-Spot stimulation from toys and fingering, but have you ever experienced A-Spot orgasm?” their email asked. (Uh, yes, I have been known to.) “The feeling of hitting A-Spot is totally different from G-Spot [sic]. It is a more intense, molten-hot, addictive sensation that melts your soul and your body!”

That phrasing gave me déja vu, so I googled it, and… the only instance online of the phrase “molten-hot, addictive” is in an article I wrote for Glamour about the A-spot. Guess this company liked the piece. 😂

While this is aggravating, it also made me reflect on how this points to the little-known-ness of the A-spot. This isn’t the first time I’ve seen someone crib language from my own writing on this topic when extolling the virtues of the A-spot – especially since, aside from a few other sex writers I know such as Zoe Ligon and Cy of Super Smash Cache (both of whom are excellent), not many people go into detail about this spot on a regular basis.

The only reason I can think of for this linguistic borrowing is that the companies’ copywriters haven’t experienced A-spot pleasure themselves. If they had, they would be able to write about it in their own words. And while part of that is due to the simple fact that not everyone likes A-spot stim (just as not everyone likes G-spot or prostate stim), another part of it is due to how seldom the A-spot is discussed and explained compared to erogenous zones whose names show up more often on Cosmopolitan and Men’s Health covers.

All this to say, it’s always a thrill for me to see new toys being developed and released that specifically mention the A-spot in their marketing copy (ideally in the companies’ own words). It means that not only is the desire for A-spot stimulation being affirmed – it’s being actively catered to. Hooray!

The Craybit rabbit comes in an elegant black cardboard gift box with the company logo lettered on it in silver script. Inside is a charging cable for this USB-rechargeable toy, and an instruction booklet which details the vibe’s 15 (!) modes. These are pretty unique as far as vibrator patterns go, because the Craybit is juggling three motors at once. Some of the modes are more basic – all three motors on a steady speed, or all three thumping in synchrony – but some are more complex: the clit vibe can thrum in hills and valleys while the internal motors pulse erratically, for example, or each motor can throb in turn, like they’re singing in a round together.

Unfortunately none of these patterns do what I really want this type of vibe to be able to do: vibrate steadily on my clit while the internal motors pound rhythmically. My erogenous zones each crave a different type of stimulation, and I know I’m not alone in that. What my A-spot and G-spot want is always gonna be different from what my clit wants, and these patterns get it frustratingly almost-right. The closest to my ideal is the 8th one, which alternates between a low and high speed on the clit, stays steadily low on the G-spot, and pulses for a few beats on the A-spot before vibrating normally for a few more beats and then starting over at the beginning. As such, this vibe works better for me as a foreplay tease than as a “finisher.”

The motors are pretty decent – or possibly they just feel like they are because there are three of them. (Kinda like how three mediocre actors reciting the same Shakespeare monologue in unison would impress me more than just one of them stumbling through it.) I can’t actually isolate them to test them each on their own because all 15 of the toy’s modes utilize all three motors at once. This is ultimately the toy’s main flaw – that you can’t control the motors individually. I realize it would be a lot of buttons to have to cram onto the handle of a vibrator, but I really wish it were an option, even just via a Bluetooth app on your phone (and I am not normally one to say vibrator apps are good!). The perennial problem with rabbit vibrators is that everyone’s body is different so it’s hard for a dual-stimulation toy to get the stimulation right in both its motors for any particular person, and that problem is, of course, compounded once you introduce a third motor.

That said, my G-spot and A-spot appreciate the strong rumbliness of the Craybit’s internal motors. I just wish the clit motor was less buzzy (as far as I can tell, it’s the buzziest of the three), and that there were some lower speed settings. Even the lowest steady pattern feels overwhelming if I’m not warmed up – in much the same way as those three bad Shakespearian actors would be overwhelming if you were only expecting one or two to show up.

The clit stimulator is one of those classic two-pronged “bunny ears” situations. I actually like this one better than most others of its type, because the ears are made of solid, substantial silicone so they don’t flap around as much as these usually do, and it’s easier to get them to stay put on my clit. However, I know that’ll make it less appealing for people who find the flapping-around pleasurable.

The relative solidness of the bunny ears also introduces some problems, mainly that when I do need to adjust their positioning, I often end up accidentally slingshotting them onto my clit in a way that feels like a tiny slap. Not ideal… unless you’re into that.

The handle of the toy buzzes annoyingly when it’s on, but honestly I can’t really fault the designers for that – it’s a lot of vibration in one product, so I can see how it would be hard to keep the toy’s handle issues, uh, handled. Fortunately the toy is shaped such that it stays anchored in place pretty well in my vagina, snug against my G-spot and A-spot, so I can use it hands-free if I want to. The shape also makes it so that the most natural-feeling way to thrust this toy (if indeed you choose to thrust with it) is to use short, deep motions, which are exactly what my A-spot likes anyway. It’s a very thoughtful design.

There are a lot of weird things about Tracy’s Dog’s overall branding and marketing that I need to address. First of all, does anyone else immediately start singing “Tracy’s Dog has got it going on“ upon reading this company’s name? Secondly, did they really need to evoke a dog in the name of their, um, SEX TOY company? Thirdly, why do they have a YouTube channel where a hot tattooed man dressed like a cowboy answers frequently asked questions about the toy while shirtless, drinking whiskey, lighting a cigarette, playing a guitar, playing the chimes, staring pensively into a mirror, and giving problematic misinformation about the hymen while playing pool? …Okay, I have to admit I like the tattooed cowboy. But he raises even more questions for me than he answers. Is he supposed to be Tracy?! Is the dog in this video therefore the eponymous Tracy’s dog? Why is he always hanging out in what appears to be the world’s coolest saloon/motorcycle garage/house? Is he an actor who the company hired to perform in these videos? If so, where can I see the rest of his filmography in its entirety? Enquiring minds need to know.

I also noticed in my research for this review that some of the Craybit’s marketing copy says it’ll give you “an orgasm so intense that it straightens your legs out like a fainting goat,” which is how I ended up reading the whole Wikipedia article on fainting goats while absent-mindedly thrusting the toy in and out of me during a testing session. (Thanks to my friend Sarah, who loves goats, for enlightening me on this topic.) I don’t think I developed an odd fetish as a result of this episode, but who the hell knows. I also noticed that the same page contains a graphic that again uses my “molten-hot, addictive” turn of phrase. Guess it’s hard for an old dog to learn new tricks.

Overall, I like this vibe, and I love that it exists – yay, A-spot rep! – but I can’t say I’ll be reaching for it a lot. The Tracy’s Dog Craybit is an overwhelming vibrator that assails three of my major erogenous zones with strong simultaneous vibration. It does that very well, but that’s not really what I want out of a sex toy – I want to be able to control the sensations each spot feels at any given time, and that includes being able to start on a low speed. However, I can recommend this toy for you if you want a vibrator that will rock your entire internal clitoris with powerful patterns and va-va-voom vibrations – in other words, a vibrator that’ll make you feel, I guess, like a fainting goat.

 

This post was sponsored, which means that Tracy’s Dog paid me to write an honest and fair review of their product. As always, all writing and opinions are entirely my own.