spreadsheet

Sextistics 2021: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown

Kate Sloan

It’s that time again, friends! Time for me to comb through my sex spreadsheet, crunch some numbers, and present you with a statistical portrait of my sex life this year. (Previously: 2020, 2019, 2018.)

Before we jump into those juicy juicy stats (!), I just wanted to say that I’ve very much appreciated your readership this year and that I hope you have a lovely New Year’s Eve, however you’re celebrating it, and a 2022 that’s as good as one can reasonably expect. ❤️

 

Overview

  • In 2021, I had partnered sex 154 times.
  • This works out to an average of 12.83 times per month, 2.96 times per week, and 0.42 times per day.
  • If you calculate the above based only on when me and my partner were physically together this year (which was 6.75 months out of 12), we had sex an average of 22.81 times per month, 4.39 times per week, and 0.76 times per day.
  • I had 139 orgasms from in-person partnered sex.
  • My partner had 118 orgasms from in-person partnered sex. That lower number is mostly due to time they spent in chastity.
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of kinks that were part of my sex life this year: biting, chastity, cock and ball torture, daddy dom/little girl roleplay, financial domination, forced orgasms, hypnosis, impact play, intoxication play, medical play, orgasm control, orgasm denial, roleplay, ruined orgasms, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, sleepy sex, spanking, temperature play.

 

Compared to last year:

  • I had 23% less sex (which makes sense because my partner and I spent about 16% less time physically together this year than last year).
  • I had an orgasm 90.26% of the times I had sex, about the same as last year (90.5%).
  • My partner had an orgasm 76.62% of the times we had sex versus 89% last year – again, because of us doing chastity play.
  • I only had 1 sexual partner this year, versus last year when I did BJ porn with someone other than my spouse so I had 2.

 

Locations

  • I had sex in 4 different locations this year, same as last year.
  • Those included my place, my spouse’s place, a relative’s place, and the 6 Columbus hotel in New York City where we stayed for my birthday weekend.
  • I had a higher orgasm incidence rate at my own apartment (100%) than at Matt’s apartment (89.51%) but that’s mostly just because I had way more sex at Matt’s apartment (143 times versus 8 times) so there were way more chances for me to be too sleepy/tipsy/achy to get off.

 

Highs & lows

  • My most sexually active month was October (27 times), though all of the months we spent entirely together had a similar number (20-26).
  • My least sexually active months were, of course, the ones when I wasn’t with Matt and therefore had sex 0 times (May, June, July, and September).
  • The most times I had sex in one day was twice, which happened several times.
  • I didn’t have multiple orgasms during any sessions this year because my body seems to be increasingly incapable of doing so, but my partner had more than one orgasm in a session at least 3 times.

 

Sex toys

 

Phone sex

  • In 2021, I had phone sex 71 times, versus 122 last year.
  • That means that while we were physically apart (which was 5.25 months out of 12), we had phone sex 13.52 times per month, 3.26 times per week, and 0.47 times per day.
  • I didn’t keep track of orgasm rates during phone sex this year because I couldn’t be bothered, but we both came the vast majority of times, Matt’s stints in chastity being the main exceptions.
  • Comparing our phone sex numbers to our IRL sex numbers, phone sex was 31.55% of my sex life this year, compared to 37.9% last year.
  • The total amount of sex sessions I had this year (IRL sex + phone sex) was 225.
  • That works out to 18.75 times per month, 4.33 times per week, and 0.62 times per day.

 

Some of the funniest/oddest things in the “Notes” field of my sex spreadsheet this year:

  • New year’s spanking
  • Pearl necklace findom
  • I cried HARD and a LOT
  • Strap-on handjob trance
  • Squirted all over their dick
  • Very good, lots of squirting
  • “Made” them come in 20 seconds
  • Punched me to show their love for me

 

And there you have it! Another year of nerdy stats. Did you track your sex life this year? What did you discover?

Sextistics 2020: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown

Kate Sloan

As odd as it may seem, keeping a sex spreadsheet again this year (going strong since 2015, baybee!) helped me make sense of the chaotic mess that was 2020. I may not have been able to fuck at my favorite hotels and sex clubs, but I could sure keep my data up-to-date and color-coded.

Here, as per tradition, is a post enumerating and analyzing some of the key stats from my 2020 sex spreadsheet. Strap in!

 

Overview

  • In 2020, I had partnered sex 200 times. (Wooo, nice round numbers!)
  • That works out to an average of 16.66 times per month, 3.84 times per week, and 0.55 times per day.
  • I had 181 orgasms from partnered sex (not counting phone sex, which has its own section below).
  • My partner had 178 orgasms during sex with me. (One of their goals, after we started playing with chastity kink, became to give me more orgasms during the year than they had themselves, and they succeeded.)
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of kinks that were part of my sex life this year: biting, bondage, chastity, choking, cock and ball torture, cuckolding, DD/lg, electrostimulation, face-slapping, financial domination, forced feminization, humiliation, hypnosis, intoxication, kicking, punching, rimming/analingus, roleplay, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, sleepy sex, spanking, squirting, temperature play, trampling, wax play.

 

Compared to last year…

  • I had 1.96% less sex, i.e. almost exactly the same amount (204 vs. 200 times).
  • I had an orgasm 90.5% of the time when I had sex, as opposed to 85.3% last year. Improvements, yay!
  • My partner had an orgasm 89% of the times we had sex, as opposed to 103.4% last year, due to our forays into chastity play.
  • I had 2 partners (depending on whether you count a one-off blowjob porn shoot), same as last year when I also had 2.

 

Locations

  • I had sex in a total of 4 locations this year, as opposed to 9 last year. Obviously the pandemic had a lot to do with this!
  • These locations included my place, my spouse’s place, and two hotels: the Conrad, where we stayed on our wedding night, and the Wythe, where we stayed for our little “staycation” honeymoon.

 

Highs & lows

  • My most sexually active month was November (31 times). There were several months this year that we spent entirely together, but many of those were super stressful due to global news; I think by November our pandemic stress had mellowed slightly so we were fucking more often.
  • My least sexually active months were August and September, the only months this year when I didn’t see Matt at all.
  • The day on which I had the most sex was January 26th, at 3 times. It was the Sunday of one of Matt’s weekend visits to me in Toronto, so it made sense that we were trying to “cram it all in,” as it were.
  • I didn’t have any sessions containing multiple orgasms on my part this year, which is the first time that’s happened to me maybe ever? Orgasms are getting trickier for me as I get older!

 

Correlations

  • The sex acts most highly correlated with orgasm for me were being fucked with a dildo while using a vibrator (152 times) and receiving oral sex (18 times).
  • Less common ways I got off were using a vibrator while being fingerfucked (9 times) and being fucked with a dildo while receiving oral sex (2 times).

 

Sex toys

  • My most-used vibrators during partnered sex this year were the Eroscillator Top Deluxe (155 times), the Magic Wand Rechargeable (28), and the Hot Octopuss Amo (2). Notably, many of the times I used the MWR this year, I was using it on my partner and not myself. What can I say, I really love my Eroscillator.
  • My most-used dildos during partnered sex were the Njoy Eleven and Vixen Creations Bandit (tied at 32 times each), the Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble (18 times), and the Njoy Pure Wand, New York Toy Collective Carter, and Uberrime Night King (tied at 15 times each). My dildo usage was less diverse this year than some previous years because I spent large swathes of time in New York this year, where all I have access to is Matt’s collection and whatever I can fit into my suitcase.
  • My most-used kink toys with partners were a good old-fashioned blindfold (16 times), the Neon Wand and its Power Tripper attachment (5 times), and my custom purpleheart Weal & Breech mallet (3). My RodeoH harness also got more use than usual (3 times) because my partner used it to fuck me with a strap-on while locked up in chastity sometimes.
  • The “pervertibles” I used this year included a cucumber, tweezers, and a pair of cowboy boots.

 

Phone sex

  • In 2020, I had phone sex 122 times, versus 246 last year (i.e. about half as much). This is because Matt and I were physically together for 62.8% of the year (we extended visits for weeks/months at a time, both for pandemic reasons and because we were “practicing” cohabitating to make sure it would be a good idea to get married).
  • That works out to an average of 10.2 times per month, 2.3 times per week, or 0.33 times per day.
  • If you calculate the averages based only on when we were physically apart, we had phone sex 26.9 times per month, 6.3 times per week, or 0.9 times per day, which is much more in line with our usual (i.e. non-pandemic year) phone sex numbers.
  • I had 119 orgasms from phone sex, meaning I orgasmed 97.5% of the times we had phone sex. Matt, on the other hand, came only 85 times or 69.7% of the times we had phone sex, again due to periods of chastity.
  • Comparing our phone sex numbers to our IRL sex numbers, phone sex was only 37.9% of my sex life this year, versus 54.7% last year.
  • The total amount of sex sessions I had this year (IRL sex + phone sex) was 322.
  • That works out to an average of 26.83 per month, 6.19 per week, or 0.88 per day. Woof.

 

Did you keep a record of your sex life this year? Notice anything interesting?

 

Additional resources if you’re curious:

Sextistics: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown (2019)

Kate Sloan

Once again this year, I kept a sex spreadsheet – and once again, I have lots of stats to share! Gather ’round and let me tell you about my 2019 sex life…

 

Overview

  • In 2019, I had partnered sex 204 times.
  • That works out to an average of 17 times per month, 3.92 times per week, and 0.56 times per day.
  • I had 174 orgasms from partnered sex (not including phone sex, which has its own section below).
  • My partners had a total of 211 orgasms from sex with me.
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of the kink activities I incorporated into partnered sex this year: bimboification, biting, bondage, bootblacking, choking/gagging, cock and ball torture, DD/lg roleplay, electrostimulation, face-slapping, financial domination/sugar dating (simulated), forced feminization/gender play, hypnosis, impregnation (simulated), intoxication, knife play, medical roleplay, pegging, public play, punching, rimming/analingus, roleplay, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, sleepy sex, spanking, squirting, trampling, watersports, wax play.

 

Compared to last year…

  • I had 38.8% more sex.
  • I had an orgasm in 85.3% of the sex I had, versus 98% last year. A large part of that is because I’ve been leaning more toward the ace end of the spectrum and becoming more comfortable with respecting my body’s wishes when it doesn’t feel like receiving genital touch.
  • My partners’ collective orgasm rate with me was 103.4%, ’cause I’m a sex genius, I guess.
  • I had 2 partners, versus 3 last year.

 

Partners

  • My 2 sexual partners this year were 1) my romantic partner and 2) a friend with benefits.
  • 100% of my partners this year were non-binary people, making this the first year since 2010 that I’ve had zero sex with cis men. Wow.
  • One of my partners is 1.33 years older than me while the other is 8.42 years older than me, so they are, on average, 4.88 years older. The trend of me fucking predominantly or exclusively people older than me has continued for my entire adult sex life.
  • I met my 2 partners on Twitter and at our mutual workplace, respectively, which makes me feel pretty bleak about online dating.

 

Locations

  • I had sex in a total of 9 different locations this year, versus 12 last year.
  • These included: my current apartment in downtown Toronto, my old apartment in the west end of Toronto, my partner’s apartment in Manhattan, a sex club, and 5 hotels (2 in New York, 1 in Montreal, 1 in Portland, 1 in Toronto).
  • The locations likeliest to facilitate orgasm for me were the Heathman Hotel in Portland (100%), my current apartment (94.2%), and my old apartment (92.1%), continuing the pattern of me orgasming most easily in locations that make me feel comfortable. (Also locations where I have easy access to weed.)
  • The locations least likely to facilitate orgasm for me were the Oasis sex club (50%), the Gramercy Park Hotel (62.5%), and the Broadview Hotel (66.7%).
  • Of all the cities I had sex in this year, I was the most orgasmic in Portland (100%) and the least orgasmic in Montreal (68.8%). My hometown of Toronto’s orgasm rate was 91.6%.

 

Highs and lows

  • My most sexually active month was August (31 times) because I was with my partner for the longest stretches of time that month (totaling 14 days).
  • My least sexually active months were February, May, and June (all tied at 10 times) because those trips were shorter (4-5 days each) and also, in the case of those latter months, I was prepping for two moves and was very stressed and busy.
  • The day on which I had the most sex was June 22nd, at 5 times. I have no explanation for this silliness.
  • The most orgasms I had in a partnered sex session was 2, which happened 5 times.

 

Correlations

  • The sex acts most correlated with orgasm for me were using a vibrator and a dildo together (100 times), receiving oral sex sans penetration (25), and using a vibe while being fingerbanged (23).
  • Less common ways I got off were receiving oral sex while being fingerbanged (14 times), receiving oral sex while being fucked with a dildo (5), and using a vibrator during PIV (2).
  • The main thing that sticks out to me about these numbers is that I came more often from oral sex this year than any year since about ~2013 (wasn’t keeping a spreadsheet back then!) because of being with someone skilled and attentive for a long enough time that they could learn my body.

 

Sex toys

  • My most-used vibrators with partners this year were the Eroscillator (96 times), Magic Wand Rechargeable (35), and We-Vibe Tango (7).
  • My most-used dildos with partners were the VixSkin Bandit (34 times), Njoy Eleven (25), and Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble (19). It’s worth noting here that my partner and I each own our own Bandits and Double Troubles, so these dildos get a lot of use partly because it’s convenient that we don’t have to transport them on every trip we take to see each other.
  • My most-used kink toys with partners were my Weal & Breech purpleheart mallet (7 times), a candle for wax play (6), and my Weal & Breech purpleheart truncheon (6).
  • Some “pervertibles” that got used a fair bit this year were tweezers (for sadomasochism), high heels (for shoe worship and trampling), ice cubes (for temperature play), knives (for knife play), and Tarina Tarantino heart necklaces (for hypnosis).

 

Phone sex

  • In 2019, I had phone sex 246 times. (This was the first year that I kept track of this, so I don’t have any stats from previous years to compare it to, unfortunately.)
  • That works out to an average of 20.5 times per month, 4.7 times per week, and 0.67 times per day.
  • That means phone sex was 54.7% of my sex life this year.
  • I had 241 orgasms from phone sex. In cases where we had phone sex and I didn’t come, the reason was almost always that I was falling asleep. (Sometimes we stay up until 2 or 3 in the morning on these calls!)
  • The total amount of sex sessions I had this year (IRL sex + phone sex) was 450.
  • That works out to an average of 37.5 times per month, 8.65 times per week, and 1.23 times per day. Yeesh.

 

Did you keep a record of your sex life this year? What were your most interesting findings?

 

Extra links you might find useful:

Sextistics: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown (2018)

Kate Sloan

Happy new year, friends! I hope your New Year’s Eve was lovely and that your 2019 brings exciting experiences, sweet comforts, big laughs, and as much (or as little) sex as you would like.

As you probably already know if you’ve been following me for a while, I keep a sex spreadsheet. It’s nerdy, yes – but it’s also endlessly useful for me as a sex writer, when I need to refer back to the facts of an encounter I’m writing about. Not to mention, it helps me reflect on what works and doesn’t work for me sexually, so I can make better decisions for myself going forward.

Lots of folks have been inquiring about my spreadsheet lately in my email and DMs, as it’s the time of year to start on such things if you are inclined to – so here’s all I’ve written about it so far in one handy-dandy list:

  • My original blog post about it explains some reasons you might want to keep a sex spreadsheet, and gives some tips for making your own.
  • Last year I wrote a piece for Glamour about it, too, which goes into detail about what I learned from my 2017 spreadsheet and what I planned to change about my sex life going forward.
  • Here’s a Twitter thread in which I talk about not only my sex spreadsheet but also the spreadsheets I kept of my orgasms and first dates in 2017. There are screenshots!
  • Here’s my Sextistics post from last year, where I listed a bunch of stats and findings from my 2017 spreadsheets.
  • Incase you need it, here’s a blank template of my spreadsheet which you can adapt for your own purposes. But honestly, I think building one for your exact needs is part of the geeky joy of this endeavor!

Okay, now that you know why and how I keep sex stats, let’s get into the stats themselves! Time to crunch some numbers…

Overview

  • In 2018, I had partnered sex 147 times. That works out to an average of 12.25 times per month, 2.83 times per week, and 0.40 per day. (This is particularly wild if you know that 92.52% of the sex I had this year was with my long-distance partner, who I only see for a few days each month.)
  • I had 144 orgasms from partnered sex.
  • Meanwhile, my partners had a total of 154 orgasms during sex with me. (Look, I’m not saying my blowjobs are legendary, but…)
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of the kink activities I incorporated into partnered sex this year: biting, bondage, bootblacking, choking/gagging, DD/lg roleplay, electrostimulation, face-slapping, facials, fisting (attempted), gloryholes, human furniture play, hypnosis, intoxication, kicking, knife play, medical roleplay, pegging, punching, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, spanking, squirting, tickling, trampling, watersports, wax play.

Compared to Last Year…

  • I had 79.26% more sex.
  • I had an orgasm in 97.96% of the sex I had, versus 93.90% last year.
  • I had 76.92% fewer partners!

Partners

  • I had a total of 3 sexual partners this year: my current boyfriend, a former romantic partner, and a friend with benefits. This is a pretty significant drop from previous years (13 in 2017, 12 in 2016). Just wasn’t feelin’ slutty this year, I guess.
  • One of those partners (33.33%) was a new addition this year, bringing my total number of lifetime partners up to 30 (that’s a 3.45% increase from this time last year).
  • I met one of those partners on Twitter, one via a podcast interview, and one at our former mutual workplace – all in 2017.
  • The percentage of times each partner gave me an orgasm range from 50.00% to 101.47%. Predictably, since comfort and familiarity are important factors in my sexual enjoyment, the more sex I had with a person this year, the higher their frequency of giving me orgasms became.
  • My partners this year were, on average, 7 years older than me (up from 5.6 years older last year) – though, notably, the person I had the most sex with and who gave me the most orgasms is only 1.33 years older than me.
  • 66.67% of my partners this year were cis men and the other 33.33% was a non-binary person.
  • Astrologically speaking (!), 66.67% of my partners this year were fellow earth signs (one Taurus, one Capricorn). The third was a Scorpio.

Locations

  • I had sex in a total of 12 different locations this year.
  • These included: my place, my parents’ place (once!), a partner’s place, a sex club, and 8 different hotels (5 in New York, 1 in Alexandria, 1 in Boston, 1 in Toronto).
  • The locations likeliest to facilitate orgasm for me were: the Standard High Line hotel in New York (150.00%), the Ace Hotel in New York (116.67%), the Godfrey Hotel in Boston (114.29%), my own home (106.17%), and the Hilton Mark Center hotel in Alexandria (100.00%).
  • The locations least likely to facilitate orgasm for me were: a sex club (50.00%) and a former partner’s place (50.00%).

Highs and Lows

  • My most sexually active month was December (33 times), because I was able to spend more time than ever with my long-distance partner (a week in Toronto, a long weekend in New York). We’re still not quite sure how we fit 33 sex sessions into 11 days together, but okay.
  • My least sexually active month was February (6 times) because it was one of my shortest visits with my partner.
  • I had the most partnered orgasms in December (31) and the fewest in January and February (6 each). This just makes sense, given that people get better at getting me off the better they know me and my body.
  • The highest number of times I had sex in one day was 5, because, uh, sometimes my partner and I go a bit overboard when we haven’t seen each other in a while and finally get to be together. Hilariously, the day that this happened was 4/20, but we weren’t even high!
  • The most orgasms I had in a partnered sex session was 2 (this happened 10 times throughout the year – yay), which might not seem like a lot for some of you, but is pretty impressive for my relatively mono-orgasmic body.

Correlations

  • The sex acts most highly correlated with orgasm for me were using a vibe on my clit while a partner fingerbanged me (56 times), using a vibe on my clit while a partner fucked me with a dildo (53), and receiving oral sex while being fingerbanged (24).
  • Less common ways I got off were using my fingers on my clit while a partner fingerbanged me (9 times) and using my fingers on my clit while a partner’s dick was inside me (only once this year!).
  • Common reasons I didn’t come at all (which happened 13 times) were: I was sick/tired, the location of the encounter made me feel self-conscious or uncomfortable, or I was more focused on getting my partner off.
  • I’ve noticed connections between my income and my sexual activity in previous years. This year, my highest-income month was indeed also my most sexually active month (December), and one of my lowest-income months was also one of my fewest-orgasms months (October), which suggests to me that perhaps financial anxiety inhibits pleasure, and financial security makes good sex more accessible to me, both physically/logistically (airfare and hotels are expensive!) and emotionally/mentally.

Toys

  • My most-used vibrators with partners were the Magic Wand Rechargeable (46 times), Doxy #3 (30), We-Vibe Tango (21), and Eroscillator (20). What these all have in common is that they’re rumbly and can reliably get me off (although the Doxy #3 has tons of mechanical problems so the word “reliable” is a bit of a stretch).
  • My most-used dildos with partners were the Njoy Eleven (18 times), Fucking Sculptures Corkscrew (18), Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble (13), and Vixen Creations Randy (2). Using dildos with partners was a less frequent occurrence for me this year than it often has been, likely because I was fucking people who are highly skilled with their fingers.
  • My most-used impact implements with partners were my Weal & Breech purpleheart truncheon (7 times), Kronic Sensations wooden bat (4), Weal & Breech purpleheart paddle (4), Viktoria Creations leather bat (4), and Weal & Breech purpleheart mallet (3).
  • Frequently-used toys in other categories were my under-the-bed restraints (7 times), Aslan Leather harness paired with Godemiche Ambit for pegging (7), a blindfold (4), and the Neon Wand (3).

Did you keep a sex spreadsheet this year? Do you plan to try it out in 2019?

5 Tools I Use to Write About Past Experiences

Kate Sloan

You may have noticed that I write a lot of personal stuff. Stuff about my sex life. Stuff about my relationships. Even stuff about my childhood.

Friends reading my work often remark that I “must have a good memory” because I’m able to recall surprisingly specific details – like the exact wording of something a partner said to me, the exact outfit I wore to a particular event, or the exact number of seconds that elapsed between text messages.

It is probably true that I have a better-than-average memory for romantic and sexual events, developed due to a combination of obsessive anxiety, an intense passion for this subject matter, and plain ol’ practice. But I also have plenty of tricks up my sleeve that help me remember details when my brain didn’t cling onto them to begin with. Here are a few resources I rely on, that you might also find useful for your personal writing…

Journal entries. I’ve journaled regularly for over 10 years, as a means of coping with feelings, processing events, and identifying patterns. My journals aren’t exhaustive – I don’t write down every single thing I did on a given day, just what felt emotionally significant to me that day – so they’re not always good for cross-referencing minute details, but they are a good record of big emotional arcs in my life.

For example, the last time I thought I might be falling in love, I went back and looked at old journal entries from previous times I’d fallen in love. I wanted to check if the “symptoms” were similar, if the timelines matched up, etc. to see if my present-day feelings were really love or more like infatuation. Nerdy, right?

My journal entries tend to contain the details that really stood out to me about a particular event – so, maybe I don’t write down the name of the specific cocktail I drank on a great date, but I am likely to record stuff like how nervous I felt, what my date’s eyes looked like, and what they wore (if I liked their outfit!). These are all useful pieces of information for a blog post or essay later on.

The “advanced search” functions on Twitter and Flickr. Searching your tweets or your backlog of images is a breeze with these two services. I tweet and take photos far more often and more exhaustively than I journal, so I’ll often search my tweets or photos if I need a small, specific piece of information.

For example, if I know I tweeted 5 minutes before a date started and then again as I was leaving the date’s house later that night, I can check the timestamps on the tweets to figure out how long we were together. I often refer to Flickr if I need to know what I was wearing on a particular day, or other visual details like what a place looked like or what lipstick I wore.

If you use Google Chrome, you can set up custom search engines to make this process even quicker. I have the short-codes “TWT” and “FLI” set up in my Chrome for Twitter and Flickr, respectively. So if I want to find a tweet of mine containing the word “party,” say, I can just type “twt party” into my address bar and hit enter – or if I want to find a Flickr photo where I was carrying my Kate Spade purse, I can type “fli Kate Spade.” It makes information-hunting much more efficient, so I don’t lose the momentum of my writing!

Text message histories. The availability of this technique depends largely on your texting medium of choice. For example, Facebook Messenger’s search function is pretty good, while the Signal app doesn’t have a search function at all (and you lose all your texts if you delete the app!). iMessage’s built-in search function is pretty terrible – it’ll only show you one result for whatever word or phrase you enter – but can work if your search term is specific and unique enough. (e.g. I had no trouble finding the conversation I wanted to find when it contained the phrase “Daddy, per se.”)

If you are the type of person who texts a close friend (or a partner) immediately after anything notable happens, texts can be a great source for your initial impressions of events. For example, when I journaled about my first time having sex with a new partner in summer 2017, I wrote at length about how romantic and beautiful the encounter was… but my texts to Bex immediately upon leaving that date tell a slightly different story: “HE IS SUCH A DOMLY SERVICE TOP AND HIS DICK IS ASTONISHINGLY GOOD!!”

Selfies. Like many millennials, I take a lot of selfies. The timestamps on them can often provide useful information if I’m writing about a particular day/event, and I also like to check what I was wearing incase that’s a detail I want to mention.

Occasionally I plumb the depths of my selfies folder when I need more subtle info, like “How long did that boob bruise last?” or “How much did that blowjob smear my lipstick?”

My sex spreadsheet. Every year since 2016, I’ve debated whether I really need to keep a sex spreadsheet for another year, and I always come to the same conclusion: yes I do, because it’s indispensable when I’m writing about sexual encounters.

My journals, texts, and tweets only contain what felt significant to me at the time; they don’t always contain the logistical facts I might need when writing about a sexual interlude down the line, like “How many orgasms did I have on May 8th, 2017?” or “How many blowjobs did I give in October of last year?” or “What sex toys did I use most with partners last summer?” You never know what kinds of details you might want to reference in a piece of writing, so I like having the flat facts at my fingertips incase I need ’em.

What do you refer to when you’re writing about the past?