How-To

10 Tips For Incredible Kisses

Kate Sloan

You know, for the amount of kissing I do, I really haven’t written very much about it here! It’s often taken as self-explanatory, which I don’t think is strictly fair. All of us had to learn to kiss, in some sense, even if parts of this act came naturally to us. So here are 10 tips I think are worth considering, whether you’re smooching a new beau or a well-established partner…

1. Take good care of your lips

Boys, especially, often don’t know to do this, or don’t bother. But lip texture matters! If you can’t bring yourself to use a lip exfoliant (Lush makes some, or you can make your own by mixing sugar and honey or coconut oil), just give your wet lips a scrubdown with your also-wet toothbrush next time you brush your teeth. Follow up with a moisturizing lip balm – something natural, containing ingredients like coconut oil or shea butter, will work better than more synthetically-based options.

2. Have mints and/or gum on hand

Keep ’em in your bag or your pocket. Regularly restocking this stash is just as important as keeping your condom reserves topped up. Treat it as such!

3. Get consent

The debate about the necessity of clear consent rages on, especially when it comes to kissing, which often isn’t viewed as “intense enough” to warrant asking for permission. Here’s my stance: nonverbal consent is certainly a thing, and if you’re well-attuned to your partner then you may well be equipped to kiss them out of the blue without incident, but “Can I kiss you?” or “I really wanna kiss you right now” are still hot and cute even when you know for sure you’re gonna get a “yes.” You’re not going to “ruin the moment” by making sure your partner is comfortable and amenable, trust me.

4. Use less tongue than you think you should

So-called French kissing isn’t as mysterious or confusing as it once seemed to me… The trick is to use your tongue as punctuation, not the whole sentence; as seasoning, not the whole meal. As Dan Beirne once wrote: “I would recommend thinking of the kiss as a sleep and your tongue as the dream. It’s not right away, and it doesn’t last the whole time.”

5. Vary your rhythm

Kissing shouldn’t be like a metronome; your speed and intensity should vary according to the needs of the moment. Pay attention to what your partner is doing and how they’re reacting, and mix up your rhythm accordingly. Some moments call for slow sensuality, while others are better suited to fast, hard passion!

6. “Yes, and”

The improv-based practice of “yes-and”-ing is simply the process of paying attention to what your partner is doing, matching it, and adding onto it. To give a more concrete example: if they lick your lip a little, you could lick theirs a little harder. If they pull you closer, you could tilt them into a deeper kiss. If they press their body against yours, you could grind your thigh against their bits. This is not to say that you should only ever follow your partner’s lead – I’m sure you have some great ideas of your own – but launching a new move out of nowhere is often not as effective as simply building upon what’s been done already.

7. Give an oral sex preview

If you’re doing the kind of kissing that you think could lead to sex – whether immediately or eventually – then you can rev up your partner’s arousal by showing them what else your lips and tongue can do. You could, for example, flick your tongue over their lower lip in a cunnilingus-esque manner, or gently suck on it the way you’re going to suck their cock later. They’ll get the message!

8. Convey passion with your hands

Good kisses don’t just involve your lips, but your whole body. This includes your hands, which shouldn’t just be floating there. Provided you have consent for such things, feel free to let them roam over your partner’s hair, neck, shoulders, back, waist, hips, boobs, and/or thighs. This makes your kisses into a bigger, deeper experience than they would be if your mouth was the only body part at play.

9. Use your words

This one may not work so well if you’re super shy – but even if that’s the case, sometimes it’s worthwhile to push through and do it anyway! Try peppering little phrases, confessions, and observations in between your kisses, if it feels right. “Your lips are so soft.” “You taste amazing.” “You’re really good at that.” “I love kissing you.” These sentiments are small but they can make a big difference in your partner’s confidence and comfort.

10. Your thighs can do amazing things

I wax evangelical about “the thigh-grind” in every medium, and this blog is no different… Your thigh is a nice, firm, broad surface that can feel oh-so-good when pressed up against the genitals of someone who wants that. This move is an easy and hot way to turn up the heat during a kiss, and it can be carried out just as well whether you’re in bed, on the floor, in an elevator or in an alley.

What are your favorite tips ‘n’ tricks for kissing?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Turn a Hook-Up Into a Friend With Benefits

Kate Sloan

Damn, why’s it so hard for a girl to find a fuckbuddy around here?! A lot of paid dating sites are relationship-focused, while the free hookup sites that are actually free focus primarily on one-off fucks. There’s not a lot of recourse for those of us who want something in the middle: a reliable and enduring connection, without the potentially draining heaviness of a new romantic relationship. Where do you even go to look for a sweet and dedicated fuckpal these days?

Back when I was actively trawling Tinder on the regs, often my “holy grail” was the hope of turning a one-night stand into a FWB. I viewed these low-stakes dates as “auditions” and sought chemistry I thought could translate into something more lasting. And I indeed picked up some terrific bang-buddies in the process, so I guess I know what I’m talking about. Here are my best tips for morphing a fuck into a fuck-friend…

Be upfront about what you want. Some people treat Tinder as essentially Grindr for straight people (…or gay people or bi people or pan people or whatever the case may be) and make it clear that they’re only looking for one night of magic, not an ongoing connection. Since that’s pretty much the norm, you have to make your intentions clear if that’s not where you’re at. Even something brief like “ideally looking for a FWB situation” in your bio can attract the right kinds of people while scaring off the ones who want something else.

Showcase your awesome personality. For me, the difference between someone I want to bone once and someone I want to keep boning is primarily how I feel about just hanging out with them when we’re not having sex. If I can’t stand their brain, why would I wanna keep fucking their body? By that same token, someone smart and hilarious will definitely creep up my “dream FWBs” list faster than a boring clod. So don’t turn into a sex-focused cyborg: let that sparkling personality shine!

Give a shit about your partner’s pleasure. One-night stands aren’t exactly known for conjuring the heights of ecstasy. It’s tough to get to know someone’s body well enough that quickly to really knock their socks off. But if you demonstrate a passion for pleasing, you’re likelier to get a callback. You may be on the hunt for something casual, but that doesn’t mean you get to slack off in the sexual generosity department!

Appeal to their kinks and fantasies, and share yours. Granted, not everybody gets into a sexual psychology discussion on the first (or only) date, but if you do, remember what they tell you! If they’re a burgeoning sadist, secret submissive, or humiliation glutton, you may not be able to work that stuff into a first-time bang sesh, but it could give you material for future sexting and lascivious invitations. Sexual chemistry isn’t just about how your bodies fit together – it’s also about how well your fantasies mesh, and to what extent you’re able to stimulate each other’s minds. Hinting at compatibility in this area can make you seem like a more alluring FWB.

Make them an offer they can’t refuse. Okay, they can still refuse it, obviously, ’cause consent. But inviting your hookup to an event – like a theme night at a local sex club – can be a cool way to follow up after a one-night encounter. You could also invite them over for a particular sexual purpose: “I’m craving that cock in my mouth again,” for example, or “I’m curious about those rope bondage skills you mentioned last time.” The specificity of these offers makes them more appealing, and easier to say “yes” to, than something more nebulous like “Wanna hang out again sometime?” Enough of these repeat encounters and you might just parlay your one-off into an ongoing thing.

Have you ever transformed a one-night stand into an open-ended copulationship? How did you go about it?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

How to Take a Truly Decadent Bath

Kate Sloan
A nice deep tub at the Wythe Hotel

Baths are one of life’s grand delights, if you ask me. Maybe we like them so much because they’re like returning to the womb, in a sense – floating, safe and sound, in warm water, alone with your thoughts. What could be more calming? (Well, the “alone with your thoughts” part isn’t so great if you have anxiety, but you get the idea.)

I want you to maximize the relaxation and rejuvenation you can wring out of a good bath, so here are some of my top bathing tips…

Make it smell nice. This is the most basic way to turn up a bath’s fancy quotient. Some of my all-time favorite fragrant bath additives: Lush’s Brightside and The Comforter bubble bars, a few glugs of lavender essential oil, and those scented Epsom salts you can find in most convenience stores. Mix and match to create your ideal olfactory landscape!

Light it pretty. Candles (especially scented candles) are a classic for this purpose, though make sure they’re oriented for minimal fire risk! If candlelight isn’t your style, LED fairy lights are equally soothing. I also have a Neuma lamp which can cycle gradually through all the colors of the rainbow, and I find it highly relaxing to watch.

Turn up the tunes. Or turn them down. Whatever you prefer! I usually just blast some calming songs on my iPhone, but if you want to get real fancy, you could set up a Bluetooth speaker or something.

Bring reading material. You may prefer to simply silence your brain in the tub, or meditate on the day’s events, but I love to read in the bath. Cheap paperbacks are perfect for this, because dropping one in the water will just give it more character, if anything. I can also highly recommend the waterproof Kindle Oasis; it’s pricey but it has totally revolutionized the way I read!

Jerk off, if you’re into that. I like waterproof sex toys that bring pleasure in and out of the tub, and luckily, there are lots on the market these days! Make sure you’ve got the right kind of lube on hand, however: water-based lube is generally a no-go for underwater use. Silicone-based is better (provided your toy isn’t also made of silicone), though it might leave your tub feeling slippery afterward.

Don’t forget snacks and water! While many of us would love to lounge in a bath for an hour or more, two main reasons we might not be able to are the water cooling down (you can add more hot water if you want) and hunger/thirst. You can lose a lot of electrolytes sweating in the hot water, so keep some portable foods and drinks around! (Writer and bath aficionado Rachel Syme recommends a big bowl of clementines and a popsicle. Sounds good to me.)

Give your skin a treat. Does a head-to-toe body scrub sound nice? How about a tingly face mask? Maybe a slow, methodical full-body shave, using luxurious coconut oil as shaving cream? I find these lengthy, restorative processes totally dreamy.

Talk to a friend on the phone. Wow, remember when we used to do this?! Completely optional, of course, but a phone call to a friend can be a fun addition to bathtime, and may even become a soothing weekly ritual. Grab a waterproof case for your phone, or use a cheap, clunky handset so you don’t drop it into the suds.

Leave work at the door. Some people buy “bath desks,” slats of wood they can slot atop their tub to hold things like a phone, a laptop, or a notebook and pen. I understand the temptation, but for me, there’s no point in taking a bath if I can’t relax my brain once I’m in there. (Plus, I’m scared to death of dropping my computer in the water!) I do, however, keep my phone somewhere nearby (on silent), because some of my best ideas come to me while I’m soaking in the tub, and I need to be able to note them down somewhere if that happens.

Have your post-bath clothes at the ready. Laying out an outfit for Future Me is one of the kindest things I ever do for myself. Often, I’ll place a pair of lounge pants, a T-shirt, and some slippers or fuzzy socks near a heat vent so they’ll be all cozy for me when I’m ready to put them on. Heaven!

What are your favorite ways to make a bath the best it can be?

 

This post was sponsored by Diskrét, purveyors of classy sex toys for serious enthusiasts! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Fancy a Girly Juice Cocktail?

Kate Sloan

I should’ve known, when I started dating a cocktails aficionado, that eventually he would invent a drink called the Girly Juice.

Truth be told, given that the name of my blog was originally yoinked from an ex-lover who used to refer to my vaginal fluids as such, ideally this drink would include a splash o’ vag. But I’ll leave genital imbibement to bukkake enthusiasts and the author of Semenology.

If anything, I wanted my blog’s namesake beverage to include ingredients I adore – and since my partner has ample experience ordering for me at restaurants, he’s very aware of what those ingredients are. I love bright, sweet drinks made with citrusy juices (see, for example, the Southside or the London Calling), and I love warm spices like cinnamon and ginger.

Obviously a drink inspired by me and my blog should also have, at the very least, a pinkish tinge, because I’m a feminine femme through and through.

So, without further ado… here’s how to make the ~official~ Girly Juice cocktail!

Ingredients:

  • 2 oz London dry gin (we used Tanqueray but my partner also recommends Sipsmith)
  • 1 to 1.5 oz pink grapefruit juice (more if you like a fruitier flavor, less if you like a boozier flavor)
  • ¾ oz cinnamon syrup
  • 2 dashes ginger bitters or cinnamon bitters (we used Dillon’s ginger bitters)

Pour all ingredients into a shaker filled with ice, and shake. Strain and serve in a chilled coupe glass. Garnish with a cinnamon stick and/or a grapefruit peel twist.

Health note: grapefruit juice is known to interact poorly with certain medications, so do some research and make sure it’s safe for you to consume before partaking of this drink! If you want a suitable replacement, my beau suggests an equivalent amount of orange or blood orange juice.

If you try this cocktail, let us know what you think!

My Phone Sex Setup

Kate Sloan

I talk a lot about phone sex on here, but I’ve said almost nothing about the actual logistical tools I use for this particular lascivious act.

And that stuff’s important! The wrong phone sex setup can make you feel farther from your partner when you want to feel closer. You don’t want to be stuck fiddling with Bluetooth settings and charger cables when you could be focusing on your paramour’s pretty moans.

My partner and I have had phone sex almost every night for over a year (YEESH) so I have ample experience and opinions in this arena! Here are some of my phone-sex must-haves…

The phone itself

My current phone is an iPhone XS; it was a Christmas present to myself, because my old 6S was barely functional after being thrashed for 3 years. I love the XS! It’s sleek and sexy, and it sounds great.

My only real beef with this phone is Apple’s decision to remove the headphone jack and force you to use the Lightning port at the bottom for both headphones and chargers – which could be impractical for phone-sex purposes, but I’ve found workarounds, which I’ll explain below…

On occasion, I’ve used other WiFi-enabled devices, like my iPad, to talk to my partner. It’s good to know I have a backup incase my phone ever needs to be repaired or something.

Phone accessories

Call me a basic bitch if you must, but my #1 must-have iPhone accessory for phone sex is just a pair of those basic white earbuds that come with the phone. They have a little remote on one side which lets you control the volume level and even answer calls with one click, and there’s also a little microphone on that remote. Occasionally I’ll switch to my big noise-canceling headphones if I want to hear additional depth and richness in my partner’s voice – like if we’re doing a hypno scene – but for the most part, those standard Apple earbuds work just fine. (I have to use a Lightning-to-headphone-jack adapter when I mix up my choice of headphones, unfortunately. What are you doing, Apple.)

Speaking of that fucking Lightning port… I got tired of having to choose between wearing my headphones and plugging my phone in, so I bought a wireless charging pad for my nightstand. Initially this seemed like a frivolous expenditure, but I use it ALL THE TIME and it comes in handy when my phone battery dwindles while my partner is whispering sweet hot things at me.

On that note, regardless of what type of phone you have, I would recommend getting a super-long charging cable for it (AmazonBasics makes the ones I like). Trust me, you might not think you need a 10-foot-long charging cable right now, but the extra mobility and convenience are worth the $10-20 you’ll spend on it.

Software

My partner and I use FaceTime audio for the vast majority of our aural communiqué. It sounds way better than a normal phone call, and you can hear things like breathing and soft moans more clearly, which, as you might imagine, matters. We’ll also occasionally use FaceTime video if we’re in the mood to see each other (or, y’know, each other’s junk). If I’m having WiFi troubles and FaceTime starts turning me into a low-res robot, we’ll switch to a regular phone call – but it’s definitely not preferred.

When we want to watch something together, we use Rabb.it – which I mention here only because sometimes we indulge in some porn as foreplay of sorts. This app has its problems (it always seems to take us a good few minutes to figure out how to join the same room, because the interface is unnecessarily complicated), but I haven’t really found anything else that does what it does.

Very occasionally, my partner instructs me to look at something – like, say, a spiral or some looping wink videos during a hypno scene – in which case I usually open it up in QuickTime or Preview on my MacBook.

Miscellaneous equipment

Speaking of watching spirals/gifs/porn while talking on the phone – if I want to do that in bed, rather than at my desk, I’ll pull out my lap desk from IKEA (this one is similar) and prop up the computer on that. You don’t want to worry about your laptop overheating while you’re trying to, um, get overheated yourself!

Clothing-wise: this might seem silly, but I love my MeUndies lounge pants for the early stages of phone sex, when we’re mostly just flirting and saying mildly suggestive things. (Clothes start to come off after that point, although sometimes I wish they wouldn’t!) I love these for simple reasons: they are comfy as hell, they’re loose and stretchy enough that I can get a hand or even a vibe inside them without needing to take them off, the fabric is thin enough that I can easily use a vibe through it if I want to, and – best of all – they have FOUR pockets, each of which is big enough to fit my phone. So if I have to get up during phone sex – say, to wash a sex toy or go get a snack – I can just tuck my phone in there while my headphones remain on. Perf.

As with any kind of sex, it’s good to have lube somewhere nearby and easily accessible. I keep a bevy of options on my nightstand. It goes without saying, surely, that my favorite sex toys are also always close at hand, and my Eroscillator is always plugged in.

Finally, I try to always have snacks and water available if I’m gonna have phone sex. You’re saying a lot of words and making a lot of sounds; you should keep your voice lubricated! The snacks come in handy for aftercare; sex across vast geographical expanses obviously doesn’t allow for cuddly, body-based aftercare, so we double up on the verbal kind (compliments, jokes, contented sighs) and yummy treats to bring our bodies and brains back to normal.

What are your must-have tools and supplies when you have phone sex?