How-To

What to Wear on Valentine’s Day

Kate Sloan

Not to get too Hallmark on you, but I kind of love Valentine’s Day. Unlike when I was younger, my enjoyment of this weird invented holiday no longer depends entirely on my partnered-vs.-non-partnered status at the time (although that is a factor) – mostly I just view Feb. 14th as an opportunity to celebrate the very notion of love. And what better way to do that than by dressing like a walking embodiment of romance?

As you can see from the collage of my past Valentine’s outfits above, there are some common themes in my overall philosophy for Valentine’s Day dressing… While you are (obviously) not in the least obligated to follow any of these directives, here are my core commandments for assembling a Valentine’s outfit, whether your plan is an over-the-top candlelit dinner with your sweetheart, a raucous “Galentine’s” celebration with some friends, or a solo hangout at home watching rom-coms!

Pink and red are key. The way I see it, this is literally the only day of the year when pink and red don’t look overly cutesy together. (Or rather, they do, but that’s the point.) Comb your wardrobe for anything pink or red and figure out how you can pair various items. You can go as subtle or as bright as you like – though of course, I favor a loud and proud aesthetic!

Go wild with hearts. This, again, is the only day of the year when you can wear as many heart-themed items as you want and people will think it’s… slightly less weird than they might otherwise. 😂💖 Tarina Tarantino does the best heart-shaped jewelry (unless you have Tiffany’s money, but honestly, I’ll take a flashy giant rhinestoned heart over a small understated silver one any day), and typing “heart” into the search bar of any clothing or accessories website will bring up a lot of cute stuff. Also great: anything floral-print or polka-dotted.

Choose romantic fabrics. What does this mean? Well, that’s up to you. I think some fabrics are traditionally coded as delicately feminine and thus romantic, like tulle, chiffon, and lace. But sensual fabrics like velvet, silk, and satin carry their own romanticism as well. Anything swishy and/or soft to the touch is a good pick. (And hey, if you’re a kinkster comme moi, maybe leather and latex are the most romantic materials you can think of!)

Dress to match your partner, if you have one and you’re both into that! What would normally seem ridiculous can just seem sweet on Valentine’s. Dressing in sync can be a visual manifestation of your luuuv.

Hide something fun underneath. Even if you’re not much for high-end hosiery and luxury lingerie (and I don’t blame you – that stuff’s expensive and high-maintenance, though it is beautiful), you could still delight your partner (or yourself) with some Valentine-y undergarments of some kind. MeUndies makes adorable matching heart-print underwear sets every year that are definitely worth a look!

Wear what your partner thinks you look hot in. This one is fully, 100% optional, because 1) you might not even have a partner, 2) you might not trust or prefer their aesthetic tastes over your own, and 3) you might not even know what they like you in, especially if it’s a new-ish relationship. But say your sweetie has told you they love you in striped stockings, or a well-fitting suit, or peeptoe heels, or with your hair slicked back – there’s no better occasion to wow your love with your choice of ensemble.

Go all out with your makeup, if you wear makeup (or if you don’t regularly wear it but want to on Valentine’s!). I like a classic smoky eye and red lip – that’s what feels the most romantic to me – but if you’ve got shimmery pink eyeshadow, or big fluttery false lashes, or iridescent pink lipstick, or stick-on hearts and cosmetic glue, by all means, use ’em! Be sure to consider longwear formulations if you’ll be out late and/or you plan on doing some kissin’.

Keep the weather in mind, because – while I do want you to look and feel excellent – in many places, it is snowy and/or freezing in February! Maybe you don’t want to be skidding around in your sky-high suede heels, or shivering sullenly in your translucent tights. If you must be impractical (and I get it), at least throw on a warm scarf and great coat when you go out, and maybe switch from boots to pretty shoes when you get where you’re going. Fashion is fun, but it’s not worth getting frostbite or a broken ankle for!

Wear what you feel sexy and gorgeous in. You can ignore every other rule here if you want, but this one is vital! Whether you’re making heart-eyes at your sweetie across a restaurant table, giggling with friends over a tipsy game of Spin the Bottle, or lounging solo at a cocktail bar with your favorite romance novel, you’re gonna wanna feel like a babe – whatever that means to you personally. Think about the times when you’ve felt your hottest/prettiest/handsomest and try to incorporate some elements from those past looks into your present one.

What do you plan on wearing for Valentine’s Day?

The 10 Best Things I’ve Ever Done For My Mental Health

Kate Sloan

When I got my first mental illness diagnosis in high school (seasonal affective disorder), I was bewildered. Up until then I had thought of myself as an eminently sane person, always sharp and on top of things. I’ve learned so much in the years since – not least of which, that mentally ill people can still be incredibly sharp and on top of things!

While I got that first diagnosis nearly a decade and a half ago, I haven’t always been great at managing my symptoms or processing my feelings. It’s been a slow learning process, and I still have a lot of work to do. But incase this is helpful info for any of you, here are the 10 biggest things I’ve done to improve my sense of mental and emotional balance and calm. A lot of these things are immensely complicated, though they may sound simple – but regardless, I’m glad to have done every single one of them.

Went on meds. This is an obvious one but it’s one you should at least consider if you’ve never tried it. For a long time I avoided asking my doctors about depression medication because I thought my low moods were mostly circumstantial, not neurochemical – but I eventually learned that depression easily masquerades as a simple reaction to shitty circumstances in your life. I went on sertraline (generic Zoloft) for a short period, but the sexual side effects (for me: genital numbness and inability to orgasm) were a dealbreaker. Years later, I went on bupropion (Wellbutrin), one of the only depression meds not known to cause sexual side effects. I’ve been on it for over a year now, and while I definitely still have my depressed days, overall my mood is markedly better.

Got a SAD lamp. Well, more accurately, my parents got me a SAD lamp – in 2007. Remarkably, it still works today even though I’ve never replaced the lightbulbs?! Well-played, Day-Light. This useful gadget shines bright, specially-toned light in your face, and is known to alleviate depression for some people, especially those with seasonal affective disorder. When I’m feeling lethargic and gloomy, I’ll often sit at my desk and read, write, or watch something on my computer while the lamp is on. About 30-45 minutes of daily lamp time does wonders for my mood and energy levels.

Moved out of an unhealthy living environment… and into a room with a much bigger window. A twofer! My last roommate, for reasons partly under her control, regularly aggravated my mental and physical health problems with her habits and behaviors. Maybe other people could live with her, but I sure couldn’t, so I got out of there and moved in with a friend – and I’ve felt much calmer, happier, and healthier since then. It helps that almost one entire wall of my current room is taken up by a ginormous window, since – as we’ve discussed – my depression is very responsive to light or lack thereof.

Started using marijuana medicinally. I mean, I use it recreationally too. But becoming aware of its potential therapeutic benefits for my particular body and brain was a game-changer. High-CBD strains are great when my anxiety throws me off the rails, while more THC-centric strains enable me to rediscover joy, laughter, and pleasure when I’m so depressed that these things feel inaccessible. Weed also helps enormously with my chronic pain – so, while I can’t really use it when I’m working and need to stay sharp, on many difficult days it helps me push through my physical and emotional symptoms so I can function and get stuff done.

Learned CBT techniques in therapy. I’ve been to several different therapists and most of them weren’t that helpful to me, honestly. I never found it terribly useful to talk through my day-to-day trials and tribulations with someone who lacked the proper context and knowledge to really help me (e.g. a familiarity with polyamory or kink). Cognitive-behavioral therapy, on the other hand, involves “homework” – assignments, whether written down or more experiential, that help you practice cognitive strategies for improving your moods and your life. Not everyone finds CBT beneficial, largely because it presupposes that your mental discomfort is at least partly the result of errors in thinking, rather than having a neurochemical basis. But errors in thinking do contribute to my depression and anxiety, and correcting those errors using CBT is often markedly helpful for me.

Codified my coping strategies. By which I mean: wrote them down in many places where I’ll see them every day, and eventually memorized some of them such that they will usually come to mind as plausible options even when I’m too depressed to think. This might sound small and obvious, but it’s not – my depressed brain is very bad at knowing how to even take small steps toward improving how I feel, so it’s important that I keep practicing and reminding myself of the coping strategies that work, in any way I can.

Subscribed to several podcasts I love. Podcasts are one of the first distractions I turn to when I need to take my mind off my emotional malaise. They pull me out of my own brain and absorb me with their stories and jokes. Whether I’m listening to a comedy advice show hosted by genial brothers, a sharp play-by-play of a famous historical incident, or a roast of a terrible movie, podcasts make me feel less alone, and less wrapped up in my own problems.

Strengthened my journaling habit. I’ve always journaled, but since developing mental health conditions, I’ve started to view this practice as less optional and more necessary. Emotional processing is immensely valuable, and I also like being able to look back at old journal entries and see that the things I was so scared about, or depressed by, rarely turned out to be as bad as they seemed. That knowledge and perspective gives me strength I would otherwise find hard to access.

Committed to daily to-do lists. Alexandra Franzen calls hers a checklist; call yours whatever you want! All I know is that before I started keeping a to-do list every weekday – which, incidentally, my dominant has access to – I was much more scattered than I am now. I had less of a sense of what needed to get done, and accordingly, less of a sense of how much I’d truly achieved by the end of a long day – and how much celebration that merited! Checking items off a list gives the brain a hit of dopamine that can be really calming and centering, for a depressed person or really for anyone. I highly recommend it.

Started talking about mental health with my loved ones more regularly. I feel like it’s become much more acceptable to discuss this kind of thing, publicly and privately, over the past decade or two. Although I am sometimes tempted to keep my struggles internal so I don’t have to trouble anyone else with them, I always feel better after talking through my moods with a trusted pal, partner, or family member. Their support is monumental.

What strategies have helped you most with your mental health?

10 Ways to Increase the Pleasure Quotient in Your Life

Kate Sloan

I’m a Taurus, which – according to many astrological authorities – means I am a born pleasure seeker. We Taureans are supposedly prone to seeking out magnificent foods, lounging in comfy clothes, pursuing mind-blowingly raucous sex, and just generally chasing “the finer things” in life. If you ever need advice on how to bring more sensual pleasure in your world, ask a Taurus!

On that note… today I have 10 suggestions for non-sexual ways to make your life more pleasurable. In a world like this, we need (and deserve) all the joy we can find. Here are some methods you could try…

 

1. Deepen your social connections and make new ones.

Okay, everyone likes to socialize in different ways, and feels juiced up by slightly different methods of socializing, so here are a bunch of suggestions you can take or leave. Invite a Facebook acquaintance to an improv show. Have brunch with your mom. Start throwing a monthly potluck dinner party for your friends and people you wish were your friends. Vow to eschew all shallow small-talk on Tinder and jump right into the deep end with every match. Strike up a conversation with the person sitting next to you at the bar, if they seem open to that. Go to local meetup groups for your various interests and hobbies. Invite some of your Twitter mutuals over for board games. Ask the dude at the coffee shop what he’s reading and whether it’s any good. Text an old friend and ask them how they’re doing.

Humans are social creatures, and even if you revel in your alone time (god knows I do), your brain might benefit from the boost of good neurotransmitters you can get from a positive social interaction. Look for ways to further infuse your life with what is, for you, a joyful-yet-manageable amount of socializing!

 

2. Upgrade the sensory details in your home. (Thanks to Kaja – @KajaEcho on Twitter – for this suggestion!)

I’m not asking you to buy a Ladurée candle and velvet bedsheets, although… you do you! Even on a budget, it’s possible to make small changes to the way your space looks, feels, smells, and sounds. Put up some printed photos of you and your loved ones. Mix a little lavender oil into your evening bath. Fall in love with some new musical artists and play them through a Bluetooth speaker while you fold laundry. Rearrange some furniture so your home feels fresh again. Put up some fairy lights to give your space some cozy charm. Change your laundry detergent to a new scent that makes you happy. Stock up on delicious teas and cute mugs to drink them out of.

These upgrades might seem small, but they can change the way you experience your home and your life. Try some stuff out and see what sticks!

 

3. Learn something new.

When you fall down a WIkipedia rabbit hole, or pick up a new musical instrument, or start practicing a new language, not only do you expand your mind and your skillset – you also potentially activate “flow state,” a mental space where focus and enjoyment combine with the pleasure of feeling challenged. Regularly being “in the zone” like this is linked to better moods and increased overall satisfaction with life.

Pursuing new skills and knowledge can also make you feel more capable and empowered, and that’s a pleasurable feeling!

 

4. Laugh more.

This has major effects neurochemically, so while it’s not strictly true that “laughter is the best medicine,” it can certainly help!

Your city (or a city near-ish you) probably has improv or sketch shows you could go to. Netflix overflows with stand-up comedy specials. Lots of people online are making hilarious and under-discovered videos and podcasts. Plus you probably have at least one incredibly funny friend who you haven’t talked to in a while. As the McElroy brothers would say, “Fill your life with laughter and love!”

 

5. Enjoy food and drink more deeply. (Feel free to skip this section if food and/or drink stuff is triggering or upsetting for you for whatever reason.)

When I polled people on Twitter about their favorite non-sexual ways to access pleasure, this was one of the big themes that emerged. Many people deeply enjoy not only consuming fine foods and drinks, but also the processes of making them, learning about them, and/or serving them.

How could you dig deeper into whatever pleasure you already get from food and drink? Would it excite you to take a cocktail-making class? To tour the best Mexican restaurants in your city? To learn to bake a cheesecake from scratch? Would mealtime feel more decadent if you had some new plates and bowls? Would you enjoy your evening glass of wine more if you took some time to learn about wine-tasting? Is your go-to favorite pasta recipe in need of a new flavor profile? Lean into any preexisting passions you have in this area and see how far they can take you.

 

6. Let art awe you.

When I think about all the art out there that I’ve never seen, or even heard of, it makes my head spin! You never know when you’re going to discover your next favorite movie/book/band. Art can change your life and your whole worldview – or it can just cheer you up on a sad day.

If you’re not sure where to start, ask some trusted friends for recommendations, or peruse lists online of “The Best 100 [Memoirs/Concept Albums/Romantic Comedies/Whatever] of All Time.” Keep an open mind and let all the beauty and brilliance wash over you.

 

7. Keep track of your pleasure patterns.

The question “What makes me feel good?” might seem fairly easy to answer – but the thing is, you only know what you’re consciously aware makes you feel good. There could be lots of things that bring you great joy and comfort but that you haven’t explicitly identified as such.

Keeping a “pleasure diary” of sorts would be a good way to figure this out. Next time a day or moment feels really good, take the time to make a note of the factors involved – who you were with, what you were doing, what was going on around you – and see, after a while, if you notice any patterns. This information will be useful in shaping your life to better suit you.

 

8. Spend more time in nature. (Thanks to Jaimee – @jaimeebell_ on Twitter – for this suggestion!)

I’m a pretty “indoorsy” girl, so I often forget this, but connecting with the natural world can be really uplifting. I love taking long walks while listening to podcasts. An ex of mine always felt better after a bike ride to the beach. A writer I admire tries to make time each day to stand barefoot on the earth. It might sound very woo-woo, but somehow, our petty human problems seem smaller in the face of our planet’s massiveness and beauty. Spend some time near water, or trees, or mountains, or even just urban botanical gardens. It’s cheerifying in a completely different way than, say, marathonning a TV show on your couch (although I love to do that too!).

 

9. Explore more non-sexual touch.

Get a massage. Ask your friend if they’d like to cuddle while you watch a movie together. Moisturize your entire body, slowly, while listening to soothing music. Spoon your partner in bed while really focusing on and noticing all the parts of their body that are touching yours. Use a vibrator on your neck and shoulders after a long day. Give your family really good hugs the next time you see them. Despite the way our culture teaches us (especially men) to be somewhat touch-phobic, touch is good for you and can potentially lift your spirits a lot.

 

10. Do work you care about.

Granted, capitalism doesn’t always leave us much time for this… but if you regularly spend even an hour a day on, say, Twitter or YouTube, maybe that time could be rerouted into something more productive and satisfying.

This could take the form of volunteering for a cause you feel strongly about, like canvassing for your favorite political candidate or taking calls at an emotional support hotline. Perhaps you’d like to start a “side hustle” you find meaningful, like writing a blog that would’ve helped you if it had existed when you were a teen (hello, it me), or starting a podcast that highlights marginalized voices. Maybe you want to take more steps toward one of your “big dreams,” like by taking a class on how to write a book proposal, or getting your pilot’s license. We’re all inundated with mind-numbing busywork at least some of the time, but anything you can do to bust yourself out of that will give your life a joy boost.

 

What are your favorite non-sexual ways to access pleasure?

 

This post was sponsored. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

The Choc-Block: An Erotic Chocolate Cocktail

Kate Sloan

I recently received a Valentine’s-themed “care package” from a sex toy company I sometimes work with. Among its contents was a bottle of Shunga chocolate body paint, an “aphrodisiac” product made for the type of light food-play often recommended by Cosmopolitan et al. (Do vanilla people know that when they smear each other with whipped cream like these magazines suggest, they are engaging in sploshing?!)

I’m not exactly a food-play aficionado (I think the closest I’ve come to a sploshing scene, other than that one cakesitting party, was the time I ate an M&M that had become fused to my skin after I accidentally had sex on top of it), but when my friend Dick joked on Twitter that he’d happily try out this “body paint” on top of some ice cream, a lightbulb went on over my head: why not make a cocktail with this stuff?

I happened to have a smoky scotch on hand (Johnnie Walker Red is my fave at a low price point, and I wouldn’t dare mix something as pricey as, say, Laphroaig with a cheap-ass sex sauce), and thought the peppery flavor would go well with chocolate. I threw in some ginger bitters to round out the spicy flavor profile, although I bet this would also be delicious with orange or chocolate bitters. I didn’t add a garnish because I didn’t have any (FOR SHAME), but an orange peel – or even a little chocolate truffle skewered on a cocktail pick – would be excellent here.

An important note: as far as I can tell, this body paint – like other “edible” “novelty” sex items of its ilk – is not officially meant for consumption, and has not undergone the rigorous safety testing it would legally have to if it were advertised as a food product. I’ve been sipping this drink for a few minutes and haven’t died yet, but… partake at your own risk, okay?

With that out of the way, here’s the cocktail recipe I came up with, The Choc-Block (which is, yes, a tongue-in-cheek cockblocking reference in the name of this drink made with an… “aphrodisiac” product):

Mix well over ice (like, seriously, mix well – the chocolate is viscous and takes some time to incorporate). Strain into a glass over a big ice cube. Garnish if desired.

To my tongue, this drink mostly just tastes like a slightly mellower, sweeter version of the scotch I already enjoy. I might return to this recipe in the future if I want something boozy without the burn, or if I’m just looking for a refreshing dessert-y nightcap.

By the way, Shunga didn’t sponsor this post… I am just a fucking weirdo who likes to do strange stuff like this. I hope you enjoy this bev if you decide to make it yourself!

Party-Going Tips For Shy, Anxious Introverts

Kate Sloan
Hanging out with Jaymz Bee at a jazz loft party in 2015.

Content note: This post will touch on social anxiety, alcohol, and drugs.

Parties are simultaneously the bane of my existence and some of my most looked-forward-to events. I’m sure some of the introverts reading this can relate! I love the getting-ready part and the chatting-tipsily-with-cool-people part; it’s the part in between that usually makes me nervous – sometimes to the point of not wanting to attend at all! If this sounds familiar, don’t worry: I’ve got some tips to help you get through the next party you attend. Here we go…

Wear at least one “conversation piece.”

Getting ready for a party feels to me like casting a magic spell. It sets the tone for the whole event and lays the groundwork for how I will feel, and how I will be perceived. One thing I always try to do when assembling a party ensemble is to include clothing items and accessories that are eye-catching, a little odd, and easy for someone to comment on or ask about. As you probably know, one of the trickiest things about approaching new people at a party is not knowing what to say – so by wearing something worth remarking upon, you’re doing the other party-goers a favor by giving them a free conversation starter to use with you! Some of my fave eye-poppin’ pieces are flashy heart-shaped jewelry, oversized hair accessories, enamel pins, bright-colored lipstick, and really great shoes.

Tell yourself you only have to stay for an hour.

I do this for almost every party I ever go to, and in almost every case, I end up staying longer than that one hour. It’s just a way of tricking my brain into letting me attend the party, because I know I can get through an hour, even if the whole hour sucks (which it never does). This is also a way I take care of myself: if I genuinely want to leave after an hour, it’s almost certainly because either the party is bad or there is something going on with my physical or mental health that’s making it difficult for me to enjoy myself – and in either case, I’d be happier at home on the couch, wrapped in a blanket and watching Netflix. If you’re attending a party with other people, you might want to tell them about your time-limit plan, too – this is a way of setting expectations so you don’t disappoint your party-animal friends when you’re walking out the door while their night’s just getting started. (Remember: even if you live together, you don’t have to leave the party at the same time!)

Keep your eyes up and your body language open.

I went to a raucous party full of mostly strangers with my partner last week (more on that soon) and noticed that way more people came up and talked to us than would ever approach me if I’d been there by myself. Setting aside the fact that my partner is very handsome and magnetic (which they are), I think this phenomenon mostly occurred because my energy was totally different than it would’ve been if I was alone. I wasn’t hunched over my phone in a corner, or affecting faux-blasé body language to seem cool and aloof – I was looking around the room, bright-eyed and phoneless, curious about who we could talk to next. Of course people wanted to meet us! Consider adapting the way you hold yourself, behave, and look at folks the next time you attend a party – it could totally transform your experience.

Come up with a go-to line to start a conversation.

Asking someone how they know the host is usually a safe bet. Complimenting some aspect of their outfit, as we’ve discussed, is another. If a holiday is coming up or has just passed, you can ask someone how they spent it or plan to spend it. Dating coach Camille Virginia recommends commenting on something in your environment – like, “Wow, this playlist is incredible,” or “[The host] always throws such great parties.” If you’re feeling a little braver, you could also just ask people one of these 100 questions Alex Franzen recommends – they might think you’re a bit of a weirdo at first, but then they’ll probably be excited to answer such an interesting question!

Watch your alcohol/drugs intake.

Look, I’m not going to tell you how to live your life; I’m not your dad. I just know that when I feel anxious at a party, I often lean too hard on substances, both to alleviate my mental discomfort and to give me something to do with my hands so I feel less awkward. If I get too drunk or too high, I almost invariably end up doing something I regret – often something embarrassing enough to give me even more anxiety the next day when I remember what happened! Naturally, this topic is extra fraught for people who struggle with addiction, or have done so in the past: parties can be a very triggering or challenging environment. When I’m trying to lay off the substances at a party, I’ll usually pour a non-alcoholic beverage (or even just water) into my glass and sip on that, or nibble on a snack – both help me feel less out-of-place and awkward, without getting me wasted.

Find one person and make them feel fascinating.

One of the reasons parties stress me out is that I feel a pressure to talk to tons of people – but the truth is, I often have my best party-going experiences when I only have one or two intense, intimate conversations, as opposed to several more casual or perfunctory ones. This jives with what some social psychology thinkers say about how introverts hate small talk and much prefer more soul-baring interactions. If you can find even just one person at the party who has an interesting job, or majored in something cool, or has an amazing outfit on, or is obsessed with the same TV show as you, you can ask a zillion follow-up questions (so long as they seem up for that) and go deep with this one person instead of swimming around in the shallow end with a bunch of people you barely know.

Take breaks when you need to.

Remember what I said earlier about how you should keep your phone tucked away and your eyes up? Yeahhh, there’s only so long I can do that for. Most of my introverted friends have some sort of system for taking periodic breaks at parties, whether they like to head outside for a smoke, step out on the balcony for a quiet moment alone, or hole up in the bathroom to check their email (just be mindful that other guests might need to pee!). At particularly crowded parties, sometimes you can take a time-out just by sitting in the corner by yourself and texting a friend or reading an article on your phone. (I used to have a friend who would legit bring a book to every party and unabashedly pull it out to read when she needed a moment of simulated solitude… Kudos.) You might find your brain feels more juiced up and socially energetic after even a brief breather, so you can get back in there and keep the party going.

Help with party logistics if you can.

Ask the host if you can help make drinks, collect used dishes, take people’s coats, run the evening’s game of Charades, or whatever other practical things need doing. This’ll help you feel less awkwardly aimless, while also giving you a low-pressure opportunity to meet and talk to a lot of the other attendees. Plus you’ll be helping out the host, who is probably rushed off their feet!

See someone standing alone? Go talk to them.

They’re probably one of your own kind! And they’ll almost certainly be grateful you bothered. A simple “Hey! How’s your night going?” can turn someone’s whole evening around. Similarly, if you’re standing in a group and you see one or two people nearby looking left out, invite them into your circle. Parties are supposed to be all about mingling, after all!

Exit conversations gracefully.

I’m not always the best at this. Sometimes you want to leave an interaction, either because you’re getting socially overwhelmed or you just… don’t really like the person you’re talking to. It’s possible to do this without seeming rude, but most people aren’t very good at it! Try one of these lines: “Well, it was nice talking to you. I’m gonna mill around.” “It was so good to meet you – have a good time tonight!” You could also just make up an excuse (“I have to go to the bathroom,” “I have to go help my friend with something,” “I have to make a phone call”) but the truth is better, and often kinder.

Recharge as needed when you get home.

You probably know what kinds of activities help you reset your brain after expending a lot of social energy. I like to get in a hot bath with a book, watch some silly YouTube videos, or just stare mindlessly at my phone for a while. Whatever works best for you, do it – not only because you need it, but also because you’ll start to associate parties with that horrible drained feeling if you let yourself linger in that mood for too long after a party. Doing proper post-event self-care helps keep your relationship to parties a positive one!

What are your best tips for going to parties as a shy, anxious, and/or introverted person?