Wishlists

What to Get Your Sweetheart for Valentine’s Day: My Top Picks

Kate Sloan
Pictured: the Standard Glass S-Curve, Dame Kip, and CalExotics Glam Bullet. (All are favorites of mine but none are otherwise mentioned in this post.)

It’s that time of year again: my inbox is overrun with even more press releases than usual about stuff like aphrodisiac mushroom gummies and panties that protect you from STIs. Happy almost-Valentine’s Day, friends!

If you’re anything like me, you might be scrambling right now to buy Valentine’s gifts for loved ones. As is tradition, I’m helping you out by compiling a list of some of my top picks, in terms of sex toys and other sex accoutrements. I have tested and reviewed literally hundreds of toys, and these are the ones that stand out to me right now as being the nicest, most pleasurable gifts you could get for people whose pleasure you value (including yourself!). Hope you and your babe(s) love these.

 

Clitoral Pleasure

• The We-Vibe Tango X ($75 at SheVibe, $79 on Amazon) absolutely rules. Rumbly, strong, waterproof, quiet, and equally useful for masturbation and partnered sex. I’m a huge fan.

• The Satisfyer Curvy 2+ ($55 at SheVibe, $43 on Amazon) is a good pressure-wave toy at a great price point. If your partner has only ever tried vibrators before and never ventured into the land of pressure-wave toys, this one’s worth trying.

• The Lovense Exomoon ($99 at SheVibe, $79 on Amazon) is one of my fave clitoral vibes at the moment. It’s powerful, rumbly, petite, quiet, waterproof, and travel-friendly. And it’s particularly on-point for Valentine’s Day because it looks like a pretty tube of red lipstick!

 

Vaginal Pleasure

• The Njoy Pure Wand ($115 at SheVibe) is probably the best G-spot toy that’s ever been made. It is the tool to have if you want to (potentially) learn to squirt. It also works excellently for prostate stimulation. Relevantly for Valentine’s Day gifting, it comes in a gorgeous black wooden box with a pink satin lining.

• The Fun Factory Stronic Petite ($149 at SheVibe) is a self-thrusting toy that provides gently textured stimulation against the vaginal walls. I’ve been hoping for ages that Fun Factory would put out a smaller Stronic toy, and they finally did – this one tops out at 1.3 inches in diameter, so I find it comfy any time in my arousal cycle.

• The Hole Punch Toys Fluke ($67 at SheVibe) can be used as a vaginal plug or as a butt plug. My favorite way to use it is wearing it vaginally while my partner goes down on me – it intensifies sensations and orgasms a lot, giving me passive G-spot stimulation at all times.

 

Penis Pleasure

• I absolutely adore the Lovense Max ($119 at SheVibe, $129 on Amazon) for long-distance play with my partner. It allows me to squeeze/vibrate/stimulate their dick from 500 miles away. But it also functions well when used solo.

• The Fleshlight Quickshot Vantage ($35 at SheVibe, $35 on Amazon) is a cheaper and more portable alternative to a full-size Fleshlight. The open-ended design allows you to use it as part of a blowjob or in combination with various other toys and sex acts if you want to. It’s also easier to clean than a standard Fleshlight, and great for exhibitionists and voyeurs because of its translucency.

• Look, I could have put the Magic Wand Rechargeable ($130 at SheVibe, $125 on Amazon) in any one of these categories, frankly, when you consider all the ways it can be used and different attachments you can get. But using it on penises is particularly underrated. When it comes to Valentine’s gifts, it’s nice to get one that both/all of you can use, together or separately, regardless of gender or anatomy.

 

Anal Pleasure

• If you have a prostate, I strongly endorse the Lovense Edge 2 ($129 on Amazon), a vibrating butt plug. It’s got a prostate-targeting curve, and you can adjust the angle depending on how much pressure you want. It also works long-distance, if you’re into that.

• The Njoy medium Pure Plug ($70 at SheVibe) is my favorite butt plug ever, and is pretty much perfect. Stainless steel is an impressively luxurious-feeling material for a butt plug. This one turns me on easily and quickly, whether I’m combining it with various sex acts or just wearing it around the house.

• If you’re looking for a realistic and/or harness-compatible dildo, the Vixen Creations Mustang ($116 at SheVibe, $129 on Amazon) is one of my all-time favorites. It’s incredibly realistic and hits the prostate (or G-spot) with very little effort, in my experience.

 

Kink, Etc.

• Shameless self-promotion ahead: My first book, 101 Kinky Things Even You Can Do ($20 at SheVibe, $20 on Amazon) is a top-tier Valentine’s gift for anyone you want to get kinky with. You can flip through it together, talk about the kinks you’re interested in trying, and get some useful ideas from the book about how to incorporate each kink in a safe and satisfying way. This, plus some page flags for highlighting parts you want to talk about or revisit, would be a lovely Valentine’s gift!

Image via SheVibe

• I don’t think there is a sexier harness in the world than the Aslan Leather Jaguar harness ($105 at SheVibe). The leather is buttery and soft, the fit is highly adjustable, and the stability is terrific.

• The Sportsheets Under-the-Bed Restraints System ($46 at SheVibe, $45 on Amazon) is the easiest way to start incorporating bondage into your sex life (or to start doing so more often than you currently are). Installing it under your mattress is quick and easy, and gives you a built-in way to cuff your partner (or have them cuff you) to the bed whenever you want.

• I love the Unicorn Collaborators hand harness ($55 at SheVibe) for times when I want my partner to pound me with a dildo using their full arm strength. It’s also a cool life hack for people who like using dildos on themselves but don’t always have the grip strength needed to do so.

 

What’s on your Valentine’s Day wishlist this year?

7 Things That Help Me Sleep Much Better

Kate Sloan

Sleep has always been important to me, but especially so since I became chronically ill. A good night of sleep can be the difference, for me, between a day wracked with pain all over my body, fatigue, moodiness, and brain fog, and a day with minimal symptoms. Along with overall stress reduction, getting good sleep as much as possible has become a high-level priority for me as I adjust to life in a sicker, more susceptible body.

Recently I’ve added some new elements into my sleep routine that have made it much easier for me sleep deeply and stay asleep for most of the night. Here are some of my favorite “sleep accessories”…

 

A great eye mask

I shout about the benefits of eye masks to anyone who asks. I used to think they were just a silly, frivolous item that rich characters wore in movies to signal their decadent lethargy. But they actually help with sleep issues enormously! Sleep doctors recommend them for decreasing the amount of time it takes for you to fall asleep. I also find that they help me stay asleep for longer; my body and brain seem happiest when I wake up around 10:30–11:00 a.m. each day, but the sun tends to disturb my sleep long before that without an eye mask on.

The Nidra Deep Rest mask is my favorite one I’ve ever tried (and I’ve tried several). It has a Velcro-adjustable strap to account for different head sizes and pressure preferences, it is contoured to prevent light from getting in even if you have a big schnoz like mine, and it has hollow “eye cups” that allow for the natural eye-fluttering movements of REM sleep and put less pressure on your eyes (good for folks who want to avoid wrinkles). They did not pay me in any way to say this; I just genuinely love this product, to the point that I take it with me everywhere I travel so I can ensure I’ll sleep well.

 

Earplugs

I have lived in the downtown core of a major city for several years, and once had a roommate who would have sex at any hour of the day or night and whose sex noises were louder than any I’d ever heard in my life, even in porn… so, of course I’m familiar with the earplugs lifestyle! (Still very glad I left that apartment. Yeesh.)

On the advice of The Wirecutter (a publication that gives good product recommendations but is famously shitty to its employees, so I shan’t link to them), I recently bought a bunch of Mack’s slim-fit soft foam earplugs, and they’re great. You roll ’em up real small between your fingers, stick ’em in your ear, and they puff back up to their original size in there, creating a mild-to-moderate amount of noise reduction. For me, they don’t work well enough on their own (which is why I use a white noise app, below), but when combined with all this other stuff, they’re excellent.

 

White noise app

I think I am too traumatized, and my nervous system is too fucked up, for me to sleep as deeply as I used to 😂 I just find, these days, that even small noises can jostle me from dreamland. When earplugs weren’t doing enough, I decided I should add a white noise app into the mix.

There are dozens, if not hundreds, of these on the App Store, so take your pick! On the advice of my spouse, an app developer with an encyclopedic knowledge of the best apps, I decided to pay the $10 CAD that it cost to get the Dark Noise app. I was finding that a lot of the free white noise apps were cluttered with ads, locked their best stuff behind paywalls, or would crash or pause after several consecutive hours of use; I wanted something that would simply work, and Dark Noise is absolutely doing the trick.

The app has a lot of different sounds at the ready, but the track I play every night when I go to sleep these days is “pink noise,” which is white noise but with its higher frequencies reduced, so that it sounds more like a steady, heavy rainfall. I turn this on at a volume loud enough that I can scarcely hear noises happening elsewhere in the apartment, and keep my phone near my bed while it’s charging all night. The noise is so relaxing and unobtrusive that sometimes I wake up in the morning and go, “Wait, huh? Why did the pink noise get turned off?” and then I realize it’s still on, my ears just got so used to it that they basically filtered it out. Magic.

 

“Smart home” hub and smart bulbs

I’m aware that lots of people have security concerns around anything “smart home”-related, and also that this stuff is too expensive in a lot of cases, which sucks. But I recently decided to treat myself to a HomePod mini and some smart bulbs for all the lights in my room, figuring that it would make my life easier as a chronically fatigued person if I could control the lights and audio in my room with my voice.

It’s been soooo helpful, I can’t even tell you. There are days when my fatigue is so crushingly intense that even picking up my phone from my nightstand feels like too much effort; it’s on those days that I can ask Siri, through the HomePod, to read me my texts, or reply to them, or play my “Energy” playlist to get me moving, or remind me what deadlines are on my calendar, or turn the lights off so I can take a nap, or turn the lights on so I can wake the fuck up. It has revolutionized my life.

I’ve configured many different “scenes” in my Home app – for example, saying “Hey Siri, bisexual” turns the lights pink and blue, while “Hey Siri, I’m doing my makeup” instantly brightens the lamp closest to my makeup area so I can do my face. Some of these have been super helpful in getting to sleep more easily, particularly one called “I’m going to bed.” When I tell Siri that I am indeed going to bed, she turns off all the lights but one, which she makes a rich shade of purple, and then she plays rain sounds on a speaker. This is the perfect setting for those “wind-down” minutes where I’ve gotten into bed and am reading, or taking one last look at my phone, before settling in for the night. At that point I say, “Hey Siri, good night!” and she turns off all the lights and sounds for me.

 

An amazingly soft pillow

Pillow preference is as personal as sex toy preference; I can’t tell you what will work for you, but I can tell you what works for me and how that relates to my preferences and needs, so you can figure out whether my recommendation will work for you.

I’m usually a side-sleeper, occasionally a back-sleeper. My neck and shoulders get depressingly sore if I sleep on a pillow that’s too flat. I sometimes feel too hot when I sleep and sometimes too cold. I spend a lot of time reading or writing in bed, so I prefer pillows that are suitable for sleep and sitting-up activities.

The Nest Easy Breather pillow (another Wirecutter recommendation) is the best pillow I’ve ever owned. It’s stuffed with shredded foam, so you can remove however much you want to get your desired fluffiness level, but I’ve left all of it in. It’s simultaneously supportive and soft. Can’t recommend it highly enough!

 

A fantastic wand vibrator

Okay, this one is kind of a joke… but also kind of not! When I’m feeling too sexually agitated to sleep – or just having trouble sleeping – sometimes a quick orgasm is the best solution. And wands are usually the easiest way for me to achieve that.

My all-time favorite is the Magic Wand Rechargeable; lately I’ve also enjoyed the slightly more petite Zalo Kyro. If you want to lean into the nighttime theme, Bodywand makes a glow-in-the-dark wand for some reason. No idea if it’s any good, but at least you could find it in a hurry if you needed to!

 

What products help you sleep better?

The Best Sex Toys to Buy This Valentine’s Day

Kate Sloan

I feel so differently about Valentine’s Day now than I did when I was a surly, chronically-single teen, scrawling angrily in my journal about “Hallmark holidays” and “romance ruined by capitalism.” The truth is, yes, Valentine’s Day makes a killing for big companies every year, and yes, celebrating it is in some sense celebrating a capitalistic construction. But that doesn’t mean it has no value, no upsides.

I view it as a time to celebrate love – all the types of love one experiences in one’s life – and also, possibly, to support independent creators and shops who sell wares that your sweeties might appreciate.

Here are some products I genuinely think are great – and I hope that if you buy them for yourself or a loved one, that they bring incalculable joy and pleasure into your life!

 

Image via SheVibe

Clitoral Toys

I know I mention this toy in almost every product recommendations round-up I do, but the We-Vibe Tango X ($76) is really one of the best clitoral vibrators on the market right now. Strong, rumbly, body-safe, waterproof, rechargeable, travel-friendly, multiple speeds and patterns, intuitive controls, seamlessly incorporated into partnered sex or solo sex… If your partner loves clitoral stimulation and wants a vibrator but isn’t sure what to get, this is the one I’d recommend, hands-down.

The We-Vibe Touch X ($95) is also a good option, although it is made of silicone so the vibrations are somewhat softened. It would be a better choice than the Tango for someone who is easily overstimulated, experiences vulva pain, and/or would like a vibe they can lie on top of and grind against.

If you or your partner have been curious about the newfangled sensations of pressure-wave stimulators, I think one of the best ones to try is the Satisfyer Pro 2 +Vibration ($50). It’s powerful, waterproof, boasts a broad range of speeds, and has a softer and less angular “mouth” than many other pressure-wave toys at this price point, making for more comfortable usage.

 

Image via SheVibe

Penis Toys

I keep hearing good things about the Lovense Gush ($99), a vibrator that wraps around the head of the penis for potentially hands-free stimulation. The ribbed texture on the inside would work well for standard “stroking up and down” masturbation as well. And, like everything Lovense, this one is controllable from a distance using their excellent smartphone app, so it’s perfect for long-distance sweeties, or folks who just want more fine-tuned control over their vibrator than its buttons alone can offer.

Want a stroker but don’t know what to get? The Fleshlight Quickshot ($32) is one of the best options. Although it’s designed by the biggest name in the stroker biz, it’s much cheaper than your typical Fleshlight because it’s smaller and open-ended, allowing you to combine it with oral sex and various other things if you want to. Or you can just use it solo – its rippled texture is just as fantastic as any other Fleshlight product.

 

Image via SheVibe

Anal Toys

Know an LGBTQ+ cutie who has some butt-stuff experience and might enjoy having a new plug to play with? The NS Novelties Rainbow Pleasure Plug ($29) is adorable, gay AF, and made of body-safe silicone. We’re here, we’re queer, put stuff in our butts!

The 1.5″ diameter of the Hole Punch Toys silicone butt plug ($22) makes it manageable for intermediate and expert anal-play fans, or for ambitious beginners who do some warm-up first. I love the shape of this one – it feels comfortable and stimulating in equal measure, which is exactly what I want from a butt plug.

Is your sweetheart curious about anal play and also a fan of femme aesthetics? The Icicles no. 48 pink glass butt plug ($24) has a little flower as its base, which is positively adorable! Its 1.25″ diameter should make it accessible for even butt-stuff newbies.

I love these bisexual pride butt plugs ($53 for a set of 3 in graduated sizes). Get ’em for a bi person in your life who wants to work their way up to larger anal penetration.

 

Image via SheVibe

Dildos

If you’ve never dabbled in dual-density silicone before, I think the Vixen Creations Raquel ($99) is a great place to start. This gorgeous pink dildo has a squishy head that feels almost cloudlike against my G-spot, massaging it without overloading it.

The Vixen Creations Woody ($70) would be a fantastic strap-on cock if you’re into that, and would work just as well for solo penetration. It’s the same shape as the Vixen Mustang, which I love, but is single-density silicone instead – which means it’s cheaper, and can hit your internal spots more firmly. I love the red hue, and the fact that it comes with a little bullet vibe that you can insert into the hole in the base for some extra sensation.

Want something with a lot of texture, to stimulate those vaginal or anal walls on every thrust? The Uberrime Bound 2.0 ($65) has cool rope-like details all over it. This dildo would pair so well with a rope bondage scene!

If your partner (or friend) is fond of mega-intense G-spot or prostate stimulation, consider getting them an Njoy Pure Wand ($110). The unrelenting steel truly feels like nothing else, and in my experience it induces squirting with aplomb!

 

Image via SheVibe

New & Hot

Someone who always likes to have the latest and greatest stuff might appreciate the SnailVibe ($150), a dual-stimulation vibrator with a unique design that allows it to “unfurl” and “re-furl” on every thrust, so that its external portion always maintains contact with your clit. It’s best for someone who likes deep penetration combined with clitoral stimulation. It’s also fully waterproof – lovely for bathtub wanks!

The Love Hamma ($115) has been getting a lot of attention on TikTok and Twitter lately, and for good reason: it’s a vibrator shaped like a hammer! It also thrusts, in addition to vibrating. The reviews I’ve seen have been middling, but if you know someone who needs a hammer vibrator, well… there you go. (I’m picturing, like, a Rosie the Riveter-style home-improvement butch who wants to kick back after a long day of carpentry with a hot bath and a hot masturbation session. BRB, fanning myself.)

 

Image via SheVibe

Cheap Treats

Need an inexpensive dildo? One of my faves to recommend is the Funkit Toys NoFrilldo ($24!!). This one is designed to hit the G-spot with its perfectly-placed ridges, while its shaft fills you up and presses deliciously against the vaginal walls. If you know you love texture, the all-ribbed version ($35) might be right up your alley. Funkit Toys is a small independent company run by one excellent queer human, Kenton, who is well worth supporting with your Valentine’s dollars.

My favorite Kegel balls, the Lelo Luna Beads Noir, are on sale for $39 at SheVibe right now. While you could use them as a vaginal counterweight for your Kegel exercises, my favorite ways to use them are to wear them while I’m out and about, for secret surreptitious sensations, or to keep them in during a spanking, so I can feel the full glory of their jostling with every hit.

The ingenious Funkit Toys Cashew Nib plug ($39) is designed to work equally well as a butt plug or a vaginal plug, providing effortless stimulation to your internal erogenous zones so your hands are free to do other stuff. It also has a suction-cup base, so you can attach it to your floor or wall if you’d rather bounce up and down on it.

5 Great Additions to a Blowjob (+ #Giveaway: Win a Fun Factory BLOW & GLOW Kit!)

Kate Sloan

I used to think that to be good at giving blowjobs, I had to do everything with just my mouth. No hands. No toys. No positioning aids. Nothin’.

However, as I gave more and more blowjobs over the years, I learned that most BJ recipients are just happy you’re there at all – and that various “accessories” can make the act even more enjoyable for both/all participants. What a freeing notion!

Here are some of the add-ons that I think can make a great blowjob even greater. If you live in the USA, don’t forget to enter the giveaway at the bottom of this post for a chance to win some of these, in Fun Factory’s new BLOW & GLOW Kit!

 

1. A hair scrunchie

It made me laugh with delight that Fun Factory decided to include a custom scrunchie in their BLOW & GLOW Kit, because the first thing I always do when beginning a blowjob is break out the bobby pins or grab a hair elastic and get my hair out of my face. It’s very annoying to try to suck someone’s cock when your own hair keeps falling in your mouth, particularly when it works its way down to the back of your throat (if you know, you know). So it’s a blessing that a super-cute scrunchie is included in this kit. (Incidentally, did you know scrunchies cause less hair breakage than elastics? Hallelujah!)

 

2. A cock ring

While not strictly necessary, many people find that cock rings help them maintain stronger erections, and can also increase sensitivity and pleasure. I have never personally given a blowjob while a vibrating cock ring was in use, like the one included in the Fun Factory kit, but I imagine it’d be an interesting sensation for both participants!

As a bonus, if you decide to have penetrative sex afterward, the ring can vibrate your clit or perineum (depending on anatomy and positioning) for even more shared pleasure.

 

3. Lube

Despite the inherent wetness of many blowjobs, sometimes you want more, whether it be because you’re dealing with a dry mouth from medications/drugs, you’re trying to suck a bigger dick than you’re used to, or you just enjoy the aesthetic of making a big slobbery mess.

Flavored lube exists, but – as my friend Bex says – “It’s not gonna make your dick taste like strawberries – it’s gonna make it taste like strawberries and dick.” If you’re fine with the unaltered flavor of your partner’s junk, a tasteless (or nearly-tasteless) lubricant like Uberlube can make a big difference in sensation for both of you.

 

4. Pillows

I was sad when my chronic fibromyalgia pain started ramping up in my joints several years back – not only because pain is, well, painful, but also because I was worried it would inhibit my ability to give BJs. Typically while giving head, I’d be on my knees, supporting myself on one bent elbow while the other hand augmented the sensations my mouth was providing; that’s a lot of joint-bending and a lot of weight being applied to some of my sorest joints.

However, over the years I’ve learned that there are things I can do to address this. Most crucially: laying down pillows to support any body part that needs supporting. It can also sometimes be helpful to slide a pillow under the hips/pelvis of the person you’re blowing, so as to change the angles involved.

 

5. A vibrator

I’m so glad that more and more vibrators for penises are popping up on the market. The Fun Factory Manta, which is the star item in their BLOW & GLOW Kit, is one of my absolute favorites. It has ribbed silicone “wings” that wrap around the dick and provide some nice texture alongside deep, rumbling vibration. When well-lubed (with actual lube or just spit), it can be held at the base of the penis while you use your mouth on the shaft and head, which I’ve been told is pretty mindblowing.

Vibes are also useful for stimulating the balls during a BJ or holding against the sensitive perineum. Like a good hot sauce, you can pretty much put ’em on anything!

 

Intrigued by the Fun Factory BLOW & GLOW Kit and want to win one of your own, to facilitate better blowjobs? Good news: Fun Factory is offering a free kit to one lovely reader of mine. If you live in the USA, you can enter using the giveaway widget below to win. (Sorry, non-Americans!) Bonne chance, my oral-loving friends!

a Rafflecopter giveaway

 

This post was sponsored by Fun Factory. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

4 Unique Sex Toys I’m Extremely Curious About

Kate Sloan

CalExotics Impulse Intimate E-Stimulator Remote Dual Kegel Exerciser

I’ve been curious about the pleasure possibilities of genital electrostimulation ever since the Jopen Intensity E-stim vibrator was introduced in 2012 or so. It was a rabbit vibe that purported to rhythmically zap your Kegel muscles so as to trigger muscle contractions, which would be, in theory, pleasurable. I’ve also heard many stories and rumors over the years about electrostim’s supposed ability to trigger actual orgasms, in much the same way as “ram ejaculators” are used to collect precious semen from prized livestock. I’ve heard that this method, known as “electroejaculation,” can be used to help paraplegic or quadriplegic men ejaculate so they can have biological children, for instance, which is fascinating.

This Kegel toy isn’t doing anything that sophisticated, but it works on a similar principle. Apparently it sends out electric pulses to your pelvic muscles, making them contract and relax rhythmically and thereby promoting increased muscle tone, which can lead to stronger, longer orgasms. I’m not sure if I’ll ever be brave enough to apply electricity to my genitals, no matter how mild it may be – but this toy certainly makes it seem easy, not to mention tempting.

 

Fantasy For Her Ultimate Pleasure

I’ve tried several times, in vain, to get sex toy shops to send me this toy to review – but they’ve always chosen to send me other toys from my list instead. I think the reason is that this one is pretty expensive ($159.99) and unconventional, so it’s a risky choice to send to a reviewer. But I’m just so curious about it!

It seems like every sex toy store on the internet now sells oral sex simulators. I’ve tried many, and they achieve their goal to varying degrees of success. But this one is unique in its mechanism: it pairs a motorized “tongue” with both suction and vibration. I think – but do not know for sure – that this toy would actually feel somewhat like the kind of oral sex I tend to prefer, unlike pressure-wave toys like the Womanizer and Satisfyer, which create suction in a less direct way than this toy does.

Would it be fantastic? Would it be disappointing? I have no idea, but I’d like to find out.

 

CalExotics “Nipplettes” vibrating nipple clamps

I had to write about these for a copywriting client of mine and couldn’t stop giggling over them being called “nipplettes.” How delightfully absurd.

Despite having worked at two different adult shops that carried them, I have never actually tried vibrating nipple clamps. The clamps themselves are typically enough for me – I am a masochist, after all. But I also know that I’ve occasionally enjoyed holding a small vibrator against my nipples while warming myself up for a masturbation sesh, so I wonder if these vibrating clamps would take that relatively mild pleasure to the next level.

I imagine they’d at least be a good solution for people who love nipple stim but don’t want to have to constantly provide it for themselves during sex. Sometimes you want to do other stuff with your hands, y’know?

 

Pipedream Extreme Fuck My Cock

Okay, this one is a bit silly. And yet somehow also fascinating.

There’s a whole range of “adult novelties” marketed at cis men that are based on fantastical premises. I mean “fantastical” in the sense of “having to do with one’s fantasies.” Almost no one probably wants to actually fuck a tiny disembodied human butt attached to a big disembodied human dick, but I can see how a lot of people might want to fuck something that feels good and looks like a butt, while simultaneously being able to ogle and stroke a dick other than their own. If butts and dicks are a huge focus of your fantasies, this stroker probably seems like a literal dream come true.

Other such fantasy-based strokers I’ve seen included a vagina placed uncomfortably close to a pair of boobs, a tube with a mouth at one end and a pussy at the other, and even a vagina embedded in what appears to be a football, presumably for the benefit of horny jocks (Google it if you dare). While these types of toys often feel objectifying in a vaguely misogynist way, they certainly do tap into some people’s fantasies… sometimes resulting in creations that would give Picasso and Escher a run for their money. If the uncanny valley were an orifice, it would be this stroker.

 

This post was sponsored by IntimateNeed.com, which carries over 3,000 different products! As always, all writing and opinions are my own.