In Praise of the Humble Blindfold

Kate Sloan

Blindfolds are so versatile. I never regret bringing one with me while I travel, even if by “travel” I just mean “take the subway across the city for a sex-date.” Of all the products you can buy at a sex shop, I think blindfolds are right up there with lube in the category of “low price, high impact.”

The three uses of blindfolds that I enjoy most often are sleep, sensory deprivation, and anxiety reduction – let’s talk about ’em.

 

Sleep

For the past couple of months, I’ve been waking up refreshed when my alarm goes off at 9 a.m., and rarely wanting to go back to sleep. This may not sound like a huge deal, but for me it is. I’ve been a chronically sleepy person my entire life, as a side effect of depression, especially seasonal depression. Hell, even when I was in elementary school and had no diagnosed mental illnesses, sometimes teachers would tell my mom and dad in parent-teacher meetings that they worried I wasn’t getting enough sleep at home because I kept dozing off in class. Oops. (Look, I can’t help it that hearing someone read aloud from a novel in French is incredibly soothing… or that fractions are incredibly boring.)

So what’s changed? Why are my mornings suddenly energetic even sans coffee? I attribute this shift to my sleep mask. I’ve worn eye masks to bed sporadically over the years, but usually they didn’t fit right, or didn’t block out light very effectively, or were so uncomfortable that I would take them off in the middle of the night while half-asleep. It wasn’t until I bought this one – which is made of dark-colored, silky satin, padded for comfort, with a nose cut-out that works for my big schnoz – that I would go to sleep wearing a mask and wake up with it still positioned correctly on my face. So I started experiencing the benefits of sleeping with an eye mask on: deeper and more restful sleep, less insomnia, and fewer instances of waking up through the night. Truly astonishing.

If you have sleep troubles and haven’t yet tried an eye mask – or haven’t yet tried one that fits you properly and blocks out all the light within your field of vision – then I would highly recommend it. It’s maybe the best $12 I ever spent.

 

Sensory deprivation

I’m sure I don’t need to tell you that wearing a blindfold during sex can be hot; Cosmopolitan and Fifty Shades have done a good enough job of that already, their various flaws notwithstanding. But it’s often depicted as a novelty, a way to “spice things up,” while for me it’s a regular enough part of my sex life that I’d consider it a staple. Want to have sex like Kate Sloan does?! Get yourself an Eroscillator, an Eleven, and a blindfold. (Oh, and turn on a playlist filled with cheesy R&B and slow-roiling jazz.)

It’s true what they say about how reducing or eliminating one sense can turn up the sensitivity of the others. (Just listen to this recent Off the Cuffs interview with a blind dominatrix if you don’t believe me. God, she’s amazing.) When I’m wearing a blindfold, my nerve endings feel primed for all sensations, my ears perk up, and smells and tastes are more vivid and more erotic.

Blindfolds can also help reinforce a power dynamic, if you’re into that. Sight is, of course, one of the primary tools I use to guide myself through the world, assess situations, and make decisions – and when it’s removed, I’m stripped of most of my usual ways of processing information and figuring out what to do next. In a sexual context, this means that a blindfold can make me feel instantly powerless, even in the absence of other classic submissive props like cuffs or a ballgag. This is also one of the reasons they’re a must-have in the toolkit of any burgeoning or nervous dom – depending on how your sub reacts to them, they can bolster the power dynamic you’re trying to create, and may thereby bolster your confidence as a dominant.

 

Anxiety reduction

I’m no psychology researcher, so I can’t tell you how far-reaching this effect is – but blindfolds are massively helpful for me for treating mid-sex anxiety. Am I feeling shy and embarrassed? Put a blindfold on me. Hating my body that day? Put a blindfold on me. Distracted by the “New Message From Mom” notifications that keep popping up on my phone screen? Put a blindfold on me. (And also put that phone on Do Not Disturb!)

Blindfolds take a lot of pressure off, because you can’t reasonably be expected to do much of anything when you have one on. A blowjob is probably the most dexterous thing I ever do while blindfolded; anything more challenging would be nearly impossible. In this way, wearing a blindfold helps me relax into pleasure, or submission, or just being in the moment.

Blindfolds are also, as I’ve mentioned, potentially helpful for dominants who put ’em on their submissives. Part of my nervousness around taking the reins in bed is related to how I look while I’m doing it; I’ve never felt like a picture-perfect femdom, not least of which because I’m more likely wearing sweaty pajamas than leather and lace. But as soon as I blindfold my partner, I can take control without needing to worry about how I look – including how I look when I accidentally drop the flogger between the bed and the wall, or squirt myself in the face with lube. Whoops.

 

How have blindfolds improved your life, sexually or otherwise?

Using the Bestvibe Mermaid As a Chastity Device

Kate Sloan

A key skill to develop when you’re a sex toy reviewer is turning bad toys into useable products. Almost every sex toy has more than one possible way of using it (and if it doesn’t, it had better be damn good at the one thing it does do), and finding offbeat ways to repurpose sex toys for pleasure is always, at the very least, interesting.

The most common manifestation of this in my sex life has been shitty vibrators with good shapes. Some vibes – like the original Lelo Mona and Mona Wave – have a shape so good that it transcends their disappointing motor. If a toy is curved just right to hit your spots, you may not even need to turn on the vibrations to enjoy it (albeit perhaps while paired with another toy).

And so it is with the Bestvibe Mermaid (my shortened version of the full title as per the product page, “Tongue Mermaid Remote Sex Toys 9 Modes Wearable Vibrators”). When I unplugged it from its first charging session and turned it on, I sighed and said aloud, “Oh nooo,” because the motor is wildly, offensively buzzy. “I can’t use this,” I thought. But then I examined its shape again and thought… Wait. Yes I can.

I’ve been delving into chastity play with my partner as of late – listen to this recent Dildorks episode for more on that – and in talking about this online, I’ve received a slew of questions from readers/listeners/friends. One of the most common questions I’ve gotten is “Do you know anything about chastity for vulvas?” My partner, an intrepid researcher as ever, suggests the chastity belts made by Neosteel and Fancy Steel, but unfortunately, good-quality products in this category tend to be prohibitively expensive. It’s no wonder some vulva-owning chastity kinksters turn to makeshift options like leather belts and Scotch tape (!!) in lieu of shelling out for a specially-made device.

The terrifying tongues of the Mermaid

Here’s the thing: I think the Bestvibe Mermaid could be a decent “chastity-lite” product for someone who’s curious about the kink and just wants to try it out, someone who fetishizes chastity psychologically but doesn’t need the whole physical kit and caboodle, or someone who simply can’t afford a proper chastity belt yet but wants to approximate the experience as best they can. The Mermaid has three arms (or, as the product copy calls them, “urgent antennae”) – a G-spot-targeting vaginal arm, a tiny flexible anal arm, and a bizarre clitoral simulator made to look like three little tongues. At only $45.99, it’s probably one of the most cost-effective ways to get both your holes simultaneously stuffed with body-safe materials.

Some important caveats before we proceed: It isn’t good for your vagina to wear anything inside it for more than about 8 hours at a time, tops (which is why, for example, that’s usually the max number of hours recommended for leaving in a menstrual cup before you take it out and wash it off). The vagina is self-cleaning, and long-term vaginal obstructions prevent that process from happening and can lead to infections. I’d vehemently recommend that you not wear this as a day-in-day-out chastity device, even if you wash it every time you take it out to use the bathroom. It’s more of a once-in-a-while thing, so if that’s the only kind of chastity you want to do, maybe this would work.

Inserting this toy is a bit of a “Who’s on first?” situation. I kept inserting one arm and then finding I couldn’t get the other one in, and then reversing them, all while they slipped every which way under my lubey fingers. After much experimentation, I think the easiest way to do it is to insert the vaginal arm and then the anal arm; the latter is more flexible and thus more easily manoeuvred while the other arm is inside you. It’s kind of a slippery fucker because of its bendiness, but on the bright side, it’s comfier than something super firm would be, especially while walking around. The clitoral portion barely makes contact with my clit, because it barely reaches it – par for the course with many dual-stim (or in this case, triple-stim) toys, unfortunately. Depending on your anatomy and your chastity goals, you may want some kind of additional measure in place to block clitoral access when using this toy for that purpose.

This toy is a good balance of comfortable vs. noticeable; you definitely know you’re wearing it the entire time you’re wearing it, but it stays anchored in place well while I’m walking around (provided I’m wearing close-fitting underwear), and doesn’t typically get painful or uncomfortable unless I need to re-lube it.

The vibrations are the saddest part of the toy. They’re just so bad. They’re buzzy and frustrating and weak. But if you’re using this toy for chastity, that becomes a feature instead of a bug. Wearing this toy with the vibrations turned on for any length of time will likely result in some (temporary) genital numbness, perhaps further adding to your sense of being denied pleasure and orgasms. (I know that’s putting a “Look on the bright side!” spin on a legitimate problem, but y’know, I’ve always been an “ass half-full” kind of gal.)

This toy comes with a remote, which would be a cool feature for D/s play because your partner could randomly turn the toy on and off while you were, say, out on a dinner date. However, the instructions are inscrutable so I wasn’t able to test this. Ditto with the HEATING feature that apparently can only be enabled via the remote.

All in all, while the Bestvibe Mermaid lacks a lot of key things that would make it useable as the vibrator it purports to be (such as a decent motor or a comprehensible instruction manual), there are worse things you could shove in your holes if you’re looking to plug ’em up for a chastity scene. I can’t say I’ll be reaching for this one a lot, as chastity and orgasm denial aren’t kinks of mine (at least not as a bottom), but hey, I’m glad it exists. Go forth and obstruct your orifices if you so desire, my kinky friends.

 

Thanks to Bestvibe for sending me this product to review! This post was sponsored, meaning I was paid to write a fair and honest review of this toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Review: Laid D2

Kate Sloan

I was on the phone with a friend when the Laid D2 dildo arrived on my doorstep. “Should I open it now?” I asked him.

“Yes!” my friend said, so I did. I gasped. I oohed and aahed. I held it up to the light and said, “It’s so smooth and heavy and shiny!!” I could not contain my delight, even knowing that the person on the other end of the phone line had not asked for a play-by-play. Luckily, he was just amused.

I’ve eyed this dildo from afar for years, but was never quite intrigued enough to request it from a sex toy retailer before. Although it is made of smooth black granite (SWOON), its shape is very similar to those of the We-Vibe Rave and Lelo Ella, so I kinda felt like… been there, fucked that. But I shouldn’t have written it off, because in use it’s actually pretty different from those toys.

The main difference, of course, is the material. I cannot overstate how sexy this toy feels in my hand. It’s hefty and weighty – not quite so much as steel, but certainly more than silicone – and it feels naturally cold to the touch, like metal. The smoothness also makes it feel altogether different from a silicone toy; it can glide against your G-spot rather than roughly rubbing past it (which silicone sometimes seems to do even when adequately lubricated), and it doesn’t require as much lube as some other toys do because of the frictionlessness of the surface.

It’s also just beautiful. It retails for less than a lot of other “luxury” dildos – on KissKiss.ch, it goes for 98.90 Swiss francs, which is about $106 American or $143 Canadian – but still definitely feels luxurious. In fact, I’m sort of gobsmacked you can get a hand-crafted dildo of this quality for that price. I think this would make a great gift for a sweetheart you’re trying to impress, provided they’ve expressed interest in owning a dildo for vaginal penetration (the D2 is not anal-safe). You can tell them it’s a toy made of 500-million-year-old granite, because apparently it is.

The D2 has two ends, both of which are insertable – but the flattened head on one side is really the star of the show. It’s optimized for G-spot stimulation. Just like the Lelo Ella, the D2 makes it easy to hone in on your spot and rock against it – but unlike the Ella, its neck has no give whatsoever, so you don’t even have to push that hard to elicit intense sensations. I like a flattened head better for my G-spot than a smaller or pointier tip; stimulation that’s too intense or direct on that spot can overwhelm me and may even be painful, especially when I’m not warmed up. The D2’s wide head (a little over 1.5″ in diameter at its widest) lets you spread out the pressure over a bigger area, so your whole G-spot gets massaged, rather than just one area getting poked. That said, the bigness of the head also means some people may have trouble getting it past their pubic bone comfortably, or inserting it at all.

The most astonishing thing to me about this toy is the extent to which it makes me squirt. The first time I used it, I was squirting so continuously that I almost didn’t notice it at first; it was a constant, low-level gushing, rather than a big, climactic ejaculation. It’s also remarkable that this toy makes me squirt so much without often creating that painful/uncomfortable “need to pee” feeling that more pinpointed G-spot toys often do. All I have to do is ride the gentle wave of pleasure, and before I know it, I’ll have soaked through my sheets. (Lay a towel down before using this toy!)

The D2 has an asymmetrical shape that’s supposed to enable you to gently rotate/rock it against your G-spot rather than thrusting in and out, but I don’t find this terribly effectual once I get past a certain level of arousal. Teasing my spot is fine for early in a session, but as I get more and more turned on, I tend to want more pressure and speed. The D2 can be thrust in and out, but it’s awkward: the handle gets slippery easily and is tricky to grip and angle right (especially for my sore hands). I end up changing my hand position several times throughout any given session with this toy, because its handle just isn’t very comfortable or useful.

However, that same handle can also be inserted. “Won’t that be pokey/stabby?” a friend asked when I mentioned this, because the straight side of the D2 does indeed taper pretty sharply at its very end. In use, though, it doesn’t bother me at all, and can actually reach my A-spot very effectively. The combination of the slim tip, hard material, and easy angleability (that’s a word, right?) of this end of the toy makes it feel like I’m really getting fucked when I use it this way. It feels almost as impactful as heftier A-spot-friendly toys like the Njoy Eleven. Blessedly, this side is easier to thrust with, because holding onto the flattened G-spot end gives you a lot of leverage and a secure grip.

This toy, I have to say, is pretty blissful. It’s a gentle G-spot jubilator, an awesome A-spot annihilator, and a gorgeous granite gift. If there’s someone in your life who likes firm stimulation of either or both of those spots, and deserves to have their vagina totally spoiled with pleasure and beauty, get them a Laid D2 – even if that person is you!

 

Thanks so much to KissKiss.ch for sending me this product to review – they’re a Switzerland-based sex shop with a killer section of luxury sex toys! This post was sponsored, which means I was paid to write a fair and honest review of the toy. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Guest Review: CB-6000 Chastity Cage

mb

My partner and I have been getting into chastity play over the past couple months. As one of their assignments for me, I recently asked them to write a guest review of their first cock cage. Here’s what they had to say!

I’ve long lusted after the CB-6000 from CB-X. It’s the latest iteration of the most popular chastity cage for penises on the market; you see it in chastity porn, posts on Reddit, and hanging on the wall of just about every sex shop you walk into. When it was on sale online recently for $100 USD, I asked Kate if I should order one, and she seemed almost as curious about what playing with “enforced chastity” in our dynamic would be like as I was. So I decided to pick one up. But first, I had to make two more choices: size and color.

CB-X makes their cages in 3 sizes: standard (6000), small (6000-S), and large (“The Curve”). Be careful when measuring your flaccid penis to decide on a size, because if the idea of locking up your cock appeals to you enough to buy one, you’ll probably get a little worked up like I did and accidentally order up a size. If you do, you can always purchase just the cage portion in the future for less than the cost of the entire set.

Prevailing wisdom suggests that almost everyone should order the 6000-S. It’s the best-selling size, and it fits many flaccid cocks – even if, just looking at it, you might think it won’t. In a cock cage like the CB models, you want a tight fit to make urination easier and to suppress and contain erections more effectively.

The cages also come in a variety of colors and finishes: classic clear, pink (especially popular among kinksters into sissification and feminization), red, polished chrome, gold, wood (?!), and (most bizarre of all) camouflage. I chose clear because there’s something even more erotic to me about the idea that I can “look, but not touch.” It also seems prudent to get a clear cage if you’re trying chastity for the first time and want to be sure you’re cleaning and drying your cage properly and avoiding any potential penile injuries.

The CB-6000 arrives in a black zip-up carrying case containing the polycarbonate cage, 2 bases, 5 U-rings, and 4 locking pins and spacers to control the width of the gap between the ring and the cage where your balls hang down. The kit also includes a brass Master lock (not that kind of Master), two keys (one for emergencies and one for your keyholder), 5 numbered plastic locks so you can wear it through a TSA screening, and a sample of silicone-based lube, which helps to get the cage on correctly and keep it from chafing day-to day. To use the tamper-evident travel locks: put one on, send a verification photo to your keyholder if they’d like one, toss your unlocked brass lock in your luggage, and go through security as normal. Once you’re through, you can switch back to the real lock and re-verify in the airport bathroom or your destination.

Unboxing and figuring out how to put on this device is… a process. With everything spread out on my bed, I watched this YouTube video from the company and thought I had the hang of it. The first step involves selecting the right ring size to fit around your cock and balls. You want something snug but not constricting, so you should be able to fit about one finger between it and your scrotum. Then you lube up the head of your cock (or use something called the stocking method) to slide into the cage. The problem, again, is rubbing lube all over your dick and thinking about chastity very well might make you hard, and the cage won’t be able to close correctly when you have an erection. So you’ll need to wait until you can keep your arousal under control for just long enough to slide a locking pin and spacer through the base and secure the lock. Getting the cage on is also much easier if you’re clean-shaven, but even if you are, there are still lots of spots where it can pinch your sensitive skin if you’re not extremely careful.

I initially wore it with the second-largest ring and largest spacer, but I quickly realized how important sizing is and adjusted to smaller sizes. If you pick too large a ring, the cage will slide down your shaft and be too easy to slip out of; too tight and you’ll constrict blood flow to your balls and they’ll end up feeling cold and turning purple (fine for a few minutes, not safe if it persists). After a few days of experimentation, most people will be able to find a combination that works for them. This ability to customize the size of the ring and gap is one of the best things about the CB series of cages and why I picked it as my foray into this kink. Rather than spending $300-$500 on a custom-manufactured steel cage, you can use this kit to figure out exactly how you want chastity to fit into your life – and onto your cock – before dropping that kind of dough.

The CB-6000 is a classic for a reason: it’s incredibly good at what it’s designed to do. It’s very difficult (but not impossible) to escape from if worn correctly, it makes touching your penis for the purpose of pleasure impractical via hard plastic and small slits that most fingers can’t penetrate, and it’s nearly undetectable under clothes, even my tightest jeans. Plus, it allows for easy cleaning and urination. While you can wash with a showerhead or under a bath faucet, I opted for a squirt bottle with an angled tip, and while some users can pee standing up while wearing it, I nearly always sit down and wipe after to avoid making a mess.

But it’s not without its flaws: there are two major downsides to this cage. First, it’s very difficult to sleep in, compared to other cages on the market. The circular shape of the ring causes tight compression of the scrotum during nocturnal erections which will wake you up a few times a night feeling like you’re getting (gently) kicked in the balls and stumbling out of bed to pee and walk off the pain. Second, there are tiny vents on the side of the cage that cause unsightly bulging when you get hard in this device, with thin strips of sensitive skin poking through the holes whenever your cock fills the cage. The latter is mostly an aesthetic issue for me, and some wearers tape over the holes to avoid this. But, those vents can also leave visible imprints on your shaft when you take the cage off that can last an hour or so at the very moment when you probably want to show off your cock to a partner who has just unlocked you. Not ideal unless you’re into seeing yourself pinched by plastic in a masochistic or CBT way.

Wearing the CB-6000 for 9 days straight last month was one of my favorite kinky things I’ve done all year, leaving me hypersensitive, attentive to my partner, and leading to an orgasm after I was unlocked that felt 5 times stronger than usual. Despite its flaws, it’s clear why it’s so many people’s introduction to chastity play. It’s the only sex toy I’ve ever purchased that’s guaranteed me fewer orgasms, and I’m certainly not complaining… or if I am, it’s all consensual.