lingerie

Monthly Faves: Hooters, Hearts, & Sparkly Perfume

Kate Sloan

As much as the #PandemicLyfe has been wearing me down lately, there’s still always lots to be grateful for. Here are some of the things I loved most in February…

 

Media

• I’ve loved Kai Cheng Thom’s excellent advice columns on Daily Xtra for ages, and finally got around to reading her book I Hope We Choose Love this month. It’s a mix of prose and poetry, and my main takeaway was her beautiful and bittersweet meditations on conflict within the queer community and the difficult legacy it leaves.

• Patricia Lockwood’s new novel No One Is Talking About This is a must-read for anyone steeped in internet culture, particularly Twitter culture. It made me laugh out loud too many times to count and also made me reflect on whether social media is actually a force for good overall.

• I loved watching the 2018 film Support the Girls this month. It makes some strong statements about patriarchy, racism, and capitalism, through the lens of women trying to make ends meet while working at a Hooters-esque restaurant. (Read Isabel Slone’s essay on Hooters afterward as a counterpoint/idealogical digestif.)

• One of the most joyful events on the internet this month was Abigail Thorn of Philosophy Tube coming out as trans. Her coming-out video – framed to show her evolution from her former, male-presenting self (played by actor Rhys Tees) and her “new” self – basically made me cry throughout its entire duration. I’m so happy for her!

• Derek DelGaudio’s show In & Of Itself (viewable on Hulu) is a weird and wondrous blend of magic, mystery, storytelling, and philosophy of identity. I can’t tell you more about it because it would ruin it. Just watch it if that description sounds at all intriguing, okay?

• I’m late to the party with regards to The Good Place, but this month Matt and I started watching it alongside 30 Rock and, obviously, it’s great! (We switch back and forth between the two – I’ve already seen all of 30 Rock and they’ve already seen all of The Good Place so we’re basically just showing each other shows that we love.) William Jackson Harper as Chidi is particularly wonderful, and I don’t know if I’ve ever seen a “himbo” on TV quite like Jason Mendoza.

 

Products

• I’m working on an article about long-distance sex toys, so Lovense sent me some of their wares to test out. Their toys are wildly popular in the cam performer community, and it’s easy to see why: they have some of the fastest and most reliable long-distance Bluetooth connectivity I’ve ever seen in this industry. My favorite so far is the Edge 2, an adjustable prostate stimulator with two separate motors which I used to give my partner a totally hands-free prostate orgasm while they were in chastity this month. I also enjoy the Lush 3, Lovense’s wearable G-spot vibrator, though the lack of a substantial clit arm is a drawback.

• Matt got me some astonishingly gorgeous Agent Provocateur lingerie for Valentine’s Day. The style is called “Cupid” and fits right into my hearts-centric aesthetic. Swoon!

• I accidentally tore a hole in my favorite pair of lounge pants this month, so as a findom task I “made” Matt buy me a pair of Ureshii made-to-measure modal leisure pants to replace them. They are sooo flattering and fit perfectly, of course!

• Poet and former sex journalist Rachel Rabbit White released an updated printing of her poetry book Porn Carnival recently (would recommend), and to accompany it, perfumer Marissa Zappas created a perfume called Paradise Edition. I ordered a sample and love it so much that I’m considering getting the full-size bottle. It’s girly, sexy, floral, and also ozonic – which, in perfume speak, means it contains aldehydes, the ingredient that lends a “carbonated” or “sparkling” feel to classic scents like Chanel no. 5. It’s the kind of scent that makes me feel so good in my body, I’ll even wear it in the bath where no one can smell me but myself. Yummm.

• Still really into false lashes. They provide a burst of glamour that is sorely needed on these monotonous pandemic-winter days. My favorites are by Sugarpill, especially the Halo style (for people who like a lot of drama) and the Saint style (for people who want a more subdued, natural-looking lash).

 

Work & Appearances

• Never thought I’d write an article for Business Insider, but here we are! This month I got to write a list of my favorite couples’ toys for them, in time for Valentine’s.

• This month in my newsletter, I wrote about the importance of good conversations in relationships, exes and aliens, dressing like it’s Valentine’s Day every day, and watching porn during the pandemic.

• On the Dildorks this month, we talked about the duration of sex, group sex, and Valentine’s Day, plus we interviewed the delightful Eva Bloom about compassionate casual sex, libido issues during quarantine, and more.

• My latest pieces for the Andrew Blake blog: “5 myths about the clitoris,” “How to perform a sexy striptease,” “The best sex toy storage solutions,” and “Why is bondage so popular?”

 

Good Causes

• Folks in Texas have had a hell of a time this month, as you probably know. Donate to support relief efforts there; every little bit helps.

• The Genesis Women’s Shelter incurred a lot of damage from the events in Texas and are accepting donations now to help them rebuild.

• Love feminist media criticism? Bitch Media is raising money so they can keep producing their fantastic work.

• The brand-new Nina Arsenault Fund for Trans Arts supports the work of trans creatives. Yay!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 7 Bangin’ Selfies

Kate Sloan

Every December, I write about some of the most significant selfies I took throughout the year. Despite the fact that I spent most of 2020 sitting on my couch in my pajamas (anyone else?!), I nonetheless managed to take many photos of special moments with special people. Here are 7 of my faves!

January 13th

This was taken while Bex and I were on a work trip to Burbank, California. We had been provisionally hired to helm a sex magazine which never ended up happening (thanks, COVID) and had to spend a couple days chatting with fellow sex-industry professionals at ANME and learning about the latest innovations in the sex toy field.

They have legal weed over there, so we got a little silly. I snapped this selfie on our way back into our hotel after a smoke break in the parking lot; I had gotten wayyy too high on that legendarily strong California kush, and my childlike glee started to break through the veneer of polished adulthood we’d had to project all day at the tradeshow. Bex, sensing my over-intoxication, helped me plan my next steps, and when we got back to our room, he encouraged me to get into a hot bath and call my partner so they could take care of me over the phone.

I love this picture because it captures so much of what I love most about my friendship with Bex: our ability to make each other howl with laughter. It’s the reason our podcast has remained so fun to do all these years, and it’s one of the things I missed most about my normal, pre-pandemic social life while everything was up in the air this year.

January 17th

It’s still so wild to me that I wrote a book. It’s not coming out until September 2021, but at this point it’s been so long since I actually wrote the thing that sometimes I forget what my daily routine was like during that process. My calendar archives make it very clear, however, that I was surprisingly disciplined and productive for a chronically fatigued person, generally writing 2 short chapters every weekday for about 3 months. I’m proud of myself!

This photo was taken the night of my official book deadline. I’d submitted the completed manuscript a couple days earlier, because I have way too much anxiety to leave things like that to the last minute, but it still felt like a momentous day. My partner and my friends encouraged me to get dressed up and go out for a solo date to celebrate. I put on one of my favorite dresses and a full face of pretty makeup, and walked down to the Fairmont Royal York hotel, which contains the Library Bar, an ornate and auspicious salon filled with good books and excellent cocktails. It’s the same place Matt and I went when I ceremonially signed my book contract and had some celebratory drinks, so it made sense to return there when the book was finished, albeit by myself.

I have a lot of trouble acknowledging and celebrating my own achievements, even big ones. Part of me always believes I didn’t quite earn them, or that something will go disastrously wrong and I’ll embarrass myself somehow if I actually take ownership of what I’ve achieved. But it felt good to sip a dirty martini by myself and write in my journal about how proud I was to have written a whole goddamn book.

February 22nd

Doing shrooms for the first time was one of the oddest things I did all year. I took them (in tea form) in the early afternoon, and what followed was basically a full day of laughing, crying, dancing, marching, hallucinating, joking, and singing. Fortunately my trip-sitter and friend Brent willingly put up with all of it.

I think I took this selfie when Brent had stepped out of the room for a few minutes. His presence had been an anchor to my floaty mind, and I’d gotten mildly panicky every previous time he’d tried to step out, so this time I picked up my phone (even though my phone had been unofficially off-limits to me all day because of the loopy things I might tweet) and texted my partner so I could make it through the duration until Brent got back. But in classic “me” fashion, I also needed to take a selfie.

This picture really captures the childlike giddiness I felt for much of my shrooms trip. While I didn’t necessarily have any of the “epiphanies” many people report from psychedelics, the experience did lead me to reflect on the artifice and malleability of (some aspects of) identity – and truth be told, I like the part of me that’s silly and happy-go-lucky, whether she shows up in an age-play scene or during a shrooms trip. This photo shows a side of me I sometimes ignore or repress, but I’d probably be much happier if I let her out to play more often, like I did on that day.

March 8th

This picture is important to me because it was taken at the last big event I went to before the coronavirus shut everything down.

My mom and I went for dinner at Insomnia – y’all, I miss their kale salad with grilled chicken so much that my stomach made excited anticipatory noises as I was writing this sentence – and then we walked across the street to the Bloor Cinema, where Drunk Feminist Films was holding a screening of Cats. I had thus far avoided seeing Cats even though everyone was saying it was the most outrageously goodbad movie in decades, but I knew Drunk Feminist Films would be the best possible setting in which to see it, and I was right.

As far as “last major outings before a global pandemic” go, this one was pretty excellent. I was wearing pink sequinned cat ears. I was quite tipsy. I was with my mom, who I love and who makes me laugh a lot. There were whispers about “that coronavirus thing” but I wasn’t all that concerned yet. And I got to scream at the screen, along with hundreds of other raucous feminists, about Judi Dench breaking the fourth wall and Ian McKellen drinking milk from a bowl. I have a few coronavirus-related regrets from this year, but attending that screening of Cats is not one of them.

June 20th

After months of staying at home, the case numbers finally started to decrease to a level where I felt comfortable visiting my family, who had also remained at home except for essential trips to the grocery store or pharmacy. My mom picked up Matt and me and drove us to her house, where we drank martinis in the back yard with my mom and brother, told stories, and joked around.

I know I’m not alone in feeling that this year really emphasized the importance of family and togetherness (to the extent that such things are possible and enjoyable for you – I know not everyone is lucky enough to have a family they like, who likes them back). You can see in my face in this photo that this was no ordinary “sitting around drinking and chatting” kind of night – this was special, even though the tone was casual. I was so glad to finally get to see these people again who had seemed hundreds of miles away even when they were just across the city from me.

September 15th

This photo represents two of the major kinks Matt and I played with together this year: chastity and financial domination. While they were locked up in chastity, we decided it would be fun to do one of our long-distance “phone dates” – wherein we each go to a restaurant or bar in our respective cities and talk on the phone throughout – but for them to foot the bill for the entire evening, because sometimes it turns them on to spoil me.

I put on the set of blue Agent Provocateur lingerie Matt had bought me as an earlier financial domination task, and added (of course) the necklace on which I keep my key to their chastity cage. On top of that, I wore a blue dress and a yellow cardigan, and walked to a restaurant Matt had chosen for me in swanky Yorkville called Sassafraz. (I sat outdoors, away from other guests; me and the staff had masks on whenever possible; there was ample hand sanitizer available; etc. etc.) We chatted on the phone during dinner, and they paid for my whole meal and my Uber ride back home.

I like this photo because I look powerful in it, even though you can’t see my face. Being dominant doesn’t come naturally to me, but this year I’ve enjoyed finding new ways my dominance can manifest, and how those newer routes can help me access different sides of my dominance that feel authentic and restorative. Here’s to more kinky adventures in 2021 (hopefully also in gorgeous lingerie)!

November 14th

A wedding-day selfie was a necessary inclusion in this post, of course!

As I explained on a recent Dildorks episode about weddings, although it’s common for couples to avoid seeing each other before the event so as to preserve the surprise, Matt and I decided not to do it that way for our tiny COVID wedding. It just made more sense for us to both get ready at their apartment and then walk over to the wedding location together.

I had thought this might feel disappointing when we actually did it, but it was totally fine, and even kinda fun. On such a potentially nervewracking day, it was nice to be with the person who alleviates my nerves most skilfully – and also to share in our excitement together.

We took this selfie just before heading out to Madison Square Park to get married. We look happy, calm, and excited to continue our lives together. ❤️

 

In the comments, feel free to tell me about a favorite selfie you took this year, and what made it so special!

12 Days of Girly Juice 2020: 12 Femme Essentials

Kate Sloan

It definitely feels weird to be doing my traditional year-end blog post series when it’s been such an utter shitshow of a year. I gotta admit, several times this year I considered just scrapping it, because the perceived frivolity of things like lipsticks, dildos, and sexy slowjams is enough sometimes to make ’em feel like futile topics to write about.

But here’s the thing: they’re not. I know that because, during the entire coronavirus debacle, between Zoom calls and doomscrolling sessions, we’ve turned to those supposedly “frivolous” things to give us comfort and joy, in an era where comfort and joy have been scarce. I’ve heard from countless readers this year telling me that my recommendations of movies, music, makeup, and sex toys have helped them in some way, so I figure I’ll write my yearly wrap-up as usual, though the year itself was not usual at all. We can use all the comfort and continuity we can get right now.

So, today I’m kicking off 12 Days of Girly Juice, with – as always – 12 fashion and beauty items that lit up my heart this year.

 

Shorter hair

I didn’t get to write about this last year because it actually happened a couple weeks after my post, so here it is: I’ve had short(er) hair for nearly a year and I love it! After a decade+ of having hair that ranged from mid-chest-length to hip-length, I cut mine to chin-length.

My bedhead is much more chaotic now than it was before, and I have fewer options available to me in terms of hairstyling, but overall I adore this length and probably won’t grow it out for a long while. It makes me feel much more “queer-looking” and much less invisible, and it’s fun to scrunch. Yay!

 

Blue satin Louboutins

It felt like fate when, late last year, while combing online vintage shops for something appropriate to wear to Tara‘s un-wedding, I stumbled across a pair of Louboutin Greissimo pumps in my favorite color and my exact size. My jaw dropped. They were too expensive for the likes of me, but were nonetheless on sale and very reasonably priced for Loubs, so my generous partner bought them for me as my “congrats on finishing your book!” present. I wore them to the un-wedding, needing to take sit-down breaks occasionally during the 4-5 hours we spent hobnobbing and drinking and flirting. They made me feel powerful and high-femme in all the best ways.

I’ve only worn them a handful of times since then, mostly at home for impromptu dress-up days and Zoom parties during quarantine, because they’re far too unwieldy and delicate for most outdoor adventures. But they’ve been displayed on my desk all year, and every time I look at them, I’m reminded that beautiful things can do wonders for my mood.

 

Tom Ford Cherry Lush lipstick

When my partner Matt and I exchanged anniversary gifts late last year, I opened one of mine and started laughing hysterically. It was this lipstick – and, as Matt discovered when they opened their next present, I had bought them the exact same one, in the exact same shade! We’d discussed our fondness for the luxe Tom Ford lipstick aesthetic at some point, but had never come to a conclusion about which color we preferred, so this was particularly unexpected.

Cherry Lush was probably my most-worn lipstick this year (possibly tied with Sugarpill’s Girl Crush, which I wrote about last year), because it’s absolutely gorgeous. A pink-leaning red that lives up to its name, it seems to work with just about any outfit and any makeup look. Plus it makes me and Matt so happy to wear matching lipstick when we go on dates!

 

Fabric face masks

No fashion accessory (if one can even call it that) defined 2020 so much as the face mask. It became a political battleground, an ethical statement, and a medical must-have. It also became one of the most noticeable fashion choices many of us would make each time we’d go out. You could’ve gone all 2020 without anyone outside your household seeing your choice of lipstick, or the pattern on your socks – but your rotation of masks was, very likely, a crucial part of your aesthetic for most of the year, whether you liked it or not.

I got most of mine from Etsy, including many from shops that are no longer in operation, probably because they got inundated with too many orders to handle. One of my favorite masks of the year was a white sequinned one from AvaReignCreations, which I bought to wear to my (outdoor, socially distanced) wedding. It felt like a nice bridge between the femme fanciness I’d been missing and chasing all year, and the grim reality of our current world. (Would love to hear about your favorite mask-makers in the comments if you’ve got recs, especially for smaller faces!)

 

My engagement and wedding rings

I mean, obviously! These are literally some of the most beautiful items I have ever owned, in any category. I’m so happy I get to wear them every day.

Matt wrote an extensive essay for me about the process of shopping for, and buying, my engagement ring. Unlike some brides, I didn’t really want to be involved in choosing the ring, beyond providing a few specifications – like that I wanted the stone to be aquamarine, and I didn’t want yellow gold. They looked at over 350 aquamarine rings both online and in person, and eventually decided the final selection had to be platinum, with a round stone surrounded by ethically-sourced diamonds. They ended up landing on a Tiffany & Co. sparkler that made me literally gasp when I first saw it.

I got to choose my own wedding ring, and after some deliberation, we decided to go back to Tiffany’s. I tried on several, and the one I ended up settling on is a platinum band with a diamond-studded, V-shaped indentation made to fit perfectly against my engagement ring. I am obsessed!

 

Agent Provocateur lingerie

Experimenting with financial domination was a really fun part of my sex/kink life this year. Matt bought me a couple different sets of luxury lingerie – one hot pink, one royal blue – each as part of a findom scene.

I feel immediately foxy whenever I wear any of these pieces. The bras create legendarily good cleavage – I even wore one of them under my wedding dress, because it makes me feel so beautiful and hot. The craftsmanship on AP stuff is truly wonderful!

 

J. Crew cashmere sweaters

A lot of J. Crew’s catalogue consists of perfect classics, and their “long-sleeve everyday cashmere crewneck sweater” is no exception. However, not all of the colors it comes in could strictly be considered “classic”!

At my behest as part of a financial domination scene (I’m sensing a theme…), Matt bought me one in “lustrous blue,” and later bought me another one in “neon fuchsia.” Words cannot describe how vividly-hued these sweaters are; in fact, even photos cannot truly capture the brightness. They are what Gala Darling would call “eye-gouging.” They are also supremely warm, divinely comfy, and ultra-versatile. I’m sure I’ll be wearing them all winter, and hopefully for several more winters to come.

 

Vintage silk floral-print robe

I fell immediately in love with this pink rose-print 100% silk robe/kimono when I saw it on the Etsy shop FlyGirlOutlet. I had been thinking a lot about cultivating glamour during quarantine – a difficult thing to do, to say the least – and had come to the conclusion that an elegant silk dressing gown would help enormously with that.

I wore this robe around the house a lot all year, and also, most memorably, over the aforementioned AP lingerie for a surreptitious stairwell photoshoot!

 

Coach Rambler bag

I bought a few different bags this year, but one of my faves has to be the Coach Rambler crossbody in a beautiful pinky-purple shade called “hibiscus.” I love this bag’s simple, 1960s-inspired silhouette, comfortably wide strap, and surprisingly roomy interior.

It’s certainly not an ideal bag for a maximalist, but during COVID I’ve mostly just been carrying around my wallet, phone, and maybe a book when I go out (as opposed to pre-pandemic when it mattered enormously to me that my handbags be able to fit a laptop or at least an iPad), so the Rambler has served me well this year!

 

Red heart-shaped glasses

Few things transform your appearance as swiftly as a new pair of glasses. When I saw that Zenni makes a red heart-shaped pair, I just couldn’t resist pursuing my dreams of looking like a grown-up, glamorous Lolita.

These specs get compliments everywhere I go, and make every outfit look a little quirkier and kookier. I adore them!

 

Sparkly black Ugg boots

Midway through this year I bought a pair of black sequinned Ugg boots, after suppressing the urge to buy Uggs for probably a decade. I only wear them indoors (which, apparently, is a must), and they keep my chilly feet incredibly cozy 24/7.

I think the moral of the story here is: fuck the fashion police. (And also the regular police, but I don’t think they care as much about Uggs.) If there’s an item of clothing you love – or think you would love – that would make your favorite fashion blogger or magazine editor shudder, who gives a fuck? They’re not the ones who are gonna be wearing it. You know yourself best – and your style is your choice.

 

False eyelashes

Yep, still enamored. With the bottom half of my face being out of view for so much of this year due to masks, I turned to bold eye looks… and lashes remain one of my go-to glamorizers on glum days.

I use Lilly Lashes glue, although most beauty experts swear by Duo, which I also own but haven’t tried yet. Sugarpill’s Saint lashes are the ones I wore on my wedding day – I love that they’re a mix of black and dark brown, because it makes them look (somewhat) more natural. These Sephora “Flirty” ones are also gorgeous. Don’t mind me, I’ll just be over here batting my eyes at cute people forever!

 

What fashion and beauty items helped get you through the year?

Monthly Faves: Sparkles, Silk, & Cinnamon

Kate Sloan

 

Media

• Some sexual misconduct scandals broke at my old high school recently (more on that soon, I think), so I’ve definitely been Processing Some Difficult Feelings. When that’s the case, sometimes it helps me to consume media where characters experience problems similar to my own – so this month I enjoyed watching Notes on a Scandal, a 2006 thriller where Cate Blanchett plays a teacher who gets caught having an affair with a student, and reading Being Lolita, Alisson Wood’s striking memoir about a predatory creative writing teacher who viewed Lolita as a blueprint for life rather than as a shocking character study about a pedophile.

• My old friend Kathleen Gros wrote a graphic novel loosely based on Little Women, updated for a modern (and queer!) audience. I flew through it soon after it arrived in my mailbox, and loved its depiction of a positive queer coming-of-age.

• My long-time guitarist crush Nathan Stocker (of my favorite band, Hippo Campus) has a new album out under his solo project name, Brotherkenzie. It’s called Big What and it’s been haunting my days lately with its moody/contemplative lyrics and its sweetly sad instrumentations. If the idea of a bluesier Phoebe Bridgers or Elliott Smith sounds divine to you, I think you’d dig this album.

• Watching speed-builds of houses in The Sims 4 has been oddly soothing to me lately. It’s just so satisfying to watch someone build an entire home from scratch. I particularly like LukeyDean’s videos.

• It’s been a few years since my last New Girl re-watch, but this month I revisited season 2 and was struck anew by the sense that it’s probably one of the funniest TV shows that’s ever been made (at least, for my weird sense of humor!). The writing, the acting, the ad-libbing… These chaotic thirtysomethings are always a delight to watch.

 

Products

• As I’ve mentioned, the Magic Wand Plus is rocking my world lately – and my internal clitoral network!

• A few weeks ago I tried to go to Northwood to sit on their patio and sip a cocktail, because I was craving one particular item from their house menu, a rum-based sour called the Black Walnut – but when I got there, they were closed, even though they said they’d be open! Disappointed, I later made it my mission to learn to make a passable substitute for this drink at home – and with the help of my cocktail-genius partner, I learned how to do it. It involved infusing a bottle of white rum with walnut tea and making cinnamon demerara syrup in a sauce pan, so it was definitely the most labor-intensive cocktail I’ve ever made, but damn, it is delicious.

• I don’t often paint my nails, but when I do, I want ’em colorful and glittery as fuck. To that end, I firmly believe that Essie’s “Set in Stones” is the best thing to layer over just about any base color. Seeing silver sparkles splashed across my nails every day is almost enough to make me want to stop biting them forever…!

• As part of a financial domination scene recently, my partner sent me some royal blue lingerie from Agent Provocateur. It is incredibly sexy and pairs very well with my beloved pink silk robe.

• My brother recently started a clothing line called Pop Star Dress-Up, and I have to say that their hoodie (coming soon to the shop) is one of the coziest I’ve ever owned. I’m definitely gonna need something like that as the colder months start creeping up on us!

 

Work & Appearances

• This month on the Dildorks, Bex and I talked about subspace and topspace, crying as kinky catharsis, and vetting potential partners. We also interviewed psychotherapist Jessica Fern about her new polyamory book Polysecure, and I interviewed my partner Matt about our recent forays into chastity play.

• In my newsletter, I wrote about the quiet desperation of long-distance relationships, answered some questions from the AskWomen subreddit, recounted some of my relationship rituals and routines, and explored some feelings about nail polish, gender, sexuality, and identity.

 

Good Causes

• The news this month about the lack of accountability for Breonna Taylor’s murderers was heartbreaking and disheartening. You can donate to her family’s GoFundMe if you like; the money is now being routed to the Breonna Taylor Foundation, which is working to empower women, encourage more people to get their EMT training, and advocate for police reform. This “Justice for Breonna” T-shirt is also donating its proceeds to the foundation.

• On that note, donating to the Louisville Community Bail Fund would be a great move right now, as protests continue (and police continue to crack down on them) where Breonna lived.

• Since this is such an especially hard time for Black women and girls, you could donate to the Loveland Foundation’s therapy fund, which provides financial assistance to Black women seeking therapy services.

What to Wear on Valentine’s Day

Kate Sloan

Not to get too Hallmark on you, but I kind of love Valentine’s Day. Unlike when I was younger, my enjoyment of this weird invented holiday no longer depends entirely on my partnered-vs.-non-partnered status at the time (although that is a factor) – mostly I just view Feb. 14th as an opportunity to celebrate the very notion of love. And what better way to do that than by dressing like a walking embodiment of romance?

As you can see from the collage of my past Valentine’s outfits above, there are some common themes in my overall philosophy for Valentine’s Day dressing… While you are (obviously) not in the least obligated to follow any of these directives, here are my core commandments for assembling a Valentine’s outfit, whether your plan is an over-the-top candlelit dinner with your sweetheart, a raucous “Galentine’s” celebration with some friends, or a solo hangout at home watching rom-coms!

Pink and red are key. The way I see it, this is literally the only day of the year when pink and red don’t look overly cutesy together. (Or rather, they do, but that’s the point.) Comb your wardrobe for anything pink or red and figure out how you can pair various items. You can go as subtle or as bright as you like – though of course, I favor a loud and proud aesthetic!

Go wild with hearts. This, again, is the only day of the year when you can wear as many heart-themed items as you want and people will think it’s… slightly less weird than they might otherwise. 😂💖 Tarina Tarantino does the best heart-shaped jewelry (unless you have Tiffany’s money, but honestly, I’ll take a flashy giant rhinestoned heart over a small understated silver one any day), and typing “heart” into the search bar of any clothing or accessories website will bring up a lot of cute stuff. Also great: anything floral-print or polka-dotted.

Choose romantic fabrics. What does this mean? Well, that’s up to you. I think some fabrics are traditionally coded as delicately feminine and thus romantic, like tulle, chiffon, and lace. But sensual fabrics like velvet, silk, and satin carry their own romanticism as well. Anything swishy and/or soft to the touch is a good pick. (And hey, if you’re a kinkster comme moi, maybe leather and latex are the most romantic materials you can think of!)

Dress to match your partner, if you have one and you’re both into that! What would normally seem ridiculous can just seem sweet on Valentine’s. Dressing in sync can be a visual manifestation of your luuuv.

Hide something fun underneath. Even if you’re not much for high-end hosiery and luxury lingerie (and I don’t blame you – that stuff’s expensive and high-maintenance, though it is beautiful), you could still delight your partner (or yourself) with some Valentine-y undergarments of some kind. MeUndies makes adorable matching heart-print underwear sets every year that are definitely worth a look!

Wear what your partner thinks you look hot in. This one is fully, 100% optional, because 1) you might not even have a partner, 2) you might not trust or prefer their aesthetic tastes over your own, and 3) you might not even know what they like you in, especially if it’s a new-ish relationship. But say your sweetie has told you they love you in striped stockings, or a well-fitting suit, or peeptoe heels, or with your hair slicked back – there’s no better occasion to wow your love with your choice of ensemble.

Go all out with your makeup, if you wear makeup (or if you don’t regularly wear it but want to on Valentine’s!). I like a classic smoky eye and red lip – that’s what feels the most romantic to me – but if you’ve got shimmery pink eyeshadow, or big fluttery false lashes, or iridescent pink lipstick, or stick-on hearts and cosmetic glue, by all means, use ’em! Be sure to consider longwear formulations if you’ll be out late and/or you plan on doing some kissin’.

Keep the weather in mind, because – while I do want you to look and feel excellent – in many places, it is snowy and/or freezing in February! Maybe you don’t want to be skidding around in your sky-high suede heels, or shivering sullenly in your translucent tights. If you must be impractical (and I get it), at least throw on a warm scarf and great coat when you go out, and maybe switch from boots to pretty shoes when you get where you’re going. Fashion is fun, but it’s not worth getting frostbite or a broken ankle for!

Wear what you feel sexy and gorgeous in. You can ignore every other rule here if you want, but this one is vital! Whether you’re making heart-eyes at your sweetie across a restaurant table, giggling with friends over a tipsy game of Spin the Bottle, or lounging solo at a cocktail bar with your favorite romance novel, you’re gonna wanna feel like a babe – whatever that means to you personally. Think about the times when you’ve felt your hottest/prettiest/handsomest and try to incorporate some elements from those past looks into your present one.

What do you plan on wearing for Valentine’s Day?