phone sex

Sextistics 2021: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown

Kate Sloan

It’s that time again, friends! Time for me to comb through my sex spreadsheet, crunch some numbers, and present you with a statistical portrait of my sex life this year. (Previously: 2020, 2019, 2018.)

Before we jump into those juicy juicy stats (!), I just wanted to say that I’ve very much appreciated your readership this year and that I hope you have a lovely New Year’s Eve, however you’re celebrating it, and a 2022 that’s as good as one can reasonably expect. ❤️

 

Overview

  • In 2021, I had partnered sex 154 times.
  • This works out to an average of 12.83 times per month, 2.96 times per week, and 0.42 times per day.
  • If you calculate the above based only on when me and my partner were physically together this year (which was 6.75 months out of 12), we had sex an average of 22.81 times per month, 4.39 times per week, and 0.76 times per day.
  • I had 139 orgasms from in-person partnered sex.
  • My partner had 118 orgasms from in-person partnered sex. That lower number is mostly due to time they spent in chastity.
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of kinks that were part of my sex life this year: biting, chastity, cock and ball torture, daddy dom/little girl roleplay, financial domination, forced orgasms, hypnosis, impact play, intoxication play, medical play, orgasm control, orgasm denial, roleplay, ruined orgasms, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, sleepy sex, spanking, temperature play.

 

Compared to last year:

  • I had 23% less sex (which makes sense because my partner and I spent about 16% less time physically together this year than last year).
  • I had an orgasm 90.26% of the times I had sex, about the same as last year (90.5%).
  • My partner had an orgasm 76.62% of the times we had sex versus 89% last year – again, because of us doing chastity play.
  • I only had 1 sexual partner this year, versus last year when I did BJ porn with someone other than my spouse so I had 2.

 

Locations

  • I had sex in 4 different locations this year, same as last year.
  • Those included my place, my spouse’s place, a relative’s place, and the 6 Columbus hotel in New York City where we stayed for my birthday weekend.
  • I had a higher orgasm incidence rate at my own apartment (100%) than at Matt’s apartment (89.51%) but that’s mostly just because I had way more sex at Matt’s apartment (143 times versus 8 times) so there were way more chances for me to be too sleepy/tipsy/achy to get off.

 

Highs & lows

  • My most sexually active month was October (27 times), though all of the months we spent entirely together had a similar number (20-26).
  • My least sexually active months were, of course, the ones when I wasn’t with Matt and therefore had sex 0 times (May, June, July, and September).
  • The most times I had sex in one day was twice, which happened several times.
  • I didn’t have multiple orgasms during any sessions this year because my body seems to be increasingly incapable of doing so, but my partner had more than one orgasm in a session at least 3 times.

 

Sex toys

 

Phone sex

  • In 2021, I had phone sex 71 times, versus 122 last year.
  • That means that while we were physically apart (which was 5.25 months out of 12), we had phone sex 13.52 times per month, 3.26 times per week, and 0.47 times per day.
  • I didn’t keep track of orgasm rates during phone sex this year because I couldn’t be bothered, but we both came the vast majority of times, Matt’s stints in chastity being the main exceptions.
  • Comparing our phone sex numbers to our IRL sex numbers, phone sex was 31.55% of my sex life this year, compared to 37.9% last year.
  • The total amount of sex sessions I had this year (IRL sex + phone sex) was 225.
  • That works out to 18.75 times per month, 4.33 times per week, and 0.62 times per day.

 

Some of the funniest/oddest things in the “Notes” field of my sex spreadsheet this year:

  • New year’s spanking
  • Pearl necklace findom
  • I cried HARD and a LOT
  • Strap-on handjob trance
  • Squirted all over their dick
  • Very good, lots of squirting
  • “Made” them come in 20 seconds
  • Punched me to show their love for me

 

And there you have it! Another year of nerdy stats. Did you track your sex life this year? What did you discover?

12 Days of Girly Juice 2021: 3 Fave Encounters

Kate Sloan

Strap in, folks… We’re talking about some of the best sex I had all year!

Like I did last year, I’ve asked my partner Matt to contribute some thoughts on each of the scenes/sessions I picked, so you’ll get both of our perspectives in here. Enjoy this glorious horny overshare of a post!

 

An ex-cellent roleplay

Matt and I had been watching the Netflix show Sex/Life a lot, and it inspired a scene. If you haven’t seen it, the show is about a woman who starts to feel restless in her life as a suburban wife and mother, and finds herself longing for the spontaneity and sexual excitement she experienced with her super-hot (but avoidantly attached and emotionally immature) ex-boyfriend. It’s full of hot sex scenes, largely because the actors playing the woman and her ex were dating and presumably fucking IRL while it was being filmed. 🔥

This show reactivated a long-standing fantasy of mine about fucking an ex again. It’s not that there are specific exes of mine I’d like to fuck again (well, not very many of them, anyway!), but more the overall idea of reuniting with someone who knows your body and your mind inside and out. Traditionally I’ve been the type of person who would sometimes (naughtily) stay in bad relationships too long because the sex was so good; that isn’t the most emotionally healthy practice, obviously, so roleplaying a sex-with-an-ex scenario is a better way of exorcizing those feelings, IMO.

Matt suggested I lie down with a blindfold on, and then left the room and came back in again, to heighten the sense that this was indeed a different person. They whispered filthy things to me like “God, I’ve missed this cunt” and “I bet I still remember exactly how to make you come.” This was such a fun example of a simple roleplay that somehow turns fairly “normal” sex into something turbo-charged with hotness.

Matt says: I’ve had a few experiences fucking actual exes, but predictably none were as hot or good as this roleplay scene. Getting to flirt, corrupt, and cajole you into “letting” me fuck you one more time hit on a lot of our mutual kinks and let us dirty talk in new ways. Since I was very much in character (and in top space), I don’t remember much of anything I said, but I do remember how your moans were different – more excited and surprised, and how much it seemed like you wanted to impress me once I started fucking you. A+++. Would fuck you as an ex again, but let’s not actually break up in order to do it, because we clearly don’t have to.

 

Languorous cunnilingus from 500 miles away

There is nothing quite like oral sex from someone who knows your body… but oral via phone sex comes close for me.

I know, that sounds absurd. How can one replicate the unique and nuanced sensations of oral by oneself?! But I’m never really “by myself” during phone sex. I have my partner’s voice and words, painting a picture and telling me what to do. And I have lube, and toys, and drugs, and other accoutrements that help me create an atmosphere of sexy relaxation and a sensation that approaches “real” oral sex and sometimes even surpasses it.

Sometime in May, while my partner was locked up in chastity, they spent a good 30-40 minutes describing giving me head in extreme detail, while I replicated each movement they described on my own body with lubed fingers and then a vibe. We do this often, but not usually for that length of time, or with that purity of focus. Given the prevalence of people ignoring or downplaying clitoral pleasure in the world, it feels healing and uplifting to have entire sex sessions sometimes that focus solely on my clit and all its magnificent nerve endings, whether a partner is touching them or I’m doing it myself.

Matt says: When you and I have sex of any kind (IRL or on the phone), going down on you is nearly always on the menu. But this session and others like it are different because of how singular my focus is on that one act, elevating it from quotidian cunnilingus to true cunt worship. Being locked in a chastity cage certainly helps, but so does closing my eyes and focusing on the sensations, scents, and tastes I crave after missing you for weeks or months of being apart. I’ll mix detailed descriptions of my tongue and finger work with explicit instructions about you should touch those spots with your own hands and toys to best mimic my technique. While it can be initially hard to get into the headspace of going down on you and talking at the same time, once it clicks into place, it’s one of my favorite ways to fuck you through the phone. Why even add penetration when I can focus on licking, sucking, kissing, and stroking your eager clit for as long as it takes to feel you come in my mouth? *chef’s kiss*

 

I mean does my spouse look hot in a suit or WHAT

Ready and waiting

I was about 20 years old when I first had the sexual fantasy of “getting myself ready” for a partner before they arrived home, so they could fuck me immediately upon their arrival, using my warmed-up body for their pleasure. My partner at the time was pretty vanilla, and loved giving oral sex, so he told me that to do this would be to skip some of his favorite parts of sex. While this was an understandable perspective, I still found that fantasy hot to contemplate from time to time.

My partner now is decidedly not vanilla (obvi!), but because they also love giving oral (as evidenced above), they recently found a way to enact this fantasy of mine without skipping cunnilingus. On an evening when they’d been out of the house all day attending to work stuff, they texted me, “At 9:30, put on lingerie, get into bed, turn the lights down, put on sexy music and a blindfold, and think about my mouth while you lie on my bed. Touch yourself however and wherever feels right and fantasize about what I’m gonna do to you.” They added that I should do a couple hits of weed to amp up my sensitivity, and put an Njoy Pure Plug in. Of course, I was eager to comply.

After setting up the space as instructed, I put my blindfold on, grabbed the Zalo Kyro wand, and started moving it lightly around my vulva, avoiding my clit so it would be at its most sensitive for my partner to enjoy. They were audibly delighted to see me laid out like that when we arrived, and I got to feel like a good little submissive for doing everything that’d been asked of me. What a win-win!

Matt says: It had been a long time since I’d had to stay out late for a business dinner, and I’d forgotten how horny that makes me: silky suits, fancy food, being away from my sub all day. We hadn’t fucked in few nights, and I knew I wanted to use you as soon as I got home before you got too tired, but I wasn’t sure exactly how late that would be. So I did what any good dominant would do: started the foreplay while I was at dinner from my phone, so you’d be ready for me when I got there. Walking into my room with the lights already low, my good girl high, plugged, and writhing against a vibe on my bed, and sexy music on the stereo was the perfect start to a perfect scene. I undressed as soon as I got in and remember how quickly you were ready for a dildo in your cunt after I started sucking your clit. You came hard and fast on the toy, and so did I once I slipped my cock into your cunt and used you like I had been planning for hours.

How to Have Sex in a Long-Distance Relationship

Kate Sloan

For a long time I maintained that I would never be in a long-distance relationship, because sex and other forms of physical affection mattered too much to me.

However, then I fell in love with a brilliant, beautiful, dominant-leaning switch who lives 500 miles away from me, so… that whole “never ever doing an LDR” thing kinda flew out the window.

Before we ever even had sex IRL, it became apparent to us – in the many many hours we spent falling in love over the phone – that we couldn’t be one of those long-distance couples who wait until they’re physically together to share any kind of sexual intimacy. There’s nothing wrong with that type of relationship, of course, and if it works for its participants then I wish them well! But this post is for people who aren’t happy with that being their status quo, and who want to explore alternate ways of building a satisfying sex life within a long-distance relationship. Here are some of the things that have worked for me and Matt…

 

Phone sex

This is the first way we ever really had sex, and is still, by far, the most common way we get each other off. Although it’s largely gone out of vogue in favor of sexting and other more “modern” forms of long-distance sex, I still think nothing really beats the phone. Sexting feels too abstracted for me a lot of the time, as if I’m having sex with my iPhone rather than with my partner, whereas Skype sex, Zoom sex, etc. make me too self-conscious about my own appearance to really focus on feeling good. Phone sex strikes a happy medium between the two, allowing for the intimate immediacy of hearing your partner’s thoughts and reactions in real-time, but without the hyper-scrutiny that can arise in video sex.

My top tips for phone sex:

  1. Don’t use the actual phone, if you can help it. Do an audio call on something like FaceTime or Skype (yes, these normally video-centric services allow for audio-only calls). The quality is much better and so your experience will be better too.
  2. Get the right equipment. You don’t want to be fumbling with your handset while you’re trying to, um, “fumble with your handset.” For years I’ve used a pair of standard wired Apple earbuds, which have a microphone built-in, leaving my hands free to do other things.
  3. Talk about what you would do if you were physically together. It’s that simple. Or, if you prefer, you can use your imaginations to craft a roleplay scenario that would only be possible on the phone.

 

Sexting

It’s not my preferred way of having long-distance sex, but many people enjoy it. Personally I find it too hard to juggle typing and touching myself at the same time. Many of the folks I know who are into sexting say that they don’t really masturbate during the sexting, but moreso after it, when they can scroll back through the messages to their heart’s content. I prefer the real-time aspect of phone sex.

However, sexting can be really fun, and may be especially useful as an avenue for communication if you struggle to tell your partner about your sexual desires and preferences. After all, sometimes it’s easier to type “I want you to [x]” into your phone than to say it out loud to your partner’s beautiful face. I suggest reading Tina Horn’s book Sexting if you’re looking for advice on how to sext like a pro.

Sexting can also involve the exchange of sexy photos or videos, both of which can be lovely to receive (consensually, at appropriate times) when you’re missing your partner’s body.

 

Long-distance sex toys

There was a time when virtual sex via high-tech toys – a field of products sometimes known as “teledildonics” – was an exotic, futuristic concept, something technology magazines wrote about with wonderment and awe. These days, though, that type of toy is pretty widely available, so “touching” your partner via Bluetooth is a beloved option for many long-distance couples.

My partner has a long-distance stroker and butt plug, both of which we frequently use not only when we’re apart but also when we’re together, because sometimes my chronic pain is such that it’s easier for me to control sliders on my iPad screen than to actually give sensation with my own two hands.

The folks at Honeysx recommend the Magic Motion brand of remotely-controllable sex toys for long-distance couples. I like their bright, punchy aesthetic and reasonable prices!

 

Video sex

If you or your partner have an exhibitionistic or voyeuristic streak, this is probably something you’d enjoy. Personally, performing in front of a webcam or phone camera feels too much like, well, performing for me, which makes it hard for me to relax into arousal – but I know lots of people feel the polar opposite!

Make sure you use a medium that’s totally secure (someone Zoom-bombing your private moment would be pretty awful). Consider having sex toys on hand to use on yourself, as proxies for your partner’s hands/mouth/genitals/whatever.

 

What’s your preferred method of having long-distance sex?

 

This post was sponsored by Honeysx, a site that has a great selection of long-distance sex toys. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.

Sextistics 2020: An End-of-Year Sexual Stats Breakdown

Kate Sloan

As odd as it may seem, keeping a sex spreadsheet again this year (going strong since 2015, baybee!) helped me make sense of the chaotic mess that was 2020. I may not have been able to fuck at my favorite hotels and sex clubs, but I could sure keep my data up-to-date and color-coded.

Here, as per tradition, is a post enumerating and analyzing some of the key stats from my 2020 sex spreadsheet. Strap in!

 

Overview

  • In 2020, I had partnered sex 200 times. (Wooo, nice round numbers!)
  • That works out to an average of 16.66 times per month, 3.84 times per week, and 0.55 times per day.
  • I had 181 orgasms from partnered sex (not counting phone sex, which has its own section below).
  • My partner had 178 orgasms during sex with me. (One of their goals, after we started playing with chastity kink, became to give me more orgasms during the year than they had themselves, and they succeeded.)
  • An incomplete list, in alphabetical order, of kinks that were part of my sex life this year: biting, bondage, chastity, choking, cock and ball torture, cuckolding, DD/lg, electrostimulation, face-slapping, financial domination, forced feminization, humiliation, hypnosis, intoxication, kicking, punching, rimming/analingus, roleplay, sadomasochism, scratching, sensory deprivation, sleepy sex, spanking, squirting, temperature play, trampling, wax play.

 

Compared to last year…

  • I had 1.96% less sex, i.e. almost exactly the same amount (204 vs. 200 times).
  • I had an orgasm 90.5% of the time when I had sex, as opposed to 85.3% last year. Improvements, yay!
  • My partner had an orgasm 89% of the times we had sex, as opposed to 103.4% last year, due to our forays into chastity play.
  • I had 2 partners (depending on whether you count a one-off blowjob porn shoot), same as last year when I also had 2.

 

Locations

  • I had sex in a total of 4 locations this year, as opposed to 9 last year. Obviously the pandemic had a lot to do with this!
  • These locations included my place, my spouse’s place, and two hotels: the Conrad, where we stayed on our wedding night, and the Wythe, where we stayed for our little “staycation” honeymoon.

 

Highs & lows

  • My most sexually active month was November (31 times). There were several months this year that we spent entirely together, but many of those were super stressful due to global news; I think by November our pandemic stress had mellowed slightly so we were fucking more often.
  • My least sexually active months were August and September, the only months this year when I didn’t see Matt at all.
  • The day on which I had the most sex was January 26th, at 3 times. It was the Sunday of one of Matt’s weekend visits to me in Toronto, so it made sense that we were trying to “cram it all in,” as it were.
  • I didn’t have any sessions containing multiple orgasms on my part this year, which is the first time that’s happened to me maybe ever? Orgasms are getting trickier for me as I get older!

 

Correlations

  • The sex acts most highly correlated with orgasm for me were being fucked with a dildo while using a vibrator (152 times) and receiving oral sex (18 times).
  • Less common ways I got off were using a vibrator while being fingerfucked (9 times) and being fucked with a dildo while receiving oral sex (2 times).

 

Sex toys

  • My most-used vibrators during partnered sex this year were the Eroscillator Top Deluxe (155 times), the Magic Wand Rechargeable (28), and the Hot Octopuss Amo (2). Notably, many of the times I used the MWR this year, I was using it on my partner and not myself. What can I say, I really love my Eroscillator.
  • My most-used dildos during partnered sex were the Njoy Eleven and Vixen Creations Bandit (tied at 32 times each), the Fucking Sculptures Double Trouble (18 times), and the Njoy Pure Wand, New York Toy Collective Carter, and Uberrime Night King (tied at 15 times each). My dildo usage was less diverse this year than some previous years because I spent large swathes of time in New York this year, where all I have access to is Matt’s collection and whatever I can fit into my suitcase.
  • My most-used kink toys with partners were a good old-fashioned blindfold (16 times), the Neon Wand and its Power Tripper attachment (5 times), and my custom purpleheart Weal & Breech mallet (3). My RodeoH harness also got more use than usual (3 times) because my partner used it to fuck me with a strap-on while locked up in chastity sometimes.
  • The “pervertibles” I used this year included a cucumber, tweezers, and a pair of cowboy boots.

 

Phone sex

  • In 2020, I had phone sex 122 times, versus 246 last year (i.e. about half as much). This is because Matt and I were physically together for 62.8% of the year (we extended visits for weeks/months at a time, both for pandemic reasons and because we were “practicing” cohabitating to make sure it would be a good idea to get married).
  • That works out to an average of 10.2 times per month, 2.3 times per week, or 0.33 times per day.
  • If you calculate the averages based only on when we were physically apart, we had phone sex 26.9 times per month, 6.3 times per week, or 0.9 times per day, which is much more in line with our usual (i.e. non-pandemic year) phone sex numbers.
  • I had 119 orgasms from phone sex, meaning I orgasmed 97.5% of the times we had phone sex. Matt, on the other hand, came only 85 times or 69.7% of the times we had phone sex, again due to periods of chastity.
  • Comparing our phone sex numbers to our IRL sex numbers, phone sex was only 37.9% of my sex life this year, versus 54.7% last year.
  • The total amount of sex sessions I had this year (IRL sex + phone sex) was 322.
  • That works out to an average of 26.83 per month, 6.19 per week, or 0.88 per day. Woof.

 

Did you keep a record of your sex life this year? Notice anything interesting?

 

Additional resources if you’re curious:

Phone Sex Every Day? Sure, Why Not

Kate Sloan

One of the weirdest things about being a sex writer is the cognitive dissonance between the sexual person your readers think you are and the sexual person you actually are.

It’s important to keep in mind, always, as you’re scrolling through your social media feeds and your RSS reader (if you still use one of those antiquated things like I do), that comparing yourself to people you see on the internet is comparing your insides to somebody else’s outsides. You’re never getting the full picture, even if you think you are.

And that’s not as bad a thing as some people would have you believe, either. “Authenticity” and “transparency” are only useful up to a point; y’all don’t need to know about the chin hairs I pluck or the ins and outs of my fibre intake. I mean, maybe some of you want to know that stuff (I know plenty of my readers have unusual fetishes!) but I am by no means obligated to share it all with you. The people who make me the most uncomfortable in this business are the people who insist that my openness and honesty in certain areas mean I’m required to be open and honest in every area. Nope. Fuck that. Fuck that forever.

All this to say: I’m probably not as horny or as sexually adventurous a person as you might imagine. In fact, if not for phone sex, I think these days I’d only jerk off 2-3 times a week, tops, if left to my own (vibrating) devices.

That caveat – “if not for phone sex” – is what I want to talk about today. As you might know, I keep a sex spreadsheet, so I have stats on my IRL sex life for the past several years and my phone-sex sex life for the past year and a half. My partner Matt – who is delightfully chill about the whole “recording detailed data on our intimate encounters” thing – recently pointed out to me, as we were totalling up our sex numbers from the 4 months they spent quarantined with me, that despite having phone sex nearly every night when we’re apart, we didn’t have sex every single night we were physically together. We had sex 84 times in the 121 days they were here – so, about 69% of those nights (nice). I had noticed that too, and had been pondering the possible reasons.

When we discussed it, we came to 2 overall conclusions about why we’re more prolifically horny over the phone than IRL:

  1. Sometimes the “point” of sex (or one of them, anyway) is to establish intimacy and connection. When we’re together IRL (especially when quarantining), we’re already getting a lot of that throughout the day – not to mention throughout the night, when we cuddle and touch and kiss and can smell each other and feel each other’s warmth all night. Sex isn’t less appealing, necessarily, but it doesn’t feel like as urgent a need when part of its “purpose” is getting fulfilled elsewhere.
  2. In-person sex takes more energy. Phone sex is comparatively chill.

That second one is really the crucial one for me, I think. As a person with depression and chronic pain + fatigue, sometimes I just don’t have the energy for sex, despite knowing it would almost certainly improve my mood and my pain status. It’s not only the physical motion involved – which can be reduced or almost entirely eliminated when I’m fucking a capable and enthusiastic top, like Matt – but also the mental energy involved. No matter how comfortable I am with a partner, it still saps some of my energy to constantly wonder if my sex faces look weird, or if my body is actually as attractive as my partner claims it is, or if my roommate can hear the impacts when I’m getting spanked.

It’s a lot like how Zoom video calls can be utterly draining for me (I’m sure many of you can relate) while audio-only calls are comparatively blissful. I just don’t have enough brain-spoons to simultaneously manage not only the conversation we’re having but also how I look while we’re having it. Let’s turn our video off so I can forget, briefly, just how ugly I secretly worry I am.

Phone sex with Matt is so good that I’ve pondered many times whether we can continue having it when we’re eventually living together. And fortunately, they’re the type of inventive, considerate, GGG partner that I honestly feel like we might. I can imagine us residing together in a tiny one-bedroom New York apartment and me saying at the end of a long day, “Hey, I’m super worn out. Can I go to the other room so we can have phone sex?” I’d bring some sex toys with me and slip back seamlessly into that pleasantly agitated headspace I so often inhabited when we had just started dating and our romantic nighttime phone sex sessions were the fuel that propelled me through my difficult, depressed days.

I’ve had a wide range of opinions on long-distance relationships over the course of my life, but I never really thought I would prefer them, or at least prefer elements of them. Maybe it’s a bad sign about my relationship with my body that non-corporeal forms of sex seem to appeal to me more, and rev my sexual engine more consistently, than types involving my actual fucking body – but honestly, the world is a mess right now. “Whatever works.” That’s the phrase I keep saying to friends on the phone and via text when they tell me about some supposedly “weird” coping mechanism or distracting hobby they’ve picked up since the coronavirus swept the world. “Whatever works.” Whatever makes you feel happier and more at ease and more functional is worth at least considering.

I’m so blessed to have a partner who understands and accepts all of my limitations, and not only knows how to work within them but also actively gets excited about finding new ways to work within them. I am so lucky to be in love with someone so good, so kind, so accommodating. And I am so lucky to have access to a type of sex that bridges gaps, raises my self-image, requires very little energy on my part, and makes me feel like a scintillating stunner even when I’m lying in bed with day-old pajamas on and a cavalcade of unsexy pillows cradling my aching body.

 

This post contains a sponsored link. As always, all writing and opinions are my own.